Suffering and needing help/comfort

[jorsen]

Hello brothers and sisters,

I investigated the church for almost two years before I was baptized 1 month ago.

When I was confirmed to the church and received the gift of the holy ghost I was so excited. When I was confirmed a member of the Aaronic priesthood and given the title of a priest it was such an awesome experience.

However, for some reason, in my mind I had built up that the heavens would rain down and I would feel lighting and I would see a burning bush!

I then began to doubt and feel miserable. I am a convert to the church. I am married to a wonderful wife and have two step children and one biological. My wife and children are not members and at this time have no intention of being members.

Because of this, when I doubt and have fears and concerns I am all alone in respects of having support "for" the church. They are all but happy to hear my doubts and all but encourage me to leave.

I have continued my research of the church at websites that say they are greatly interested in objective views of the LDS church history and BoM evidences. I read these trying to gain a testimony of the book of mormon and I continue to falter.

I am having a problem because in my heart I feel like this church is the best church on the planet for having a christlike life. I may not be able to say that this church is THE church of jesus christ yet...but I know that out of all of the churches I've been in this is the one that makes sense for me.

In my heart I feel great about this church and scriptures...

In my mind, who thrives on logic and reason, some of the evidences that seem plausible that contradict the church and its standard works is devastating to me.

What should I do? I feel so discouraged. I went to a website that some former members of the church frequent and posted a similar post...hoping that perhaps some of the people there would understand some of my feelings. In the end though, they are firmly of the opinion that this church is a cult and that I should RUN not walk to the resignation line. Obviously, this does not help me at all. All it has done is make my feeling of discord stronger.

Well what if I don't want to resign? What if I actually believe in the BoM?

I hope that none of this post raises contention...I firmly believe in my heart that I would rather suffer in silence than cause other people problems or to have doubts or concerns. I am just not sure what to do. I am so very fearful of talking about some of my historical or "logical" concerns with anybody from the ward.

I just can't take the chance of causing someone to doubt...to be a stumbling block to someone. Dear God...I just can't bare the thought. I just want to be happy and have peace!

You have all been very kind to me here...I appreciate your thoughts. I am so happy to be a member...please bear with me as I suffer through this low period. I am happy to be wrong as I know that it is through mistakes that we learn great lessons.

Edited August 28, 2009 by jorsen

[Misshalfway]

Hi Jorsen.

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. But its ok. Struggles are kinda part of the deal with regards to our testimonies and the increasing of our faith sometimes. Just breath and apply your faith to your doubt. Father will lead you by the hand and help you settle things in your mind.

Can you help me understand exactly why are you doubting?

I don't know if it helps, but I think most of the experiences with the spirit are rather simple. The sensational ones happen too, but most of us have the garden variety. That doesn't mean they aren't powerful or life changing. Remember the passage in the OT about the Holy Ghost being a still small voice and not a big wind? I think perhaps that perspective could help here.

[jorsen]

Hi Jorsen.

Can you help me understand exactly why are you doubting?

Well, basically everyone in my life outside of the Ward is doubtful of this church. My wife is supportive but has absolutely no interest in it at this time and neither do my children.

I am DETERMINED not to live a lie...I want to find the truth...and hold firmly to it. I've spent my whole life living a lie of sorts...I have no intention of doing that from now on.

I've read several 'evidences' that disturb me greatly. There are a few websites which seem to point out these in various ways. Not "anti" websites as I don't pay much attention to those. It is more those supposed "objective" websites. I'd mention them but I do not want to cause others discord or problems by viewing their contents indirectly because of my words here on this forum. Besides, all probably know as well as I do that it is not that terribly hard to find these websites on their own if one truly wishes to find them.

Websites from people who say they are active in good standing members of the church who bring up questionable church history that is difficult to refute and difficult to rationalize.

Basically I am suffering because in my spirit I feel "Yes!" and in my head I feel "Uhh...im not so sure about this".

People who have left the church have justified their exist based on these type of 'evidences' and I can understand why they would feel that way.

I have posted on those forums telling them that I feel spiritually that this is the right church for me and naturally they rip that concept to the shreds as in their mindset the Holy Ghost's "promptings" are irrelevant. It is all about logic and reason.

