im losing my faith and im so confused

[sophiestevensonsamsontoby]

I'm a new member of the church and myself and 2 daughters was baptized on the 8th of march this year. i feel very confused and i'm beginning to wonder if what i am doing is right i feel like i am at a cross roads in my life and i dont see a clear path i am a single mum and i feel lonely for adult company recently i asked the bishop if he could recomend me for my patriarchal blessing as i thought this would show me that our heavenly father is with me and he does have a plan for my life but when i had my blessing i was very disapointed the only thing i can rember about it was that our heavenly father said he wants me to teach the gosspile and to be a leader he said that he will bless me with the right words to say but the one thing that keeps going over in my head is our heavenly fathers advise to me on listning to the quite voice i pray often and ask our heavenly father for guidence but no matter how hard i try to listnen for answers i dont hear the quite voice so this as lead me to think that maybe there isnt a god after all or if there is he doesnt want to know me i was hoping for some direction but i dont feel i have it i am not clever and no way able to teach let alone lead i feel that my life is just a waste of time and i have asked our heavenly father if he will take me back to live with him but my prayers are not answered i tell myself if there is a god then he would see how lonely i am and how much of a strugle i am having and he would allow me to go back to him i also tell myself if we chose to come down here why when we ask to go back will god not allow us too i look at my life and although i have children i feel it is not worth while im bored and lonely and confused i feel there is not a possibility of me finding someone who will love me i tell myself the only way im going to be able to have a boyfriend is if im no longer apart of the church coz it would be to difficult while im a member as not only would i need to find someone who is happy to take on children but also that he must be a member and i find this impossible at my age of 40 my daughters dont want me to leave the church and i dont want to disapoint them i do love being apart of the church but im not sure if being there is the right thing for me unless i can get my faith back im so confused and i was wondering if there is any other members that have felt like this.

[FunkyTown]

I'm a new member of the church and myself and 2 daughters was baptized on the 8th of march this year. i feel very confused and i'm beginning to wonder if what i am doing is right i feel like i am at a cross roads in my life and i dont see a clear path i am a single mum and i feel lonely for adult company recently i asked the bishop if he could recomend me for my patriarchal blessing as i thought this would show me that our heavenly father is with me and he does have a plan for my life but when i had my blessing i was very disapointed the only thing i can rember about it was that our heavenly father said he wants me to teach the gosspile and to be a leader he said that he will bless me with the right words to say but the one thing that keeps going over in my head is our heavenly fathers advise to me on listning to the quite voice i pray often and ask our heavenly father for guidence but no matter how hard i try to listnen for answers i dont hear the quite voice so this as lead me to think that maybe there isnt a god after all or if there is he doesnt want to know me i was hoping for some direction but i dont feel i have it i am not clever and no way able to teach let alone lead i feel that my life is just a waste of time and i have asked our heavenly father if he will take me back to live with him but my prayers are not answered i tell myself if there is a god then he would see how lonely i am and how much of a strugle i am having and he would allow me to go back to him i also tell myself if we chose to come down here why when we ask to go back will god not allow us too i look at my life and although i have children i feel it is not worth while im bored and lonely and confused i feel there is not a possibility of me finding someone who will love me i tell myself the only way im going to be able to have a boyfriend is if im no longer apart of the church coz it would be to difficult while im a member as not only would i need to find someone who is happy to take on children but also that he must be a member and i find this impossible at my age of 40 my daughters dont want me to leave the church and i dont want to disapoint them i do love being apart of the church but im not sure if being there is the right thing for me unless i can get my faith back im so confused and i was wondering if there is any other members that have felt like this.

It's very normal for someone to experience what you're feeling at some point.

Everyone, at some point in their life, will feel what you're feeling - Lost, lonely, afraid.

If I can, though, I'm seeing a pattern here:

1) You're lonely and bored - This is normal. You're a single mother, with daughters to raise. You look at all these seemingly perfect families and, if I were to hazard a guess, you feel like many other new members do: You feel like their situations are so far removed from yours that you wonder if you can ever have their lives.

