My Trip to Paris, now Has more meaning.

[SuperAlbeee]

I'm glad you are starting to view your situation more rationally. I myself have made some serious mistakes in my life with relationships all because I followed my heart and acted on compassion.

In turn I have had my compassion used and abused. The golden rule is wisdom and compassion together.

I know that having bad life experiences has made me who I am. I would like to share that sometimes we are tried and tested with life situations, which is designed to bring us closer to God and to strengthen our faith.

Whilst there is pain of losing love because you decide to walk away from an unwise situation, there could be much more pain and suffering if you remain and endure your risky situation which could affect the rest of your life.

Let God heal your pain over bad relationships, as he has done for me.

See this situation as a chance to make a new beginning for yourself by repenting firstly. Deal with YOURSELF first and your relationship with God.

Then follow the path God sets out for you. It has been promised to us, that if we are obedient, God will bless you.

I know that God blesses us in the things which we practice. Ie- the law of tithing, we will be blessed in our finances. The word of wisdom - we will be blessed with good health.

The law of chasisty - we will be blessed with a husband/ wife and family.

Knowing those promises which God has given us and our faith in him and our Saviour Jesus Christ, are the only things you should be taking great leaps of faith in.

Not a girl on earth who has been lying and manipulating you since you met her and using your compassion, and who you don't know enough about to take as your girlfriend let alone marry.

My bishop told me recently "the gospel is very simple and the path is straight... if you stick to it, God will bless you"

Good luck. God bless you.

[xoomer]

Just got done talking to her, She was crying the entire time. She didn't tell me because she was afraid. afraid that I would leave her. The babies due date is April 27th. She wants me there. she thought about abortion when she found out it wasn't mine because she didn't want to scare me away. But then she decided that she couldn't do that because that would make me mad. and definitely leave her. I asked her if she had been reading the BOM that I sent her and she told me yes. I asked her if she would go to services for me, while in Paris and she agreed.

So, after actually talking to her for about an hour. We came to a partial decision. That we would take our time. I would come visit a couple more times. we would continue to talk on a regular basis, and that things aren't the same. But it doesn't make a difference to me weather the kid is mine or not. She came clean to me. she told me why and she lied.

I'm not happy about the situation. But I still Really care about her. the advice I have gotten on this board has been a huge help in letting me handle this, I told her that this does change things. but I still have feelings for her. I don't know yet if I'm gonna marry her. I don't know yet if It will even work out. but I'm gonna give it a shot, She was sincere today when I talked to her. She was crying most of the time.

Only God knows what happens from here.

[SuperAlbeee]

Good to hear you talked with her and told her what you were feeling and that you guys need to slow down take a step back and that you will come to visit.

Obviously she would be upset... but please do not allow her tears to influence the rational behind your decision. In the end you won't be with her for love but pity. And that is one of the worse foundations for a relationship.

In the meantime, did you find out what she is doing in Paris? How is she able to stay in Paris? How will she pay for her hospital treatment when she has the baby? How is she working? Is she asking you for money?

Because if she is an illegal immigrant in France... that also says a lot about her character.

Becareful, don't let her manipulate you into sending her money. Even if you are close and you love her. If she wants help tell her she has to contact her family or go to the church for help.

[SuperAlbeee]

PS- whilst I think it's great that she loves you enough to ask you to be there for the birth, I think that it will not help you "take a step back" and take the relationship slowly or rationally.

By being there you will be "assumming" a fatherly role and will make an emotional connection to a child which isn't yours to a person you haven't committed yourself to.

I think that's a bit emotionally manipulating to ask this early for you to be at the birth, considering you just made it clear you don't know if you want to marry her and need to take things slow.

Have a VERY VERY long hard think before you agreed to be her birthing partner. I know it's nice to day dream about being an instant father and making a bond with a child but as I wrote earlier... you need to view your situation VERY VERY rationally.

IF you felt it would be the wrong decision to be her birthing partner, for the reason I have mentioned, I don't think it would be offensive or wrong to suggest it should be her sister.

