My family wants to change wards.

[mommymichelle]

I've read through all the other posts regarding this and I enjoyed all of the thoughts and ideas given. I would like to share my story and gather opinions. I know that switching wards isn't something to be taken lightly and that you can't just up and move to a new ward because of petty things.

We moved into this ward about 5 years ago. Before that we had been in the same ward for 20+ years. Of course it was a hard move. We intended on moving back into our original ward boundaries within a couple of years, so we wanted to keep going to that ward. We were able to do that for awhile, then they switched our records to our new ward. Eventually we found out that we will be in our new ward boundaries for a longer period of time.

We went to our new ward a few times and then went inactive. Inactive, after years of service with our old ward. We were inactive for about 3 years. Last year we decided that we needed to get back into the church. Our kids are getting older and they need this in their lives, as well as in our home.

We started attending our new ward regularly. There have been a lot of little things happen. I know, that happens in every ward.

We don't feel like we belong. We feel like the other ward members don't feel like we are good enough to be in their midst. They only know us as "inactives" and they don't know how strong we were in the church before that.

Our bishop chastised us at my daughters baptism in front of our entire extended family and friends. He really embarrassed us and I was so close to walking out of the baptism. Everyone was kind of just looking around not knowing what to say. It was completely inappropriate.

We had a new baby, and didn't receive any calls, visits or meals from anyone in the ward. Our neighbor had a baby and she received a weeks worth of meals. The RS presidency told me she tried to call but we weren't here. I know this isn't true. We were here, we have caller id and an answering machine as well.

We haven't received any callings, until recently I was asked to be on the enrichment committee.

I feel like we've gotten the cold shoulder. I don't have any family here at all and I really want to lean on my ward. I want to be involved and to make them my family.

There have been rumors spread about us, that simply aren't true.

We are losing the spirit in our home. We dread going to church. We come home from church and I am sometimes in tears because I feel like such an outsider.

We have a very gossipy ward. Everyone hates everyone and everyone has a problem with someone. I feel like the ward is very hypocritical and negative.

We don't have home teachers or visiting teachers that come regularly.

I miss that "constant" that the church brings. I miss going to church and coming home and feeling spiritually fed.

I feel like we really need to be in a ward that is a more positive experience. We have struggled with our marriage over the past couple of years and I'm craving the spirit. I feel we really need it in our marriage right now, and we aren't getting it from our current ward.

We have prayed about this. I can't say that we've received an answer. But we've continued to go to church and to try and fit in. I feel like we are changing ourselves so that we can fit in to what they want.

The bishop of our old ward has told us we are always welcome to come to that ward. However, I want to hold a calling and to serve. I want to have home teachers and visiting teachers. I want to feel involved in our ward.

{on a side note, the ward we are currently in has quite a few members that have gone inactive because of the way they've been treated here}

I'm at a loss. We dread Sunday's. I don't want it to be like that anymore. I don't know what to do.

Edited October 11, 2009 by mommymichelle

[Maya]

Hang in there dear sister hang in there!! I been ther I done that... almost... except that my old ward was only some 24 hours away...

First advice... blow them all! YOU know why you are in the church: the gospel, the food for your spirit and you will get it even though you might not like it there. I know how hard it is. But you are right you need to do it for your kids! And yourself. Be kind, ask some of those to get back to church who have gone away asn to be your friends!

Good thing about wards is that they change. I would not have believed what a caring ward the one I am in has become. Before there were many clicks, now it is much better. However I do feel alone. I am the only memeber in the church in my family and so is my husband. There are a lot of bigger families in the church and ofcourse they have their groups which we do not belong to.

Our bishop is so fantastic. His family has taken us many times under their wings and we been there on new year and such. But I do feel certain rejection from some members, but I have decided not to allow it get me... that is one reason I am here. This is a great site for friendship and asking stupid questions about the gospel.

Keep going to Church and do the homevisitong.. even do extra so you get to know the peopel better. Be an exampel to the others in includeing everyone in your happy circle.

My husband tought that the people working in the store here were sooo sour so he starteedc to smile and wish them a good day... and now they all are smiling and wishing everyone a good day! He made a change... you can do that too!

