WandererO

Sorry I took so long to get back to your question mnn2501. I've had AP exams for the past few weeks. 😅 It was Sooooo much better than I imagined it would be. My bishop was new and I didn't know him very well so I was very very nervous but he acted so kind and considerate I don't know what I was expecting because I should know that bishop's roles are to be like that. He spent a long time getting to know me before I told him anything which really helped my nerves and he even expressed to me his own "overwellmness" by all of the many bishops tasks and laughed about it. He made me feel safe and comfortable and was very understanding when talking me through things. I felt the peace I wanted after it was over and I know I did the right thing. Having this experience has really strengthened my testimony on the leaders of the church. It honestly was my first interaction with confessing to the bishop and I was going in relying on the extreme stories told to me by others and overthought the entire thing. Thank you for all reassuring me. I will definitely know better next time to just trust and talk to my bishop.

Thank you. I have a meeting with the bishop after church today and I should stop overthinking it. Thank you for your advice it really helped push me to make that decision now to talk to him instead of continuing to put it off.

People tend to live and have habits that they are used to. I agree with your statement about having a science to it. It's not all science but there are some aspects. A person tends to show all of their "habit" in a three month time period. This is the suggested time people recommend you know someone before you get serious with them. People often try to portray their best selves while first getting to know someone, but tend to show all of their true colors after a three month time period. My rule for myself and what I am going to tell my future kids is that you should know someone for 6-9 months before you consider marrying them. That's at least two or three sessions of scientific all of their "habits" "repetitions" and whatnot. Wish I had some resources to back up my info because it's hard to explain but that would be all my advice in the subject of getting to know someone enough to understand them and not just the person they want you to see.

I'm an eighteen-year-old young woman and confided in a close friend who has a pornography and masturbation problem that I was triggered once and did things that could qualify as arousing feelings in myself. Once I recognized that was what I was doing I immediately stopped and felt horrible about it. My friend suggested I talk to my bishop in order to no longer feel guilty or feel that I am keeping it a secret from God. I have prayed and repented for what I did but think I might have to talk to the bishop in order to get it 100% behind me but the idea of going to him terrifies me. But because I can't be completely sure whether I have to confess or not I'm anxious that I'm going to do the wrong thing either by not confessing or making it sound like a bigger deal than it was making him concerned I have an addiction. My friend with the addiction both suggested talking to the bishop but also said I was probably fine in not going to him because it was only once and the bishop wouldn't have much follow up other than to tell me to continue in what I am doing by repenting and not doing it again. I convinced myself at one point that I wouldn't need to talk to him but on further consideration realized that by not going to him I could possibly be unworthy to enter the temple. I know that sins regarding the law of chastity should be taken to the bishop and it's not enough to simply pray to be forgiven of it, so I think I should go to my bishop about this matter no matter how long ago it occurred. However, as a young woman, I feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of blatantly telling my bishop that I masturbated once, no matter how much I trust him. Plus I feel, although I don't think this is rational, that people are more understanding of young men committing sexual sins and as a woman that it is much worse to have committed this sin.  Do I have to explicitly have to tell my bishop that my sin is accidental masturbation? While it was only once I don't know how he would respond as I feel he is more used to giving guidance on how to get out of addiction. It happened long enough ago that I know it's not going to happen again but I need to renew my temple recommend this month and so I have been thinking about it. I'm scared to word it in a way that he will understand without thinking that I have an addiction. I'm embarrassed and unsure of how to tell him. Honestly, the only thing that is keeping me from having this conversation with my bishop is the dread of having to explain to him that I masturbated.

Thank you all so much all of your comments have been so helpful. And thank you for reminding me to follow up discussion with an invite for the girls to pray and seek their own witnesses and understanding for their questions. These have really helped the girls develop and discuss openly with each other. Thank you! ❤️

I think the word of wisdom is one of the hardest standards to truly understand. It requires us to define what "hot drink" is and many other forms of things in this world that now COULD possibly just maybe qualify. There is alcohol in vanilla and I for one love cookie dough but what to do about not baking out the vanilla? I have had young women leaders that have drank herbal tea all their lifes, only to hear of ones opinion on it being coffee and tea in any form that is bad and they begin to doubt their ability to drink herbal. Some teas are medical, some are very very cultural which makes it hard to teach why it should be taken out of an individuals diet. I have been told by different bishops some very different things. Which isn't hard to imagine because the guidelines are so difficult to find clear cut answers that makes sense for all things. What most of it has boiled down to is to seek guidance for yourself through prayer and other divine sources if your course of action is following the standard. If you get the impression that your medical herbal tea is fine then continue to drink it. If you feel through study that it would be best to stay on the safe side then avoid any form that could be breaking the word of wisdom.. even if it does mean giving up vanilla in your no-bake cookies 😢 lol In summary, none of us are going to have clear cut answers. Hopefully, personal inspiration helps.

Open discussion: What were the best experiences on your mission? What were your most trying times? How did your mission impact/change your life? Was going on a mission worth the sacrifices made? What advice would you give to youth debating about choosing the opportunity to go on a mission? No need to answer the questions directly unless you wish to do so. There is a lot here and I didn't want to overwhelm but... whoops. I just want to learn about others experiences. Sorry for so many questions! Feel free to just talk about whatever mission topic you want.

