Blessed2bLDS Posted January 15, 2009 Report Share Posted January 15, 2009 (edited) So I have NEVER done anything like this before in my life, but I need HELP!! My son just announced his engagement over the weekend to the most wonderful girl in the world. So what do I need help with? Besides myself, my sister and my three children no one else in my family and no one at all, including the bride are members of the church. My son insists that he want to be married by our Bishop in our ward building (not a problem) and have the reception in the cultural hall. Problem is that in the 17-years that i have been a member I have never seen or attended a non-temple wedding. I don't know what we can and cannot do. I have been told we can have it in the chapel, then told we cannot. Been told we cannot do certain things in the chapel (yet no one seems to know what we can and cannot do) or be to "normal" non-lds-weddish (completely not a work, but...you get what I mean). Does anyone know of a site where I can get help, ideas, do's-and-don'ts of a LDS chapel wedding? Edited January 15, 2009 by Blessed2bLDS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted January 15, 2009 Report Share Posted January 15, 2009 Why would you place yourself into a Telestial Covenant when death comes, you are again separated forever? It is always part of my council to the youth today. Do not engage in this practice. Do not date someone who will not be your eternal partner. Do not marry outside your own religion. If you are planning to be sealed, find someone you will love eternally and not for the world sake. Do not marry for looks. Do not marry for wealth. Do not marry to be marry. and many more... Talk to your Bishop. He can help you on these answers. Welcome to the forum... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted January 15, 2009 Report Share Posted January 15, 2009 Ok - here is some information: You're having a civil marriage in the church. The church recommends the marriage happen in the home or in a church building rather than at a commercial wedding chapel. Since your son is picking church, yes, it can happen in the chapel, cultural hall, or other room. The person performing the ceremony (usually the Bishop) determines the location. The ceremony shouldn't be on a Sunday. The Bishop has a script to read spelled out in his handbook. The ceremony should be simple, conservative, and reflective of the sacredness of the marriage covenants. If it happens in the chapel, there should be no cameras or video recorders. A Bishop/SP/BP/etc from another area can perform the ceremony - he doens't have to be your Bishop, or your kid's Bishop. He just needs to coordinate with the Bishop of the building you'll use. Hope this helps, LM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed2bLDS Posted January 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2009 Thank you so much for the information...I don't think we will have a problem with our Bishop marrying them in the chapel...He has known our family for 17-years and has seen my son grow up...he knows his character...I am assuming then that the Bishop will be able to tell us what we can and cannot do in the chapel for the wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
refman Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 I'm not sure the Church is interested in publishing dos and don'ts for civil ceremonies, as the whole purpose of the Church and the Lord's plan is for all to be married for eternity. Any restrictions are usually at the discretion of the Bishop performing the ceremony. There are no cookie cutter answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelLynn Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 So your son is a member and he's marrying a Non-LDS member. *sighs* He's putting himself in a rough position. I know a sister who was once in my ward, she married an Athiest. He has absolutely no belief in God. I've met him, he was one of my teachers in Middle School and he's a good man. But such a sad thing, this poor sister has a couple of children but....it's a sad thing as they are not sealed as a family. She often tells us how sad it is to have a non member husband and how hard it is. The chances that this girl will convert to the church are slim and unlikely. I realize that nothing can change love but your son is setting himself up for a lot of heartache in his future. Anyway wlecome to the site, and congradulations to your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 So your son is a member and he's marrying a Non-LDS member. *sighs* He's putting himself in a rough position. I know a sister who was once in my ward, she married an Athiest. He has absolutely no belief in God. I've met him, he was one of my teachers in Middle School and he's a good man. But such a sad thing, this poor sister has a couple of children but....it's a sad thing as they are not sealed as a family. She often tells us how sad it is to have a non member husband and how hard it is. The chances that this girl will convert to the church are slim and unlikely. I realize that nothing can change love but your son is setting himself up for a lot of heartache in his future.Anyway wlecome to the site, and congradulations to your son.I don't mean to be rude but on one hand you're telling Blessed2bLDS that her son is going to be miserable for marrying "the most wonderful girl in the world" and then you want to congratulate him for it. I find that strange.Blessed2bLDS hasn't really given much details regarding her son and future DIL so I wouldn't assume that this union is doomed before it gets started. Blessed2bLDS seems to be happy for her son and she knows their relationship better than anyone here.M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelLynn Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 I don't mean to be rude but on one hand you're telling Blessed2bLDS that her son is going to be miserable for marrying "the most wonderful girl in the world" and then you want to congratulate him for it. I find that strange.Blessed2bLDS hasn't really given much details regarding her son and future DIL so I wouldn't assume that this union is doomed before it gets started. Blessed2bLDS seems to be happy for her son and she knows their relationship better than anyone here.M.I wasn't trying to be rude and if I was I do appologize. It just seems really bittersweet. And maybe that's what I was trying to get across. It's bitter because of the marriage out of the church and sweet because it is a wonderful and joyous occasion to get married. I am sure the girl is a wonderful sweet person and obviously earn her son's love and respect. I am not doubting that. But again I applogize if I sounded rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LolaBella Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 I think its outrageous and terrible for people to be telling this woman that what her son is doing is wrong. What happened to being non judgemental and allowing agency? *sigh* I hate this about some members of the church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelLynn Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 I think its outrageous and terrible for people to be telling this woman that what her son is doing is wrong. What happened to being non judgemental and