2) You have talked about 'Going home' to Heavenly Father. Despite clearly having daughters who love you, you have talked about wanting to die. This is a clear sign of depression - Something that, when we wallow in it, can prevent us from feeling the spirit.

Your Daughters clearly love you and I'm certain the members do, too. You deserve better than that. What you might need, for the moment, is medication to help you through this rough patch. I know that's something you might not want to hear, but I can promise you that I've seen the night and day difference medication might make.

When we're depressed, we tend to justify how we're feeling. We think, 'How could I be happy when (x) is happening in my life?' - I'm sure you've felt this before. Think past this haze and curse you're experiencing, this 'Black Dog' of depression that I can feel in every word I read. You deserve better. :)

How old are your daughters? If they're the right age, you might talk to them and say what you're feeling and they can help bring you to get help. They love you. :)

[sophiestevensonsamsontoby]

Thankyou for your advise my daughters are 17 and 13 and my sons are 7 and 6 i do love them dearly and i feel angry with myself that i would rather not be here i have spoken to my gp 3 times about how deppressed i feel and about how many a night i pray to god before i sleep asking him if he will take me back but then i wake up and it makes me feel one of 2 things if god was really there he would know how i feel and would let me go back to him and secondly if he is is true and loves me then he wouldnt want me to feel like this i have felt depressed lonely and that there is no porpuse to my life for a long time which is why i thought having my patriarchal blessing would make me see things diffrently my gp has put me on some slimming pills because i am desparate to lose weight he tells me if he gives me some anti deppressents they have side effects that will make me put on weight so he would rather not do that im so confused because i feel if i stay in the church i will be on my own for the rest of my life and i dont want that but on the other hand i feel loved by my new brothers and sisters because they are the only people in our life we have no one else and we live in a rough area where drugs and alchol and street crime are among us so a big part of me wants my children to be apart of the church so that they stay safe i have told my daughters that i am losing my faith and that im thinking of leaving the church but they begged me not to and they say that the lord does love me there are guys that ask me out but they want sex from me and if i stay in the church i carnt give them that so i feel i will be on my own for ever if i continue to be a member and i carnt face that fact i know people are telling me that if i dont find someone in this life then i will find someone in the next but i carnt understand why i have to be on my own here i really dont feel there is a porpose to my life other than cook clean and bring up children and as much as i love them im bored with that i would love some excitment in my life i hate to feel this deppressed and i wish i could just shake it off but its getting worse and im starting to get angry with god because he wont take me back.

[FunkyTown]

Never ever feel that you have to 'Shake off' Depression. It's suffered by even the greatest of us - Winston Churchill called it his 'Black Dog'.

You deserve better. Tell your Doctor that you can't feel this depressed, that you need to feel better. You aren't alone in this. Your sons and daughters aren't alone.

You need to help yourself and you need some 'Me' time. It will get better.

[sophiestevensonsamsontoby]

Thankyou funky town for your advise i really appreciate your advise and the fact that you spared me the time to understand what i am feeling i am going to go back to my doctors and ask him for his help again i understand that the slimming pills are going to make me put on more weight but your right i carnt go on like this anymore i have one more question for you this quite voice within can everybody hear it or do you need to have a special talent and how do you know whats your imagination or the holy spirit im glad to hear that im not the only one who feels confused and that other members will have experienced some of the feelings i am feeling because it means im not alone thankyou funky town your a great person to give advise