So that is where I am suffering...in my heart and spirit I feel very good about this church. Sure..its differeant and demanding in some aspects...I miss coffee and paying tithing is a new concept...but...there is so much good here. These ex members talk to me as if I am playing with the bubonic plague...like I am one step from complete mental enslavement and that this church is better named "LDS Inc." making broad statements that all upper leadership know this church is not true and are all about the money.

I just at this stage cannot agree with that.

It's a logic vs spirit issue. I have a deep seated fear that my 'spirit' is wrong. The only verse that has been a blessing to me has been Alma 32 which talks about "if you only have but a desire to believe..."

Thanks for your concern Miss Halfway.

[Justice]

I have continued my research of the church at websites that say they are greatly interested in objective views of the LDS church history and BoM evidences. I read these trying to gain a testimony of the book of mormon and I continue to falter.

This is a common mistake. You know in your heart this isn't the right way.

Read the Book of Mormon and pray again to know if it's true. Once you know that, the rest will fall into place.

[bytebear]

It sounds like you have a spiritual testimony, and you are being challenged by the evil forces who want you to not see the happiness and peace in the gospel. I recommend living the gospel. Lose yourself in it. Test the faith. Test the principles. Your family will see a change in you. In fact, they may have already seen it and it scares them a little. But, when they see that the change is good, that you are more loving and hopeful and happy, they will follow. Don't give up. You are on the right track. Don't worry about the logical arguments. The more you learn, and the more you pray, you will find your own answers. Maybe a trip to DeseretBook (or DeseretBook.com) would be in your best interest. Read the 13th article of faith, and apply it to your life.

[nc31410]

My husband is the same way. But he has been a member since forever. But a few years back he became inactive. I've been a member for two years now. And even though "logical" makes sense in your head. I feel sometimes that "we" as human being have a greater purpose than to just live and die. And that's it. It just doesn't even make sense in my head.

I've always been a spiritual person, once catholic, and when I was catholic things didn't make sense to me. Until I started to really learn about the LDS church. I think everyone at a certain time has doubts.

But its your faith that keeps you near our Heavenly Father. Faith is something you can't physically see. But you can feel it.

And your faith will grow stronger the more you pray and study.

Idk, Its wierd, I can't quite explain, and I'm not going to give you proof because heck I don't have any.

But I can tell you that my life, and my daughter's has become a better one since I have joined the church. I see it in myself, in my family.

You should try really just meditating and fasting, and just pray about your doubts. Ask Heavenly Father to help you feel secure, and I promise that you will feel something at the given time that you need it the most.

Possibly try getting a patriarchal blessing. I always had this thing where I want to be married and sealed in the temple. But I can't do that unless my husband is worthy. Its still my goal. And I feel like I have such a tremendous responsibility, because I'm told to set an example for him. And Its hard for me because I want this so badly but I can't make him want what I want (does that makes sense?)

When I got my patriarchal blessing, I felt so connected to my Heavenly Father, I knew right then that He definatley knows me. And I feel like because of it I feel like I understand my purpose of being here a lot better. I understand the importance of having a strong faith in order to keep recieving my blessings and my happiness.

Easier said than done. I know. And this might have not helped. But I think that when you feel so doubtful you'll do and try anything to help you feel better about whatever situation. And one thing I did, was really pray, and after I felt comforted I prayed about receiving my patriarchal blessing.

You really have to be prepared spiritually to really absorb it's essence.

I wish you the best of luck. And my prayers go out to you.

Don't give up, and don't be afraid to ask your questions. Set up a meeting with your bishop. You should do anything you can to clear up your doubts. And no question is to silly or to dangerous...you have a right to have them answered.

Best wishes,

NC

[tubaloth]

What if I actually believe in the BoM?

Religion is hard thing for Humans to fully comprehend. From the time we are born we figure out how to learn from our 5 senses. Then the idea of pray comes into the picture. We are told to have faith that God is listening to us. That doesn’t fit into the way we learn things. So there is always going to be battle, can I really talk to God? Or do I have see it to believe it!

This the whole reason we are on this earth! This is the test we were sent here to take. When we can’t see God, are going to make the correct choice!

I think every member of the church doubts if they really are on the path to Heaven? I didn’t believe that I was ever “lucky” enough to be BORN in the Only true church on the whole world? There is no way that could be me.

