Confusing thing about 2 missionaries..will you please help?

[AlixPaige]

I am 18 and my boyfriend is about to leave the MTC to go to the Philippines.

But, even before starting to date him over a year ago I had been wondering about marriage and love just as any normal girl does. Well, I constantly searched(scriptures, prayer,promptings). and nothing ever happened.

About a month ago I was sitting in seminary. And I felt this prompting that this certain guy I have only said hi to once would come into my life. And it was totally unrelated with the lesson. It was such an amazing feeling and cleared up all the things I had been wondering for the past year.

This feels right.

also the missionary i got the prompting about is the brother of a guy I used to have a major crush and even when I liked him I never got as strong as feeling as this prompting.

So just to clear everything up:

#1 would the holy ghost really confirm to me saying that i will meet this guy?(specific name given in the feeling)I know of him, but the most I ever said to him was hello..once

#2 this guy is on a mission and I guessing he will be home in may since he left in may 2 years ago.

#3 in my patriachal blessing a few weeks ago when it came to the marriage part. all i could think about was the guy the holy ghost confirmed to me.

#4 is there anyway that if i am feeling this, that the guy is too? even though we have only said hello 2 years ago.

help..

some people might think this is psycho though...is it?

[Shazz]

1. If you prayed deeply for this certain someone, I think it would be revealed to you later on in life, if you happen to run into him on occasion for whatever reason.

3. Then I would start out by going to his return talk and the small party at his house after church.

4. Umm... with that little talk, from the high school years thats pretty hard for the guy I think. He would of just got done serving a mission. Short friendly conversations would be good to get back in touch. If you wrote him or he wrote you on the mission it could bring back thoughts etc.

Yes you are psycho.

(jk)

[Wingnut]

Coming into your life doesn't necessarily mean as a boyfriend.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Alix:

I'm glad you're approaching this spiritually -- however, I know firsthand how confusing love can be. I also realize that romantic feelings, adrenalin, and even infatuation can be powerful feelings that can be confused with spiritual feelings.

To really decide if this guy is for you, you need to spend time with him. While I know there are instances of love at first sight, or prompting at first site, I'd be careful of basing an expectation of marriage on him just yet.

I think your best approach is to follow the advice of Spencer W. Kimball and spend a lot of time with the person you think you might marry. Sometimes the promptings are there to give you experience, not to point to "Mr. Eternal Right". I felt prompted to pursue one woman, and then we got engaged, and then it blew up in the most painful manner. But I learned VOLUMES about her personality, and what characteristics were wrong for me in a spouse. So perhaps the spiritual feeling you had was to lead you to an experience, not to marriage.

Edited December 14, 2009 by mormonmusic

[FairChild]

Slow down and hold on to your horses. With whomever you decided to date, take your time, enjoy a courtship and build a relationship that will create a firm foundation for all the joy and the problems to fit upon. I am not saying this person you mention will be or will not be the one, but whatever you do, take your time and start with an honest friendship first. That will help you survive whatever comes.

[nzorient]

Hello, it's awesome how you are seeking for help from the Holy Ghost. For me, I think there are two parts to choosing the right partner.

You are doing the first part which is the spiritual guidance. Spirituality is also important in a successful relationship - The Prophet counseled that husband and wife should pray together. You must have a level of spirituality, individually - and your partner should have a similar level of spirituality, individually too.

The second part is the temporal side such as intimacy, abilities, skills, personality, behaviors and attitudes.

It's important you write down in your journal what you want in your man (but don't make the list tooooooo long). Not everyone is like Nephi Because once you get married, it's not good to decide that he's not meeting your needs, and things will just go down hill if you feel disappointed.

One book that i'm reading is "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Great book!! Lots of information in there that'll help open your view of relationships and may help you make the right choice.

Ask yourself, is he the one that I want to grow old with?

Good luck

[MarginOfError]

I'll just give you the advice my dad gave me. "You have not business even thinking about marriage until you've been on dates with at least 50 different people."

You're still young. Enjoy a couple years of college before you get sucked into the love fest.

[FunkyTown]

I have an addendum to what Moe says:

D&C 8:9:

"But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right."

If the HS is telling you to go after this guy, know that it isn't pre-empting your free will. You've only said one thing to this person and it would be difficult to study this out in your mind with so little information.

