Truegrits Posted July 18, 2008 Report Posted July 18, 2008 He asked me not to say anything to her and I haven't I think your son does need to tell his mom how he feels...that what he tells her in private is ONLY for the two of them. Maybe she does not realize how important that is to him; if he does not share those feelings with her, how is she to know? And when she does know how hurt he was by her sharing, she will not do it again. I think it would be good for them to talk about this, and not let it fester and ruin a close relationship.I know I would want my son to let me know if I have hurt, betrayed, offended him...that way I can avoid doing so again... Quote
PapilioMemnon Posted July 21, 2008 Author Report Posted July 21, 2008 I'm with Truegrits... I'd encourage him to resolve the issue with his mom; I feel it's awful for a child to feel that, and the other parent, who may be not aware, not have a chance to make it right. If once he talks to her, she doesn't acknowledge/validate her own son's feelings, then it's something between them, but at least she had a choice. Quote
Moksha Posted July 21, 2008 Report Posted July 21, 2008 Sometimes, that informal gossip grapevine can work to your advantage. I knew someone who needed help. I mentioned it to the wife of a former Bishop. The following week, the current Bishop called the person in and offered to help. This worked much better than if I had initiated the contact myself. Quote
StrawberryFields Posted July 22, 2008 Report Posted July 22, 2008 It becomes gossip when the person would be unwilling to say it in the presence of the subject person. Since I first read this last week I have thought about it many times. I thank you for making this so clear and simple.:) Quote
PapilioMemnon Posted July 22, 2008 Author Report Posted July 22, 2008 Sometimes, that informal gossip grapevine can work to your advantage. I knew someone who needed help. I mentioned it to the wife of a former Bishop. The following week, the current Bishop called the person in and offered to help. This worked much better than if I had initiated the contact myself.I don't think I'd considered it gossip this way. Your intent was to help, and sometimes, other people can be the better way. Quote
PapilioMemnon Posted July 22, 2008 Author Report Posted July 22, 2008 Since I first read this last week I have thought about it many times. I thank you for making this so clear and simple.:)In few words... and I also appreciated that very much. The only thing I can't still grasp is what I mentioned before, even though the person would say to another's face, going around spreading the news or their thoughts/opinions about the other person still feels like gossip to me...Anyone feels the same? Or can help me see another way?since we deal with people, I have felt impressed to learn how to better discriminate between discussing an issue that involves someone in order to help and gossiping... I'm really trying to learn the difference... and thank you for your inputs/thoughts/opinions! Quote
Argentina84 Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 (edited) · Hidden Hidden I once confided in a girl and told her that a guy in our ward used to laugh at me with his friend during Seminary because I was not "cute" like the other girls in our class. I heard them and it hurt me very much. I still can't understand how a simple comment like that could have such a huge impact on my self-esteem. A few years after seminary this guy wanted to date me and I refused him. Well, the point is that a few months later this girl started to date this guy and eventually married him. I wish I could take those words back but I didn't know she liked him and I thought that I could confide in her at the time. I still feel bad about it and cannot forgive myself. Edited August 18, 2011 by Argentina84
JudoMinja Posted August 18, 2011 Report Posted August 18, 2011 I have a lot of people that come to me to vent or ask for advice and I've never really had problems with gossip. This is because I have a very simple rule- What is said between me and another person stays between me and that person. I never share what "so and so said" with somebody else. If someone asks me about something that pertains to one of my conversations with someone else, I will offer them what advice I can without breaking that code of confidentiality. I will also often suggest that these people talk to "so and so" personally. I also will not say anything negative about the "third person" that someone may be coming to me for advice about. I keep my comments neutral and geared toward what the person talking to me can DO to better whatever situation they are talking to me about. If I need to vent or ask someone advice about something going on in MY personal life, I only share information that I wouldn't care if it did happen to get spread around and/OR I only talk to someone I know I can trust not to spread the information. Of course, I've made a few mistakes and had to do a little backpedaling before, but for the most part I've been able to keep my nose clean. Quote
mordorbund Posted August 18, 2011 Report Posted August 18, 2011 When someone confides in me, I relate the following:Mark Twain said, "The best way to keep a secret between two men is if one of them is dead." I fully intend to take this secret to my grave - and I'm giving you a 10 minute head start before I see to it that you take it to yours. Quote
Madriglace Posted August 18, 2011 Report Posted August 18, 2011 Make your words sweet ... because someday you may have to eat them. Quote
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