RachelleDrew

Wow, so much to address in this post. I truly had no idea it would become this big so soon. My response reply will be quite long, so if you don't care to read it I completely understand. I feel as though I should elaborate on what i'm feeling, although I didn't intend on that with my original post. First of all, let me say that I am truly grateful for all of the well-thought out responses to this question. All of them. I didn't post this question in an attempt to find someone who was "sensitive" to my opinions, or even to find someone to agree with me. I wanted a plethora of answers from various points of view to help my personal understanding. It is true that I am a somewhat new convert, and it is true that I am young in comparison to a lot of you. That being said, it's to be expected that my understanding is quite limited. When I was given my interviews for baptism, I answered every single question I was asked with upmost certainty and sincerity. I meant every single word I said in that interview, and still mean it to this day. Which is why i've become quite distraught at my situation as of late. I do in fact have opinions concerning homosexual marriage and abortion that conflict with the church's official stance on said matters. It's caused me a great deal of problems within the church infrastructure. I am not involved in a homosexual relationship, nor do I ever want to have an abortion. So "technically" speaking i'm not doing anything wrong. However, in a recent thread about abortion I slightly elaborated on the situation I am currently dealing with and someone brought up a very good point. Just because i'm not committing a sin per se, my heart still sides with the sin, and heavenly father certainly cares about what is in your heart as well as your actual behavior. It's truly no different. I want to believe like our church and our Lord does, but i'm afraid that no matter what approach i've taken, my head and my heart are still sending me two completely different directions. It's exhausting, and i'm tired of reading and praying and fasting only to get the same answers I knew I would get, but still the same old reaction I always have had to those answers. I've expressed my thoughts to fellow church members, and their responses indicated that they didn't understand why I would have joined in the first place if I held these beliefs. Many became hostile to me, and it's made me concerned that i'm not actually misguided or misinformed, just intentionally resistant to commandments. So when these controversial topics come up in conversation at church, I have begun nodding my head in unison with everyone else, and vocally parroting their opinions for their approval and to avoid confrontation. I do this all while knowing darn well that I don't believe in what i'm saying, and to me it feels like deception in the presence of people who are in fact supposed to be my brothers and sisters. To make matters worse, i'm lying about my true thoughts in the presence of the holy spirit, and that kills me. I feel like a fake. I do have every intent of going to the temple and completing every ordinance. That is what I want more than anything else in the world. But most people would say that I am certainly not worthy of the temple with my current thoughts. I certainly can't blame them, and in fact I agree with them. But how does one force themselves to believe in something that they do not? I don't believe in denying homosexuals the legal option of same sex marriage, I don't believe in criminalizing abortion. I just don't. I have asked the Lord to flip on the light bulb in my head and change my heart, but it just never happens. I'm so sick of asking and asking. I'm sure he's sick of hearing about it. At one point I made the decision that perhaps there were just things in this life that I wouldn't understand until it was done, and that until then I would just have to continue obedience and I would understand later. But then, abstaining from homosexual relationships and abortion isn't really obedience if you STILL think that there is nothing wrong with it. So that certainly doesn't work out. I just want to know if there is something in scriptures or doctrine that i'm overlooking that can help aid my understanding, to change my mind. I don't want my joining to be for nothing. Mods -I'm afraid that this thread has somewhat lost it's direction, and has turned into an "advise Rachelle" post. So if it needs to be moved to "Advice" or something to keep it's relevance then I understand. Once again, thank you to everyone who replied no matter what the response was. I'm trying so hard to be open to everyone's thoughts so that maybe I can get this figured out. I'm doing my best to not be offended by anybody's points, so if you had something you wanted to say but abstained for fear of offending me (understandably so, I can be quite obnoxious) please say it. Anything can help. Sorry this is so long, and sorry if it's difficult to follow. I forgot to get my medicine refilled, so i'm a bit manic tonight and my thoughts are hard to reign in right now.

"If you believe that Brother Joseph did indeed see heavenly father and Jesus, and that he was a Prophet , and you believe in the basics that the church is the true church restored on the earth, well you "WILL" seek to become a part of it, the holy spirit will see to that lol. " I think a lot of people misunderstood my question, which is not surprising because it was very vague. I'm not asking about the basics of LDS history, i'm asking about issues more akin to political and moral viewpoints. For example, gay marriage and abortion. These are two things that the church has made very cut and dry statements on. With that in mind, please don't debate the two points I just brought up in this thread, there are enough of those already in here. My thought is, if you don't agree with the church on these issues, then does it really matter if you were baptized in the church or not? I've had a lot of people tell me that someone either follows the prophet 100% or they don't, and that there is no in between. So does that mean that if I disagree with the church's stance on issues like that above, I might as well not have joined at all? Just curious if there are scriptural nods to help answer my question, thanks for all the answers so far.

