Belief Issues

[daenvgiell]

I used to think I had a testimony of the church, but now I'm not so sure. I have moved away from home, living on the other side of the country so that I can study at a university. It is a Private Christian College and I thought being here would be great, I am ejoying my dancing, but my beliefs are dying. I don't know what it is. Some days I even think how can there even be anyone up there at all. I don't know why this is happening, I don't know how else to explain it. I read the scriptures more than when I was back home, I still go to church every week, I completed my YW booklet and got my necklace, completed Seminary... and none of it has seemed to make a difference. I feel so lost right now. I pray morning and night, but I don't know if I can feel the spirit, don't know if I ever have and I just feel like crying every time I think about it. So I am lost, not sure if someone is up there some days, not sure if the church and its teachings are true, sick and tired of struggling and crying all the time, wondering if I have the strength to keep going.

So now that I have said all that, do you possibly think there is any hope for me at all, and what I can do to hopefully get the testimony I want. I so want to believe it all, but I'm just not getting it. I really need some help, anything will be appreciated!

[Palerider]

There is alot of hope for you....Perhaps you feel the spirit and just don't recognize it. Not sure what you do ...but.....get involved in something at church...help out...look for ways to get involved.

[a-train]

You are being tried in the fire. Don't worry. Continue to do those things you know are right and the LORD will uphold you. Perhaps there are things in your mind that need to be purged. Perhaps that is the work at hand.

-a-train

[Guest tomk]

You sound a bit homesick, and I just don't mean for earthly family.

Sometimes, in His wisdom, the Lord will allow us to "hunger and thirst" a bit. This way our true mettle and true desires are allowed to come-out!! And once they are revealed, He can bless us and teach us. He can only work with us according to our desire for good. So -- seek Him! Go to Him with these things! Record in your journal the counsel He gives you, then ask for His grace to help you carry out His will.

Study the scriptures with a question. Study them while you are "hungry" for that connection with God.

Even the Savior of mankind felt alone and abandoned for a season. But He never was, not really. It only seemed that way. He understands how tough it can be. He stands ready to help and comfort you. This is a great opportunity for you to draw closer to your Savior!

Follow the promptings of the Spirit.

Tom

[countrygirl66]

hi sorry your struggling with your faith right now.

I would say to you hold on, keep doing what you are and it will come. There was a really tough time in my life when i was a kid that all i could hold onto were the teachings. I didn't think i was being helped or that god could hear me. I later realized that i was in so much pain and distress that i couldn't recognize how he was there for me. I am forever grateful that i held on because it kept my life in order so when i was in a better place there was nothing that had to be repaired before i could move forward. I might also share and experience, my 15 year old son is not sure if the church is true or if joseph smith was a prophet, he hates seminary right now and in general has an attitude. He gets pretty grumpy over the whole church thing right now. What i see is an opportunity for him to really question and gain his own testimony. I have told him often that he has to attend seminary and other church programs because he can't have the experience of growing and having a change of heart if he isn't there. Bless you for going on your own even though your struggling. The other thing that we have been trying to make him understand is that we all hear the spirit in different ways. For me it is kind of always there, for my h it kind of hits him over the head when necessary. We are all different and heavenly father know that so he treats in a way that is best for each of us. In my sons life I can see heavenly father working even though he can't. My son is blessed with a great deal of compassion for others and is constantly having opportunities to use it. Take care and hang in there.

[mormoncutter]

I have felt the same way. It's hard I know, what really helped me get through was a prethood blessing that my bishop gave me. Mabey you could ask yours to give you one, I know it will help. And if you ever need any one to talk to i'm here.

