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*Note that the one other thread I've made has been resolved, I now wear my garments "day and night." So please don't bring that up.* My significant other and I are talking seriously about marriage, but he lives about 6 hours away in a neighboring state. I go to a university in my city and am a sophomore. I have college paid for at this university and he has not yet started as he is recent RM. He's looking into BYUi and other such colleges that are states away. I also have a way to pay for my future law degree as long as I stay in my home state. I would go where he wants if it wasn't for the issue of paying for it. Should he go to the college of his choice and we wait to get married for 3+ years until I finish, or should he compromise and come to the university in my city? We're having a lot of trouble figuring it out and any outside opinions and points of view could really help. Thanks in advance.
My wedding day is in a week and I am freaking out. I feel so lost and confused. I feel hopeless. Last year during this time I was dating a boy who I was absolutely crazy about. I thought he was the one. I thought he was the answers to my prayers. But things went sour and he broke up with me because I didn't serve a mission. I was completely crushed. My confidence was gone. So I went home for the summer to heal. I remember praying to Heavenly Father that he would send me someone to marry. A week later I met Kyle. Kyle wasn't necessarily my type. But I ended up going out with him anyways. I honestly thought he would just be a summer fling. But as the time went on, and summer ended I still liked him. It took me about a month to decide to whether I wanted to date him exclusively. I had a hard time letting go of my "type." But I decided I had nothing to lose so I went for it. A few weeks later I was diagnosis with a horrible illness. During this time I was devastated. But Kyle was completely there for me. He treated me like I was god's gift to this earth. I have never felt so whole. Fast forward a few months.. we started talking about marriage. At first I was really excited. But soon after my feelings changed to nerves. I had no reason to be nervous. He had no signs of red flags.I'm just a constant thinker. I over analyze everything. I kept thinking, "well what if there's someone else out there for me? Someone more my 'type'?" At this point I was praying and fasting and I felt like I received good impressions. Yet I was still hesitant and nervous. Anyways, one night out of the blue he asked me to marry him. I was completely shocked. I wasn't ready. But I said yes anyways because I felt like I received answers. Our engagement has been so difficult. Some days I feel confident in my choice, and other days I feel very scared. I have had several anxiety attacks. He has been uptight and insecure (because he knows that I've been so back and forth about marrying him.) I feel so stressed out. All the time. He keeps picking fights with me over the little things. Like what birth control to use. I am a very tender hearted person so these fights are making my nerves worst. I have called the wedding planning off two times. I honestly don't know what to think anymore. His temper frightens me. I went to conference asking Heavenly Father to give me reassurance that this was right. The first talk of the session was Bednar's talk on fear. I felt so at peace and I wrote in my journal that I marrying Kyle was the best choice I could make. A few weeks later we had another big fight. Afterwards I was having so many doubts. We went to the park and I told Kyle my concerns. He told me this was normal and asked a lady at the park about her engagement. She described a story almost identical to ours. I felt like that was Heavenly Father giving me reassurance again. The other day we got in another huge fight over something so small. He is very high strung. I feel so hopeless and terrified. After every fight he is very apologetic, and says he will try to do better. And I want to believe him. He is very spiritual. But I am just WORRIED. I can't keep doing this. I literally don't know what to do. The wedding is in a week. It is hard to feel excited when I feel so down. He tells me to follow the promoting I received in the beginning. I don't know what to think. Would Heavenly Father give me peace about our relationship if it wasn't right? Did his answer change? Is it just Satan? Will this go away after we get married? I feel paralyzed. Moving forward doesn't feel good. Breaking up doesn't feel good. I feel empty. Someone, anyone please help me.