When and if you decide to marry her LATER down the track after you she has converted, you have repented (yourself) and you actually get to know her and have a normal relationship... then you have all the time in the world to have your own biological children together and can attend those births. This is a complicated situation she has put you in. Please think very very carefully before you agreeing to attend the birth. And for goodness sake, do not let the hospital put your name on the birth certificate if you are both not married. You could have some real legal issues later down the track.

[Guest]

Omigosh SuperAlbee! You just gave my brain a little nudge.

FACT: A LOT OF FILIPINOS GO TO FRANCE ILLEGALLY AND WORK AS DOMESTIC HELPERS. A LOT OF THEM ARE "TRAFFICKED" INTO THE COUNTRY AND WORK LIKE SLAVES.

It is so rampant that they even made a movie out of it.

Although, I feel compassion for my countrymen who will do anything to improve their station in life, I also believe that most of these people will do almost ANYTHING to get ahead.

Xoomer, this is more bad news. The fact that this girl got hooked up with gullible you within 16 days is starting to fit the puzzle. She needs a father for that baby and YOU are the target. The promise of America and all that!

Xoomer, these type of people are the ones that will divorce you the day after they get their US green card then sue you for alimony on top of child support.

Crying on the phone is not proof she's communicating. Trust me on this. I can cry anytime I want to manipulate my husband. Of course I don't do it because I'm not the type of person to do that to him. But I wouldn't put it past this girl!

The thing is - her family is in on the snag. It's a common Filipino thing. You are being used, my man!

See what breaking the law of chastity can do to an upstanding priesthood holder?

CUT YOUR LOSSES AND CONCENTRATE ON YOURSELF FOR A WHILE.

[Guest]

P.S. -

Don't worry too much about the baby. Filipino families take care of their own.

[pam]

She was sincere today when I talked to her. She was crying most of the time.

Crying doesn't equal sincerity.

[SuperAlbeee]

Omigosh SuperAlbee! You just gave my brain a little nudge.

FACT: A LOT OF FILIPINOS GO TO FRANCE ILLEGALLY AND WORK AS DOMESTIC HELPERS. A LOT OF THEM ARE "TRAFFICKED" INTO THE COUNTRY AND WORK LIKE SLAVES.

Xoomer, this is more bad news. The fact that this girl got hooked up with gullible you within 16 days is starting to fit the puzzle. She needs a father for that baby and YOU are the target. The promise of America and all that!

Xoomer, these type of people are the ones that will divorce you the day after they get their US green card then sue you for alimony on top of child support.

Crying on the phone is not proof she's communicating. Trust me on this. I can cry anytime I want to manipulate my husband. Of course I don't do it because I'm not the type of person to do that to him. But I wouldn't put it past this girl!

The thing is - her family is in on the snag. It's a common Filipino thing. You are being used, my man!

See what breaking the law of chastity can do to an upstanding priesthood holder?

CUT YOUR LOSSES AND CONCENTRATE ON YOURSELF FOR A WHILE.

This is where I was going with my information about Filipinos working in Paris.

It's just not possible unless she is a student, and it still doesn't add up. Because of the likely socio economic situation for most Fillipino people.

Go onto a French Embassy website and look at the visa requirements yourself. You'll see she is highly unlikely eligible to live in France legally. Fact is EVERYONE wants to live and work in France. They have one of the best health care systems in the world... yes it is better than the US because it's 100% free and they have the best treatment in the world. Education is free (including university), and the standard is very high. Not to mention it's one of the most beautiful places in the world. And their welfare system is excellent.

Every 10 years or so, the government try to do something about illegal immigrants and give the illegal ones citizenship... because they have been there so long. And then they crack down on their borders. It's a cycle.

I don't know what the situation is in europe when Filipinos, but the situation in China and HongKong is even worse. Filipino women living abroad are sadly renoun for house cleaners and prostitution. I respect the ones who come to china and HK to work and send money home to their families, but I don't respect the one who work as sex workers.

