Need help and advice, please

[SuperAlbeee]

Hey there, I would like to add my comments to your post.

I'm a recent convert, so I'm probably closer to being in your wife's shoes at the moment more than ever. I'm not married, so I don't have a husband to break the news to but did have to tell my mother.

My mother was distressed, upset and anxious when I told her my decision and that I wanted to get baptized. She had the same concerns that the church would be controlling and I would be limiting my my opportunities in life/ relationships because of my choice to be a LDS church member.

But I had to explain to her that it was adding to my life. I felt more direction, strength and it was a place for me to grow and be a better person.

She was worried I was pressured into the decision, worried I wasn't taking my time.

But I had to tell her I had feelings about my own spirituality without any sort of pressure, and hey if I didn't want to be there, no one was forcing me to be there, I was free to walk away. Not one can stop me leaving... I mean seriously.. legally as well.

I am still with the church, I didn't walk away. I really love it. No one forces me to do anything, or to be there. I love going to church, learning and feeling the Spirit (the Holy Ghost) every Sunday.

As a woman, I can say that this church is one of the best places for a woman.

As you may or may not have read, women are respected and treated as equals.

There are three meetings on Sundays for church. Scarement, Sunday school/ gospel principles/ Relief Society & Priesthood. That is why church goes for 3 hours. It seems like a long time but actually it's a really beautiful way to spend some of your Sunday.

I guarantee you that when she comes home from church she will be in a good mood ;-)

Basically Relief Society is for women 18 + , Priesthood is for men

We learn the same things, but the reason men and women seperate is because we are taught the gospel in context to our roles as a man or a woman. Also the style of learning and discussion is suited to men and women.

One of the many reasons I love the church is because Relief Society teaches me what my role is as a sister, a daughter, friend, person in the community & one day a wife and mother.

The women are there to teach, share, support & love one another like sisters. The church does become your family and you can ask of them anything you would ask of your own family.

I've never been told "no" when I've asked for help with something. It's like that all over the world in all LDS churches.

I've been to two LDS churches outside my country (Australia). Been to Prague, Czech Republic & Alicante, Spain. And the first question I have been asked as soon as I have arrived at the LDS churches by Relief Society is "Can we help you with anythng? Do you need anything? Here are contact phone numbers, address. If you need anything you can call us"

And even whilst I am away from home, I get beautiful emails from one of the women in Australia asking me how I am, if I need anything. I love that they haven't forgotten me and just say hello and ask that question. Because whilst I have been away some things have been difficult, and it's good to know they haven't forgotten me and care about me.

So, for your wife this would be a really wonderful thing to have Relief Society there for her whilst you are away to help her with anything she needs. She might be dealing with the emotions of being alone without you, she might want someone else to pray with her for your safety (which is such a blessing), she might want a blessing to comfort her or she might just need some help in her house because she might be unwell, feel overwhelmed. Or there is something which she can't do on her own which requires a man and someone can organise for their husband to come out and help. Or the missionaries can do it. they don't just door knock. They help lds and non lds people in the community.

The women in the church (and the men) are really there for each other. And that is all by God's help and inspiration. Please know that.

One thing which was difficult for me to get myhead around was the idea of prophets and apostles. And I think other people who don't understand the church get scared- like i did.

I thought "this is just crazy!" I visualised a men, up o podium wearing expensive jeweling, cowboy hats (not that there's anything wrong with cow boy hats), who look like car salesmen, ranting loudly into a tv late at night, being worshipped as God's themselves. Meanwhile embezzing all the church's money, riding in limozines and private jets.

It was FAR FAR from the truth. These men do not get paid nor are they looked after by the church financially. They do their work out of their own pockets and leave some very very highranked jobs when they are called to be in the genera presidency. One apostle was a high profile american judge, another was a german Luftansa senior executive. These men do sacrifice when they are called.

They are humble men with soft hearts who teach us the ways of God, Jesus Christ and how we can improve our lives.

I had the special opportunity to see one speak whilst I was investigating the church. Elder Holland one of the 12 apostles. I was COMPLETELY sceptical and I can testify that I came away feeling as though God had touched my heart. The feeling was so beautiful and some very small things he had said, made me know that God was truly there.