But As I grew up in the church and kept following what I was taught! I pretty much just did was I was suppose to. It wasn’t until I was actually in the MTC, and had to give a small talk on Joseph Smith did things start to get shaken up. I wanted to follow my 5 sense, not how I had lived my life for all those years.

That’s when I found my testimony, really its where you find your foundation for your testimony. The foundation starts with Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon. After I found that, and I knew it was true (through the spirit, which I know happened), then all the other “stuff” that comes my way is easier to handle. Then when people try to take out my foundation, I know they can’t! I have been built on it for so long now, I don’t know if anything would ever take it away.

You are new in the church! Progression happens how Alma says it does (See Alma 37:6-7), one step at a time. You aren’t going to see a burning bush! Sometimes its going to be easier to follow a website, then it is to follow God. But that’s what the test is! You have to trust yourself for now that you know you are on the right path (or at least in the right direction). There is a reason why the Tree of Life Dream that Nephi sees is so early on in the book of Mormon, we are all on that same path! You know what kept Nephi staying on the path! Keep doing what you KNOW you should do! Others well see what happens to you! And in time they well wonder! They well realize you’re not part of a cult, they well realize the Gospel of Jesus Christ has made you a better person, because it has!

[HiJolly]

Dude! Balance is critical. Don't just blindly believe, and don't demand proof positive from three sources. Strike a balance.

I gotta warn you of sneaky BAD websites. Don't be deceived. Read this, it might help, even if his opinion differs from mine on a few things.

'Uh oh!' to 'Ah ha!' in Apologetics

HiJolly

[juxtaposed]

hi jorsen,

you know, this is a really hard topic to discuss for a couple of reasons. first off i want to explain that i have been in your exact situation. in my case i was baptized at 18, went on mission, married a wonderful girl in the temple, have two kids, and it's 10 years later. a few years ago i found many of the things online that you allude to have read. in fact i bet the website you said you posted on, i've been to. i also am a very logical person, and it's hard for me to fall back on spiritual things if some logical piece of information is in the forefront.

i almost left the church and ruined my life because of those things that i had read. i won't go into how you should go about figuring out your next move because the previous post was great at that. what i really want you to know is that i've been there. i know the despair you are feeling, and that you just want to follow the truth and make sure you are not being duped. i know that it feels like your on a precipice and it is really disheartening. what i can tell you is that some people can take a simple truth and distort it to fit their agenda. it doesn't matter what it is, someone can make something innocent look like an alterior motive. the point is, is that the gospel doesn't exist with logic. if it did, the eternities would be easily explained and the gospel wouldn't be hard to follow. perfection would be so logical it would be easy. the gospel is a trial of faith.

you were baptized for a reason, but no one said enduring to the end was easy. faith requires constant nourishment and attention. the gospel is true. it took almost losing everything to get that. and my love for the church, the restoration, and even more important, the atonement has grown in ways that i never realized it could. knowledge comes after the trail of your faith. don't let this opportunity to grow in enlightenment slip away because it becomes difficult. you will be rewarded through your dilligence. i promise. i've been there, and i can honestly say i've never been happier.

[lilered]

First of all I would counsel you to quit going to non-church sites. All this will do is add to your confusion.

Second As LDS, our testimony is “the assurance of the reality, truth, and goodness of God, of the teachings and atonement of Jesus Christ, and of the divine calling of latter-day prophets. … It is knowledge confirmed by the Holy Ghost.

I therefore suggest you follow Gods counsel found in the Book of Mormon, Moroni 10:

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

6 And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that he is.

7 And ye may know that he is, by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore I would exhort you that ye deny not the power of God; for he worketh by power, according to the faith of the children of men, the same today and tomorrow, and forever.

8 And again, I exhort you, my brethren, that ye deny not the gifts of God, for they are many; and they come from the same God. And there are different ways that these gifts are administered; but it is the same God who worketh all in all; and they are given by the manifestations of the Spirit of God unto men, to profit them.