I'm very sorry to suggest this, but it is a logical explaination to why she is pregnant with another man's child and why she can lie and manipulate you.

Women in prostitutes are professionals at lying and manipulating men. That is the art of what they do for money.

This situation is HIGHLY RISKY and I believe you may be manipulated by her. Other than repenting you might actually want to get a sexual health check to ensure your health has not been affected. The last thing you need.

As I've said earlier, you may think you know this girl, but you don't, nor do you know who she has been with. Not using protection is serious. It only takes one person to infect you with an STI and some STIs do not have any symptoms.

Look after yourself and your health and keep all of this advice in mind.

[Bini]

SuperAlbeee and Anatess, make valid points.

I have a semi-personal story to share, and by semi, I mean that this happened to a family friend. He's an Italian-American and very well off. His occupation is what sends him across the globe to do business. On one particular business trip to Hong Kong, he met a seemingly lovely Filipina that worked as a lounge singer, at the 5-star hotel he resided at. During his stay there, a whirlwind romance blossomed and from then on, he made several non-business trips to HK just to see her. Well she ended up getting pregnant and it was not planned. But because the two were so madly in love, it was an easy solution, they'd marry and she'd move to the United States. And that's exactly what happened.

They were not married long. In fact, she is now with another man that supposedly has much more money than our friend and can promise her a spotlight career singing again.. Our friend on the other hand, has been left with three children, that she has said he can have full custody of because she never wanted to be a mother anyway, and heartbroken.

Have your eyes wide open. Alike others, I feel you are being snowballed and manipulated by this woman.

[SuperAlbeee]

SuperAlbeee and Anatess, make valid points.

I have a semi-personal story to share, and by semi, I mean that this happened to a family friend. He's an Italian-American and very well off. His occupation is what sends him across the globe to do business. On one particular business trip to Hong Kong, he met a seemingly lovely Filipina that worked as a lounge singer, at the 5-star hotel he resided at. During his stay there, a whirlwind romance blossomed and from then on, he made several non-business trips to HK just to see her. Well she ended up getting pregnant and it was not planned. But because the two were so madly in love, it was an easy solution, they'd marry and she'd move to the United States. And that's exactly what happened.

They were not married long. In fact, she is now with another man that supposedly has much more money than our friend and can promise her a spotlight career singing again.. Our friend on the other hand, has been left with three children, that she has said he can have full custody of because she never wanted to be a mother anyway, and heartbroken.

Have your eyes wide open. Alike others, I feel you are being snowballed and manipulated by this woman.

I completely agree!!!

There is a famous woman who used to be a Fillapino house maid to a famous multi millionaire in Australia, Lang Hancock. Rose Porteous- google her. She is famous for being married three times, and the third marriage was to the country's wealthiest men. Guess what??....he died left her a fortune, which she profitted from. His daughter saw through Rose Porteous and tried to sue Rose for marrying her father for his fortune and attributing to death. She got sued by a law firm for legal fees.

She is now disgusting rich and lives very lavishly. The Australian public hate her. She gives Fillapino women a bad name.

I am not slandering or generalisation about all Fillapino women. I have a couple of friends who are lds Fillapinos. They are warm sweet generous caring people who work hard, not married, good morals and values.

But reality is, this is a problem in world, and gives Fillapino women a very bad reputation.

Don't get manipulated it could ruin your life.

[Maya]

Life is hard. I suppose you have told her about your bipolaris? You know that it is enheritable. A child by someone else may even be a blessing... Sometimes I really wish we did not need to make so many decitions that affect our lives!

All I can say is Pray! Ask Him! And when you make your decition KEEP to it! Dont think about it again! Dont look back! (heh that was easy to say...)

[SuperAlbeee]

P.S. -

Don't worry too much about the baby. Filipino families take care of their own.

