Life changes fast. Need advice.

[Good Days Last]

*Hopefully a clearer and condensed version is at the bottom :)

Back in December, I enlisted to join the Army. At the time I was working a full time courier job and making decent money. I quickly realized the Army was not the right decision and I did not ship out.

Due to me thinking I was leaving, I had to give up my full time shift and was relegated to working part time until I left. After I made the decision to stay, I was thankfully able to hop back on with the courier service as part time.

I was okay with this while living at home and waiting for something full time to open up again.

A couple months ago, my mom informed me that her and my dad would be splitting up. They got married in the temple at least 20 years ago, and it's a pretty devastating thing to go through. From the sound of it, my dad will be making his way back home to Arizona and my mom might be heading to a different town to settle down in. This leaves me in a particular situation.

I'm 21 years old. I have a girlfriend in California (5 hours away) that is currently taking the missionary lessons and whom I love. The kicker with her is that I met her online and I've only been down to see her three times but we've been dating since March and have been talking regularly since last fall.

I'm debating whether to marry this girl and possibly trying the military again with another service.

If that were to be the case, it wouldn't be in the temple and she would most likely move here to a slightly better economy, but with no jobs in sight.

I don't want to move with either parent. That would entail me having to completely uproot, find a new job and cope with being even further away from a girl that I hardly see enough as it is. I don't know what to do anymore. The company I work for has an office in Salt Lake. I've been debating whether to apply for their full time openings (and if I should be fortunate enough to get a full time position) finding someone to bum off of for a month while I get my footing.

The condensed version:

• Parents are splitting up.
• Debating on marrying a girl I don't see enough
• If I do marry her, I would most likely look into joining the Coast Guard to ease the financial problems we would face.
• Working part time and looking for more work
• Thinking about moving to Salt Lake if there is work to be had

I'm just lost and I think the jumble of words that's in this post reflects that.

Any advice to those that understood would be greatly appreciated, especially coming from the LDS background.

[Hemidakota]

Make a sincere effort in fasting and prayer for help and guidance. You maybe surprise on what you feel is right may not be God's will.

[Good Days Last]

What does the church say about living with a girlfriend/boyfriend?

I know it's extremely frowned upon, but is there anything more?

[Hemidakota]

The word is NO!!!! It is not what the church thinks but what the Lord thinks.

Elder Lowell Bennion, in his article called "The A, B, Cs of Dating" stated this with someone you think of marrying for eternally -

When you find yourself someday thinking and talking seriously about a fellow, and before you make any final promises, go to your Father in heaven in prayer and ask him to help you make a decision. Marriage is the most important step a girl who marries takes in life. Why pray about anything if not about marriage? Pray, and do not marry without a feeling of assurance inspired from on high.

Edited June 25, 2009 by Hemidakota

[talisyn]

What does the church say about living with a girlfriend/boyfriend?

I know it's extremely frowned upon, but is there anything more?

I'm thinking that you're thinking it's going to be all friends and platonic and stuff until you get your own place...just remember the best way to repent is to not do it in the first place. Oh and stay away from temptation also works great, try it!

[ViolinGirl]

Here are my thoughts. The girlfriend...Don't take this the wrong way, but you hardly know her. It might feel like you do, but you don't. You've barely spent any time in person with her. She is taking missionary lessons, which means she's planning on going on a mission, right? Why not give yourself some more time to think about marrying her and pray about it? Give her the time she needs to go and serve God and give yourself some time to get settled and start a firm foundation for your life. You shouldn't marry her unless you can provide for her. If she's meant for you, she'll be around when your life has calmed down. I'm not a supporter of people getting married just to help solve some problems in life. I think that marrying her right now would lead to regrets and it would certainly add even more stress to your life.