9 For behold, to one is given by the Spirit of God, that he may teach the word of wisdom;

10 And to another, that he may teach the word of knowledge by the same Spirit;

11 And to another, exceedingly great faith; and to another, the gifts of healing by the same Spirit;

12 And again, to another, that he may work mighty miracles;

13 And again, to another, that he may prophesy concerning all things;

14 And again, to another, the beholding of angels and ministering spirits;

15 And again, to another, all kinds of tongues;

16 And again, to another, the interpretation of languages and of divers kinds of tongues.

17 And all these gifts come by the Spirit of Christ; and they come unto every man severally, according as he will.

18 And I would exhort you, my beloved brethren, that ye remember that every good gift cometh of Christ.

19 And I would exhort you, my beloved brethren, that ye remember that he is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and that all these gifts of which I have spoken, which are spiritual, never will be done away, even as long as the world shall stand, only according to the unbelief of the children of men.

20 Wherefore, there must be faith; and if there must be faith there must also be hope; and if there must be hope there must also be charity.

21 And except ye have charity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God; neither can ye be saved in the kingdom of God if ye have not faith; neither can ye if ye have no hope.

22 And if ye have no hope ye must needs be in despair; and despair cometh because of iniquity.

23 And Christ truly said unto our fathers: If ye have faith ye can do all things which are expedient unto me.

24 And now I speak unto all the ends of the earth—that if the day cometh that the power and gifts of God shall be done away among you, it shall be because of unbelief.

Read the BofM, study it in your mind, ponder it, and ask the Lord to confirm its truthfulness to you.

May God Bless You In Your Struggle

[Misshalfway]

Hi Jorsen. Looks like you have some wonderful posts here. I will just add my little view of things.

The Church was an imperfect venture from the get go. God chose the weak things of the world to lead it and to usher in this last dispensation of things. The only thing perfect about the restoration was the core doctrines of Jesus Christ that came out of it. Stuff like the Atonement and the gift of the HG and priesthood. The rest.....the history, the failings and confusion of many.....give all of this to God.

The church hasn't stopped making mistakes, but I will tell you that the Spirit of God that speaks to my mind and soul has NEVER led me astray. In fact, it has kept me grounded in lots of stormy seasons of my life.

You hang on and trust that spirit you feel inside. Don't you let others of the world tell you not to trust it. Yes logic is good (among others of human faculties) as God wants us to use the wisdom he gave us. But there is much in this world that would lead us to views that harden our hearts and blind our minds and take us from spiritual blessings that did come so beautifully from the Restoration.

If you have questions about some issue.....go to the best books for answers. Let the Spirit guide you to them and let the Spirit help you dicipher what you read. In my strugglings and searchings and findings, I have learned that the things that lead me to peace and hope and point me to the Savior and the Atonement are the important things. Joseph Smith himself counseled the people not to look for perfection in him. I don't think we should make that mistake now. Instead.....look to the holy Spirit of God to teach you the truth of ALL things. That is its job!! This is the beauty of this church.....that we don't have to rely on the words of men to know truth. God can help teach us. He does it in his way and time and according to our desires. I see that pattern in my life. And I have learned that I can't listen to all the voices pulling me this way and that. I have to trust that core of myself and the HG that speaks to me there. This is where I find the most happiness is when I live from the dictates of that place.

I am DETERMINED not to live a lie...I want to find the truth...and hold firmly to it. I've spent my whole life living a lie of sorts...I have no intention of doing that from now on.

What a beautiful promise!! I made the same commitment to myself too. It has made all the difference. Have faith as you walk thru temptations of darkness.. Look to God to show you the way. He will. :) I know that more than I know anything. Study the scriptures!!!! I can't say that enough. The life and light of the gospel is found in them......not in all the endless commentary that disects our history.

[mlbrowninwa]

I don't think I can add too much to the excellent post that have been given before me. I can tell you that you are not alone. I became a member of the church on the 20th of June. While I am not the only member in my family(my son was baptized three weeks later), I often feel alone. My wife and daughter have no intention of joining and have made that fact very clear even before my baptism. However, I made the determination that I was going to follow the Spirit and follow where Heavenly Father was leading me, regardless of the outcome.

I investigated the church for several years reading pro web sites and anti web sites. I prayed and studied. It took me a long time to gain my testimony, but when i did i followed it. If we only apply logic to any church or denomination i think we would have problems believing them all. Our logic is limited to what we know in this world. There are many things that Heavenly Father has not reviled to us at this time. This is where our faith has to come into play. My advice would be to stop reading the anti sites and focus on the word of God, the Bible and the Book of Mormon. It will make a difference.