Very interesting, but something which has never once been mentioned is about her telling you WHO the other father is and what his involvement will be. Surely he would like meet his son or daughter and be at the birth? Why is he abandoning her now if they had a loving relationship?

Surely she had some sort of relationship with the biological father. And if not, why won't he take responsibility? Or was it just another fly by short lived romance ?

We're talking about looking at her 'behaviour' here and morals and standards.

What do you want with a woman who gives her self so easily to men in a short space of time and has unprotected sex.

You were talking about marrying a women like this? How can you consider it when you, yourself are an LDS Christian and have been brought up with higher standards than this.

Even by non lds life style.... this type of behaviour, having unprotected sex with 2 different guys in a short period of time is utterly stupid, risky, irresponsible and not respectable.

Even if non LDS girls have sex before marriage (because they are not religious, it's acceptable in society, they don't understand or embrace the gospel).

!!!! it doesn't mean they sleep people just like that if they like a guy. Other non lds women would view that behaviour as wrong.

And if her attitude and behaviour is like that, there's an even higher chance she would have had a lot more unprotected sex in the past which makes the risk of STIs even higher in her.

There is a really famous quote in Australia:

When you sleep with someone, you are also sleeping with everyone that person has slept with. And you see a picture of a messed up double bed.. and to one side you see many empty messed up beds.

Most normal non LDS women will take time to know guy and decide if there can relationship before they give themselves. They go out on dates, they are picky about who they want. How can this girl expect to have a long term relationship with a tourist from the U.S?

In mainstream non LDS society, yes women do have sex outside of marriage but a lot of them are educated to use protection, both birth control (if they are sexually active) AND protection from STIs.

I don't think this girl is even fitting the standards of a non lds girls. Who has unprotected sex with 2 men in a short space of time? The seoncd one being a US tourist who could just have his fling and go home and never call or write to her again.

AND I'm sorry I will be very frank... some married couples have a lot of trouble conceiving. It can take many months, sometimes years of trying. Women who fall pregnant accidently must be COMPLETELY careless about birthcontrol in more ways than one.

Another other issue is:

Surely she could be pursuing legal avenues to get the biological father to pay child support. Or is it that she is not even a legally allowed to be in France to claim such a thing because it would bring attention to the fact she is in the country illegally?

The more and more I think about your situation the more I'm convinced she is not of good morals and values and might be manipulating you.

How do you know she didn't TRY to fall pregnant with the other guy?

Just because you are infatuated with someone... (that is also what this could be, love and infatuation often get confused), doesn't mean you have to suddenly be a good christian, step up and save her.

This girl has been completely irresponsible about birth control, protection from STIs and choosing wisely who she has sexual relationships with.

That is HER agency and she is now in a position where she has to account for the consequences. She is not married and pregnant not living in her home country. I would also assume she doesn't have much money either.

If she is not going to get any support from the biological father, not in a financial position to look after her own baby, in a foreign country without welfare, then she may even want to put this baby up for adoption to a couple who CAN not have children of their own, have a secure home, loving marriage, great environment.

As a good Christian, you should know that a child has the right to born to loving parents who are married and have a loving secure home.

What will this child's future be like? What about it's education? Which country is it going to live in?

If she can not offer this these key things to her child, then I think she should strongly consider giving the child up for adoption.

One person's mistake can be a married couple's blessing.

I know a couple who are medically unable have children, and it breaks my heart to see them getting older.. getting to their mid 40s now, frustrated from sitting on a VERY slow national waiting list to adopt. This couple are amazing, intelligent, active, loving people who would make the most fantastic parents. They have a very loving marriage, beautiful architectural home (the husband is an architect) they are ver happy and yet... they feel incomplete because they can not physcially produce their own children.

These are the types of people who are parents in waiting to adopt.

If her Fillapino family want to take care of the baby, what if they are already poor? Won't this place a burden on their family?

The LDS Church have services for unwanted pregnancies. Look on the LDS website. It has some very good information.