[StrawberryFields]

Of coarse I don't actually know you but this sounds a bit like me when I moved away to college. I was away from my support system and I relied on them for strength more than I ever expected. While I was at school I did many of the things you speak of but being away caused me a great deal of doubt. I didn't actually go to a school that was Christian either. I struggled for quite sometime with "was that all true" and then I got really really sick. I had a bad fever and because I was on my own I didn't even feel like going to the doctor. I prayed about it and knew that I needed a blessing. I knew that I would have to jump a few hoops because I lived in an all girls dorm and no males were allowed past the lobby but I needed a blessing and I needed it in private. Within the dorm I was considered "different" I was Mormon but I had made many friends. It was my "Head Mom" or "mother of the floor" that I went to for help. She was Christian and the two of us had bonded. She was a senior student at the school and she went to the administration of the dorm and explained my plight. She even volunteered to walk the men up to my floor and wait for them which would cause her to miss a class. The call to my home teacher was made and I was told that they would be there in about an hour. The head mom went to wait for them after convincing administration that the visit would be short and the men would be older (retired) :)Within a day or so I began to feel much better.

I have come to know that our faith needs to be "exercised" to make it stronger.:)

[Earthymama82]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Keep doing what you are doing, and you will figure things out eventually. Hugs to you.

[LionHeart]

It sounds to me like you have been relying on the testimony of your parents, and now that you are on your own, you need to gain one of your own. The root cause of how you are feeling is your faith is becoming weak; thus your testimony weakens, as well as your belief in God. To remedy the situation, we must begin at the foundation. First, faith in the existence of God. Does He, or does He not exist? There are many logical things to consider, such as the fact that there are thousands of elements in the human body working in complete harmony to satisfy a common purpose, (coincidence, or design?) that should take away any doubt. But it's funny how it doesn't. Logic never could convince a heart. The best thing to re-build that faith is to remember back when you were a child; so pure and innocent. Remember a profound spiritual experience that affected you greatly. Was it God, or coincidence? I think you know in your heart who it was. The next step is to strive to experience more such things. Whenever you pray, after you say the opening lines, stop, wait and feel for the spirit. Once the spirit flows in, then you may continue. Rather than asking Him to simply help you strengthen your testimony, be specific. Ask Him to help you find that paper that you lost, or to help things to line up in a way that you will have time get all of your studying done and yet still be able accomplish the other neccessities of living. When you ask for help in specifics, and the Lord helps you with those things, you realize that you couldn't have done it without Him; and then it becomes harder and harder to deny His existence. Your faith strengthens, and you witness such miracles more and more frequently until your faith becomes full, and you gain the priviledge of seeing our Lord face to face. And once you gain an understanding of the character and attributes of God, then you can determine which theology is correct. Additionally, when you read scriptures, you might find that teachings, as opposed to history, are more inspiring; such as the D&C. Study also the lectures on faith, as well as the King Follett discourse. I Really hope you can find yourself again. I think you can see that you are losing yourself in proportion to you losing your faith.

LH

[richlittell]

College is full of new and interesting ideas, new and interesting people. This may cause you to question things you've always taken for granted. This is a natural feeling.

Most people who move away from home experience an extreme intensity and diversity of feelings such as loneliness mixed with the excitement of meeting new people and seeing the world in ways that you never have before. This is all quite natural.

DO stay centered in the gospel.

DON'T get involved in things that detract from the gospel.

DO take a measure or yourself and see if your actions are in keeping with the Lord's desires.

And this too shall pass, my friend.

cheerio! :)

[Moksha]

Daenvgiell, have you had a change in appetite, sleep and weight loss or gain that has accompanied this feeling of being adrift spiritually? I ask because sometimes depression can manifest itself that way.

It is perfectly normal for people your age to question their beliefs. I am just wondering if something else, such as depression, mighy be going on as well.

[daenvgiell]

it is possible that depression is setting in, I don't know, I put on weight at the beginning of the year and I haven't been able to get it off. I also didn't sleep well for awhile although that seems to have improved a bit since then. Not really a change in appetite, I love my food.

[YoungMormonRoyalist]

It is a fact that as you get older your adolescent metabolism that allows you to eat an entire pizza with no significant weight change will slow down. For men it happens around 24 give or take a few years and with woman it is around 20, again giving or taking a few years.