I can't explain the feeling other than I felt like crying... because the feeling was so beautiful and had touched my heart. I'm not a person who cries in public. am I some crazed fanatical Christian behaving like they are at a rock concert.. Actually, I wasn't a christian at all before joining the church. I was a strong buddhist from a VERY old fashioned traditional family. A quiet warm person who doesn't like to make a scene. I haven't put my family traditions or buddhism on the backshelf. I embrace the fact those things has made me who I am and brought good things into my life. The church just builds on those things.

I've never felt that way I felt when I heard Elder Holland speak. Not because the man is so good at speaking or is some powerful expert cowboy brainwasher. He was a normal man, a grandfather, wearing a simple navy blue shirt and tie. I just felt God was in the room that night.

Since joining, my mother is happy with my decision. She knows that I'm on a really good spiritual path and there are some things she is starting to admire like my choice to have a healthy life, no coffee, no alcohol. My skin is so bright and healthy! She told me she admired my ability to live that way and wished she could do that same. Actually.. I have a lot of friends who have all started wanting to give up coffee and reduce their alcohol intake for health reasons.

Mum supports me and asks me lots of questions to learn more herself. There are some amazing things about the restored church.

The church as enriched my life. I live a happy, healthier, moral life which I'm proud of. I make better choices, which set a good example to others and inspires them, and it has strengthend my relationship with the people around me and with God and Jesus.

The church will help your best friend soul mate, wife, be a better wife, friend, mother, daughter sister. It WILL strengthen your family. It accepts marriages with non LDS members and gives it's members the knowledge and blessings to help it every step of the way.

Even if you decide the LDS church is not for you for what ever reason, that is okay. I would expect people to accep my beliefs and therefore I respect their beliefs.

I urge you to allow your wife the opportunity and experience in her life with the LDS Church. We only get one life (if you're not a buddhist hahaha).

And as one of the others has said I encourage you to attend a church meeting with some LDS soliders just to have the knowledge of the type of church your wife is attending and so you can yourself feel the presence of the spirit. No one will pressure you when/ if you express you don't wish to attend again.

God bless you and keep you safe. Thank you for serving to protect our world from terrorism.

[WillowTheWhisp]

I'm LDS married to a non-member. He attends sacrament meeting with us every Sunday but wants no other involvement in Church. I have a church calling which takes up some of my time and I go to additional meetings once a month and do Visiting Teaching. It doesn't interfere with our marriage any more than going to the gym 3 times a week or joining a book club or evening classes. Husbands and wives don't do everything together.

However, I do admit that I would be much happier if my husband joined the church too. I would love to have a priesthood holder in our home but I know it can only come if he desires it. Your wife will probably feel the same and want you to find what she has found especially if like you she feels that she wants to be with you forever and not just til death do you part.

Right now I can tell you one real positive aspect of church membership. I broke my wrist on New Year's Eve and immediately got phonecalls and messages asking if I needed any help. :)

[SGT_C]

Hey all, I wanna say thanks again, you have all been awesome, and im quickly wrapping my head around alot of different things. One thing that keeps jumping to the front of my mind, and i believe this to be my core issue at this point is this: my beloved wife, in her strong headed way, one of many many things i actually love about her, made this decision without discussing it with me first. I know she was probably leary of my reaction, and with good cause. Plus she felt that it was something she personally had to do, and i can respect that. Im not insinuating that she should have asked my PERMISSION in any way, i dont believe that she should if she feels strongly about something. My issue is that i feel that there should have been an open discussion involving any family altering decisions that are made by either party. What do you think about this? And more importantly im looking for advice on how to approach this issue with her without seeming confrontational, causing her to jump to the defensive or any of that. I want to move forward and support her but i feel that this has to be addressed in order for me to feel like an equal. I dont want to throw words verbatim from Family: A proclomation to the world at her, but technicly she violated the spirit of it in my eyes. Anyway I'm rambling again, its late, its Iraq, blah blah :) any thoughts would be appreciated on this. Im going to wait a few days to address it with her to make sure i approach it carefully and properly, with respect yet also letting her in on how it hurt me.