[Maya]

An other thing, in my country, you cant move to an other country with the kid, whos other parent lives in this country! You ahve to satay here adn preferably CLOSE to the father so the kid can pendle from mon to father like a week here week there.. some even have a house for kids where they take turns in living equally long time each year. Yes the father is good to know. Also here the mothers who decide to live alone with te kid get 1000$ a month to survive... as much as a low wages... and that is on TOP of the salary you get part of it is from the man, he has to pay at lest 7.000 every month for the kid. So she will be fine after all it is an European country... IF she has the card of recidence that is.

[MsQwerty]

The babies due date is April 27th. She wants me there. she thought about abortion when she found out it wasn't mine

Pardon me for dropping into the conversation here, but I just had a thought. The baby is due in April, which means she has been pregnant for at least five months. If I read you right, you only met this woman recently. Therefore she would have known for sure that she was pregnant when she met you - and outrightly lied to you by saying she was a virgin. You then said you were 'sure' she was a virgin too, which means she must have put on a real inexperienced act for you at the time you had sex.

Now she's telling you that she thought about abortion when she 'found out' it wasn't yours? That is for sure another lie, because she would have already known she was pregnant to another man before she met you.

Where is the man who got her pregnant? Has she told you who he is? Has he abandoned her because she is pregnant? Or is he around somewhere? Does he want to know his child? Does he even know he has a child on the way?

I'm sorry, but it really does sound like she's still not being honest with you, even in your recent tear-filled conversation where she said she 'found out' it wasn't yours, when she's known it was someone else's since before she met you.

This poor woman is doing what she can to survive, I can understand that from her perspective. You have been very forgiving, and because you feel as though you had a genuinely loving connection with her, I can understand your attachment to her in spite of the dishonesty. But it really does sound like two people with desperate needs have randomly collided, her need is for someone to take care of her and her baby, and your need is for love. But it sounds like neither of you are equipped to fill the void you both have in your lives.

Have you asked her how she got to live in Paris? Does she have a visa to show you as proof of what she's saying? That would be pretty easy to verify, she'd just have to open her purse and show it to you. You'd immediately see if it's a work, study, tourist or possibly even a spouse visa - ask her and see what she says. If it's all in french and you don't understand it, get someone you know to interpret it for you.

Her dishonesty thus far will only bring both of you heartache unless she can come completely clean and tell you the entire truth about how she got pregnant and why she lied to you about the baby being yours. If she does that much, then just maybe you two can start with a clean slate - otherwise your relationship will be founded on lies and manipulation and it's only a matter of time before your sadness turns to bitterness towards her.

I was also thinking that if she is 34, there is also a possibility she might have been married before, that's something else you should probably ask her about.

Another poster made a wise suggestion that you get a medical checkup - some sexually transmitted diseases have no symptoms until much later. Don't forget that HIV is still rampant in the world.

Most importantly, your spiritual health should come first. Your bishop will know how to guide you through this time of turmoil, please listen to him.

Wishing you luck.

[xoomer]

My bishop has not gotten back to me on this subject. I talked to him. he told me he would call me.

I am leaning strongly towards walking away. I am afraid to be alone. I don't do well. I'm thinking about re-enlisting in the military. My career is going no where, and my country is all I have. I've given my country a good portion of my life. (reserve time) and it will take my mind of some of the crappy things that have happened.

I have had bad relationship after bad relationship. I end up going for girls with kids. and I end up being dad. I'm thinking that its time for me to just give up. I don't know.

I guess I'm rambling.

[Maya]

Never give up X! After all my DH found me, moi, when he was almost 50... I think you stil have some years left... Ok I had 2 kids from before but we even got 2 wonderful boys of our own! :)

If you keep to the truth and on the right path youll find her... maybe she is making some wrong turns at the moment and you two can not meet yet.

Maybe you just are looking from a wrong place. Look for LDS girl. Maybe after 5 years you find ouit it was her after all adn then she has been a mamber for some time... hopefully, or then the reading of the BoM is just to get you.

