One little problem....

[RJMX393]

Hello everyone,

This is my first post on here and i need some advice. I am !* years old and i just took my first discussion today. I am so excited and anxious to be involved in the churchbut there is only one small problem.. I live at home still and my parents do not agree with my faith. they do not know i am interested in the church or even taking the discussions.

Any advice on how to tell them or handle the situation so there are little to no bad feelings or issues??

THANK YOU!!!

Edited July 8, 2009 by RJMX393

[Aeternum]

yanno i had this same thing happen to me, only my mum told me (& the missionaries) flat out no. only not as politely as that. the only thing i could do, being that i wasn't 18 yet, was continue going to church to keep my faith, spirit & testimony alive & wait till i turned the big "way legal now". keep coming to forums where u can speak out & get support for days when u will definitly need it, good on u for having the strength to strike out on ur own & go for wt YOU feel is right.

one day u will look back on this & realise how much it actually strengthened u. *hugs* hang in there. (yanno, these smilies are seriously making my day ... )

[RJMX393]

ya well im not even allowed to go to church. it is so very frustrating because the gospel makes me so happy and i wish i could feel it openly and go to church and just be myself.

I'm scared to tell them to be honest. i am not sure how they will react and and i dont want to find out. i wish this was easy! i want this to be a happy time in my life, not one with memories of family issues...

[Aeternum]

aw, i really hope u can overcome this trial. as a parent though - i think the best thing u can do is simply tell them how u feel. write out everything u want to tell them, let them know before u start that u want them to let u finish - not interruptions - then lay it out on the table. be sure to let them know that it makes u happy. ur not "brainwashed" or "doing it for some crush" - this is all u. i feel for u sweets n wish i could offer more help - but u feel free to message me when & if u tell ur parents, even if its just to have a good cry. and remember though - Heavenly Father knows every single little thing u are going through & went through this too, so He can help u when u pray to Him. ask for some peace during this time. *hugs* so much for using the 'quick reply' option. i just wrote a novel. ugh. (but u stay safe hon. & the best of luck to u - and only good thoughts!)

[cullenh]

I am a convert to the church and having been raised Catholic my family did not react well at all to it.... main suggestion is the pray, fast if possible, read scriptures, stay strong and put it in HF's hands !!!! we are all here for you so keep us posted!!

[FunkyTown]

Cullen's right. This is something that won't be easy, but it'll be worth it. My family didn't react well at all, nor did my friends if I'm to be honest. It's okay. We've got broad shoulders.

[Maya]

Welcome to the netside. My advice is visit this netside OFTEN and read a lot about the church and then when you finally move out... become 100% attendie! God knows what you want in your heart. It will be ok, but be extra careful not to fall into temptaions. And if you do remeber Jesus died for ALL out sins.

Hugs!

[Elphaba]

This is my first post on here and i need some advice. I am !* years old and i just took my first discussion today. I am so excited and anxious to be involved in the churchbut there is only one small problem.. I live at home still and my parents do not agree with my faith. they do not know i am interested in the church or even taking the discussions.

Did the missionaries know you don't have your parents' permission? I could be wrong, and someone correct me if I am, but I don't think they're supposed to give you the lessons without their permission, given you're a minor.

I think the letter idea is a good one. You could explain how the gospel resonates with you, and ask them, gently, if you can continue the lessons. If it doesn't go well, you may have to accept that for now. I've seen where fighting this makes things worse in the long run.

In the meantime, people here would be a great support for you. You could also still talk to missionaries at lds.org, though I'm a little hesitant telling you that. I respect your desires, but I respect your parent's stewardship over you right now as well. But it might help you feel more connected.

Be patient with them, and perhaps if they see you are still serious once some time has passed, they'll realize it is not just a fleeting thing.

Elphaba

Edit: I think I misunderstood and thought you were a minor. So, just ignore most of this post. :)

Edited July 8, 2009 by Elphaba

[Hemidakota]

Hello everyone,

This is my first post on here and i need some advice. I am !* years old and i just took my first discussion today. I am so excited and anxious to be involved in the churchbut there is only one small problem.. I live at home still and my parents do not agree with my faith. they do not know i am interested in the church or even taking the discussions.

Any advice on how to tell them or handle the situation so there are little to no bad feelings or issues??

THANK YOU!!!

You are of age, make the call! The question you need to ask yourself, is this gospel more important than anything in this world?