...or not LDS at all? Sorry if this is a vague question, but I it's the best way I could think of to word it. Is it better to be baptized in the church, but have a few viewpoints that are drastically out of line with the church, or not baptized at all and completely refuse the teachings of the church? Or does it make a difference to the Lord at all? Anybody know of any scriptural answers to this?

"I'm sure you will single handedly take care of each one of the governmental issues by writing tiny blogs about them." ROFL! You have just won my heart.

Wingnut, you know exactly why people got up in arms about this episode as opposed to others. Two lesbians making out on television (which I might add, did not show actual intercourse or nudity) vs. a heterosexual passion scene in which nudity WAS displayed and the actions were much more, erm, prominent. In my mind, neither are okay for your kids to watch. Why is the lesbian scene so much more offensive than the other promiscuous sex scenes in the show? It's just kind of funny to see people complaining about this episode in particular is all, considering everything else that has been on this show in the past.

I don't think that there is anything that can be done to help your relationship until he gets help. It doesn't sound like he wants help to me, so until he decides that he does it may be best to stay somewhere else for a while. It sounds like he is very emotionally disturbed, and it's not wise to play with fire. As ceeb said, I would get away from him until he can get some help.

"Good for you, Islander! Write letters, send emails. COMPLAIN!!" Not that I don't agree with your stance, but writing a letter to the producers of House isn't going to do much. They probably won't even read it. "I guess I have not seen all the episodes after all. Seems like I missed a couple. I stand corrected." Islander buddy, I think you've missed more than a few. House buys a hooker about every two weeks Lesbian passion is probably the most tame thing i've seen on that show. If it offends your spirit, then it's good that you made the effort to abstain from watching it. No point in just "ignoring" the things that go against your personal standards just so you can watch a show. Does anybody know the name of the website that you can go to with family-friendly rating systems? Is it the AMA website? I think we aught to get that posted in here.

^HiJolly beat me to it. Theory does not mean the same thing in science as it does in normal conversations. Evolution, in some forms, is scientific fact. This is not up for dispute no matter how many times one argues the semantics of the word "theory". How far the hand of evolution has reached however, can (and should) be disputed. Nobody knows for sure how far it has gone at this point. I voted for tool of the Lord. To me, his usage of evolution only further proves the immense artistry heavenly father put into creating this world.

Depending on what was done (and you don't have to reveal that if you aren't comfortable) you may want to look into counseling, if it was something VERY bad then you may need help along with prayer. On another note, sometimes i've been at a point where it seemed impossible to forgive someone for their bad works. So I instead forgave them for my own well being, not for theirs. It may seem selfish but when you forgive someone it's every bit as much for YOU as it is for THEM. Keep in mind, if you continue to keep obsessing about the issue then you are allowing the bad deed to continue over and over again.

My son is going as a penguin in a costume I made. My husband and I aren't dressing up this year, but we generally do. We just didn't really have the time to think about it this year. As for the egging and TP-ing, it's never bothered me when my house got it. Maybe it's because I did it as a child, i'm not sure. So long as my cars don't get caught in the crossfire, I could really care less. It takes all of an hour to clean up, so it's usually a good excuse to do the last yardwork of the year before winter anyway. Our town has a tradition where kids can sign up ahead of time to do "After-Festivities Cleanup" where they go around town the day after Halloween on a trailer with hay and clean up whatever house needs sprayed down from eggs or pumpkins or whatever. I always thought that was nice, because some of the people that get targeted are older and have no way of cleaning up the mess themselves. They ride around on the trailer all day drinking cider and cleaning up houses, and a lot of kids do it.

I'm sorry, but what on earth made you think that "House" was a show appropriate for your family to watch? I've seen this show since it's pilot episode, i'm pretty liberal compared to a lot of LDS and even I would say that it's not appropriate for children, and never has been. There are websites you can use online to help you with your viewing choices. Maybe you should look into that so you don't encounter this problem again?

We got pregnant with Eli on the Depo shot, so I completely understand. Some of us just don't have much luck with even the best birth control methods available. "Saying you can't go out would be the equivalent of telling your hubby he can't go fishing with the guys." No, it's not. Don't dupe yourself into thinking this way. Your wife can certainly go out with friends and get away occasionally, and she SHOULD go out and have time with friends. But clubbing simply is not appropriate for a mother. If the two of you went out dancing as a couple then that would be one thing. Why can't she go shopping? Get involved with a local sport team? There is plenty of crap to do, why does she HAVE to go out to a club? I am a convert, and before my conversion to the church I was constantly going to bars, clubs and raves. I know what goes on in those environments, and even as wild as I was then I STILL would have said that a mother going out clubhopping is stupid and not appropriate. My friends and I were all junkies hordak, as low as our standards were for ourselves, even we didn't hang out with the barmommies.

