Suicide

[Nothing]

Nice! I should totally get a light box. I love the blog showing how to make your own. At the end he says "Yes, it is bright. Flee, oh demons of depression! Flee the holy light!" Letters from Lausanne: Lightbox Construction

[Finrock]

Finrock, you spelled it out very well! You and TruthSeekerToo talked about weaknesses being blessings. It seems that it would need to be a weakness that can be overcome to be a blessing at all. Let’s say I am a bit arrogant and proud. By humbling myself and overcoming that weakness, I would be stronger. Maybe that’s not a good example. What are examples of weaknesses that can make us strong?

But depression simply can’t be beat sometimes. Maybe some people are humbled by it. I have been before, but I am more bitter now. It’s been going on for 14 flippin years! I have completed one year of school. I went back to school a couple years ago and failed out of all three classes because I couldn’t hack it. I am emotionally killing my wife and I’m sure not she can cope with my moods much longer. This is not and will never be a weakness that can make me strong.

Hi Nothing (who is actually someone). Thanks for the reply. I hope you are doing well today!

I think you are right. There are some conditions that aren't cured. For instance, there are people who are blind and they remain blind for all of their life. Or, there are people who are born without limbs or any number of physical or psychological ailments, and remain so through-out their life. However, I don't think a blind person needs to be cured of blindness before their "weakness" can become a strength to them. The same is true, I believe, for any weakness that we might have. We might suffer with our weaknesses our whole life, yet through the atonement of Jesus Christ, they can be made in to strengths. I love the verse in Ether that speaks to this when Jesus says that His "grace is sufficient to all men who humble themselves before [him]" (Ether 12:27). If anything can make a weakness in to a strength, it will be the atonement of Jesus Christ. His grace is sufficient for all things.

Like I said before, I don't really know much and I'm probably wrong on this point as well, but it seems to me, at least from my experience, that our ailments, our infirmities, are only weaknesses if we succumb to them and allow them to destroy our faith, our hope, and our love of God. Of course, you know your trials and you know your own suffering and I only share my thoughts in the hope that perhaps, in some small way, they may be for your benefit.

Kind Regards,

Finrock

[RachelleDrew]

Ah suicide. Too many bad memories.

I have severe Bi-Polar disorder as does my husband. We have both been hospitalized, evaluated, medicated, etc. time and time again. I was near being institutionalized by my parents they were so frustrated and lacking options.

Most of the time suicidal thoughts are a result of depression, and i've dealt with that as many others have in this thread. However, there are other roots of suicide that I dealt with. The biggest one being mania.

I'm not sure if you know what it means to be "manic" but the best way I can describe it would be giving a kid with ADHD cocaine and strapping them onto a roller coaster upside down. Your thoughts are incoherent, and while you aren't unhappy you are so overcome with your senses that cannot function properly. On days that I was REALLY manic I had visual and auditory hallucinations. I tried to kill myself a couple of times because I thought I was God and that I could bring myself back to life. A couple of other times I wanted to kill myself because in a moment of mania-induced paranoia I thought i was being followed by the government. There is nothing selfish or self-absorbed about it because you really don't know what in the world you are doing.

My husband went through the same thing. He now has a problem with his kidneys because he drank a few bottles of wood cleaner trying to "wash out" a person he thought was living in his stomach. He was conscious enough to know that it would harm him, but he was so desperate to stop the voices in his head that he didn't care.

While it's more rare, psychosis can happen in individuals with severe depression too. Not just Bi-Polar or Schizophrenia.

Moral of the story? In a lot of situations the person in question has no idea of what they are doing, they aren't even aware of the consequences of their actions.

[spiritseeker]

I too think that suicide is a tool of the devil. He wants to destroy Heavenly Fathers children and what is the final defeat but to kill one of his children.....

Now speaking from a personal standpoint .... When I was 22 yrs old I did try to committ suicide. It is nothing I am proud of but it happened. What alot of people don't understand is suicide isn't a "whim" thing. The majority of peoples who committ suicide or attempt have been hurting for a very long time.... and it begins with a thought and progresses till you finally muster the courage to do it..... The vast majority of the other people I met in the Hospital I was placed in after my suicide attempt had problems ranging from depression, abuse issues and other such things. Someone who attempts to kill themselves feels as if they can no longer live with the pain.... And whats saddest is the lack of compassion on the part of many religions towards those who do attempt or succeed with suicide. I can't see a compassionate God being anything but accepting of his children who hurt so bad that they felt there was no other way to stop their pain. I came from a background where I was put on church probation because of my attempt. I was all but shunned for it..... That certainly didn't help in making me feel better about myself....

I don't know if this is what you were asking but I tried.....

[sister_in_faith]

For anyone who is having medical problems (including suicidiality) and they have not been able to find a reason or a cure. Stay in there. Keep going to the doctor for ALL your symptoms. It took years for them to find my brain tumor (centered in the area of memory and emotion), and then recently it was a fluke discussion with my pharmacist that found out that drinking grapefruit juice (which was all I drank) will wack your medications out.