However, if you like this guy: Go for it! Ask him out. It may or may not work out. He may or may not say yes. You may or may not get your heart broken or it may or may not turn out great. The only way to live this life is to actually go out and do something. Make the first move and don't be afraid of the scars you'll get along the way.

Your other choice is to sit pining from afar, desperately hoping that he will get the same answer you did and then act upon that answer.

[Taldarin]

I don't believe real spiritual promptings come when everything else you're thinking about and studying(ie, the lesson) has nothing at all to do with said prompting.

If you're in a class, the spirit will probably give you promptings about the lesson and how you can use it. But if you're being taught tithing and then suddenly you feel like you should marry some guy you haven't seen in two years... Not really.

Edited December 14, 2009 by Taldarin

[AlixPaige]

Taldarin---thats not how I meant it.

The scripture FunkyTown shared was how I felt(and thank you FT by the way for sharing that..I have been trying to find a scripture about this stuff forever!)...that burning in your bosom feeling...that really weird enjoyable feeling you get..no chills but literally that overwhelming feeling.

[bmy-]

Taldarin---thats not how I meant it.

The scripture FunkyTown shared was how I felt(and thank you FT by the way for sharing that..I have been trying to find a scripture about this stuff forever!)...that burning in your bosom feeling...that really weird enjoyable feeling you get..no chills but literally that overwhelming feeling.

The issue with this is.. and from your story this is not what happened. It can't hurt to give it another go I suppose.

"But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right."

[AlixPaige]

haha wow...i put prompting....i really truly meant burning of bosom because that is what I felt.

[Taldarin]

...or it could be your brain creating sensations due to a strong inner desire to be with someone/get married.

It happens.

One time a hypnotist hypnotized my friend and told him that a cardboard box was an 1,000 pound anvil, and then told him to lift it up. The kid struggled with all of his strength to move the cardboard "anvil", and couldn't do a thing.

The mind is a powerful thing.

I stand by what I said-if the prompting had nothing to do with the lesson, it probably wasn't a real prompting.

[AlixPaige]

the spirit can send you in a different direction during class though...like you are going off on your own little adventure and that the spirit is telling you something you needed to know personally. I know so because 1)we discussed that being a very likely possibility and it really has been this year for lots of kids in my class. Its the most spiritual and amazing seminary class I have ever been in and I'm positive that it was from the spirit because I had been trying to find answers about right decisions,the future,the present,actions from the past. And when I felt what I felt it had totally answered all those things I just lisited and it was very warm feeling that brought a very true smile to my face and I have felt just as strong as I did then still.

Trust me on this one: Im a huge thinker.I would have thought all this was just dumb and useless to me by now if I knew it didnt come from the spirit.

The feeling received by the spirit felt like warm fuzzies that brought goosebumps(in a good way) and brought a real true smile to my face.

Now honestly if it was just my mind coming up with this I wouldnt feel as great about it still as I do now, and when my mind just thinks of something similar to these kinds of things in no way is there ever a burning in a bosom, a feeling of peace, warm fuzzies, and happiness.

To me those 4 things feel like the spirit.

[deseretgov]

Imconfused. If your boyfriend the one you had a promting about and is just about to leave on a mission? But then a month ago you recieved a promting about another guy. But your still dating the other guy who will be home next make because he left two years ago.

I'm so confused! Who is who and what is the situation?

[Taldarin]

the spirit can send you in a different direction during class though...like you are going off on your own little adventure and that the spirit is telling you something you needed to know personally. I know so because 1)we discussed that being a very likely possibility and it really has been this year for lots of kids in my class. Its the most spiritual and amazing seminary class I have ever been in and I'm positive that it was from the spirit because I had been trying to find answers about right decisions,the future,the present,actions from the past. And when I felt what I felt it had totally answered all those things I just lisited and it was very warm feeling that brought a very true smile to my face and I have felt just as strong as I did then still.

Trust me on this one: Im a huge thinker.I would have thought all this was just dumb and useless to me by now if I knew it didnt come from the spirit.

The feeling received by the spirit felt like warm fuzzies that brought goosebumps(in a good way) and brought a real true smile to my face.