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

I'm a new member of the church and myself and 2 daughters was baptized on the 8th of march this year. i feel very confused and i'm beginning to wonder if what i am doing is right i feel like i am at a cross roads in my life and i dont see a clear path i am a single mum and i feel lonely for adult company recently i asked the bishop if he could recomend me for my patriarchal blessing as i thought this would show me that our heavenly father is with me and he does have a plan for my life but when i had my blessing i was very disapointed the only thing i can rember about it was that our heavenly father said he wants me to teach the gosspile and to be a leader he said that he will bless me with the right words to say but the one thing that keeps going over in my head is our heavenly fathers advise to me on listning to the quite voice i pray often and ask our heavenly father for guidence but no matter how hard i try to listnen for answers i dont hear the quite voice so this as lead me to think that maybe there isnt a god after all or if there is he doesnt want to know me i was hoping for some direction but i dont feel i have it i am not clever and no way able to teach let alone lead i feel that my life is just a waste of time and i have asked our heavenly father if he will take me back to live with him but my prayers are not answered i tell myself if there is a god then he would see how lonely i am and how much of a strugle i am having and he would allow me to go back to him i also tell myself if we chose to come down here why when we ask to go back will god not allow us too i look at my life and although i have children i feel it is not worth while im bored and lonely and confused i feel there is not a possibility of me finding someone who will love me i tell myself the only way im going to be able to have a boyfriend is if im no longer apart of the church coz it would be to difficult while im a member as not only would i need to find someone who is happy to take on children but also that he must be a member and i find this impossible at my age of 40 my daughters dont want me to leave the church and i dont want to disapoint them i do love being apart of the church but im not sure if being there is the right thing for me unless i can get my faith back im so confused and i was wondering if there is any other members that have felt like this.

THAT has GOT to be a world record run on sentence! I'm impressed!

Seriously, buck up. It's not like the rest of us don't have problems. Take a look at war-ravaged Africa. Or Hurricane Katrina victims. Or Chinese earthquake victims. Or that homeless guy you pass on the street as you drive downtown.

Get over yourself. You're being selfish, self-absorbed, inconsiderate, and narrow-minded. You can't hear the Spirit when you're only thinking about yourself.

John 6

Many therefore of his disciples, when they had heard this, said, This is an hard saying; who can hear it?

[Gemma]

Ouch! I suggest you skip the comment above, its not likely to make you feel better! He made me cross enough to stop lurking and post!

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Remember that your patriarchal blessing is for the rest of your life - no one expects you to become relief society president tomorrow, but who know what changes you and heavenly father will make together in the next 10 or 20 years! Sounds like you don't have a printed copy yet so i'd wait for that and then have a look and pick out some things that make you feel good.

Its really hard to recognise the spirit - I've been a member all my life and theres only a handful of times when I can say yes, that was definately a prompting that came from outside me. Every body's different. What I try to do is follow any thought that tells me to do good - whether thats the spirit or my own thought at least I'm doing good! And it means I get practise, and tune myself in, and helps me to know when I am hearing the spirit.

Get some help with the depression - I know when my grandmother comes out of depression she talks about being able to hear the spirit again. And when your feeling a bit better take some time for yourself - join a book club, do some gardening, take a class, just pick something you've always wanted to do and make time for it.

[Gwen]

i would suggest talking to your dr about getting your hormones checked. if i recall you said you are 40, it's probably past time to look at that.

i know ppl see their own issues in everyone else, so you need a doc... but.... i've been fighting my weight for a long time, off and on depression, fatigue, irritability, the whole deal (i'm 29 by the way lol)... i finally saw a doc that would consider hormones and did blood work... it's been 7 weeks and i will say she turned my life upside down but in that 7 weeks i've started taking 3 different hormones and changed my diet... i feel great, still get down but not depressed like i was, lost 30 lbs, finally able to exercise and feel rested after a good night's sleep.... it's a night and day difference.

my point is you can talk to the doc and let him treat symptoms or you can find the cause and really change your life.

on another note the same is true for your spirituality. what are you doing that you shouldn't? what should you be doing that you aren't? really look at things, be honest with yourself and then turn your life upsidedown... make the changes.