[beefche]

Sgt, what a wise decision to sleep on it before addressing it with her.

[Prodigal_Son]

Asking for marital advice in an online forum is playing with fire .

That being said, in your shoes, I'd try to do a lot more listening than talking. Explain that, while this hit you like a brick wall at first, you're intrigued, have been trying to do your homework, and would LOVE to hear ALL ABOUT how this all came to be and what SHE has learned and felt.

That way you're just a captive audience, listening dutifully, and she's free to tell you all about it. We always learn more by listening than talking.

[SGT_C]

I agree with that Prodigal son, theres a reason we have 2 ears and only 1 mouth :)

[Vanhin]

Hey all, I wanna say thanks again, you have all been awesome, and im quickly wrapping my head around alot of different things. One thing that keeps jumping to the front of my mind, and i believe this to be my core issue at this point is this: my beloved wife, in her strong headed way, one of many many things i actually love about her, made this decision without discussing it with me first. I know she was probably leary of my reaction, and with good cause. Plus she felt that it was something she personally had to do, and i can respect that. Im not insinuating that she should have asked my PERMISSION in any way, i dont believe that she should if she feels strongly about something. My issue is that i feel that there should have been an open discussion involving any family altering decisions that are made by either party. What do you think about this? And more importantly im looking for advice on how to approach this issue with her without seeming confrontational, causing her to jump to the defensive or any of that. I want to move forward and support her but i feel that this has to be addressed in order for me to feel like an equal. I dont want to throw words verbatim from Family: A proclomation to the world at her, but technicly she violated the spirit of it in my eyes. Anyway I'm rambling again, its late, its Iraq, blah blah :) any thoughts would be appreciated on this. Im going to wait a few days to address it with her to make sure i approach it carefully and properly, with respect yet also letting her in on how it hurt me.

I totally understand, and I think I would be upset too if my wife decided to join a different religion without discussing it with me before making the decision. That said, I think the most prudent way to approach this is to show her by your patients and love why it would have been okay for her to approach you about this in the first place. :) You know what I mean?

Sincerely,

Vanhin

[hordak]

Hey all, I wanna say thanks again, you have all been awesome, and im quickly wrapping my head around alot of different things. One thing that keeps jumping to the front of my mind, and i believe this to be my core issue at this point is this: my beloved wife, in her strong headed way, one of many many things i actually love about her, made this decision without discussing it with me first. I know she was probably leary of my reaction, and with good cause. Plus she felt that it was something she personally had to do, and i can respect that. Im not insinuating that she should have asked my PERMISSION in any way, i dont believe that she should if she feels strongly about something. My issue is that i feel that there should have been an open discussion involving any family altering decisions that are made by either party. What do you think about this? And more importantly im looking for advice on how to approach this issue with her without seeming confrontational, causing her to jump to the defensive or any of that. I want to move forward and support her but i feel that this has to be addressed in order for me to feel like an equal. I dont want to throw words verbatim from Family: A proclomation to the world at her, but technicly she violated the spirit of it in my eyes. Anyway I'm rambling again, its late, its Iraq, blah blah :) any thoughts would be appreciated on this. Im going to wait a few days to address it with her to make sure i approach it carefully and properly, with respect yet also letting her in on how it hurt me.

You are correct. My wife is tdy right now and i even tell her what we had for diner, how long the kids napped for, and even how many diapers i changed. I try to keep it as close to normal as possible. The most important thing in a relationship is communication. This is much more important during deployments.

I look at it like buying a new car, nothing wrong with her shopping around and she might find a great deal but she shouldn't call you up one day out of the blue and say, "we're getting an Exscalade "

My wife was baptized a few years ago, and although we didn't live a real "party" lifestyle she went gun hoe "Molly mormon" on me. (Molly Mormon is a stereotype of a Mormon girl who follows everything and anything that the leaders say as if it is from God. ( Everything is not).

She was wanting to toss bad movies, music, and even our couples items.