Just a little tid bit for you daenvgiell

Hence the reason why my old YM president came back looking like a balloon.

Don't worry though, from your picture you look fine, great even!

[daenvgiell]

thats because you can't see the lower half of me, and its not great when I'm a dancer. I'll never even have a chance of getting into a ballet company if I can't lose the weight

[StallionMcBeastly]

It says in the scriptures that you will not receive a witness until the trial of your faith.

I say keep pushing on and desire to believe, even if you can't fully right now. Your witness will come.

Try to think back to things you learned in church or elsewhere that really strengthened your testimony. Ponder these things, they will help you regain your testimony.

Anytime I have any doubts I think back to Joseph Smith, a man with only a third grade education, and the near impossibility of the Book of Mormon being anything other than being inspired by God.

Hope things get better for you :-)

[Moksha]

Daenvgiell from what you have said, it would be worthwhile to chat with one of the campus psychologists about the possibility of depression. If you are depressed, treatment can help get you back on track.

:)

[drjme]

Hi Daenvgiell,

I have to take a different approach here and say, Don't just 'keep doing what you are doing' and hope it will work out. There is a saying, 'the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result'.

I had a problem a while ago where I got into some bad patterns and associations with my beliefs. I felt that I was always stuffing up spiritually and the guilt would just kill me, to the point that it drove me away from church for a while (not beliefs wise I still completely believed, I just needed time to clear my head and realise where these feelings were coming from and why I was experienceng them). Once I dealt with them I felt free to move forward and do my best without beating myself up with guilt and shame for things I did that weren't up to my standards (we all stuff up after all). I got quite depressed and experienced the feelings of ‘I’m doing the things I’m supposed to, but I still don’t feel anything.’

I was doing all the 'stuff' that you say you were doing, but I had lost that personal connection to Christ because of all the 'doing'. I think they were refered to as 'religious hobbies' by Joseph F. Smith and we are warned against them. Doing things for the sake of doing them solves no issue, they just cover up what is underneath, you need to have the right heart in doing those activities for you to benefit from them (I’m not saying not to do them, I’m just saying what you may need, could be beyond just doing those activities, if they lack meaning to you at the moment)

You have to find out What The Gospel means to you personally, Find Christ and what He done for you and make it personal, Find ways that you can celebrate God that create an emotional connection to Him. Find your own personal Relationship with Him, and then, also 'Do the things you are doing'. It is a relationship that constantly needs to be worked on, because as we change our needs and perceptions change.

For me I started writing to get feelings out, I listened to more uplifting worship music. I watched the passion of the Christ which absolutely broke my heart and helped me appreciate Christ even more personally, I prayed many times a day even when It didn’t feel like anyone was listening. Here are a couple of poems I wrote that helped me to understand how I was feeling and get it out:

When you feel alone, like no one is there

If the world -for you- doesn’t have a care

Like you’re twisting and turning, being led down

Chained and yoked, pulled by wrists bound

There is time you’ll take to become free through love

A quiet whisper in your heart, a sweet word to above

An Infinite mercy that ‘I’ care beyond words

A quiet reassurance you will always be heard.

Never turn your back, never give up the fight,

You will fall, ‘I’ will catch you I will be your light,

To help you to guide you never lead you astray

One day to come home, Forever to stay.

Here is another:

Lord, we send praises, to You on high

So far beyond us, Too holy to see.

Yet you came down amongst us so humble with love,

To teach us to guide us to reach for above

How could you have done this? It doesn’t seem fair,

That One so Glorious, our Heavy burdens should bear.

I can’t comprehend how you were treated this way:

Rebellious and sinful, Contempt and hate.

These things you withstood for us, so that we may be saved,

I yearn to comprehend your sacrifice each day.

To hold it, to cherish it, to relieve me from pain,

To clutch it so tightly, never waste it in vain.