From the time that I have been a member these last couple months, things at home have improved. We started with many arguments over the church, but recently my wife and daughter have asked real questions with good intent to learn more. Are they any closer to going with me on Sunday and joining? No I don't think they are. But the change in tone and mood toward the church is proof to me that Heavenly Father is listening to my prayers and that their stance on the church is softening. After all its by His time frame, not mine. I am a better person since I have joined the church. I am a better husband, father, son,etc since I have been following the Spirit in my life. I see the difference and feel the difference. The peace and love I feel is all I need to know that I made the right decision to follow and become a disciple of Jesus Christ.

[Guest]

I think all of the above posts contain everything for your comfort.

I'm just going to add on here my support for you. I'm a convert too - the only one in my side of the family. I've been a member 8 years and the first 6 months were the hardest - I think the devil really tries his best to take you during this period. If you ever have any questions, or are in doubt, or just need someone to talk to, PM me. I'll be here. I may not have all the answers (I'm quite the logical one too) but we might be able to come up with a way to strenghten our testimonies...

[mlbrowninwa]

If you ever have any questions, or are in doubt, or just need someone to talk to, PM me. I'll be here. I may not have all the answers (I'm quite the logical one too) but we might be able to come up with a way to strenghten our testimonies...

I second that. Always around and more than willing to listen and help any way I can.

[annamaureen]

However, for some reason, in my mind I had built up that the heavens would rain down and I would feel lighting and I would see a burning bush!

Those are the kind of stories you read in church magazines and hear about in rumors and secondhand stories... but really, the Spirit doesn't work that way for everyone. For some, the Spirit is like a lightning bolt; but for many, many people, it's not. :)

[Traveler]

Hello brothers and sisters,

I investigated the church for almost two years before I was baptized 1 month ago.

When I was confirmed to the church and received the gift of the holy ghost I was so excited. When I was confirmed a member of the Aaronic priesthood and given the title of a priest it was such an awesome experience.

However, for some reason, in my mind I had built up that the heavens would rain down and I would feel lighting and I would see a burning bush!

I then began to doubt and feel miserable. I am a convert to the church. I am married to a wonderful wife and have two step children and one biological. My wife and children are not members and at this time have no intention of being members.

Because of this, when I doubt and have fears and concerns I am all alone in respects of having support "for" the church. They are all but happy to hear my doubts and all but encourage me to leave.

I have continued my research of the church at websites that say they are greatly interested in objective views of the LDS church history and BoM evidences. I read these trying to gain a testimony of the book of mormon and I continue to falter.

I am having a problem because in my heart I feel like this church is the best church on the planet for having a christlike life. I may not be able to say that this church is THE church of jesus christ yet...but I know that out of all of the churches I've been in this is the one that makes sense for me.

In my heart I feel great about this church and scriptures...

In my mind, who thrives on logic and reason, some of the evidences that seem plausible that contradict the church and its standard works is devastating to me.

What should I do? I feel so discouraged. I went to a website that some former members of the church frequent and posted a similar post...hoping that perhaps some of the people there would understand some of my feelings. In the end though, they are firmly of the opinion that this church is a cult and that I should RUN not walk to the resignation line. Obviously, this does not help me at all. All it has done is make my feeling of discord stronger.

Well what if I don't want to resign? What if I actually believe in the BoM?

I hope that none of this post raises contention...I firmly believe in my heart that I would rather suffer in silence than cause other people problems or to have doubts or concerns. I am just not sure what to do. I am so very fearful of talking about some of my historical or "logical" concerns with anybody from the ward.

I just can't take the chance of causing someone to doubt...to be a stumbling block to someone. Dear God...I just can't bare the thought. I just want to be happy and have peace!

You have all been very kind to me here...I appreciate your thoughts. I am so happy to be a member...please bear with me as I suffer through this low period. I am happy to be wrong as I know that it is through mistakes that we learn great lessons.

As an engineer and scientist as well as a devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints - I am bewildered and surprised by your post. I have never come across any doctrine of the LDS that has flawed logic. But let me offer a thought. If I wanted to understand the logic of Mathematics – I would not ask someone that does not understand Mathematics or has tried and failed Mathematics – I would ask an expert in Mathematics.