I think you have stil plenty of time....

[xoomer]

There was this Lady at my ward, about my age who had just converted. I liked her quite a bit. before all of this.

Hmm...

[SuperAlbeee]

XOOMER DON'T GIVE UP AND DON'T SETTLE FOR JUST ANYTHING

Marriage. committment and family is one of the biggest things in life for an individual. The myth is, that is will make them feel complete.

A friend of mine said once: "it to whole people to make a relationship not two half people"

Another friend recently said to me that a bishop told her once: Marriage is like a garden. You have your garden the other person has theirs. Meaning what ever YOU cultivate in your garden, you will take with you into your marriage.

The garden represents ourselves: spirituality strength and committment, finances, self estem, well being, health, lifestyle.

The objective is to both have nourished, well looked after colourful looking gardens. Two full individuals. Who don't let each other down, or rely on the other for their well being and self estem for their nourishment- which they didn't have in their garden.

A man who doesn't want to be alone at 26 years young, has some work to do in his garden.

Get your life in order, give yourself some nourishment, get your spirituality back on track and keep it on track, get everything ready in your life so that when you have another half who has put in the hard work into her own life to make it full as well, you're sure going to have a marriage with 2 strong individuals who love each other.

If you are not coping the next few days without counsell from your bishop... if it were me, I would tell your lady friend you are going away for the weekend and won't be contactable.

You're clearly confused and talking to her on the phone and allowing her to cry and manipulating you is not going to help your situation.

Have some time and space to yourself. Or spend time with your family. Be around good people to get you through the next days.

If that's not an option, go away for the weekend somewhere nice. BE PATIENT, PRAY a lot, try to fast, it REALLY REALLY works, READ your scriptures to help you get answers.

And when the bishop is available, tell him everything and let God and the bishop guide you.

What ever you decide to do for yourself if you choose not to be with this woman, ie- joining the military again. Make sure that choice will help you grow and cultivate your own garden.

I hope you work it out.

God bless you.

[Maya]

There was this Lady at my ward, about my age who had just converted. I liked her quite a bit. before all of this.

Hmm...

Remeber to be honest about yout past. Something ... ghosts ... of my DHs past almost ruined us as he did not tell me... in fear telling would destroy us. The not telling was REALLY close in doing that rather than if he had told. But we sure had saved us for a LOT of problems if he had been totally honest. Good thing about it was that I can now trust him 200%. He would NEVER lie or tell half truths to me again. So I never ask him what I look like... After all I am always 21 and look accordingly!

[john doe]

Well, #1 you need to stop being a doormat. Your insecurities are what's causing you to make these bad decisions. You're afraid to be alone so you latch onto any woman who will give you the time of day. Grow up, be a man, be the kind of person you want to be and know God wants you to be. When you do those thing, the other stuff will begin to take care of themselves. If you are a righteous man who is living a clean life, you will be able to meet the right kind of woman who is truly looking for a man with those qualities. She may have kids, she may not, it doesn't matter. But you rarely find a gold nugget rummaging through the trash. You have to be the right kind of man looking in the right places to find the right kind of woman.

[beefche]

Wise, wise words, jd.

[xoomer]

John doe. Love your XKCD Avatar... Although longer I would like to use the Dear God, YES MY CHILD? I would like to file a bug report

[xoomer]

Spoke to my Bishop today. He talked to me about what would have happened if I had been a M. priesthood holder, and he told me that I need to think about it, and he also gave me advice about what to do. And the words that he gave me, were the same as I had come to think, Trust. I can't go into a marriage without trust. I told him, my plan. Was to slow it down. and try and see if I could rebuild the trust, and see if there was a chance. I'm not gonna run away but I will walk and see what happens. I also Got A hair cut...

But he also told me that I should go to the Des Moines Ward for sacrament because It is at 9. and ours it at 11 so at least that solves that problem.

now if only I can get to ward coordination and meet with the missionaries and quit smoking. and and and and