What guys want- Repost

[BenRaines]

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

2. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT.

YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN.

WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.

YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

3. SUNDAY SPORTS. IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES.

LET IT BE.

4. SHOPPING IS NOT A SPORT.

AND NO, WE ARE NEVER GOING TO THINK OF IT THAT WAY.

5. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

6. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.

LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!

STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!

OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!

JUST SAY IT!

7. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

8. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.

SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

9. A HEADACHE THAT LASTS FOR 17 MONTHS IS A PROBLEM, SEE A DOCTOR.

10. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT.

IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

11. IF YOU WON'T DRESS LIKE THE VICTORIA 'S SECRET GIRLS, DON'T EXPECT US TO ACT LIKE SOAP OPERA GUYS.

12. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE

13. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING

OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.

NOT BOTH.

IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

14. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

15. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

16. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.

PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR . PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

17. IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED.

WE DO THAT.

18. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY "NOTHING," WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG.

WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

19. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR

20. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE... REALLY .

21. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS BASEBALL, THE SHOTGUN FORMATION, OR golf.

22. You have enough clothes.

23. You have too many shoes.

24. I am in shape. Round IS A SHAPE!

25. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.

YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT;

BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING.

[Hemidakota]

Ben, if I posted this to an e-mail to my beloved partner, I will be sleeping on the couch for a month [see 25]. LOL

26. Flush the toilet. When in doubt call out for instructions.

[checkerboy]

I love #13.

[MorningStar]

I'll tell you the secret behind the toilet seat thing. When it's in the up position, it shows off all the lack of aiming and the fact that the offenders didn't bother cleaning up after themselves. When I lift the toilet seat to clean it, I am usually pretty grossed out because I was a quarter inch from touching someone else's urine. It's not about being up or down. It's about being covered with urine and sometimes hair. Yuck!!! While visiting a guy's apartment, a friend asked referring to my friend, "Why did she slam the toilet seat down?" I said, "She's not slamming it - she's letting it fall after touching it with the tip of her finger because she's afraid of touching the urine." Then she yelled out something really funny about the hair. I totally called it.

When I went to my brother's house in Provo while he had a bunch of roommates, his roommate Dave cracked up when I told him, "I put the toilet seat back up for you."

Secret #2: When a sleepy woman wanders into the bathroom in the dark, she might not realize the seat is up, leading to a near falling in, not to mention sitting on the dirty rim. My brother has this theory that that would never happen to a guy because it would be too embarrassing to sit in his own mess.

Speaking of aiming problems, I almost died laughing when I made my brother-in-law help peel off wall paper in the disgusting bathroom downstairs. It had urine all over it. Somehow, the boys in the house even managed to pee up and over the toilet. This boy in particular was easily distracted. If he was doing his business and someone came in to talk to him, he would turn to talk to them. This is how it got EVERYWHERE. So, he was peeling off the wallpaper saying, "Oh man ..... It smells really bad over here ...." His brother said he never went down there anymore because even the air freshener that was down there for who knows how long smelled like pee. My mother-in-law couldn't go down there to clean it anymore because of her knee problems and she apparently didn't know how bad it had gotten. I saved that spot of wallpaper just for my brother-in-law. I know he must've been grateful.

[lilered]

My goodness Sisters, train em. Worked for all the men in our family, including me. Wife, started out with by requiring us to hit the center of a floating donute and when we got that down we finally graduated up to cheerios with a reward of a cookie if the seat and surrounding area was urine free. :^)

[Truegrits]

Secret #2: When a sleepy woman wanders into the bathroom in the dark, she might not realize the seat is up, leading to a near falling in, not to mention sitting on the dirty rim.

That could never happen in my family...EVERYONE is trained to put both the seat AND the lid down, each and every time. Both sexes, when using the toilet, lift the lid up...the men just need to lift the seat with the lid, and both sexes close it down. Who wants a view into the toilet???