As a convert, I know the importance of knowing the truth for yourself. A person going to church because their parents do, or because it is socially acceptable, is not real faith. I don't want my children to be fake. I've known too many people of all denominations who show up every Sunday, say their prayers before meals and wear religious symbols on their bodies. Yet they are spiritually empty. To me, this is a type of deception. I don't want my children to go to the temple or take sacrament out of habit, or read scriptures like they are studying algebra. I want the church to MEAN something to them other than "mom and dad will be mad if I don't go". Will I be upset if my children don't believe? Devastated. But I would be far more upset if I somehow realized that they were just doing it because they felt they had to. I would do my best to support my kids in whatever choice they made concerning faith.

So long as you aren't dating her with the intention of changing her or converting her, then it's your choice. "Missionary dating" is insulting to the girl you have feelings for, and rarely works anyway. Some people can date outside of their religion, other's cannot. I've seen more that could not, but that's not to say that it's not possible. Just keep in mind the following things: 1. Her habit is hard to kick, and I doubt she will do it just for you. 2. If you are dating her, you are also dating her child. Please keep that in mind, and don't go after her unless you are serious about forming a connection with her. That kid doesn't deserve to have some get run in and out of their life every other week. 3. You are also dealing with this child's dad, and that could lead to problems. Don't say I didn't warn ya. The last thing you need is baby daddy drama. So long as you keep those things in mind then you may be able to score a sincere relationship with that girl. You just need to evaluate all of the information you have about her, and about your priorities and make a choice from that.

Our 401k is small, so if we take a loss i'll try not to mind. We are in our early 20's, we've got plenty of time to make up the losses. Heck if they take half of it we'll only be missing like two thousand dollars. We are very lucky, we own both of our cars with no payments left. Our house was willed to us, so after we paid off the gift tax we owed nothing. We are both in college, so while we don't make a lot at the moment, we don't have to worry about losing items like a lot of other people do. We can focus on school and our families instead of working ourselves to death since the only thing we owe are student loans. Most of our friends and family are having a hard time.

If I wanted books about vampires I would read Rice's various works. Twilight is poorly written tripe. I read the first one and will not be reading the others.

I understand totally. My dad and mom both forgot my birthday on my 18th. It hurt REALLY bad, and of course you don't want to complain because it seems like such a silly thing, but it still hurts your feelings. Now my son's birthday is a few days before mine, so I pretty much make it a point to throw out hints to people so that they remember. I don't care for presents or whatever, but i've found that when people realize they've forgotten your birthday then THEY feel guilty about it and never stop apologizing. Lol, it's easier for everyone.

I have to say that I agree with others that the problem more than likely lies within the wife in this situation. I think that "love" is extremely glamorized and we often aren't aware of love unless it's like something in a trashy romance novel with Fabio on the cover. Someone else mentioned that a temple marriage does not always equal salvation. This could not be more true. Just to play devil's advocate here, is the husband happy in the marriage? I believe that his feelings count too, and he certainly deserves a wife that loves him and WANTS to be married to him. On another note, I am like many others here who are curious as to why she ever dated/married a guy who she wasn't attracted to at all even from the beginning. Sure, physical attractiveness is quite overrated in a lot of ways, but you can still be physically attracted to someone even if they aren't what you considered a "hottie" or whatever. I've dated several men in the past who while they weren't my ideal physically, once I got to know them and care about them they became quite attractive to me. i find it hard to believe that you can be in love with someone, but never be attracted to them as i've found that if they weren't attractive before, you'll certainly think they are once you fall in love with them. Seriously, you would think that my husband was Brad Pitt the way I go on about his looks. : D