Hi there! I'm new, though I've been lurking the forums for quite some time. I'm here for some advice. I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I'm 20. I grew up in the church & I moved away from home at 17 to attend college in a different town. I've always remained mostly active but went through a period of serious doubt in the church starting about a year ago. It got to the point where I was determined that I was no longer interested in the church as a belief system. I won't go into detail, but there was no bitterness on my end, and no serious sins committed. Well, a few months ago, I met an LDS man who kind of flipped things upside-down for me. I was NOT looking to date at that time, as I had just gotten out of a serious 2-year relationship. In fact, I had turned into a complete cynic about love, because my last relationship had fizzled out into something very void of passion. Also, I was moving to a different city in a month for an internship over the summer, so I was not looking to start something. But when I met this guy, we immediately clicked. I guess you could say we started dating, even though both of us were in denial. (In fact, we even talked conversationally about our friends getting married, and I went on and on about how crazy it is to settle down when you're barely in your 20s.) We only had about a month together before I moved away for my internship, but we spent time together just about every day, whether it was studying for finals, cooking food together, or just sitting in the car talking. We fell hard and fast for each other. I confided my doubts about the church in him, and he was able to ease my troubled mind in a way that no one ever has before. He didn't judge me or think less of me, but taught me gently from the scriptures and encouraged me to pray in ways that, for whatever reason, had eluded my mind before I met him. Consequently, I came to the realization that over the past year I had just been getting lazy, and my testimony is now back on track. I moved to a city in a different state for the summer. Now we are apart from each other and dating long distance. We video chat every day and I feel very close to him each day. It is hard being apart but I feel the communication is fantastic. I wasn't sure what it would be like, but I actually do feel our relationship has grown and deepened even through long distance. The only issue in our relationship is he wants to talk even more than I have time for, so that's a minor area of conflict sometimes. Also, a minor detail: I am going to visit him for a weekend in two weeks, and then in August he is planning to visit me & my family in my hometown. After that we will be back in the same town attending the same college. He is a nearly-23-year-old returned missionary. We love each other and talk about everything with each other, and he has indeed brought up the subject of "settling down". The way he talks about marriage is mature, optimistic, realistic, calming, and uplifting. And surprisingly, when he talks about it, that whole idea of marriage doesn't scare me like it used to. I've never been so excited about sharing a future with someone. It baffles me because I have only known this man for a few months. Also, I'm quite young (though I am often told I'm "mature for my age".) Obviously we would wait for any serious step like engagement for about a year, but is it normal to feel this sure of something this soon? I have always been the "strong independent woman" type. I am really focused on my education and career. I always figured the marriage and family part would come later when I was ready. But here I am, feeling very strong urges that this man could be the one for me. My future life seems empty until I think of him. However, I would be lying if I said that no part of me feels like I should "play the field" a little more. I've only had three actual relationships before, and sometimes I wonder if that's been enough to really figure out who I am and what kind of person I'm looking for. I love this man so much, though -- it's not that I have any desire to actually date anyone else, it's just that I feel like I should. Just to give you a little background on what we are like: He is understanding, fiercely loyal, passionate about life, and he has a great sense of humor. He definitely wears his heart on his sleeve, while I am much more reserved and independent. I am an extremely easygoing, optimistic, low-stress type, and it's very easy for me to let go of negativity and accept people as they are. But I am also a little immature, selfish, and stubborn at times. His weakness lies in weak-ish self-esteem and relying too much on other people's approval. We are both aware of our flaws and work together to improve them. TL;DR: I always thought young marriage was ridiculous until I met the perfect man. I'm 20 years old and I'm having all kinds of crazy hopes, dreams, and doubts. So, all that said, I have a few questions: Am I crazy/ too young to be thinking about settling down already? Is it possible that a 20 year old has lived enough and dated enough people to truly understand who she is and what kind of person she is looking for? How long should we wait before taking any serious steps towards engagement or marriage? (There is a lot of passion between us and sexual temptation is high, but we are both strong and haven't had any chastity issues.) Am I just in the "infatuation" stage? Is it common for people to marry for infatuation and regret it later? I have had two serious relationships before this one, so I feel like I know the difference between infatuation and actual love, but obviously I still have a lot to learn. What does it take to have a successful marriage? Is it possible to have what it takes at the age of 20? When did you get married (age/how long dating) and would you do it any differently? What can I do to come to terms with the fact that God may have put this person in my life at 20 years old for a reason? I want to stop having doubts because of what I feel like I "should" do based on what I'd always expected my plan in life to be. What can I/we do to prepare for commitment? & any other advice you might have for my in my present situation. Sorry that was so long. Thanks so much for your time and advice.
Hey there. I have been struggling for some time with a form of depression. It started while I was on my mission, I began to really belittle myself and find that all problems or issues that arose while in the work of the Lord I would attribute to myself. I blamed myself for everything. I just didn't feel normal. Eventually it went away about 2 months before returning home. After I returned home I worked as an EFY counselor and met a lovely girl with whom I discussed marriage. After 4 months she flatly told me she never really loved me, that we were more just like friends the whole time, and again I plunged into depression. This time I was medicated and visiting someone for it. I found myself extremely lazy and just sat around. My self asteem took a plunge. While I have been off and on medication, taking it and the deciding myself I shouldnt have to be dependent on it, things have gotten better. I recently got engaged to a wonderful girl, but now I'm worried Im dumping all of this baggage on her. She knows about it and is willing to go through it with me, but it just doesnt seem fair to her. I can't even understand my feelings. I don't feel overwhelming butterflies and excitement as I did for the previous girl, but I also don't feel like this is a terrible choice. I just don't know what to do about this depression. I guess my question is am I wrong to continue an engagement like this? Am I wrong to get married even though I don't feel overwhelming romantic feelings for this girl? I Do love her, and hate being away from her, but a lot of the chemestry just isnt there. What should I do? Thanks.