(whether or not theses things are good or bad isn't really the point but that she changed overnight.) This actually caused some strain for a while but then she kind of burned out. I think she was converted by the social aspect to be honest. No one in our section of base housing had kids, we had kids young so everyone in her rank range was single and clubbing all the time, our closest friends were in Okinawa (we are stateside) and then all of the sudden we are going to barbecues and diners 3 times a week. We went from be homebody shut ins (we we didn't like) to having tons of friends to hange out with.

Now while this is a benefit to the church it is no reason to join.

I'm not saying this will, or is happening but it does.

I would be open and honest with your concerns, (not, i heard this, this and this. about the church) but that it is a big change (depending on your current lifestyle it could be huge) and we should take it slow, i want to be involved.etc.

[nc31410]

I haven't read everyone's replies. But I just want to share this with you.

I married my husband, he is a member, has been in the church since birth. And me? Well I was Catholic. When I married him he was Inactive (not going to church at all) even before we were married he wasn't attending church. Needless to say, We wound up having a baby, I was 17 he was 18! It wasn't until I turned 18 that I joined the church, he was still inactive and just recently a few months ago he started to come to church now. I'm 22 and he is 23 now. haha...

But look the church may seem strict and you may not like that. But that's ok. I use to think the same thing. But let me tell you that all the things that are tought in the church are true. The guidlines are set by God, they are there to help us be able to return back to heaven and be with him. One of the most amazing things about the church is that we believe in Eternity. Meaning that we can be sealed to our families FOREVER.

She will only become a better person because of this. And she will need your support greatly. If you don't judge her, she won't judge or force you to do anything you don't want to do, in regards to the church. We learn alot about the importance of family unity. And i'm sure there will be times when she will ask you to attend church with ther. She'll want you there. But you need to be open with her.

Maybe she wants to join the church because of the fact I mentioned above...the "Eternal Families" thing. Especially because you are in Iraq and that your a soldier, maybe she is scared to lose her and this gives her hope that you guys can be sealed for all eternity?

Don't be afraid...Know that this is something great for her. Don't see it as a bad thing. And change can sometimes be scary, but this shouldn't because it involves God!

I hope that you can see things a little clearer, have your thoughts be a little clearer upon this decision of your wife's. But know that she will still love you regardless.

And I just want to thank you for what you are doing in Iraq, I can't imagine what you are going through!

You will be in my prayers tonight!

[JudoMinja]

I had a feeling her lack of consulting you was at the heart of what was really bothering you, and that was why I included the following in my first post:

While I feel fairly certain you will find this to be a good change, you should talk with your wife about how she made this decision without your input and how that hurt you. She is an individual and can make decisions for her own life, yes. But this is a decision that will affect your entire family. As the husband and father, you are the authority figure in the home. She should respect that and should have consulted with you. Her lack of doing so is not a fault of the LDS church and is probably, as someone said before me, because she was afraid of how you would react. However, I don't know her- you do. It is also possible that this is just a trait of her personality. Try asking her how she would feel if you made such a big decision that would affect the entire family without consulting her? Make sure she understands that you are asking simply as a tool for her to see how this lack of communication was hurtful to you, and not as a way to attack her. If you do not speak up, she will never know how you feel, and you could alienate yourself simply because you want to go with the flow.

I would also like to add that probably the best way to discuss this with her is to be very clear that the reason you are upset is that she didn't talk with you about her decision and that you feel hurt. Continue to be supportive, and if it was because she was scared of your reaction she'll see she has nothing to fear. Don't speak in a way that will make her feel attacked when you bring it up. Many times arguments happen simply because the matter was not approached carefully.

Try to keep everything in terms of yourself. Don't say things like "YOU went behind my back", "YOU excluded me", "YOU didn't consult me", "YOU hurt me". Say things more along the lines of "I would have liked to have known about your curiosity before this was decided", "I feel excluded", "I want to be a part of big family decisions", "I feel hurt". It will help keep her from getting defensive and will better convey what is bothering you.