From what you've posted, it doesn't seem as though she had the maturity to get married or have children when she did. She doesn't seem interested in being a mother or a wife, and the way I see it she talks about having kids the way a 16 year old glamorizes having children and being a wife without really seeing the big picture, which explains the back and forth decision making. She has no idea what she wants. However, even if that is true there is nothing that can be done about it now. She is married and a mother and regardless of if she was ready for it or not she has to step up to the plate and act like an adult. Do yourself a favor and don't have anymore surgeries one way or the other until your marriage is back on track and she KNOWS what she wants. Maybe another guy here can clarify for me, but it doesn't seem like a healthy thing to have that many procedures done to your reproductive system. I think you need to have a frank conversation with her one on one without children around. Ask her if she thinks there is any hope for you two, if there is anything you can do to help re-direct your relationship and if she still wants to be married to you anymore, period. It may hurt to hear the answer, but I think you really need to find out for certain without her beating around the bush and leading you on. On another note, there is an equal amount of chance that she DOES want to remain married to you, but just feels too far gone or too overwhelmed etc and feels that giving up would be easier. If that is the case, then counseling may help you guys out. However, she's got to meet you halfway here, if she does think that there is even a remote chance of reconciliation and wants to try then she has got to put in the work too, not just you. If you are the only one trying to save your marriage then nothing will get accomplished. From the looks of this message (and it could be a completely different situation than what you are telling us, so this is pure speculation) you seem to be trying very hard and doing everything that you can. Keep in mind, that if it's simply maturity that she lacks then you aren't doing anything wrong and that there IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. I'm sure that your self-esteem is taking a beating here, and making you feel like you are somehow a bad husband otherwise your wife wouldn't do this. I've seen this done by women before, and oft times to a wonderful man. It may very well not be any specific thing that you are doing, so please don't beat yourself up about it. Just concentrate on what you two can do TOGETHER to help your marriage instead of how you "should have, could have, would have" done something different. I'm so sorry that you are going through this, it must be very painful. Just keep your head up and try to be the best man you can be, if not for her then at least for yourself. PS- The nightclubbing has got to stop, even if worse comes to worse and your marriage doesn't work out. No kid needs to deal with their mother prancing around in glitter with her gal pals eyeing men and neglecting her responsibilities. Especially if their family is split apart on top of it all. You've gotta put your foot down on this. The rest of your post could be based from your personal perspective, but when it comes to the clubbing thing she is absolutely in the wrong no matter what position you view it from. I hope things work out for you two. Take care of yourself.

My husband struggled with the same thoughts as you. We had sex long before we were married, and it's hard to feel guilty when you have a beautiful son as a result of those pre-marital relations and a good relationship with your spouse despite those pre-marital relations. My husband spoke with our bishop, and was frank with him about his lack of remorse. Our bishop understood the feelings completely, and told him that even though everything seemed to work out in the end, Christ still suffered for our sin of pre-marital sex. Maybe it didn't seem like the deed harmed anyone, but Christ still died on the cross so that our sins wouldn't consume us entirely. I thought that was a really good way of putting it.

I cannot believe that your wife would ask you why you "hated" your son. She's seriously being rediculous with a statement like that. I've met so many parents in your situation, it is not your responsibility to pay for your son's dates and World of Warcraft subscription. It IS your responsibility to teach him how to pay for these things himself. I will never understand college students who live at home by choice. By 17 I was out of my parent's house and I did everything in my power to continue living out of the house. Why on earth would you want to live with mommy and daddy unless it was absolutely nessecary? I just don't get it, most kids are dying to leave by the time they hit college.

"If a man came on the board and started moaning about his unfriendly, frigid harpy of a wife, would you be okay if a bunch of men told him, "Leave that whining, useless ***! Don't waste your life with the likes of HER!"?' Um, yes. Why is that hard to believe? A crappy spouse is a crappy spouse regardless of the gender, i've told many a fellow on this board that they didn't deserve poor treatment from their wife and offered support. I've gone over several of my posts before trying to find out what exactly I was saying that was bashing. I remember in one instance I told a woman nothing more than "i'm sorry, nobody deserves being treated poorly by their spouse" and I was directly called out as bashing. I believe it was by you specifically. Perhaps I cannot read, but I have yet to find one single instant on this board in which i've made sweeping, generalized statements about men. I love men, I actually have a tendency to degrade women in my speech and somewhat put men on a pedestal. Yet i've been called out on more than one occasion for "bashing" men. If I am doing it, I would love to know when and where so I can make sure not to do it anymore. But so far nobody has been able to point out any circumstances that make sense to me.

Sorry everyone, I didn't wind up changing it just yet. Just trimmed the dead ends off. I started up work this week. It's just going to be under a hard hat ten hours a day, so i'm not too worried about it. I still want to cut it, but maybe give it another few weeks.

Do you just automatically assume that every female in this thread is bashing men, or do you actually READ all of the posts before you make one yourself? I don't recall saying anything cruel about her husband. In fact, I suggested that he may have a mental illness and that she should seek help with her own situation before trying to fix her relationship. How is that bashing? I've re-read my post several times and yet still cannot find anything I said that would prove me to be man-hating.

If it matters to you, then it DOES matter. I'm getting awfully sick of the "it has nothing to do with your salvation, it doesn't matter" approach. If an investigator is asking a question about the church, no matter what it is, it should be answered with something better than "it doesn't matter so don't ask" nonsense. From an outsider's view, it could be construed as hiding information about the church to say things like that. At least, I know that's how I perceived the "it doesn't matter" answers when I was investigating. For the record JIME, missionaries aren't taught to lie or anything, but i'm sure like all humans a few do. Chances are though, they were simply mis-informed. I wouldn't know personally, I don't know anything about the story you posted so I couldn't tell you if it were true or not.