[sophiestevensonsamsontoby]

To puf the magic dragon firstly let me say i didnt post my post for syphathy i did it for advise from anyone who as ever felt like i am. Secondly so what if i'm not very good at english grammer. Putting commas were they go and correct spelling is not something that makes me a bad person and who are you to judge, for one thing you know nothing about me or my curcumstances so what gives you the right to accuse me of being all the things you said i am. There is a well known saying that is if you havent got anything nice to say to someone dont say anything at all maybe you should consider this the next time you open your mouth or post a post there is only one person who is in a postion to judge and thats our heavenly father NOT YOU if you have never suffered from deppression or been around anyone suffering with it then it is in my opion that you carnt really coment on it finaly let he who is without sin cast the first stone

[sophiestevensonsamsontoby]

hi gwen thankyou for your advise i hadnt considered it could be hormone related and i appreciate your advise i will mention it to my gp when i next see him

[Misshalfway]

Well, I don't think I could improve upon what has been said, but I can say that you are not alone in your feelings. I have been very lonely, doubting myself, doubting my faith, and really wanting God to either fix my life or take me home! I thought God might not care because he didn't fix things or take me home either! lol. Well, I laugh now cause I think I understand better why God didn't do either one. He knew that I needed to learn to solve my own problems and that I would find strength, talent, and satisfaction in the process and he knew that if he took me home that I would miss out on my growth. I hate the struggle, but I sure love the outcomes as I have decided to own and accept my life and my circumstances and then take steps to make things how I want them to look and feel. And I am learning to be my own best friend and to talk to myself in loving ways. My life isn't all perfectly sorted yet. I still have pockets of pain and still some loneliness to tackle. But I am learning a lot about what faith is and how trusting God AND SELF looks like. And now I look to heaven and smile knowing that God knew all along.

Even though things don't feel happy, put your hope in happiness! It is there to be found, but if you are like me you won't find it in the fixing of circumstances alone. You will find it inside of yourself.

If you ever want to talk sometime, I am here. I am nearly 40 and a mom. I could use a friend too. PM me anytime.

PS. Gwen's advise is good too. Hormones are the thorn under my saddle!

[Mahone]

The only ways I have found to solve depression is work and exercise. Find things you can do for other people. The suggestion to get a hobby of some kind should come now, not after you are feeling better like originally suggested - keep yourself busy! Exercise will help solve two problems, weight and depression.

[LDSVALLEY]

First welcome to the church. As a Ward Mission Leader I have the responsibility to help new members of our Ward find their way into the church. This is the portion of my calling that I take the most seriously, the other being helping to find and teach Investigators. From my personal experience and from my calling perhaps I can help a small bit. I believe the others have tackled the medical end well so let me offer some insight into the spiritual end.

From my time of conversion 12 years ago (seems much shorter) I spent two years after conversion wondering if I was worthy to receive inspiration from the Lord. I held a calling in primary for most of that time but never could find that still small voice. What was wrong with me? Why was I not worthy? My wife and I joined together but I especially felt like outsiders. We had one child at that point but felt we didn't fit in. We looked at the families around us and felt we were so far behind them we would never measure up. We stupidly labeled many of the Ward "SuperMormons" because they seemed close to perfect and measured ourselves by their appearance.

But we stuck it out those two years even with much of that time only being semi active. Then one day while working cleaning the building we managed the spirit came upon me telling me I was on the wrong path with my job that was taking me away from church. I am not emotional but when I walked into our apartment tears were pouring down my face and my wife was able to feel the spirit still within me. After that more time passed before I felt the Holy Ghost again but I grew and learned.

I also was disappointed in my Patriarchal blessing, it seemed to have little to do with me and I remembered little of it, I was a member for 3 years before mine. But I carried my copy with me and a couple of years later read it over and was amazed at how much of it was dead on. We must remember that the blessing is for our entire life not just the moment and it can foretell where we can go if we try.

Now, if your still awake from reading my ramblings comes the Mission Leader advise that I tell our new members.