Keep including everyone so soon you will be the leader in the RS and then you can make that ward the best in your area! Just show them how active you are. read the lessons and always be ready to answer a question, never miss a Sunday... even though you would like to.... be strong! Show them!

[mommymichelle]

Thank you for your reply.

It's so hard to deal with things like this.

[pam]

I've only been in one ward that I didn't feel like I felt a part of. Mainly because there was so much building going on that no one knew who was new or who was a longer member of the ward.

But one thing I did do..as volunteer sheets were passed around in RS asking for help with certain things, whether it be to bring in meals, help on a food assignment at a local cannery or anything else..I volunteered. Through these things I was able to meet some of the members of the ward and show that I was also willing to be a part of it as well. Things just seemed to fall into place after that.

I've always learned that service to others helps other aspects of my life.

[Faded]

It sounds like you're in a Ward that needs to change it's ways. The best way to make change in others for the better starts with you and your family.

I know that I've been in wards that seemed closed, cliquey and unaccepting. Sometimes the leaders of the Ward do tactless things. Remember that they are human and as such they are prone to make mistakes, just like everyone.

The solution is not to withdraw from the ward nor resent them. It's to become all the things you're seeing that are lacking. Home and Visiting Teachers seldom come? Try to hit 100% yourselves and then do as the prophets always direct us: Go above and beyond whenever possible when fulfilling your Home and Visiting Teaching assignments. Be the type of Ward Member that you earnestly wish everyone else was being. Don't feel accepted? Look for opportunities to help other people feel accepted. Don't feel like you fit in? Look for opportunities to make others feel like they do. Good behavior tends to be contageous. It sounds like that Ward needs it someone to wake them up. What you will always find is that when you lose yourself in love and service for others, you will find the experiences more spiritually fulfilling than you ever can otherwise. Pray for a spirit of tollerance and forgiveness of the faults of ward members while you do your level best to be the best Latter Day Saint you know how to be.

My advice would be to try that, give it your all, and see how you feel in a few months. I can promise that if you go about it with the right spirit, you'll get more out of your attendance and activity than you thought possible.

[Just_A_Guy]

My opinion:

If you can, stick it out.

But if you see this having an effect on your kids and changing the way they look at church--bail.

[skippy740]

I'm going to nitpik a little bit, so please bear with me as I hope to have a positive message in the end.

We went to our new ward a few times and then went inactive. Inactive, after years of service with our old ward. We were inactive for about 3 years. Last year we decided that we needed to get back into the church. Our kids are getting older and they need this in their lives, as well as in our home.

Your decision is only as strong as your resolve. Strange things often happen when we commit to doing something good and positive in our lives. All you have to do is stick it out and "Endure to the end". (I know, it's easier said than done.)

We started attending our new ward regularly. There have been a lot of little things happen. I know, that happens in every ward.

We don't feel like we belong. We feel like the other ward members don't feel like we are good enough to be in their midst. They only know us as "inactives" and they don't know how strong we were in the church before that.

This is NORMAL. You can't change normal. You can only change the "status quo" over time.

Our bishop chastised us at my daughters baptism in front of our entire extended family and friends. He really embarrassed us and I was so close to walking out of the baptism. Everyone was kind of just looking around not knowing what to say. It was completely inappropriate.

Agreed! However, the Bishop is part of the leadership of the ward even though he's as human as the rest of us. This may be difficult to get through, but I would suggest to not hold on to a grudge. Too much wasted energy and a dampening of your own spiritual progression.

We had a new baby, and didn't receive any calls, visits or meals from anyone in the ward. Our neighbor had a baby and she received a weeks worth of meals. The RS presidency told me she tried to call but we weren't here. I know this isn't true. We were here, we have caller id and an answering machine as well.

We haven't received any callings, until recently I was asked to be on the enrichment committee.

One of the ways that Satan gets to us is to begin comparing ourselves to others. Perhaps the other family was more active during this time and got more attention? "The squeaky wheel gets the grease" comes to mind.

Stop comparing your experience to others. This is another one of those things that's "easier said than done". But if you continue to dwell on the past, it will have a very tight grip on your future.