Many times he has changed me, when I was in my hardest trials, It was at the end of myself, the very end, But I was always ready and waiting for his help, He has always stepped in and taken over, but every time it took something more, above and beyond, what I was 'doing' to get me through and out the otherside. Hope this helps in some way :)

[Guest tomk]

thats because you can't see the lower half of me, and its not great when I'm a dancer. I'll never even have a chance of getting into a ballet company if I can't lose the weight

I don't know about how ballet works...but I've seen pictures of you dancing (shared on your Profile - Gallery) and you are far from needing to LOSE any weight, in my opinion!

[RainofGold]

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints in the sand,

is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

__________________

[Islander]

thats because you can't see the lower half of me, and its not great when I'm a dancer. I'll never even have a chance of getting into a ballet company if I can't lose the weight

Sister I hope that thru prayer and faith you can overcome this emotional low and regain your footing.

I hear the anxiety and despair in your posts. I understand how frustrating it must be to feel that goals and life's objectives slip away because of circumstances that appear out of our control or at least out of reach. It would be important for you to remember that God has a plan for you. It is paramount that you can understand and align your will with that of our Father in Heaven. I don't know if your future includes a carrier in this field as a performer, but do you? Our drives and desires, at times, are not necessarily part of God's plan for our lives.

I suggest the challenges that we face become a struggle because we lack the insight to overcome them. Once we gain it they no longer hinder us. I seems that you need to bring this issue to the Lord and hope to develop a clear understanding of your situation. I hope that clarity will reach you as the answers flow and your future comes into focus.

Do not despair. Be patient and all will be well.

[prisonchaplain]

It is so normal to question faith in college. Intersting that you are at a private Christian college. Some of them are colleges that happen to have a Christian heritage, and others are Christian institutions that happen to offer college degrees. In any case, I'd encourage you to explore your doubts, read both faith-filled writings, and those who are skeptical, continue to pray...above all, just keep seeking God. Scriptures of all major religions include the promise that those who seek God with a sincere heart will find him. This may be a gut-wrenching, soul-stretching time--but it can also be the time when your faith becomes truly yours. Blessings on the journey!

[Dove]

Thank you for sharing your doubts, fears and feelings with us. I hope these threads are helpful to you.

I remember when I was just out of high school, I went back east to Long Island, NY, and was a nanny for a period of time. Everything was new and different, I was in such a different culture. It was so difficult spiritually! I was lost and, as I look back on it now, so insecure.

I remember coming to feel closer to the Saviour there in a poignant, very bittersweet way. I learned some critical principals during those times I felt so alone and far away from home.

I remember talking to another girl one night at a church activity. She shared with me some of her personal experiences of the Saviour. That was such a blessing for me. I felt He was showing up for me in those moments.

Another thing I would suggest is going to your priesthood leaders/R.S. leaders for love and support. Build a network of strong LDS friends who would be willing to help bear your burdens and succor you in your doubts and fears right now.

I would recommend coming to love yourself more through the Spirit. It may be helpful to know of how deeply you are valued and found of worth in our Heavenly Father's eyes. Pray for guidance, I think a priesthood blessing would be wonderful for you at this time. Go easy on yourself, and try to "go with the flow" as far as feeling the Spirit goes. He'll "show up" for you in His time period, which I believe will be the time in your best interest, and the best for your eternal welfare.

I turned 40 this past year (yess, dearie, I am getting soo old and have so much experience to share with you, LOL) and have gone through so many trials and so much tribulation in my life. I know God lives and loves me, and that He is very aware of me and my particular circumstances. He has "shown up" in spades for me throughout my life, even for all the hardship I've experienced. He knows me perfectly, and I can't help but believe that He knows the same about you. I know He loves you, too!

Like I said, try not to be hard on yourself in this time, give yourself a break and some slack. Heavenly Father knows of even our smallest efforts to draw nearer to Him, and I believe He is very pleased with your continued efforts to pray and read the scriptures. Don't be shy to reach out to others for love and support until you can identify the feelings of the Spirit. I believe that if you continue faithful, you will be answered in a very loving, personalized way.

Best of wishes to you. I will send out my faith and prayers for you.

Dove