[MorningStar]

I'll never forget this one incident. We had four missionaries over to our house and when my sister went to use the bathroom, she stepped on a puddle of pee while wearing socks. (My brother was gone, so we knew it was one of them.)

She wasn't discreet about it. She screamed out, "WHICH ONE OF YOU PEED ON THE FLOOR!!!!!!! I STEPPED IN SOMEONE'S PEE WHILE WEARING SOCKS!!!!!" I laughed because she sounded so hysterical, but I thought, "My goodness. You're grown men and you still can't control your aim? I mean, you have a visual. Don't you watch the stream while you go? You honestly didn't see your pee go somewhere other than the toilet?" This was why I feared having all boys. I have three. Last week I laid down the law and told them they sit down to pee until further notice. It is ALWAYS on the floor and no one will own up to it. They can't just do their business and get on with their play. No, they have to be all creative and play with their pee stream as if they're doing machine gun fire. For girls it's, "I'm looking forward to playing some more after this boring act of peeing is over." Or maybe I was an unusual child and just never saw the joy in it. OK, there was one time when my sister and I were trying to kill two birds with one stone and sit on the toilet at the same time (we were 5 and 3), but it really didn't work out well and we never tried that again. And we cleaned it up too!

[Tough Grits]

12. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE

25. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.

YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT;

BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING

These were my favorites!!!!

In my house, everybody MUST close the seat and the lid. We have stupid cats that fall in the toilets. Besides, as the "other" Grits mentioned, it is just gross to look into a toilet.

~TG

[miztrniceguy]

Ok, so having been a convenience store manager for over 20 years, I have my 2 cents to add: women are just as gross ,if not more gross, than men when it comes to public restrooms, and I don't think it's a leap to think some of it goes on at home. And the red under the lip of the toilet seat is not mine. I Don't Pee Red!!

[Tough Grits]

EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW.

That was SOOOO gross!!!!!

[miztrniceguy]

the truth ain't pretty sometimes.

[BenRaines]

How is it that you can take something humorous and make it gross?

Ben Raines

[SMG]

I guess bathroom humor brings it out even in the best of us, LOL! FYI, working at a gas station for a year was the real kicker that sent me screaming back to college to earn a degree! All I can say is, if they (men AND women) can miss, they WILL! *gags*

[Iggy]

I guess bathroom humor brings it out even in the best of us, LOL! FYI, working at a gas station for a year was the real kicker that sent me screaming back to college to earn a degree! All I can say is, if they (men AND women) can miss, they WILL! *gags*

'UM, If they can MESS they WILL and DO!

[ztodd]

yeah I don't understand why most guys are pretty inconsiderate about cleaning up after themselves, unless they're still children and are still being taught. Us guys will joke about it and think that you women are being too dramatic about it, but I just see it as rude and gross if ya don't clean up after yourself. It usually shouldn't be too hard to aim for the toilet bowl, most of them are big enough. Invest in a night light if you need it. But as far as women not knowing the lid is up and almost falling in, I'd say that should be on them to look out for that.

[YoungMormonRoyalist]

I'll tell you the secret behind the toilet seat thing. When it's in the up position, it shows off all the lack of aiming and the fact that the offenders didn't bother cleaning up after themselves. When I lift the toilet seat to clean it, I am usually pretty grossed out because I was a quarter inch from touching someone else's urine. It's not about being up or down. It's about being covered with urine and sometimes hair. Yuck!!! While visiting a guy's apartment, a friend asked referring to my friend, "Why did she slam the toilet seat down?" I said, "She's not slamming it - she's letting it fall after touching it with the tip of her finger because she's afraid of touching the urine." Then she yelled out something really funny about the hair. I totally called it.

When I went to my brother's house in Provo while he had a bunch of roommates, his roommate Dave cracked up when I told him, "I put the toilet seat back up for you."

Secret #2: When a sleepy woman wanders into the bathroom in the dark, she might not realize the seat is up, leading to a near falling in, not to mention sitting on the dirty rim. My brother has this theory that that would never happen to a guy because it would be too embarrassing to sit in his own mess.