[talisyn]

I am a U.S soldier, currently deployed in Iraq. I have been here since April of 2009 and I have been married for 2 years. Recently my wife and soulmate, my best friend, has come out of the blue and told me that she is joining the LDS church. I fully support her decision to find faith at this point in her life, she is 39, I am 38. I decided to look into the faith and I ran across many types of things as you can imagine. She never talked this over with me and it all seems so sudden. I am very concerned, and i dont mean to offend anyone here, but the religion seems to me to be quite heavy handed, strict, and controlling. I mean no offense, these are just my thoughts from what i have read. I need to know what i can expect as I intend to be with her and I hope she finds what she is looking for. Any information you can provide as to what I can expect in a member to non-member marriage would be greatly appreciated. My concern is that there will be a wedge driven between us that we may never recover from. I dont know how deeply involved she plans to be and I am extremely worried, Im sure some of my worry has to do with my deployment. Being here in Iraq, its like being in a glass box wacthing life go by without me. I can look out and see things but I cant interact. Its frustrating and I am very scared.

Thank you in advance for any help and understanding, and I'm sorry if I ramble, I have not slept well or been able to focus on my missions since this decision was made.

Thank you for your service, I had 2 brothers, a sister, and her husband serve there and I know it's hard, especially being away from your family.

I have a question for you though. Would you rather your wife become a member of a church with high moral standards or do you want her hanging around people who think nothing about sleeping around while their spouses are deployed? I would think infidelity would drive a deeper wedge than joining a church that believes 'families are forever'.

Just a thought

[Guest mormonmusic]

Also, one thing that will bless your life is her commitment to fidelity in marriage while you're away. The Church teaches fidelity in marriage and that adultery is wrong. So, this should strengthen her commitment to being faithful. This may not be an issue for you, but at least you know she's joined a Church that wants husbands and wives to be faithful to each other, particularly while you're out of the country. When I left the country years ago, in the space of 8 months my wife got three offers for physical relationships, to which she said 'No' of course.

She will probably want you to look into the Church yourself and consider joining at some point. If she's smart, she'll let you work through it at your own pace. She might suggest you have some discussions with the missionaries, who are 19-21 year old young men who teach the gospel full time as volunteers, leaving home for two years to do so.

If you have children, she may want to start holding Family Home Evening -- a weekly thing were a family member teaches a gospel principle (and it can be general, not specifically LDS, but even a life principle) and then there's a game and maybe some treats or somethingo to the children (if any) as incentive to do it regularly.

In terms of the religion being controlling. I say "No" on that one from my 23 years of experience. Yes, we commit not to do certain things, like smoke, drink, do drugs, drink alcohol etcetera, but everyone gives these things up out of free will and choice. And it blesses their lives by improving health, reducing monthly expenses, and preventing addictions in some people.

Also, just because I don't drink, doesn't mean I get judgmental on others if they do so. It's a personal choice and it's not something I'm going to force on anyone else, even non-member family members. I have a ton of them....

[RanMan]

I appreciate all the help, advice, and support you guys have given, maybe i should clarify some of the things that I am really worried about.

First of all I am fairly non-religious at all, I believe our body is probably just a vehicle and our conciousness, or soul if you will, will so something else after we die. Aside from that I really dont buy into anyone's idea of what that something may be.

I was married for 13 years prior to this marriage and it ended badly, I only got married the first time because she was pregnant and I wanted to do the right thing, as my father did not for me. I figured that I could stick it out and make it work until our daghter was 18 and left home for school or whatever then I would bail if I still felt the same. But being there for my daughter was my priority.

Problems quickly developed between us as my ex-wife was a severe pill addict, it developed slowly and her drug abuse was hidden behind a mysterious neurological disorder she fooled people into thinking she had, myself included, and doctors, she was very good at hiding/masking her addiction. When i realized what was going on i wanted to leave but by this point I was pretty much a zombie and i didnt have the strength to go through what was going to be a very very ugly divorce.

Then I met my current wife, while I was going though all of this. We actually met online, playing World or Warcraft. We had a mutual friend who introduced us and we hit it off immediately. This gave me the inner strength I needed to get out of my bad marriage. So I let my drug addicted wife know that it was over and I proceeded to get a divorce, during which I easily got custody of my daughter due to her mothers drug problem and I soon after married my current wife. She also has a daughter from a previous marriage, so together now we have 2 girls, 11 and 15, both going on 26 :)

As i stated in my opening post, I am in the military, I have been in for almost 6 years now and this is my first deployment, I am currently in Baghdad, Iraq as i type this. I firmly believe that my wife and I are destined to be together forever, she is my soulmate and best friend.