Your parents' divorce is an unfortunate situation to find yourself involved in. However, you can take this and turn it into something positive. You are at an age where you are old enough to care for yourself. I'm sure your parents will be able to help you move out into an apartment of your own and I'm sure they'll help you until you get on your feet financially. I think you're in panic mode at the moment and all you see are the 'what-ifs.' It's scary to be 21, when reality hits and you realize you're an adult. Responsibility can be scary, but it can also be a fantastic thing. This is the beginning of your life...go live it.

As far as a job is concerned, have faith that God will provide for you. Pray about where He wants you to be...and listen to what He tells you. You might be surprised where He leads you. Take one situation at a time and prioritize...job first, place to live second, girlfriend last.

[Wingnut]

What does the church say about living with a girlfriend/boyfriend?

I know it's extremely frowned upon, but is there anything more?

1) I don't think the OP said anything about living with his girlfriend.

2) The Church does not approve of co-habitation, especially when sexual relations are involved.

Here are my thoughts. The girlfriend...Don't take this the wrong way, but you hardly know her. It might feel like you do, but you don't. You've barely spent any time in person with her.

I completely concur.

She is taking missionary lessons, which means she's planning on going on a mission, right?

No, it means she's meeting with the missionaries, learning about the Church and hopefully progressing toward baptism.

[Gwen]

The condensed version:

• Parents are splitting up.
• Debating on marrying a girl I don't see enough
• If I do marry her, I would most likely look into joining the Coast Guard to ease the financial problems we would face.
• Working part time and looking for more work
• Thinking about moving to Salt Lake if there is work to be had

off the top of my head....

my parents divorced just shy of 30 yrs. it can be hard. not much you can do there so just try to deal and cope with it.

personally i wouldn't recommend marrying a girl you don't get to see enough. if you have to move anyway why not move closer and date properly before making that kind of a decision. give yourself the best chance you can at a healthy marriage before you get married, otherwise getting married will be one of the easier decisions to make in life (especially if you have kids).

if you move then the looking for work there would be the issue, as for joining the coast guard, if you delay the marriage you would have time to stabilize some work and decide if that is really what you want.

not sure i followed the salt lake thing, but then i've never had a desire to live there so.... maybe that's just over my head. lol

[Mahone]

1) I don't think the OP said anything about living with his girlfriend.

He is the OP.

[Wingnut]

Oh, and one more thing. YOU'RE ONLY 21!!!! DON'T GET MARRIED! (yet)

[Wingnut]

He is the OP.

Duh. I'm an idiot.

[Misshalfway]

Sounds to me like marriage is a premature topic for your relationship. I think it would be much wiser to find a way to spend more time face to face with her and see how your relationship progresses. Leave marriage talk for later. You need to establish yourself as an individual first, not to mention learning a lot more about this girl and her family, etc etc.

And it sounds like you have a lot on your plate with regards to the divorce. Is it that you need to find a place to live and you don't know where to go right now? Don't set up house with a girl, just cause you need a place to stay. Are you kinda trying to kill two birds with one stone? I don't see wisdom in that.

Something will pan out. God, if you seek him, will show you solutions to your problems.

[Moksha]

The condensed version:

• If I do marry her, I would most likely look into joining the Coast Guard to ease the financial problems we would face.
• Thinking about moving to Salt Lake if there is work to be had.

For what it is worth, almost all the coastal region of the Great Salt Lake is unguarded.

BTW, the others here seem to give good advice.

:)

[Guest Alana]

When I was first out on my own and making minimum wage, renting a room, not a whole apartment was a very good step. I rented from a friends mother. I also know people who share houses with others from church (same sex). The idea of living with a girlfriend is a very bad one. Sexual temptation is so strong and if you put yourself in the wrong situation it is pretty much impossible to overcome. No matter what state you're in, you can find an affordable room to rent. This might buy you time to figure out what you want to do, or to stay in an area waiting for more full time employment. Just because your parents are splitting up, doesn't mean you need to make all these huge decisions (changing state, marriage, job, military) right this moment. Bid your time and think some more. Interested opportunities might come your way. I sound like a fortune cookie lol.