Becoming a member of the LDS church is a lifelong pursuit. Each member is strong in some areas and week in others. The Lord does not expect us to completely change the moment we are baptized. We are creating a new life for ourselves and our family this takes time and effort and time.(said twice on purpose) The Lord will judge us by our progression against ourselves not in relation to anyone else. Satan attacks strongest before baptism, shortly after conversion and before attending the temple. Things that are worth while are usually the harder paths we follow because Satan clears the way to those not worth the effort. I do not deny the hard road you are on but will tell you it is worth the effort and when you reach a peak and look back you will be amazed at the change in you and your family. Then use that knowledge to help others up that first steep path.

I believe the spirit uses what is in us to communicate. It "talks" to each of us differently and even then it can be in various manners for each person depending on the need. The first I had as mentioned above has only happened twice to me the rest was quite whisperings. I always tell new members that it can happen quickly or take time to find your manner of communication. Also the urgency that it is needed varies from person to person. Often the direction we need comes from a wide range of things. I once struggled with a heavy issue in a calling and prayed for weeks for direction. Then while teaching a lesson a part of the solution came to mind, while doing my Home Teaching a member of the family we were visiting gave me another and the last bit came from my scripture study. I didn't realize of course until the last bit.

Take things slow and steady, things don't come easy, all these years in and we still have times when we struggle with Family Home Evenings or family or personal Scripture study or trying to fit in everything the World and the Lord expect. But the blessings are far stronger then the effort to receive them. And those times we are on track life is wonderful. Don't try and do all things at once and don't think because you are struggling with some aspect of life that the Lord will not bless you.

The funny thing with feeling lonely or out of place is that often it is an initial reaction to a true feeling or impression but we create a viewpoint from that focus and it blinds us. I talked to a Bishop about feeling that way in our Ward 5 years ago and he flat out told me he thought I was wrong, he said he always saw me talking and laughing with members and seeing me having other interactions with them.

I was annoyed at first but then really starting trying to see it through his eyes and I realized he was right. My sense of being lonely and out of place had actually blinded me to the "real world" reality. After that it was easy to switch my point of view. Maybe you are still at that first stage but don't let it blind you to the people who will reach out to you in friendship.

Turn to members for support, we often thing that if we are important they will come to us, especially the leaders such as Relief Society. But the truth is they are holding callings in addition to the other world responsibilities they have and it is often the squeaky wheel who gets the time they have for their callings. Or like my Bishop they might think things are fine with you based on what they see. Ask to speak with them they will help where they can. Remember they have no special training they are just members like you. We often don't like to cause more grief or burden someone. The church is different, if you take your concerns to the RS president for example and she takes time to help then the Lord will bless her for helping you. If you keep your issues to yourself then you deny her the blessings of the Lord. Which do you think she would rather have?

Last thing (promise) New Members often feel that they have been allowed into an organization but have to earn their way into full membership. This is false. The second hands were upon your head and confirmed you a member of the church you have an equal measure of "ownership" in your Ward as someone who as been a member for 100 years. You have special and unique talents, many you might not be aware of yet, that the Lord will use if you allow it to further his work. You will have an impact on other members and you help define the path everyone is on. Depending on how you deal with your own struggles determines if it is a negative or positive impact. But you can strengthen a Ward even if you are unsure of where you fit it. The Lord needs you and each of us to do his work.

I promise you with no hesitation that the Lord loves you and you have chosen the correct path. You and your children will be blessed through all time and eternity for following the gospel. If you do the things the Lord expects. Family Home Evening, Visit Teaching (both doing and receiving) Scripture study, callings, prayer, faith and taking quite moments to be at peace you will find your link to the Holy Ghost and Heavenly Father.

I can also promise you that at times you will feel lonely, hurt, tired, struggle with testimony, wonder if it is worth it etc. Because Satan will never stop trying to tempt you away from the Lord. At least I know I still go through those things, but having reached a peak or two and being able to look back I know it is worth all the effort to keep climbing.

Sorry this is so long but I tend to put lots of stuff into my ramblings with the hope that something helps.

May you enjoy the Blessings the Lord has given you this day.........life

[ryanh]

i was wondering if there is any other members that have felt like this.

