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AbramM

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Posts posted by AbramM

  2. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

    LDS Christians have very specific beliefs about priesthood authority and only acknowledge that line as being authoritative.  While I acknowledge that @prisonchaplain is an Assemblies of God chaplain (that's literally his job) and he is my friend, I do not believe that he any valid priesthood authority.  As long as my husband is a Baptist, he can NEVER fulfill that role for me.  He is my best friend whom I talk with and consult with on everything, but if I need a priesthood blessing he cannot provide, and I need to drive down the street to visit Steve. 

    Well it is up to my girlfriend, if she wants to keep with her LDS beliefs and believe that I have no biblical authority then we can't get married. I'm not going to marry a woman whose beliefs prevent me having spiritual authority in our home. It's a husband's job to be the spiritual guide not some random neighbor. 

     

    1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

    I noticed that you skipped over my comment about how your marriage will only be a legal contract.  Which is a big deal for LDS Christians who believe SO much in family being forever-- those bonds between husband & wife & children continuing on forever is HUGELY important.  Your legal contract only last until death.   

    I didn't respond as I didn't know what you meant. It's not a legal contract at all. I will make promises to my wife as and to God. That's not a legal contract that is an oath I am taking, I wouldn't only be promising my wife that I will love her I'm promising God that I will love my wife too. Yes I don't believe there are marriages in heaven.

     

    1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

    Your girlfriend is an LDS Christian.  Love her (which includes her beliefs) or walk away.

    You also haven't mentioned her family at all.

    I have made it clear to her that we find a church we can both attend or there is no marriage. After speaking to her yesterday she seems willing to do that. Only problem I have is trusting her not to go back on her word once we are married. 

    Her mom isn't religous and they aren't close and her dad did go to LDS church but he passed away a few years ago. She has a brother but he has been away doing mission work so I've never met him.

  3. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted · Edited by AbramM

    1 hour ago, Maureen said:

    @AbramM, I don't know how long you and your girlfriend have known each other, how long you dated or how long you have been engaged. If it has only been weeks then it's understandable that you were ignorant of your girlfriend's Church's history and beliefs. But if you have known each other for months and close to at least a year, then your ignorance regarding her faith is also on you. In that amount of time, you should have at least been interested enough to have asked your girlfriend questions about her faith and not just assumed.

    M.

    We first me in late September, we went to each others churches in late October, I asked her to start coming to the weekly Bible study I run at my house and she started coming to that. I asked her to marry me in late January. I did ask her lots about her faith, not doctrinal points overly though because I thought she was a Protestant so I figured that we would agree on most things. But I did ask her a lot about what scriptures she was reading and how her walk with Jesus was etc. 

  4. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    2 minutes ago, prisonchaplain said:

    Get her to...lovingly, of course. You may also want to discern just how committed she is to her LDS upbringing. It may be that she is not so devout. If not, though, you may also want to discuss how committed she is to Jesus. You know...is she born again? Many LDS now embrace the term, because within their church's faith community, they have asked Jesus to forgive their sins and empower them to walk within the light they have received. If she hesitates, or is uncertain, then you may really be grappling with you having a Christian faith that is quite serious, and her having a vague, less certain faith understanding. Of course, I don't know what her standing actually is. If you are to marry her, you will want to, though. Yes?

    Yes of course I will help her with her faith :) I clearly see her love for Jesus in the way she lives her life. I don't know how strong she stands in her faith but we can work through that together. 

  7. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    48 minutes ago, Maureen said:

    Pre-marriage counselling is a good thing. The fact that you don't want to communicate (share information, ask questions...) things with your girlfriend says that you are not ready to get married. You seem very immature when it comes to communication, which is very important in a marriage. Don't be afraid to talk with your girlfriend/fiancee.

     M.

    I feel I have been very clear with her about my beliefs to her and what has to happen before we get married. She hasn't communicated well with me though. 

  8. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    12 minutes ago, prisonchaplain said:

    This may be worth a whole new string, but I find it very appropriate to identify LDS as another category along side Orthdoxy, Catholicism and Protestantism, rather than as a denomination or sect within Protestantism.

    Yes Chaplain I agree with you but I didn't know anything about the LDS church and I just thought it was a Protestant denomination. Due to the use of the word saint I assumed it had some Calvinist background. 

  9. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    16 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

     1)  There is no priest in my home.  If I were to have married an LDS man, he would be a priest, and he would be able to bless and baptize our children.  My Baptist husband is not a priest.  So when there is a need for a baptism or formal blessing, I need to turn elsewhere.  This does make my feel husband uncomfortable and less of a man.

     

    I don't know what you mean by Priest, but I am considering going into ministry so I will be a Priest too :)  When I get married I will be the spiritual leader of my family, whilst my wife would be welcome to seek counsel from whoever she feels comfortable with, I wouldn't be comfortable with another man stepping in to fulfil her spiritual needs I can't meet. I wouldn't want to be married to someone if I couldn't fulfil their spiritual needs. 