On being suicidal... you are not alone. It is not because we are bad (my stake president and bishop told me that they do not feel the need for me to necessarily repent for things that happen when I am having an episode, and they directly forbade me to ever not take sacrament because of it!) or lack faith. I like to think that in the premortal I was so strong with who I was, and confident in myself, and sure in my strength and faith, that in order for this life to be a true challenge they had to strip that away from me. I realize that may not be true, but it makes me thankful for all my trials.

You are not alone. Sick with it! Rember God is with you through all the good times, and he walks with you through the valleys too. You are NEVER alone.

[Nothing]

Finrock, you totally owned me! It's totally true that there are many weeknesses that don't go away. I probably engage in self-pity when I think about these things. I want to throw this out anyway. Thinks like being blind, deaf, paralyzed, or many other such things do not necessary affect the mind so people generally have the ability to choose how they handle the situation. With depression, the brain itself can be out of whack so a person has less emotional control over the situation. That seems pretty crappy. I would absolutely give both of my legs to get rid of depression.

EDIT: I would like to mention that it's really my fault because my drug use as a teenager messed me up.

[HEthePrimate]

Finrock, you totally owned me! It's totally true that there are many weeknesses that don't go away. I probably engage in self-pity when I think about these things. I want to throw this out anyway. Thinks like being blind, deaf, paralyzed, or many other such things do not necessary affect the mind so people generally have the ability to choose how they handle the situation. With depression, the brain itself can be out of whack so a person has less emotional control over the situation. That seems pretty crappy. I would absolutely give both of my legs to get rid of depression.

EDIT: I would like to mention that it's really my fault because my drug use as a teenager messed me up.

My friend, please do not blame yourself for your depression. That will only make it worse. As for having used drugs as a teen, have you heard of "dual diagnosis?" Ask your doctor about it, but it's when a person has both drug addiction and another mental illness (like depression). It's quite possible that you used drugs as a coping mechanism for dealing with depression, in order to feel better. In any case, whatever caused the depression, it's no use beating yourself up over it.

Just FYI, physical disabilities can lead people to depression, too. Being paralyzed or blind can really suck, so it only makes sense a person could become depressed, even if their brain chemistry is normal. However, you are right that depression is less understood. Some people, due to their ignorance, think there's no reason for a person to be depressed if they do not have any obvious physical problems. That's really sad because they sometimes say some pretty hurtful things to those who have a mental illness. Such is the stigma.

I wish you the best--please see a doctor (or keep seeing them if you already are). They often CAN help, and you can have a better life.

(((Peace)))

HEP

P.S. Oh, and also contact your local chapter of the National Association of the Mentally Ill (NAMI). They can give you some great support, information, and connect you to resources.

Edited April 23, 2009 by HEthePrimate

[Guest missingsomething]

Hey you all, I am knew here. So I have been a bit suicidal lately. Don't freak out - I am not Twittering during an actually suicide attempt. There is no imminent danger here.

Why do some people have suicidal thoughts? Don't most people fight like crazy to prolong their life as long as possible? I have struggled with suicidal urges for about 14 years. I don't know what to do.

EDIT!: I would like to focus on suicide in general. I appreciate everyone's thoughts, but I don't need any more suggestions (therapy, drugs). I did write "I don't know what to do" so it's totally understandable the topic went that direction.

Understanding how the brain functions, how hormones effect your moods, and knowing your circumstances all lead to a greater understanding of "why do some people have suicidal thoughts.". Ultimately, I think Satan has a lot to do with this. His goal is to steal your life and hurt you spiritually. I dont think you are uncommon -I think many people suffering with depression or other anxieties or disorders suffer with this and some try to act upon it. It does not, in my opinion, mean that you are weak, spiritually inferior, or less of a person.

Everyone has their own struggles. I would just say to you - keep trudging... keep praying and when you feel the darkest, remember - there is light there - Christ will not leave you alone. Remember, he says his yoke is light and he can bear your burden. This wouldnt have been included in the scriptures if struggles and hardships were supposed to be part of this life.

Good luck friend... just keep trudging.... little by little.

EDIT: Oh oh... and my fave. new thing to say to myself... "Come what may and be Happy". Change what you can, pray about what you cant... and smile even if you dont feel like it.

Edited April 23, 2009 by missingsomething

[Hemidakota]

If not all whisperings of suggestions are given the minions of Lucifer, then we look within from those intelligences coexist with us.

[Maya]

Sometimes the world just can come tumbling down all around you and there is nothing you can do about it and it is not really your business, but you are right in it. Mine did and I was right in it.

If I had not had my sons I would not be here today. I tought of them coming home and finding me in a pool of blood... and them beeing all alone in this world... I hit the knife on the kitchen bench, the mark is stil there, unless they have changed the board. If nothing else so taking care of my sons was worth living. Actually I never told this to anyone. I did not dare, I was afraid they would take me away from my sons.