YEP! It was about 4 months after baptism that I was really being tried and tempted. Everyone's situation was different, but for me, it was in part because I hadn't changed enough yet to really be able to be in tune with the Spirit. Getting involved in serious regular reading of the Book of Mormon was the primary turn-around for me. That helped bring me to where I needed to be to be able to feel the Spirit.

Depression was also an issue for me. Sadly for some of us, there are true medical issues that can prevent us from being in the right frame of mind to feel the Spirit. They are all 'hormone' problems per se, although some may be rooted in the thyroid, hormone changes in aging women, or specific neurotransmitter deficiencies or excesses. Your GP doesn’t sound like he’s being very through or considerate. You might have to demand to see a specialist if he isn’t willing to help as he should. Sometimes we have to take control of our own health and view the Dr’s as tools rather than hope to rely on them for answers.

[Guest]

I really think that the hardest moments for a convert is right before and right after baptism. I have the same experience. Although, I didn't go through a depression like this one, but it was those moments that made me feel very separated from my family. Family is a big thing for me... you must be Filipino if you have more cousins than you can count...

I think the devil knows each and every convert's weaknesses and uses it against them. For me, my family was the tool he used and it almost worked! For you, depression is the tool he is using. My advice... fight it! Don't let him win! Be like Rocky and run up those steps. Keep fighting until you finally beat him and you can raise your hands in victory at the top!

We're all here to help you and encourage you and just be your friends!

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

To puf the magic dragon firstly let me say i didnt post my post for syphathy i did it for advise from anyone who as ever felt like i am. Secondly so what if i'm not very good at english grammer. Putting commas were they go and correct spelling is not something that makes me a bad person and who are you to judge, for one thing you know nothing about me or my curcumstances so what gives you the right to accuse me of being all the things you said i am. There is a well known saying that is if you havent got anything nice to say to someone dont say anything at all maybe you should consider this the next time you open your mouth or post a post there is only one person who is in a postion to judge and thats our heavenly father NOT YOU if you have never suffered from deppression or been around anyone suffering with it then it is in my opion that you carnt really coment on it finaly let he who is without sin cast the first stone

I was not and am not trying to be mean, just honest and frank. I HAVE suffered through depression and the fact of the matter is you're only depressed because you keep thinking about yourself and how dismal your situation is. How telling is it that you want to die when you have two daughters to worry about? How is your death going to help them? It may ease YOUR suffering but it will definitely make THEIRS worse - as someone who has lost a parent at a young age I KNOW. And yet you're not thinking about them or their pain, only your own. That's the definition of selfishness. I don't care what you've been through, your daughters are more important. "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"

Doctrine and Covenants 122

So I reiterate, you're being selfish and you need to get over yourself and start thinking about the other people in your life. If you want the LDS doctrinal equivalent - lose yourself in service and you'll find the joy of the Lord.

Mosiah 2

Doctrine and Covenants 24

Doctrine and Covenants 51

Doctrine and Covenants 136

Job 8

It's not judgemental, it's tough love.

:edit:

Psalms 30

For his anger kindleth against the wicked; they repent, and in a moment it is turned away, and they are in his favor, and he giveth them life; therefore, weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Edited August 11, 2009 by puf_the_majic_dragon

[Gwen]

exercise can help with depression and weight...... yes sometimes ppl get depressed because all they think about are poor poor me......

there are other reasons ppl get depressed too. a dr should really be the one to decide what the cause is. if one has a physical reason for the state they are in no amt of exercise will help. i know, i've been there, it just makes things worse. please be very careful passing judgments as to why someone is where they are.