If I wanted to understand the logic behind the Democratic Party – I would not ask a Republican. The point I am trying to make to you is that the logic of something is understood by the masters of the logic not the opposition or failures of that logic.

Now – Lets you and me reason together. Let us start with the single most illogical thing that troubles you about LDS. Not a list – just the one most single troubling thing. Maybe I can help you understand that the logic you have been using or the description of that one most illogical thing is flawed and therefore you need to rethink your whole “there is a flaw” logic.

The Traveler

[jadams_4040]

Hello brothers and sisters,

I investigated the church for almost two years before I was baptized 1 month ago.

When I was confirmed to the church and received the gift of the holy ghost I was so excited. When I was confirmed a member of the Aaronic priesthood and given the title of a priest it was such an awesome experience.

However, for some reason, in my mind I had built up that the heavens would rain down and I would feel lighting and I would see a burning bush!

I then began to doubt and feel miserable. I am a convert to the church. I am married to a wonderful wife and have two step children and one biological. My wife and children are not members and at this time have no intention of being members.

Because of this, when I doubt and have fears and concerns I am all alone in respects of having support "for" the church. They are all but happy to hear my doubts and all but encourage me to leave.

I have continued my research of the church at websites that say they are greatly interested in objective views of the LDS church history and BoM evidences. I read these trying to gain a testimony of the book of mormon and I continue to falter.

I am having a problem because in my heart I feel like this church is the best church on the planet for having a christlike life. I may not be able to say that this church is THE church of jesus christ yet...but I know that out of all of the churches I've been in this is the one that makes sense for me.

In my heart I feel great about this church and scriptures...

In my mind, who thrives on logic and reason, some of the evidences that seem plausible that contradict the church and its standard works is devastating to me.

What should I do? I feel so discouraged. I went to a website that some former members of the church frequent and posted a similar post...hoping that perhaps some of the people there would understand some of my feelings. In the end though, they are firmly of the opinion that this church is a cult and that I should RUN not walk to the resignation line. Obviously, this does not help me at all. All it has done is make my feeling of discord stronger.

Well what if I don't want to resign? What if I actually believe in the BoM?

I hope that none of this post raises contention...I firmly believe in my heart that I would rather suffer in silence than cause other people problems or to have doubts or concerns. I am just not sure what to do. I am so very fearful of talking about some of my historical or "logical" concerns with anybody from the ward.

I just can't take the chance of causing someone to doubt...to be a stumbling block to someone. Dear God...I just can't bare the thought. I just want to be happy and have peace!

You have all been very kind to me here...I appreciate your thoughts. I am so happy to be a member...please bear with me as I suffer through this low period. I am happy to be wrong as I know that it is through mistakes that we learn great lessons.

I recently gave a lesson on holding to the iron rod no matter how much adversity we receive and how most everyone whom may mock or scorn you now; are truely in there hearts touched by your ongoing testimony; keep standing up for what is right always! you will be amazed in due time at just whom is watching your actions.:)

[Wildflower]

I have always liked this website and it has a lot of information. I usually recommend it to anyone who is struggling - it has a lot of good info on book of mormon evidences and various issues that critics tend to bring up

Answers About Mormons and Mormon Belief (LDS FAQ - Latter-day Saints)

[Just_A_Guy]

I have continued my research of the church at websites that say they are greatly interested in objective views of the LDS church history and BoM evidences.

Objectivity is like power, etiquette, or chastity. Anyone who feels compelled to come right out and claim he possesses it . . . probably doesn't.

Edited September 3, 2009 by Just_A_Guy

[Ezequiel]

Wow, I understand your heartache to an extenct. I have encoutered this sort of testomny-crushers before. It sucks.

Let me just come out and say it. Dont regret your decision. Going into the waters of baptism has been possibly the single best idea you've ever had. You have had the opportunity to make a personal covenant between you and God - the Father and Creator of all things. And you've done it by someone who has the right authority to do it! That is something sacred and divine, and sadly not many people has had the chance. What a wonderful joy and opportunity. This is the way we bind ourselves to God. I congratulate you for your decision!!!