I was driving very recklesly even on ice... except when I had someone else with me. I really wanted home and I still do.

I was busy with my work, so I did not have too much time to think. Then I lost the work thanks to some misunderstndings.. deliberate from the leaders side, and goships. I was too worn out to fight for it and they did not believe me anyway!

A new work after a few years was not much better. Maybe someone here know how women play the game. Anyway here the game is: I say this... you figure out what I mean! Last time they told I was not doing my hours, now I worked too much extra! First half year they did not know how to thank me enough... then the leadership changed and suddenly everythign I did and had done was wrong... Possibly someone knew someone who knew someone who "knew" something, but they would never admitt it ... It was too much, I hanged my mittens in a nail, as they say here. I just hope I get on pension I am just all worn out.

Life is ok now, but I lost my happyness. I love my work on the internett; the cybermisionarywork. My family is doing ok. Happy things are happening, but I have this ace inside of me, that I never can get rid of, not even when people think I am happy. When I think how I was before, I feel that I somehow dont feel anything anymore. I know I should be happy, but I cant. I quess I am afraid to be happy, so I do not loose it again, what made me happy.

I am glad I can go to the Temple and do the work and enjoy the quietness. I like to go to the church.

Anyway I am doing my work on the internett fearlessly and I dont apologise for doing apologeticwork! So if you have sore toes, keep them out of way! I dont shoot with blanks!

[Hemidakota]

Hopefully, I did not offend you Maya. It was not my intent to offend anyone here but to add some additional clarity for unanswered questions of why some of “us” had suffered in the past and what was gained from those painful experiences, if it was not Lucifer’s minions as the culprit.

Simply, we are not alone within this human mortal frame and glad this is true. It does answers many other questions, what I consider very important in where we are in the midst of this so-called eternal progression. This mortal body does not operate on the principle of one intelligence is running the show alone but surrounded by those who are lesser but important to us intelligences. I do refer this as a symbiotic relationship.

In the past here, in an attempt to answers some questions about roles of intelligences, progression, but Tom pointed me to a talk by Cleon Skousen’s. [Article link: The Atonement, by Cleon Skousen reperiendi ] article called The Atonement. Amazing, what he stated is exactly what I had learned and finally realize and experienced. Not wasting in repeating someone else’s eloquent article, worthy reading for those who are spiritually mature enough to understand its true gravity of the content.

I had in past stated, when we learn how neurons truly operate, we will begin to grasp our own understanding the title termed CHRIST and our universe.

Again, accept my deepest apology my beloved sister and friend.

http://i.azjmp.com/0SbSY http://i.azjmp.com/0SbSY

Edited April 23, 2009 by Hemidakota

[Maya]

Dont worry Hemi No offence taken. I understand that we are all different, we say and write different things out of our experiences. My experience is quite a lot different I think as most... as my wish to terminate my life had not really anything to do with what I had done or my brain.. not then anyway, now I would not be so sure

Anyway what irks me most is the lost time! I am pretty sure there was something extracpecial ment for someone to do who was involved ... maybe one of my sons, maybe ... and what happened was very close to destroy it all, maybe even did. I can see now clarely the work of the devil in it. And at least I am giving him a bad time and a good fight for my beliefs! My DH is more or less crushed and I dont think he has strength to give a good fight any more, but he is doing what he can, like templework. My sons, I hope they will be good Helamans young men, my daughters are lost at the moment, but they have their own wills and they do accordingly. We have taught them the right and they may stil one day choose the right.

You know what, sometimes when I have written a good answer to someone especially those out of church or get a thump up,... I almost feel happy!:)

Edited April 23, 2009 by Maya

[Madriglace]

Having been watching this thread I have just one thing to add to all the wonderful advise already given. Don't set yourself up to fail ... If you can only set a goal for an hour that's good enough. I am on the up side of a horrible bout of depression and some days my goal was to get out of bed ... that's it ... it was all I could do. Dealing with the depression for me made me see that I can't do it alone and forced me to lean on the Savior for help ... I am such a control freak about my life that I have a real problem letting anyone help ... I figure I should be able to handle it myself. And you know He was just waiting for me to ask for help ... and it was there immediately .. it wasn't what I thought it would be and I didn't recognize it for months as the help I had asked for but it was there and it literally saved my life. Things are so much better now but it hasn't been easy and I still have down times. Do what you can ... but make you goals reachable. They don't have to be big just doable.

[Nothing]

HEtheprimate, I am familiar with dual diagnoses. In fact, I was a data analyst for the State Division of Substance Abuse and Mental Health. I believe I had some depression as a young teenager and when I first used pot at age 15 it was a panacea. Of course, it only made things worse in the long run.

[Nothing]

"My DH is more or less crushed and I dont think he has strength to give a good fight any more, but he is doing what he can, like templework."

Maya, what do you mean about your husband being crushed? What has crushed him? That sounds sad! If he is going to the temple, though, that is something.

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