Now honestly if it was just my mind coming up with this I wouldnt feel as great about it still as I do now, and when my mind just thinks of something similar to these kinds of things in no way is there ever a burning in a bosom, a feeling of peace, warm fuzzies, and happiness.

To me those 4 things feel like the spirit.

My ex-girlfriend had the exact same thing happen to her a while ago. The spirit apparently confirmed to her, in the same way, that she was supposed to marry me. This was before my mission. She said if that wasn't the spirit, she's never felt the spirit before. I asked my bishop, and he said that it's probably all in her head. People don't get marriages confirmed to them before 2 year missions, or to people they still don't even know. God gave us intelligence and agency so that we'd use them, and then once we've done out part, he'd confirm to us what we're doing is right.

Long story short, I got Dear John'd on my mission and I have no idea where she is now. It was apparently all in her head.

The feeling received by the spirit felt like warm fuzzies that brought goosebumps(in a good way) and brought a real true smile to my face.

I got that same feeling watching Star Wars episode 3...

I hate to be a killjoy, but I'm incredibly skeptical about situations like this because of past experiences.

[Vanhin]

I agree with dating many different guys for a while, even if this guy you are a talking about is "the one". It will make you smarter, and broaden your choices. You will have a better understanding of what kind of man you want, and what kind of man you don't want.

Regards,

Vanhin

[Guest]

Alix, I'm confused too.

So, you are still boyfriend/girlfriend with this missionary who is about to leave for the Philippines (my hometown!). He hasn't even left the MTC and you're already thinking of another guy who is about to conclude his mission... hmm... sucks to be your boyfriend - I see a major Dear John letter coming!

Okay, my advice to you. Don't decide to marry a guy you've only said 'hi' to twice before. I could be wrong but I don't think the Spirit expected you to take it that way.

Just to let you know where I'm coming from... I met my husband and that same moment I thought to myself - "There's the guy I'm going to marry.". He hasn't even noticed me yet. Anyway, we ended up talking and he's a really cool guy except he is immature (he was only 20! I was 26.). We stayed friends for over a year... never went anywhere alone - always with a bunch of friends. Never really dated or anything like that. He knows I like him and I know he likes me but we both wanted friendship more than anything else. Learned a lot about him in that year. Then, one day, he asked me out on a date - just him and me this time. And that was really wild because he took me to his church! That was our first date! Actually, it was also his first time back because he was inactive for 5 years or so. I was Catholic. Anyway, he asked me to marry him and I said yes... we were married in a week. That was over 12 years ago... he is the love of my life for all eternity.

The moral of the story: Even if I was prompted that this guy was "the one", I took my time to really get to know him. When I knew for a fact that we share the same view of marriage - that we are going into it for the long haul and no matter what happens we are both going to stick - then I made the big leap.

Good luck.

[AlixPaige]

in an earlier post it shared the scripture D&C 9:8. I looked it up in the scriptures and continued reading into verse 9. I havent felt the way it said it was not from the spirit.

plus to all others:

i never said that i was planning on marrying him while I barely know him. I know its going to take awhile. I want to be best friends first. Its a good foundation.

[Vanhin]

If he wants to go out on a date when he gets home, I say do it. Being boyfriend/girlfriend is not the same as marriage, so don't worry about the other sap. I'm sure he has a back-up plan.

Regards,

Vanhin

[deseretgov]

Well I'm still not sure of the situation but I'm going to make a comment based on my understanding of the situation. If my understanding of the situation is wrong then I apologize. One thing I cannot stand is a girl who sends out a missionary and then marries or intends to merry someone else while the missionary is out. I don't care if the Holy Spirit did tell you that some other guy "Is the One." It's just plain dishonorable! If you send that missionary out to the Philippines and you are still "together" Then you better be willing to commit to two years too. If you can't do that, then break up with him before he leaves. I guess the only thing worse than a girlfriend who leaves a guy while he is on his mission, is a return missionary who dates(or tries to date) a girl who has a missionary out.

My friend and neighbor who also went to the Philippines had a girl friend. she waited for him to get home but in the end they broke up. But at least she had the decency to fulfill her commitment.