Speaking of aiming problems, I almost died laughing when I made my brother-in-law help peel off wall paper in the disgusting bathroom downstairs. It had urine all over it. Somehow, the boys in the house even managed to pee up and over the toilet. This boy in particular was easily distracted. If he was doing his business and someone came in to talk to him, he would turn to talk to them. This is how it got EVERYWHERE. So, he was peeling off the wallpaper saying, "Oh man ..... It smells really bad over here ...." His brother said he never went down there anymore because even the air freshener that was down there for who knows how long smelled like pee. My mother-in-law couldn't go down there to clean it anymore because of her knee problems and she apparently didn't know how bad it had gotten. I saved that spot of wallpaper just for my brother-in-law. I know he must've been grateful.

Here's my question: Why poop in the dark?

[miztrniceguy]

How is it that you can take something humorous and make it gross?

Ben Raines

well, Ben first you....never mind. you're a guy. you should know.

Yes the list is funny and i agree with most of it.

[MarginOfError]

That could never happen in my family...EVERYONE is trained to put both the seat AND the lid down, each and every time. Both sexes, when using the toilet, lift the lid up...the men just need to lift the seat with the lid, and both sexes close it down. Who wants a view into the toilet???

On a serious note, if you have young children you should put the seat and the lid down after every use of the toilet. The toilet can become a subject of curious exploring, and if young toddlers topple in they aren't always able to get back out. Talk about ignominious death!

On a lighter note, I don't know if any other guys have had this problem, but I've had issues with split stream peeing in the past. You know, you start to pee and the stream breaks in two--one usually headed for the bowl, the other aiming for the rose bush in the neighbor's yard. The worst one I ever had was a split stream that split with one stream into the bowl, and the other straight back onto my pants. I never even saw the second stream, so I had this huge urine stain down my pant leg. Fortunately, I had just picked up my dry cleaning and my freshly cleaned pants were hanging up not far away. God was smiling on me that day, I'm sure.

[Hemidakota]

HD teaching moments: teach your sons sit down on the toilet vice standing.

[Guest GhostRider]

i love it ben!!! saved the list for future references!!!

[checkerboy]

Ok how bout we just cut it off that way they have to sit down on the seat! My word talk about emasculating a man, making him sit down on the toilet seat instead of standing. It is every man's right to be able to stand and pee, that is about the only thing we can still do that girls can't. (Yes I know technically they can but who wants pee dribbling down your leg)

And why are we so fixated on the toilet seat thing. I think question #13 deserves some further light and knowledge. I can't stand a women that won't let her man be a man. If you can do the job, do it, is right but there comes a time where your guy has got to feel somewhat useful. But to sit there the whole time and nag about how it should have been done really makes me irate.

[lilered]

Some of these gross comments make my hair stand on end.

[Truegrits]

lilered

Some of these gross comments make my hair stand on end.

:lol:

By-the-way...that is my favorite avatar (of yours) so far!

[MorningStar]

Here's my question: Why poop in the dark?

Because the light hurts your eyes and you're just trying to wake up enough to go potty and get back to sleep. I'm not talking about pitch black, but if you're tired enough, you tend not to notice some important things.

[MorningStar]

Ok how bout we just cut it off that way they have to sit down on the seat! My word talk about emasculating a man, making him sit down on the toilet seat instead of standing. It is every man's right to be able to stand and pee, that is about the only thing we can still do that girls can't. (Yes I know technically they can but who wants pee dribbling down your leg)

And why are we so fixated on the toilet seat thing. I think question #13 deserves some further light and knowledge. I can't stand a women that won't let her man be a man. If you can do the job, do it, is right but there comes a time where your guy has got to feel somewhat useful. But to sit there the whole time and nag about how it should have been done really makes me irate.

I thought this was so funny - when my husband was in the Air Force, they made all of the guys sit down and pee during basic training, but when they were done, they made them put the seat up. *scratches head*