     

    51 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

     3) I take my daughter to church alone vast majority of the time.  

     

     That wouldn't work for me, church time is family time. All the family should be there. A child can't alternate between churches every week and a couple need to worship the Lord together, otherwise what is the point in marriage. 

    1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

     4) We do visit each other's church regularly.  Yes, he respectfully attend LDS Church even when he does not hold LDS beliefs and respectfully attend Baptist church even when I do not hold Baptists beliefs.  

     

    For sure she will always be able to go to LDS church, she can even go after we go to a different church service together. Christenings, weddings, carol services etc we can go to. 

    1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

     7) Finding common ground to teach our children can be complicated at points.  We have much in common, but there are many areas of disagreement.  In those area of disagreement, either is free to speak their view, and we explain things.  We make it work, but it is work.

     

    For me growing up it meant everything to me that my parents believed largely the same thing. Gods law was everything in our home, we would have biblical conversations out of nowhere that would have been stifled if my mom had to be like "wait this contradicts what your dad believes so I better wait until he is around". 

     

    1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

     8 ) We both have to deal with his Baptist mother-in-law who repeatedly denies my relationship with God, calls me a brainwashed cultist, and lectures hubby on how "you need to man up and make your wife a Christian!".  (After which we thenterminate the conversation because her behavior is unacceptable).   

     

    My mom wouldn't be like that she is a nice lady and agrees with me that whether someone is a Christian or not is to do with their relationship with God not the church they attend. Although, she wouldn't be thrilled if I married someone from the LDS church. She thinks my girlfriend is a protestant like us. 

     

    1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

    These are some of the complications of being in an inter-faith marriage.  Again, it can work- and we are EXTREMELY happily married, but it is tons of work.  I refuse to make my husband choose between me and God.  And he refuses to make me choose between him and God.  It ONLY works because we do not force that decision and are willing to communicate and find our middle ground.  

     @AbramM, if you are unwilling to communicate and find that middle ground, and instead insist "it's either my way or the highway", then your relationship is doomed for the highway.  Your girlfriend is not a Protestant and any forced conversion as a condition of marriage will not last.  

    For me marriage is about serving the Lord. If I can serve the Lord better on my own than with my girlfriend then why would I marry her. Same for her. If marriage to her means we have to put in lots of work into our marriage such that it detracts from our service to the Lord then that is bad and not what the Lord wants.  

     

     

      

  10. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    9 minutes ago, Maureen said:

    @AbramM, I would advise you and your fiancee to take Pre-marriage Councelling classes. Does your church offer these? Here's a list of questions that can be discussed with these classes.

     https://www.marriage.com/advice/pre-marriage/pre-marriage-counselling-questions-to-answer-before-saying-i-do/

    M.

    Yes my church offers them they are 10 sessions either with someone who is a professional counsellor or an older married couple in the church :)

     I didn't want to suggest it to my girlfriend because I don't want her to think I am railroading her into being a Baptist.

  11. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    10 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

    Fair...  If she is willing to settle for something less then the LDS church.  Totally possible if she doesn't believe it is God's restored church on the earth.  You do not believe it and that is fine... But you do not know yet if she believes it.  If she does not then your reasoning works.  But we are trying to warn you and prepare you for the case that she does believe it (because that is what we teach).  If she does then you are asking her to reject God's established church for a church that is not... Or in other words you are asking her to choose between God and you

    She told me she will find another church that we can go to together. I just don't know if I trust her to commit to a church, if post marriage she just goes back to LDS church it wont be a good marriage, and I don't believe in divorce. 

  13. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted · Edited by AbramM

    41 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

    By that logic it is totally fair for her to require you to become LDS... After we do not tell you to stop believing in God either

    No because if I don't feel comfortable in that church then it is unreasonable to make me go to the LDS church. The same way it would be unreasonable for me to require her to become a Baptist. We look for a church we both want to be a part of and we settle there. 

     

    58 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

    Since all Christians churches are the same to you,

    Not all Christian churches are the same at all. I am open to any protestant denominations that are bible believing but I wouldn't attend a heretical church at all.     

  15. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    24 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

    Why be sad about getting to know the person you love?  Such is a joyous time!

    38 minutes ago, AbramM said:

    I meant about getting to know her beliefs. 

    24 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

    *Time out* 
    Did she not tell you that she is an LDS Christian and is uninterested in going to another church and processing a different beliefs?

    She told me that she hasn't been coming to other churches with me because she likes it at the LDS church but she said she still wants to marry me and she will change church and come with me. 

     

    28 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

     Then why are you making it a condition of marriage that she attend and different church that presents different beliefs?