allowing agency? *sigh* I hate this about some members of the church.Again I applogize. I spoke out of turn. And it is my fault for being extremly hasty on what I said. I said I was sorry. Can the board forgive me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed2bLDS Posted January 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks everyone for all the information. I didn't think there would be a list for the civil wedding put out by the church because after all the goal is temple marriage. I have shed a million tears over him dating (she was the first) a non-member, because of all that can bring. I also get that you all don't know the whole story, so your comments do not hurt my feelings, just know that they are everything I have already said and thought and cried over. But in the end, he is my son and I love him. In the end she is the most special girl in the world and he is a different man when he is with her. She honors his priesthood and has been attending church every Sunday for three months. I will sit down and tell you all the whole story tonight. Then I think you will all see it from my perspective. I know this will end up in a temple sealing. =0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LolaBella Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Again I applogize. I spoke out of turn. And it is my fault for being extremly hasty on what I said. I said I was sorry. Can the board forgive me? Of course angel :) Altho hemi wont apologize as I dont think he is capable of thinking anyone but himself is right Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LolaBella Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks everyone for all the information. I didn't think there would be a list for the civil wedding put out by the church because after all the goal is temple marriage. I have shed a million tears over him dating (she was the first) a non-member, because of all that can bring. I also get that you all don't know the whole story, so your comments do not hurt my feelings, just know that they are everything I have already said and thought and cried over. But in the end, he is my son and I love him. In the end she is the most special girl in the world and he is a different man when he is with her. She honors his priesthood and has been attending church every Sunday for three months. I will sit down and tell you all the whole story tonight. Then I think you will all see it from my perspective. I know this will end up in a temple sealing. =0)Blessed you sound like an amazing woman. Although this should not have involved any tears if she is such a special woman!! Your son is capable of making decisions for himself as you obviously know and you are big enough to accept he is happy! Even if they never get sealed, you can be happy if your son is. And as you are having a wedding, you can make the day as unique and special for the couple as you like, and make it a day you will never forget! All the best x x x x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenRaines Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 The LDS church does put out guidelines for use of the building for civil weddings. For those who want pictures of the ceremony the ceremony needs to be held in other parts of the building that are not the chapel. If I were not getting married in the temple I would marry at the beach or the mountains. Find some natural, beautiful place. If you use nature to decorate then you don't have the expense of flowers and bows that get thrown in the trash afterwards. Ben Raines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LolaBella Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 I agree Ben, I always wanted to get married in a castle! However, why can't you get married in the chapel? Isn't that where ordinances are performed? They do in England as my husband went to a couple on his mission. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenamarie Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 I agree Ben, I always wanted to get married in a castle! However, why can't you get married in the chapel? Isn't that where ordinances are performed? They do in England as my husband went to a couple on his mission.It's if you want to have photos or videography of the wedding, it can't be done in the chapel. If you're okay with not having either of those then you can indeed have it there. :) Otherwise it has to be done in another part of the building. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenRaines Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 If I recall in England you have to have a civil ceremony before going to the temple. Someone help me here but I think I have heard that is the way it is. Civil ceremony first in England and then can go the next day to the temple if they wish. Baptism is not done in chapel, confirmation is not required to be done in chapel, blessing of babies is not required to be done in chapel, etc. Only thing done regularly in chapel is blessing of sacrament and that can be done in other places too with approval of Bishop. Ben Raines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FenderFan Posted January 17, 2009 Report Share Posted January 17, 2009 If I recall in England you have to have a civil ceremony before going to the temple. Someone help me here but I think I have heard that is the way it is. Civil ceremony first in England and then can go the next day to the temple if they wish.That's correct Ben. Most LDS weddings I have attended have been a civil ceremony in the chapel, a short reception in the cultural hall afterwards, then off to the temple the same day. But then I live just over an hours drive from the London Temple, so that makes it easy to get to. FF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmilingRedhead Posted January 17, 2009 Report Share Posted January 17, 2009 (edited) As Ben and Fender have mentioned, here in England we have the civil marriage ceremony first (required for the marriage to be legal in the eyes of the law), normally held in the Chapel. There's then the option for a reception in the cultural hall or to go elsewhere. And then off to the Temple afterwards. Some may well skip the reception and go straight to the Temple or have the reception after the Temple but I have never known anyone to do it in that order. My wedding was held in the Chapel around 10am. It was decorated nicely but not OTT with flowers and we had a musical piece whilst we were out signing the marriage documents (also required here in UK) and then afterwards we had some talks. Then we had the photos done outside with all our guests and bridesmaids etc. And then we proceeded on to a venue where we had our meal, speeches, cutting of the cake and all that. We chose not to have it in the cultural hall as we wanted it to be a bit more 'cosy' and personal. Around 5pm those of us who were going to the Temple left, and my husband and I were then sealed for eternity in the London Temple that evening. That 'setup' is very normal here in England and I can only assume that the same civil ceremony 'setup' could be used anywhere in the world within the Church. Good luck with it all. :) Edited January 17, 2009 by SmilingRedhead lingo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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