But I'm just preaching to the choir here right? You're going to wait for your guy to get back from his mission before you go putting the moves on some other guy right? If there is anything that disrupts a missionary's ability to feel the spirit and teach it's a Dear John letter. It's preferable to not have a girlfriend when a guy goes out on a mission. But if a guy does have a girlfriend she needs to remain faithful and not worry him. Because if a missionary is to concerned over his girlfriend he can't focus on receiving the Spirit. And he will have trouble teaching. And if a missionary gets a Dear John letter sometime it can affect them for months. That's MONTHS of not having the Spirit. And when a missionary cannot teach by the Spirit, the Spirit cannot speak to those people being taught. And now the girl is part of the reason why the people in his area cannot feel the Spirit and receive the gospel.

[Hemidakota]

I have an addendum to what Moe says:

D&C 8:9:

"But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right."

If the HS is telling you to go after this guy, know that it isn't pre-empting your free will. You've only said one thing to this person and it would be difficult to study this out in your mind with so little information.

However, if you like this guy: Go for it! Ask him out. It may or may not work out. He may or may not say yes. You may or may not get your heart broken or it may or may not turn out great. The only way to live this life is to actually go out and do something. Make the first move and don't be afraid of the scars you'll get along the way.

Your other choice is to sit pining from afar, desperately hoping that he will get the same answer you did and then act upon that answer.

Excellence advise...

[Hemidakota]

I don't believe real spiritual promptings come when everything else you're thinking about and studying(ie, the lesson) has nothing at all to do with said prompting.

If you're in a class, the spirit will probably give you promptings about the lesson and how you can use it. But if you're being taught tithing and then suddenly you feel like you should marry some guy you haven't seen in two years... Not really.

The Spirit and even the Godhead prompts or appears at times when we least expect it....

[Hemidakota]

Alix, it is only in rare occasions GOD or those beyond the veil may intervene with selecting a spouse for you. This is not a common thing among the Saints and it is usually comes with a visitation of such in the cases for Adam, Jacob, Isaac, even Abraham [others I may have left out], where it is directed you to marry a certain individual. Even the small whispering voice of such is always backed up with a confirmation by the Holy Ghost when the time of such meeting does happens. Why this pre-selection of companionship by those across the veil being involved is not always an easy question to answer. Rarest of them all, is Heavenly Mother’s intervention with pre-selection of such companionship. You will see in the church from one end of the spectrum of choosing yourself to the rare extreme of pre-selection of companionship.

As Funky mentioned, after you determine what you suspect is the right eternal companion and want a divine blessing of it, it is not wrong to ask but never expect it to be on the order what I have aforementioned and the other still has the agency to choose for themselves.

I pray that you will be happy and have a fulfilling eternal companionship.

[FunkyTown]

I disagree, Deseret. Every missionary should go out with the intention of losing the girl who said they'd wait.

Why? Because it's so prevalent to believe less is silly. At 19, waiting for someone 2 years is ridiculous.

Well I'm still not sure of the situation but I'm going to make a comment based on my understanding of the situation. If my understanding of the situation is wrong then I apologize. One thing I cannot stand is a girl who sends out a missionary and then marries or intends to merry someone else while the missionary is out. I don't care if the Holy Spirit did tell you that some other guy "Is the One." It's just plain dishonorable! If you send that missionary out to the Philippines and you are still "together" Then you better be willing to commit to two years too. If you can't do that, then break up with him before he leaves. I guess the only thing worse than a girlfriend who leaves a guy while he is on his mission, is a return missionary who dates(or tries to date) a girl who has a missionary out.

My friend and neighbor who also went to the Philippines had a girl friend. she waited for him to get home but in the end they broke up. But at least she had the decency to fulfill her commitment.

But I'm just preaching to the choir here right? You're going to wait for your guy to get back from his mission before you go putting the moves on some other guy right? If there is anything that disrupts a missionary's ability to feel the spirit and teach it's a Dear John letter. It's preferable to not have a girlfriend when a guy goes out on a mission. But if a guy does have a girlfriend she needs to remain faithful and not worry him. Because if a missionary is to concerned over his girlfriend he can't focus on receiving the Spirit. And he will have trouble teaching. And if a missionary gets a Dear John letter sometime it can affect them for months. That's MONTHS of not having the Spirit. And when a missionary cannot teach by the Spirit, the Spirit cannot speak to those people being taught. And now the girl is part of the reason why the people in his area cannot feel the Spirit and receive the gospel.