Abandon your child here

[ZionWoman]

So, I just watched a segment on Nebraska's new safe haven law and I put this question to you. Is it really in the child's and family's best interest to abandon? I mean really? Would it not be better to support and help the families and provide services to teach and support them? Can't most of the baby abandonment be traced back to PPD? Shouldn't we be supporting families in stead of giving them an out?

[NeuroTypical]

Nebraska's "New" law has been replaced by a more sensible law - the age limit is now 30 days. Folks never guessed in their wildest dreams that the first "new" law would turn out like it did.

LM

[TeancumsSword]

If you are selfish enough to abandon your child, I say let them. At the time offer them the services that are already in place, but keep their children until they are ready to accept the responsibility.

[WANDERER]

I think it comes to issues of safety.

[pam]

I know in some states there is a law that an unwed mother who feels like there is no way she can be a mother has the option of taking the baby to places such as Fire stations etc. No questions asked. I would much rather see options such as this than to read stories in the news about babies thrown into dumpsters.

You can't always help someone who really does not want to be a parent.

[georgia2]

3 years not 30 days grace period.

A woman would not realize she couldn't take care of, afford, handle a baby in just 30 days.

To protect babies from abuse more time should be given then families that really want and can care for the baby can adopt.

[ZionWoman]

Nebraska's "New" law has been replaced by a more sensible law - the age limit is now 30 days. Folks never guessed in their wildest dreams that the first "new" law would turn out like it did.

LM

Thanks. I guess I should pay closer attention to my tabloid news shows.

[Wingnut]

I believe Nebraska is the only state whose Safe Haven Law extended to age 18. Most states limit it to newborns. In Ohio, for example, I believe the limit is three days. I think it's a safe alternative to dumping dumping or abortion.

[pam]

So is dumping dumping more extreme than just dumping? hahaha

[countrygirl66]

So, I just watched a segment on Nebraska's new safe haven law and I put this question to you. Is it really in the child's and family's best interest to abandon? I mean really? Would it not be better to support and help the families and provide services to teach and support them? Can't most of the baby abandonment be traced back to PPD? Shouldn't we be supporting families in stead of giving them an out?

There is something where I live called a crisis nursery. There are a few here in the state. This is how they work. You can drop off your children for 48 hrs without the police or social services being involved. The nurser has couples that stay there full time and rotate in and out. The kids get to stay in a safe beautiful place. When the parent comes back to get their children they are offered help in getting food services (wic foodstamps) if needed. They are offered parenting classes and are even able to apply for the peer parenting program. They also offer drug counciling. The parent has it there but they have to choose to use it.

The need this fulfills in my mind is this: A parent in that stressful situation is usually really young, poor, and doesn't have a family support system. The crisis nursery is there to help take the place of that. I think they prevent situations where pa could happen because the parent has a choice.

If the kids are not picked up in 48 hours then social services is called. I think safe haven laws must be in place for infants. I have a brother that was left in a garbage can (story for another time). But I think if his mom had known of somewhere else to leave him she would have. And she was never a capable parent. I don't think there is one service that will cover it all I think there has to be more than one option.

[ZionWoman]

I disagree with the general consensus so far. How can legalized abandonment be a good thing? I really don't get this so help me out. I know that abuse happens. I know babies get left in all kinds of places. Shouldn't the parents have to go through more social services before legal abandonment becomes an option? Some parents just need help. A parent of a difficult child should not feel so all alone that they think abandoning their child is their best option.

[Guest SisterofJared]

Abandoning a child is horrible, but keeping one that you find yourself unable to care for and/or unable to love is worse.

The people who leave their babies in dumpsters or their toddlers clinging to a fence by the freeway should be pursued to the full extent of the law.

But people who bring their baby to a Fire Station, a hospital or some designated place like that should not be criminalized. It is better that the child receive the care they deserve. For those parents who are mournfully doing so because they love the child and fear they can't provide, they should be given help. Those who find they don't want to be parents, it should be recognized that they are probably doing what is best for the child, and the child adopted into a loving home. The parents should have no second chance later on.

SoJ

[ZionWoman]

There is something where I live called a crisis nursery. There are a few here in the state. This is how they work. You can drop off your children for 48 hrs without the police or social services being involved. The nurser has couples that stay there full time and rotate in and out. The kids get to stay in a safe beautiful place. When the parent comes back to get their children they are offered help in getting food services (wic foodstamps) if needed. They are offered parenting classes and are even able to apply for the peer parenting program. They also offer drug counciling. The parent has it there but they have to choose to use it.

The need this fulfills in my mind is this: A parent in that stressful situation is usually really young, poor, and doesn't have a family support system. The crisis nursery is there to help take the place of that. I think they prevent situations where pa could happen because the parent has a choice.

If the kids are not picked up in 48 hours then social services is called. I think safe haven laws must be in place for infants. I have a brother that was left in a garbage can (story for another time). But I think if his mom had known of somewhere else to leave him she would have. And she was never a capable parent. I don't think there is one service that will cover it all I think there has to be more than one option.