Now, I must admit that naturally with a covenant of such great worth, you better believe that Satan - the father of all lies - and his hosts will try to do every single thing to hold you back! My only advice for you, is to counter all this doubt with knowledge. Pure, wholesome, spiritual knowledge. I can promise you that by meaningful study, prayer and fasting, you can have the Spirit bear witness of truth to your very soul. These feeling sometimes can be strong enough to conquer the frail and limited knowledge of man. In that manner, you can "see without seeing, and hear without hearing." That is how we gain spiritual knowledge.

I encourage you to go and study your scriptures. Feast on them. Devour them! Become a scholar and a master of your scriptures. If you dont understand something, look for truth in other trustworthy sourcess, like gospel manuals and our inspired leaders. Learn how the Spirit works and communicates with you, because no one can disprove what the Spirit has taught you on a personal one-on-one level. Its a very intimate and profound thing, and sometimes we will doubt and feel confused, but those feelings will remain and they will be hard to let go of. If you can remember when the missionaries would come over and ask you to read your scriptures and pray, it was only because they were trying to teach you how to develop this relationship.

Good luck on your quest! Dont be discouraged, because the Lord always opens the doors to those that seek and knock!

Edited September 5, 2009 by Ezequiel

[LDSVALLEY]

First I confess that I don't have time to read the replies to your post today so I may be simply repeating what others have offered.

My current calling in the church is a Ward Mission Leader, the biggest part of that role for me is to help new members become solid members. The Mission Leaders are responsible to watch over new converts for 2 years after baptism which should show you it is a long process of adjustment and understanding for most new members to go through.

Satan works hardest on people before baptism, after baptism and before attending the temple for the first time. What you are going through in my experience is very normal. When I joined 13 years ago I felt after baptism that I was left to sink or swim on my own or had to earn my membership in the church. I felt lost and wondered if I was worthy to receive all the inspirations etc that those around me kept talking about. I measured myself to them and fell very short of their apparent spirituality. I at least had the advantage that my wife and I joined together so you have things harder then I.

We all get the feel for how the Holy Ghost communicates with us in a different manner and time. It took me almost 3 years before I found it and have never lost it sense. God measures us by our progression and not how we rank compared to others. Those that I felt were "super" Mormons were not they had strong and weak points just as I. Often leaders in the Ward are so busy with squeaky wheel issues that they overlook the quite ones that go unnoticed.

I constantly receive proof that the church is true, if you seek that out you will find it so. Two days ago an investigator who is 13 asked me for a blessing before going to school. While she is friends with my daughter I don't know her really well. Her Mom came over and since she was nervous and was not sure what one was I gave my two oldest children a school blessing first. I then gave this girl hers, when done I wiped a tear from my eye and she wiped more from hers. She asked her Mom after they left "How could he know some of those things about me?" Her Mom who is also not a member replied There was no way he could, it must have come from God.

You will be attacked by Satan through others on every side. It can be hard until you have the chance to build the testimony of things like blessings etc to armour yourself against these attacks. I found logic was a huge help to me. When the Missionaries first visited I told them they could teach but had not a prayer of converting me to their brainwashing cult. SIGH. Alas I rely on Logic and logic kept telling me the things they taught made sense.

Simply the fact that there are so many active against the church tell me its real. I was posting with one how called themselves trappedinmormonhell even though they had not been a member for 15 years. I asked him if he was no longer a member and didn't believe in the teachings then why wasn't his handle freedfrommormomhell? Last time I heard from him. Logic tells me if the church was not true why would so many spend huge amounts of time actively trying to pull it down?

When we look at as you put it logical concerns especially when dealing with historical event we must remember to put ourselves into the proper historical context of the events first. Example could I write a book claiming it was from God? Sure give me a few weeks and the internet and I can create one that ties in well with biblical and historical information. But could the son of a dirt farmer in the early to mid 1800's who would have little chance for basic education. There are things in the Book of Mormon which simply would not have been known to someone in his situation. If the family owned a dozen books other then the bible they would have been blessed, Man's understanding from the highest levels of education at that time would have made it difficult. And what end result would he have expected from creating such a book? People were not wealthy so the cost of creating and reproducing the Book of Mormon not to mention the huge investment of time would have bee prohibitive to say the least.