[ryanh]

I was not and am not trying to be mean, just honest and frank. I HAVE suffered through depression and the fact of the matter is you're only depressed because you keep thinking about yourself and how dismal your situation is. How telling is it that you want to die when you have two daughters to worry about? How is your death going to help them? It may ease YOUR suffering but it will definitely make THEIRS worse - as someone who has lost a parent at a young age I KNOW. And yet you're not thinking about them or their pain, only your own. That's the definition of selfishness. I don't care what you've been through, your daughters are more important. "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"

Doctrine and Covenants 122

So I reiterate, you're being selfish and you need to get over yourself and start thinking about the other people in your life. If you want the LDS doctrinal equivalent - lose yourself in service and you'll find the joy of the Lord.

Mosiah 2

Doctrine and Covenants 24

It's not judgemental, it's tough love.

Pam! Where is the Vehemently Disagree button??? This type of behavior is one of the few things on these forums that really gets me steamed! I'm ticked that my sister who is struggling was just kicked while she was down.

That post was not done in love at all was it Puff? Clearly, it is judgemental, and very self-serving. Very very ugly. If you are not uplifting the downtrodden, which master are you really serving? The LAST thing that someone with depression struggles needs is to be told they are inferior or doing badly. Perhaps you feel you need a swift kick in the butt to motivate yourself to get past your personal deamons, but applying that across all mediums and all people is just flat wrong.

Edited August 13, 2009 by ryanh
changed one word to be less specific

[AdamWyson]

I'm 26, married, no kids, 2 cats 1 dog. So I am not in the position you are in, However; I like you have been through the same thoughts and emotions.

While I was on my mission I would work so hard because I knew all the many things my father in heaven had given me in this life and I needed to repay him for it. However, as a missionary you run into many intelligent men who cause confusion in your life. I would often describe my frustrations to my mission President who would always respond by asking, How is your Book of Mormon study coming? I always found this odd as he never actually answered my concerns, he would reflect them towards my study and explain to me that doubts would never enter my mind as long as i continued to read the scriptures and pray about them often.

To this day, as the Elder's quorum president in my family ward, i have doubts from time to time, and I always remind myself to read the Book of Mormon and pray and everytime I recieve the confort in my heart that what I am doing is right. The Book of Mormon is the most amazing and most neglected book of our age. There is soo much wisdom within and I am confident that anyone who reads it's pages with an open heart will know over and over again that it was not written by Joseph smith, but the prophets of old under the direction of God.

This is my testimony and I hope you feel it as i do.

Love,

Adam

[pam]

Sophie I'm with ya. I feel your pain through your OP. I have been a single parent for the last 10 years. I know of the loneliness and the feeling out of sorts and not quite finding my niche. But let me just say..you have done the right thing in joining the Church. Heavenly Father loves you and loves your children. The only advise I can give is just hang in there. Prayer and you can become the best of friends when feeling down.

My other advise would be to ignore those here that only have comments to bring you down. Obviously they haven't walked in YOUR shoes.

[pam]

I was not and am not trying to be mean, just honest and frank. I HAVE suffered through depression and the fact of the matter is you're only depressed because you keep thinking about yourself and how dismal your situation is. How telling is it that you want to die when you have two daughters to worry about? How is your death going to help them? It may ease YOUR suffering but it will definitely make THEIRS worse - as someone who has lost a parent at a young age I KNOW. And yet you're not thinking about them or their pain, only your own. That's the definition of selfishness. I don't care what you've been through, your daughters are more important. "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"

Doctrine and Covenants 122

So I reiterate, you're being selfish and you need to get over yourself and start thinking about the other people in your life. If you want the LDS doctrinal equivalent - lose yourself in service and you'll find the joy of the Lord.

Mosiah 2

Doctrine and Covenants 24

Doctrine and Covenants 51

Doctrine and Covenants 136

Job 8

It's not judgemental, it's tough love.

:edit:

Psalms 30

For his anger kindleth against the wicked; they repent, and in a moment it is turned away, and they are in his favor, and he giveth them life; therefore, weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Give me a break puf. If that wasn't judgmental I don't know what is. When one make comments using YOU....they are judging right there.

[pam]

as someone who has lost a parent at a young age I KNOW.