[Hemidakota]

Did the missionaries know you don't have your parents' permission? I could be wrong, and someone correct me if I am, but I don't think they're supposed to give you the lessons without their permission, given you're a minor.

I think the letter idea is a good one. You could explain how the gospel resonates with you, and ask them, gently, if you can continue the lessons. If it doesn't go well, you may have to accept that for now. I've seen where fighting this makes things worse in the long run.

In the meantime, people here would be a great support for you. You could also still talk to missionaries at lds.org, though I'm a little hesitant telling you that. I respect your desires, but I respect your parent's stewardship over you right now as well. But it might help you feel more connected.

Be patient with them, and perhaps if they see you are still serious once some time has passed, they'll realize it is not just a fleeting thing.

Elphaba

Being 18-years old, he is accountability and does not need any permission.

[Hemidakota]

RJMX393, any relations to the Sloan clan? :)

[RJMX393]

Sloan clan? sorry i dont understand.

And thank you so much everyone for the support i really appreciate all of the advice.

It is a tough situation. and i could use all of the prayers you could give me! thank you!!!!

[mlbrowninwa]

Hi there RJMX393. Welcome to the site. As a recent convert myself(and really past 18) i can tell you that you will face some trials following your faith. For the most part most of my family have supported me. Good friends have as well. My wife has had a hard time with it, but I have put that in Heavenly Father's hands and I'm sure it will work out. Enduring the trials are worth it. The church has changed my life. Keep the faith and follow him.

[RJMX393]

how did any of you bring it up to your families??

[freckleface]

Welcome. I, too, am a convert to the church. It wasn't easy for me to share with my family and friends the decision I had made either. I told them AFTER my baptism. I got some shocked faces, a few gasps and some rather negative feedback, but, I lived and so did they. It was my life and I was going to do what I wanted. I have no regrets.

I hope you'll follow your heart. :)

[Wingnut]

!* is not very specific. If you are over 18, then you do not need your parents' permission to meet with the missionaries, attend church, or be baptized. However, they might kick you out of the house if you continue against their wishes, so be prepared to be on your own. If you are under 18, then you should have parental consent prior to continuing any of the above mentioned activities. While I don't believe there is an actual rule to that effect, it's a general practice, and a courtesy. It's also helpful to keep in mind that the Church builds families up, and tries to unite them for eternity; it does not wish to divide or destroy them while still on earth.

[Seanette]

I wasn't about to give my mother any say in the matter, given her history of physical violence against me over any desire on my part to have anything to do with religion (OK, so she quit that when I hit 18, and I was 24 at time of conversion. My father had died when I was 10). My position was and is, "this is what I know to be true, and I need to follow that knowledge and my conscience. It's up to you whether to accept that I am an intelligent adult and respect my free will". If I'd given her any opportunity to do so, I'd have been dealing with some serious emotional assault (and even with the "this is how it is", which is what works on her, she's still sniping behind my back to other relatives. Thankfully, they're all tolerant enough to respect my judgment).

Edited July 10, 2009 by Seanette
adding info

[freckleface]

Forgot to add that my family sees were raising a boy up to be a fine young man, we do a lot of activities together as a family, we learn about Heavenly Father's love and blessings from going to church, Boy Scouts, friends etc. They see that it hasn't been this threatening "thing" they thought it would be.

Having come from a family with divorce, drinking, and some pretty neurotic behavior, I've never understood the disconnect with the LDS faith since it holds families so high. There's a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding that goes along with a family member joining the church. Possibly for some when they step outside the comfort zone of what is considered normal it can shake things up a bit. However, in time, I think they see that it's nothing to be afraid of. In fact it's a good thing.

[Generally_Me]

The wonderful thing about being a young adult: you get to choose your own life! The terrible thing: many people choose wrongly. However, rather than hitting beer ongs and driving drunk, you are choosing to bring the gospel of Christ into your life, a "strict" doctrine that means you won't self-harm, with drinking or smoking or tattoos.

I would suggest sitting down with them in a "family meeting" to break the news. And you might start with "I have been looking for God and I found a religion I feel comfortable with. They believe in God and Jesus and baptism, in personal prayer and revelation." In other words, explain a little of the gospel before you state what church it actually is. and if needed (and appropriate) use the argument/explanation I typed out. They may get mad, but you cannot. You must stay Christlike and humble, or they will get a poor impression of how the church has affected you, however unreasonable it is.

You may want to have moving-out plans, if they do say "I won't have a mormon in my home".

Good luck! And know there are people out here who support your decision!