Hope this helped some, sorry if it sound a bit distorted I was typing as fast as I could as I have to go. Last thing you said you would rather suffer in silence. That is not required. At church you have the Gospel Principle class for new members that is there to answer your questions and provide a basic gospel foundation. You have the Full Time Missionaries to go to as well. Hopefully you also have Home Teachers and an active Ward Mission Leader you can turn to. You are part of the Elder Quorum and the Presidency can also help you. I have a sign I made for my Gospel Principle class

The only dumb question is the one you don't ask. We all know something about some things but no one on Earth knows everything about every thing.

I wanted nothing to do ever with Missionary work and ended up called to oversee it in our Ward. It is the best calling I never wanted and would love to do it for a lifetime. Because the more I help new members the more I learn and grow. Please do not suffer in silence, if you have questions ask. Feel free to Private Message me any questions you have if you wish. I never take offense from questions, I can't promise to have all the answers but will help where I can.

Know that each and every member goes through times of turmoil with the gospel which is why we talk about endure to the end. You are not alone in your quest you are simply now one of us. The second you were confirmed a member you became equal in the eyes of the Lord as a 90 year old life long member. And the Lord needs you and your talents to further his work to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of Man. Which is why Satan redoubles his efforts after baptism to tear you away from the path.

Again please don't suffer in silence that is Satan's path not Heavenly Fathers when you deny others the opportunity to help with your concerns you deny them the blessings the Lord gives them for helping you.

[ryuunohono]

Hi

i recently been trying to explain the truth of the LDS church to a friend and so he gav me an anti-mormon book so i read through it and i was able to prove evrything false or inconsequential in the book except for 1 thing which i cant prove or disprove cause i dont have the resources. Anyhow the reality is through the ups and downs, just like u, i have a testimony and nothing can take away what i know to be true. Becuase of that foundation of true i know that all arguments against the church are flawed and given time and resources they can all be proved wrong.

Anyhow its times like this that u should concentrate on applying the atonement in ur life, he can empathise your situation completely as he has been through it as well. If u take the time to have a really in depth prayer on your knees humbly before the lord and go through all thats troubling you, then listen in your mind and heart he will help u i know it without a doubt

if it helps u can chat with me as well, im a good listener and always have good advice so my friends say

[jorsen]

Thank You All,

I greatly appreciate the love and support and kind words in these messages.

I will send some PM's to a few of you that have offered. I am not sure how appropriate it would be to publicly speak about some of my concerns. I have been definitely living in a bit of a 'funk' if you will. One of the most interesting things I have noticed is that despite my reservations over certain logical issues, I do find it interesting that I cannot seem to stop 'reading' about the church and what it is about.

My wife and children went to the public library in our town yesterday. Out of the 6 books I checked out, 3 of them were related to the church. I just like reading about it. Those 3 books are all ones that are positive... "Intro to Mormonism", "Building up the Kingdom" and "A Peculiar People"

A bit of a rough week too...my brother in law came in and really slammed me about how I was raising my step son. I introduced him to some rock and roll music and he really likes it a lot. I like it too from time to time, but, I am always thinking about "how can I be a good spiritual example to my family though I live in such indecision?". A lot of my desire to know the truth and not live a lie is since I know that it is not just my life that this will effect but everyone in my family.

Thanks Again for the love and support,

-Jorsen

[Grandmakabipbip]

Hey have you heard of the Joseph Smith papers ... they are great for all of this...

[Arkwelder]

When it really comes down to it, it's all about relationship...with Heavenly Father, The Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, etc. I prefer Mormonism over any other religion or philosophy because it teaches us that certain things can be known...that we don't have to rely on faith indefinitely. It doesn't necessarily come all at once, but Mormonism challenges you to think big like no other religion does, and the challenge pays off. I testify to you that the Plan of Salvation is real, and I invite you to find out for yourself. Many people here are telling you not to rely on your own logic, and they're right, but that doesn't mean the gospel is illogical; you must humble yourself and come to rely on God's logic. God will lay it all out for you in a way that makes sense; it's just that he does so incrementally (and really, is there any other way to teach?), and he only does it for people who are prepared to listen. For some more practical suggestions: Don't read about Joseph Smith, read his actual words. Same with the Book of Mormon. Don't reason it out alone, but with God. Treat it like a process. That's how I did it. I like to visit all sorts of pro and anti sites, almost as a hobby, but when it comes to my Testimony, it's between me and God...just how it should be.