     

    Because it is necessary for us to attend a church together where we can worship together, grow our faith together and raise our children there. We are both Christians so there must be some compromise we can find. When my parents met my mom was a Baptist and my dad attended a Presbyterian church, but when they decided to marry they agreed on a Independent Baptist church and that's where they grew their faith and raised my siblings and me. 

  17. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    16 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

    This is wise.   Never have things set up to be "well, *if* you convert, then I'll marry you".  That makes a person choose between the human they love and God, which is never a place you want to be or put someone in.   You are wise not to do that.

    2 hours ago, AbramM said:

    She doesn't need to convert to be with me she is already a christian, she just needs to find a church she wants to go to that I want to go to too. Which, was my original condition on marriage. 

    24 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

    Bueatifully said.  I would recommend taking the time to get to better know your girl, including her beliefs.

    I have an awkward predicament in this sense :( 

  18. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    37 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

    Figured as much.... Which is why I said your answer was deflecting.

    As for your girl friend  Members of the Church of Jesus Christ are not mindless brain washed drones.  Which is why everyone is telling you to talk to her.

     The best we can do is tell you the standard teachings of the church.  How much of it she has accepted, how much she personally values, that is not something we can answer for you.

     

    I did speak to her. Yes it is rare for 2 people to believe the exact same thing no matter if those 2 people attend the same church. 

  19. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    7 minutes ago, Alia said:

    My older brother used to say this all the time, I made a bet with him he would be married by the time he is 25 he got married at 21.

     

    😂I don't want to be a bachelor till the rapture. I want to get married :) 

    9 minutes ago, Alia said:

    Baptist  moms are something else. 

    I think they are the best at teaching their children about God and leading their kids to Christ. When my dad would try to talk to me about the bible or God I wasn't really interested and I was worried I would say something wrong but with my mom it was never a big deal she would just casually bring up scripture and stories from the bible.  They can be a bit over the top some times but they are so powerful spiritually and God uses them so well to direct their children / His children to him. 

  21. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

     

    49 minutes ago, JohnsonJones said:

    Is that because of what you talked about with her today, or what you read in this thread from people who don't know her from a fly on the wall?

     If it is in any way brought up by what you read in this thread that turned you against her, I'd probably think again about how I was treating her and try to listen more to what she actually stated she believes.

    It is what she said to me yesterday, that she doesn't want to stop going to LDS church and that's why she hasn't been coming with me to try new churches. She did say she still wants to marry me and she will change church and come with me. I'm not sure though because she can't marry me and prescribe to Protestant beliefs, God has to put it on her heart. We could be married for a few months or even years and she would want to start going to LDS church again, then it will cause problems. I have to pray about it and fast because I am very confused. 

     

    1 hour ago, JohnsonJones said:

     A prime example of this is regarding children under the age of 8.  We do not feel they should be baptized, and that there is no need for them to be baptized.  Any child that dies thus, would go to heaven.

     

    I was 9 when I was baptized, I have an older sister and a younger sister and they were baptized when they were 5. Which I think is absolutely fine because they felt convicted of their sin and wanted to be baptized. When I was 5 I wasn't convicted of my sin at all, I was just a little child running around. Usually, Baptist parents start panicking if their kids aren't saved by the age of 8. I made my parents wait, my mom told me she used to sneak into my room when I was sleeping and pray over, because she was so worried that I would become a reprobate. 

    1 hour ago, JohnsonJones said:

     If one says they follow Jesus, and have accepted him, but then refuse to follow him...that shows rebellion against the Lord and a desire to do the opposite of his word.

     

    Yeah for sure I don't want to marry a Christian who has the same beliefs as me but chooses not to follow the Lords commandments. It's what I loved about my girlfriend when I first met her is how she followed the Lord and she lived her faith. I went on lots of dates before with girls from the church I go to but they weren't following the commandments of God closely enough for me to pursue a relationship with them. 

     

  22. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    9 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:

    Talking with her is a good idea, but I wouldn't be angry or upset with her.  She may honestly have different ideas and beliefs than what people have stated in this thread and she may have been completely honest with you thus far in what she believes and thinks. 

     I wasn't angry when I spoke to her. Paul says you can't be righteous and angry. I wanted to be righteous and have God involved in our conversation. I did think she hasn't been honest with me so I'm not sure if she will be my Proverbs 31 woman anymore. 

  24. Please can I ask your advice on finding a church to attend with my girlfriend.

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    10 hours ago, anatess2 said:

    So, what’s the point of getting baptized?

    It shows obedience. Also, there are  blessings that come with Baptism (there are always blessings when we obey God) but salvation isn't one of those blessings. It isn't dependent on Baptism. When the thief on the cross was saved, Christ didn't tell him "I say unto you, you will be with me in paradise but first you must survive this crucifixion and be baptized then you can be with me".