My favorite part of Young Women's is open discussion. I love it when the girls feel comfortable enough to ask questions. Recently I have made a jar in YW for the Laurels to anonymously place their questions in. I was blown away by the numerous insightful questions I received. I think that it was worth it to have that invitation for them to freely ask. I already have a lot of answers to many of the questions so far, but felt that having more people answer them with maybe more experience and different points of views would be good. Here are the questions asked by the Laurels: What are good ways to help me feel strong when I really feel weak/tempted? Is my first role and responsibility being a mother and caregiver? What if I make more money than my husband? Did we all know each other before the veil? Why does it matter what I wear? How can I break the habit of using bad language? Why are temples so luxurious and expensive? Why all the time, effort and funding? Wouldn't it be easier and more efficient to spend less on temples? What's the harm in trying drugs and alcohol just once to see what they are like? I wasn't sure if I should ask the questions all together or individually on the forum but decided that together was better because then I could give the context for all of the questions. Sorry for all the questions at once. Maybe in order to have this make sense re-state the question or number to the question so then people can follow which one/ones is/are being answered. Thanks so much for the additional insights!

This is a long complicated story and I have multiple questions. Many of which I have partially answered myself but I want some advice as well. I am the daughter of the relief society president and a member of the bishopric. I am also a counselor for the Laurels president in Young women's. I love the gospel but I am definitely not perfect. I have been dating long distance for over 9 months and am so in love with my boyfriend. He is so respectful of me but has been struggling with the church for a bit. Recently I reached a point in my life where I was struggling with many things and my testimony was failing me. We were best friends before we started dating and before he moved and I tell him everything and we are so comfortable together. Recently I got to see my boyfriend for a lot longer than usual and because of my comfortableness around him and my joy in being reunited after a long time, we quickly became overly physical together. We both knew we were never going to break the law of chastity. The problem was that we had allowed ourselves to blur the lines. Justifying that because we were not breaking a commandment it was acceptable. Many of the Strength of Youth principles were broken. He was completely respectful of me but as stereotypically, he is more physical in our relationship and I am more emotional. So a week after he left I had been thinking about it for a while and realized that even though my boyfriend is so enthusiastic about marrying me and me him, we shouldn't be arousing those strong feelings before marriage. The next time he visited I got to talk for a long time about it with him. I expressed how I felt and he was very good about it, we set new boundaries, he was so sorry that I had felt guilty and was going to try so hard to keep me from ever feeling guilty again. I expressed my feelings about the church and how much I wanted to gain that connection with it again that I had lost the previous month or more. We really settled ourselves. I felt really good about the whole situation. But once I had discussed it with my parents: how we had gone a bit far but I had worked it out and it wouldn't happen again. They were supportive, especially about the part that I had been losing my testimony. I talked to them, began reading my scriptures again, praying again and felt peace... for a little bit. I feel as if my parents completely view me based on this discussion I had with them. EVERY time I am alone with them they pick up the discussion of repentance, Strength of Youth on chastity, policing my boyfriend and me more and how I might not be able to take the sacrament for a bit. This surprised me because I didn't think it was as serious as that due to the peace I previously felt about the situation. I was already embarrassed about disappointing them, now I can't move on from it because of how often they bring it up. I brought it up with my boyfriend and his parents know of the whole situation, and he didn't take the sacrament last Sunday out of guilt. I have been praying for forgiveness and guidence for the situation and felt so much peace from these spiritual experiences that it had not occurred to me that I would no longer be worthy of partaking of the sacrament. Each time a parent brings the conversation up I feel horrible again. I feel as if I actually had sex outside of marriage due to the extreme way they are taking it. I know that they care about me. But I no longer can focus on that peace I felt discussing the topic with both them and my boyfriend because every time I remove it from my mind one of my parents brings it back to full focus and make me feel horrible about myself. I have told them over and over that I talked to my boyfriend about it before them and how respectful he is and how we have established boundaries, but they continue to bring up how I should have acted in that situation. My other question on temple worthiness has to do with me being a president's counselor in the Young Women's. I was asked by my president if I could do baptisms with her early in the morning this week. I asked my mother if I could take work off the morning my president had planned (I am employed by my mom). She surprised me by saying that she didn't think I was worthy of the temple anymore and that I would have to talk to my bishop first about whether I could partake of the sacrament or attend the temple. I didn't know how to tell my Laurels president. I don't know what to do. I ended up telling her that I wouldn't make it the day they were suggesting so they moved it to a different date. Putting me in the uncomfortable situation of not being able to tell the truth or lie. They all have such high expectations for me. I am so involved in all my church activities and people see me as the daughter of my parents, who have such important roles in my ward. I am not perfect though. So I guess the advice I want to know is: When I talk to the bishop what could I expect? If he tells me I can't go to the temple, how do I tell my young women leaders and presidents that I won't be able to go no matter how many times they change the date? Any other advice would be wonderful. It has been a period of roller coasters, with my testimony and questions. I am so stressed about whether my feelings of peace are false and if I really should be feeling guilty every second of the day over this. I don't know if I will ever be comfortable going to my parents again for their advice. So very lost I would appreciate any advice