There should be a forum on marriage

[bcguy]

Being single is one thing, being married is another.

I cannot tell you all the great difficulties I have had since being sealed/married with my current wife. She is controlling, saying "that is my tv,computer, you WILL do this or YOU will do that. She suffers from social anxiety and has threatened to divorce me at least 300 times in our marriage.

Actually, she talks to them just fine, but will not get up on the stage and do talks..she said she will through up and get very very nervous.

She comes from a LDS family parents that have been fighting for 40 years. She say parents were very verbally abusive and they contently fought.

Not once, have I heard the parents say to there adult children "I love you" or each other.

Mom is very paranoid and never leaves the house unattended since it was broken into a decade ago. Front door of the house has a 2x4 preventing people from coming in the front.

I don't think I can go on with this.

Seems all the adult kids have some kind of strange issue but the second youngest does not. She was adopted and do not have there genetics. She is the nicest of the bunch.

Opinions?

Edited June 1, 2009 by bcguy

[prospectmom]

ok you did not know any of this before you married????? I am sad to hear your distress... I will have to think on this one.

[john doe]

You'll inevitably find problems and strange things in every family, whether they are yours by birth or marriage. Marriage is not a 50%-50% deal, it is 100%-100%. I believe that when both spouses are putting everything they have into their marriage, the marriage will not fail. It can't. My suggestion is you talk to your bishop and counsel with him. You should also probably see a marriage counselor, preferably an LDS one, perhaps your bishop can help you with that. If there is an LDS Social Services office near you with counselors they can be a real blessing.

[Dravin]

Counseling? Possible medication (or more counseling) for the social anxiety?

[bcguy]

Its genetic, her mom has it but worse. Grown daughter who lives with mom wants nothing to do with men.

her mom is paranoid. Can swear ever time I come over some conversation comes up and the first words out of her mouth is "you will kill your self" grief! she will rattle on about earthquakes or what not. Its getting to the point where I will not talk about any subject with her except general conversation. My mom met her and said "she is extreem" well that means paranoid.

Im the opposite. I can chace a tornado, climb rocks, ski, drive fast down a hill in non development area. Ive rode my bike off a ramp...and yes, almost died doing a back flip landing on my head.

Im not a nut case, just like to have fun but that was when I was young. Ive slowed down now.

My wife refuses to have kids "we cannot afford them" then haves a nervous breakdown saying its to late! I cannot have kids, you are my personal He$$.

This is her third or forth nervous breakdown on me in our marriage.

Part of the issue is my income. Did have a decent job but she said, even that is not good enough.

She said earlier in our marriage "I wont make a good mother" and then she put her head down.

She is really nice to everyone, only because she said "I HATE it when I am not in control" or "I hate it when I am embarrassed"

So you can see what im up against.

other then that, she is relatively smart and a hard worker at work.

[Moksha]

I'm the opposite. I can chase a tornado, climb rocks, ski, drive fast down a hill in non development area. I've rode my bike off a ramp...and yes, almost died doing a back flip landing on my head.

I think we now have a bit better understanding as to why you would do these things.

Hey, best of luck. :)

[talisyn]

I'm willing to bet she's acting this way because she's convinced you will leave because she doesn't feel she deserves to be in a happy place, so she's striking out as a form of control. I'm sorry you're in this position, but think of the reasons why you married her. Her good is still good, she just needs a little boost, probably with the help of a counselor. I remember being like this with my first bf. I was convinced he was going to dump me because I was so far on the wrong side of the tracks you couldn't even see them so I was snarly and angry and a bit uppity, I'm sorry to say. This attitude can be overcome!

Not everything can be solved with a hug and a kiss....but maybe lots of hugs and lots of kisses and very thick skin can save the day

[pam]

so I was snarly and angry and a bit uppity

Say it isn't so. I can not even believe that.

[Carter]

How long was your engagement, it seems like there should have bee warning signs earlier. How long have you been married? Have you looked to get couples therapy? What do you do to contribute to her problems? It seems like you may want to work on your communication skills with each other. Maybe moving away from her family would do everyone some good!

[Wingnut]

There is a forum on marriage. Several, in fact:

Preserving Marriage between a man and a woman - LDS Mormon Forums

Parenting - LDS Mormon Forums (not directly marriage, but related)

Family - LDS Mormon Forums (again, related)

There is also an advice forum: Advice Board - LDS Mormon Forums

[bcguy]

we have been married 10 years. We are mature older adults but these issues happen to other people.

Wife can just get unglued some times. One she wanted me to pack my bags because I did not want to take some anti depressant pills. I have been feeling great! Part of my depression comes from her. well she blew her top...packed my bags and told me to stay in a hotel that night because I ignored her on taking a tiny pill! Never seen anyone blow up like that. But that's her at times.