Yes losing a parent is a tragedy. I know that as well from first hand experience. But being the parent and feeling extremely overwhelmed is an entirely different matter. Different emotions come into play which I think we need to be mindful of.

[Generally_Me]

Dearie, get off those slimming pills NOW...as someone who has been there, trust me! They are not helping you at all, if you are feeling intense depression like this and it can be at all timed with the pills! Also, maybe you should get a different GP....

...I hope to heaven that you didn't really mean it the way I took it when you said you'd give yourself away to a man who wants sex just so you won't feel lonely anymore. You are a daughter of God! You have the holy spirit with you, wherever you go! Please read the distress in my typing right now; I am distressed about what you've said and what you're feeling, not angry.

Not many of us "hear" the "still, small voice" as a voice. I myself get hunches, and only after looking back over a few years have I seen the pattern that allows me to testify I know the Holy Spirit was leading me along in the last 2 years, and before that, as long as I was willing to meet him halfway and act on the thoughts/feelings/ideas I have.

So, you have an assignment from people who care. Don't give up; get your hormones etc checked; get a second opinion on those pills you're taking; and _speak to your bishop about how you feel_, and how it's affecting your kids. Puf has a good point about how those kids will be affected if anything happens to you; could it be that God needs you to be here for them? If you die, where will they go? Will they be raised in the gospel? Or will they hate the god that took their mother?

How can you feel alone with 4 lives depending on you?

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

I stand by what I said as truth, and I challenge anyone here to honestly tell me that what I said was patently false. It was not meant to be mean or injurious and it certainly was not meant to "kick her while she was down", but if it was hurtful there is nothing I can do about that; to use an old worn out cliche, sometimes "the truth hurts". However, John 8 "...ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

I definitely did not mean to make her feel inferior, and she already knows she's doing badly, that's why she came here. And ryanh, while you may feel that personal attack about my "porn demons" was warranted, it certainly was not helpful or constructive.

Having lost my mother in a car accident when I was 18, and having lived without her for the last 6 and half years, I do choose to take personal offense at sophie's insinuation that she would rather die and leave her children motherless. You may be thankful that I have not expressed myself as regards my feelings in that matter.

I have been depressed. All the coddling and tender advice in the world did absolutely nothing for me. A harsh reality check from a friend who loved me enough to be blunt DID help. Sophie came asking for help and advice, I offered mine out of an honest and sincere concern for her (and her childrens') wellbeing. If what I said wasn't what she (or YOU) wanted to hear, too bad. I'm not apologizing for it. I can only apologize for the rough manner in which I presented it.

And finally, my advice now is exactly the same as it was in the beginning of this thread, and exactly the same as President Hinckley's, albeit his phrasing may be more eloquent. The gist is - forget yourself and serve others and you will find joy and healing.

LDS.org - New Era Article - Words of the Prophet: Forget Yourself and Serve

A pertinent excerpt:

"By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves.

For many years there was a sign on the wall of a shoe repair shop I patronized. It read, “I complained because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.” The most effective medicine for the sickness of self-pity is to lose ourselves in the service of others."

Now for Sophie's sake, I'll refrain from adding any more to this thread, so as to avoid an argument and the thread being locked. If my advice or yours do nothing, there may yet be somebody out there who can say something to help her.

[dazed-and-confused]

maybe what we are seing here is the difference between a male rsponse and a female response. while both are valid and accurate, one may be more palatable that the other.

as someone who has experienced depression and told in a semmingly harsh way to buck up, i'll say iot didnt work for me. what did was going to a Dr. and getting some meds because i was to exausted from struggling to not get help....and, yes, at times i was suicidal.

go to yopur Dr. and get help...you ARE loved and needed.....and when you have the proper meds, you will find that you are strong and can deal with your life as you need to....

Pam started a thread recently about people asking for advice and when given, they totally ignore it, so that may most probably be the victim in the hope of being taken care of, instead of taking care of themselves.

get some meds, hormones, whatever you need. your family needs you!! be there for them.