I like the idea of a crisis nursery. What happens for women when they are pregnant with these "unwanted" babies?

[pam]

I disagree with the general consensus so far. How can legalized abandonment be a good thing? I really don't get this so help me out. I know that abuse happens. I know babies get left in all kinds of places. Shouldn't the parents have to go through more social services before legal abandonment becomes an option? Some parents just need help. A parent of a difficult child should not feel so all alone that they think abandoning their child is their best option.

Most social service programs are tapped to the limit of their resources. I think of the young teenage girl who got pregnant, hid it from family (yes it happens), gives birth and then dumps the baby into a dumpster. At least with the abandonment laws she can turn that baby over to the authorities without retribution and the baby is given to a home that can provide.

[ZionWoman]

I don't know. I think giving parents a way out of being a parent after they have waived options such as adoption breeds a society of laziness, ie: this is too hard, I give up, you deal with it.

There has to be a better way.

[pam]

I would much more like to be a society of laziness than having children who are constantly abused and killed by parents who should never have been parents in the first place.

[countrygirl66]

I don't know. I think giving parents a way out of being a parent after they have waived options such as adoption breeds a society of laziness, ie: this is too hard, I give up, you deal with it.

There has to be a better way.

The reality is that even with a safe haven law the stat still tries to find the parent. In some cases they are able to offer them services and work with the parents. The child is placed in state custody and then there is a plan made for the parent to get their child back. They then have the option of following the plan or not. Most parents that i know of that are unable to follow the plan have a drug habit they cannot seem to break. They already know that abandoning their child is not a positive thing to do, however some just are not in a place in life to even take care of themselves. When it says there are no consequences, that means no jail for leaving your child. But the state here will still try to locate the parents and work with them.

[Wingnut]

So is dumping dumping more extreme than just dumping? hahaha

Dumpster dumping. Sorry. My fingers were faster than my brain. It's really not that hard to believe. :)

[Wingnut]

Most social service programs are tapped to the limit of their resources. I think of the young teenage girl who got pregnant, hid it from family (yes it happens), gives birth and then dumps the baby into a dumpster. At least with the abandonment laws she can turn that baby over to the authorities without retribution and the baby is given to a home that can provide.

Most of these girls also probably birthed their own babies in the back seat of a car or a dirty public restroom. They cut the umbilical cord with nail clippers in their purse, or a razor they carry with them. The cord, if tied off at all, is often clamped with a hairpiece. The baby, if wrapped at all, if in a t-shirt or jacket.

Being able to safely and legally leave these babies at a hospital or with law enforcement is the best thing for the babies at that time.

[ZionWoman]

I would much more like to be a society of laziness than having children who are constantly abused and killed by parents who should never have been parents in the first place.

Would you really? Really? Think of the precedent it sets. Do you want your government encouraging a society that says it's okay to walk away when you don't want to do it anymore no matter the consequences? I'm just think it's a slippery slop.

I understand the feelings behind this. But sometimes they go too far. Isn't there a better way? Again, (despite the poor, scared teenager who gives birth in her closet... I don't think that happens very often though) where are these women when they are pregnant and are they checked for postpartum depression?

[pam]

Yes I really do. Let me clarify something if I may. Parents who abandon their kids without notifying someone..by just leaving them in a house while they take off should be found and prosecuted. Those parents who for whatever reason can't handle the responsibilities of parenthood, yes I think there should be that open option.

Edited November 22, 2008 by pam

[Guest SisterofJared]

Well, think about it. Is it best to

a) Take your baby to a fire station and drop it off, allowing it to be adopted into a loving home

or

b) Keep the child at home, sticking it in a closet, yelling and swearing at it, burning it with cigarette butts, leaving it hungry in a filthy diaper all day while you party and feed your drug habit?

I know you will think there is a 3rd option... somehow forcing the parent to keep the child and become decent parents. But the reality is that you can't legislate the hearts of man. You can't FORCE someone to be a loving nurturing person. And to try and do so is to deliberately endanger children.

SoJ

[pam]

despite the poor, scared teenager who gives birth in her closet... I don't think that happens very often though

I hate to burst your bubble but this happens far far far too many times.

[Wingnut]

These girls aren't being treated for their prenatal care, much less their postpartum care. In all the debate on this site about abortion, I am surprised to see disdain for a Safe Haven Law that provides women (YOUNG women, girls even) a safe alternative to abortion.

[Guest SisterofJared]

When babies are found in trash cans, etc... it turns out they are almost ALWAYS from a very young teenager who doesn't know what to do.

And the rest are from drug addicted parents.

Seldom does someone with postpartum depression abandon their children. That is a distinct minority of what you hear in the news.

I like the crisis nursery countrygirl talked about. A very good idea, especially for those with depression.

SoJ