I feel like we've gotten the cold shoulder. I don't have any family here at all and I really want to lean on my ward. I want to be involved and to make them my family.

There have been rumors spread about us, that simply aren't true.

We are losing the spirit in our home. We dread going to church. We come home from church and I am sometimes in tears because I feel like such an outsider.

We have a very gossipy ward. Everyone hates everyone and everyone has a problem with someone. I feel like the ward is very hypocritical and negative.

What are you going to do to change this? Charity and love begin at home and with you. You can't expect to change others without first changing yourself.

We don't have home teachers or visiting teachers that come regularly.

Are you a visiting teacher? How well are you doing in this area? If you're not, ASK.

If you're not getting visits, ASK for them. FIND out who they are. If anything, you can call them yourself and schedule the visits.

I miss that "constant" that the church brings. I miss going to church and coming home and feeling spiritually fed.

I feel like we really need to be in a ward that is a more positive experience. We have struggled with our marriage over the past couple of years and I'm craving the spirit. I feel we really need it in our marriage right now, and we aren't getting it from our current ward.

It looks like you were used to a ward that can spiritually feed you. Looks like the tables are turned and the ward needs you to spiritually feed THEM. You see the difference! "Be the miracle!"

To back up a little bit, I lost my parents when I was 20. We lived in our "old ward". The ward members there became our family. They were there for me. They loved me. When we left that ward, I feel like we left our family. I don't have any other family and I sincerely want more than anything to go back into their fold. I really need that in my life right now.

We have prayed about this. I can't say that we've received an answer. But we've continued to go to church and to try and fit in. I feel like we are changing ourselves so that we can fit in to what they want.

"Caving in to peer pressure" are we?

The bishop of our old ward has told us we are always welcome to come to that ward. However, I want to hold a calling and to serve. I want to have home teachers and visiting teachers. I want to feel involved in our ward.

So go back to that Bishop and ASK for a calling! ASK to find out who your home teachers and visiting teachers are. ASK and schedule their visits.

(Hint: They MAY have thought you were "indifferent" to the church, so they stopped trying. Make yourself known!)

{on a side note, the ward we are currently in has quite a few members that have gone inactive because of the way they've been treated here}

I'm at a loss. We dread Sunday's. I don't want it to be like that anymore. I don't know what to do.

FIND out who they are and visit them yourself. It's time to feel EMPOWERED! YOU can make a difference with the LORD's help and the SPIRIT to guide you.

None of this stuff will be easy. This won't be an easy road. But try to do EVERYTHING within your power and at least you can't say "I didn't try".

I hope this helps?

Don't forget to read my signature below.

Edited October 11, 2009 by skippy740

[Maya]

It is hard I know... do you have a chanse to chop wood? If not get a treetrunk and some nails and hit them in the trunk... feels so much better, and the partner and kids dont need to ber it... they can join you in hitting the nails...

[MarginOfError]

The best thing to do to stick it to people like this is be the first to volunteer for everything, and do it better than they do. Always get your visiting and home teaching done, and report it early. Make them feel ashamed for not being as active and committed as you are. muahahahahahaha

[annewandering]

Sounds like they need you at least as much as you need them. They need you to show them that they are wrong in judging. They need you show them that they are wrong to ignore people out of their comfort zone. They need you to help bring love back into that ward.

You can do it. All the suggestions given in this thread are good to remember as you strengthen your resolve. These people may never be the best friends you ever had but I would take bets they can become just that.

[beefche]

Forgive. Forgive others for not being perfect. Forgive others for not meeting your needs when you needed it. Forgive others for cold shoulders, harsh words, embarrassing you, making you feel less, etc. Forgive.

It is so easy to focus on negatives. It's easy to allow your thoughts to interfere with truth--meaning, you may think someone gave you the cold shoulder when in reality they were focused so much on their life and truly didn't see you.

Begin again. Go to church and kill people with kindness. Be faithful in your callings (including VT/HT), volunteer cheerfully to help others.

Why do you think you were such an important part of your old ward? Because you had friends and served. Make friends--invite people to your home for dinner/games. I can guarantee that SOMEONE in your new ward feels very alone and friendless. Be that friend. Become an important part of this ward through service.