About a week ago I found out that she was considering joining the LDS church, she had never discussed this with me other than saying about a year ago that she wanted to take her daughter to church on occasion. When i found out exactly what church she was joining, I started doing a little googling. I didnt like what I saw one bit, and I realize there is alot of biased information out there and though i freaked out at first, I have since calmed quite a bit. I fully support her decision to find faith in her life. She told me that she finally had the family and security she had always wanted, and her finding faith was the last piece of the puzzle.

My worries are how much she is going to change, what demands are going to be made on her, how our relationship will cause problems for her as I am not a member, and she will shortly be having her baptism. i have requested to be there for this as I come home in April and would like to be there to support her in such an important event for her, but i understand if it is impractical for her to wait 3 more months.

One of the reasons I am so fearful of the changes is that I myself will not be changing much and I fear we may grow apart over this. For example, I am a guitar player, i have been for 22 years, i play mostly very aggressive heavy music, very loudly. I drink, not too much, usually one weekend night, be it friday or saturday night, I dont go out to bars as i am not a very social person I just have some shots and do whatever, play guitar, play games, that kind of thing. I watch whatever movie happens to interest me, and now I understand that she will be discouraged from watching R-rated movies, for example, we used to watch the resident evil movies, 28 days later, etc. We dont go out of our way to watch violent movies but now i feel like part of what we did together will be going away.

The hurtful part about that as her husband is that her decision was never discussed with me, and my feelings on it are for the most part regarded as irrelevant. Her attitude is pretty much that i will either get over it or I wont *shrug*. i understand she needed to do this for herself personally but I feel I was due a discussion, out of respect. And the fact that her own husbands thoughts and feelings were meaningless yet she can be told what to eat, watch, etc. by what amounts to strangers makes me feel extremely alienated and irrelevant.

I am willing to support her in any way I can and I want this marriage to work but in all honesty I am not optomistic at all. I see a wedge being driven that we may never recover from. granted I am deployed and i cant interact with her I feel totally helpless at this time. I really cant describe the feeling accurately but its horrible.

What I need to know is what changes should I expect to see in her? What demands will be made of her time? Should she decide that this is definately for her, and she progresses, How will the demands on her increase? Will my being a non-member hurt her in any way? Will demands be made of her time that will clash with things we may have planned? For example, her and I may have a "date night" planned, will there be times when she will be pressured to cancel things with me in favor of church related things?

I know this is a long rambling post but honestly, Im on 24 hour guard shift right now and i really dont have anything else to do but guard a room full of guns behind where I am sitting lol

My sister has been married to a non-LDS man for over twenty years. He listens to hard rock, drinks, and in many ways sounds similar to you. I think it is very possible for you to do your thing and her to do her thing and respect each other at the same time.

As far as date night goes, married couples are encouraged to have a regular date night. That should be no problem. Just keep in mind that this is important for her - and so are you. If anything, her membership in the church should strenghten her ability to love you in a non-selfish way.

Hope that helps.

:)

[talisyn]

Something I noticed with my brothers when they were in Iraq is that they had a lot of time to think, and because they couldn't just pick up a phone every time they wanted to sometimes their thoughts kind've turned around and around in their heads and pretty soon what started out as something fairly benign turned into Dr. Frankenstein's monster.

You're going to be fine, your wife will be fine, and your daughters will be fine, really. If you have access to a counselor I highly recommend it. He/she should be able to give you some mental exercises to do when you feel like your not getting anywhere with your wife. Take advantage of what's available! It doesn't make you less of a warrior, in fact it should make you an even better one. I wish one of my brothers had done so, if he had his PTSD might have been a lot less severe..but that is a whole different story ><

[SGT_C]

Hey Talisyn, you hit the nail right on the head with that. One thing i noticed is that thoughts tend to get out of control, especially when you cant contact when you need to. With our time differences, she is going to bed when I am waking up, we have a little time to talk when I get off work, which is when she is waking up. But when I have all day to just stew over things, some crazy things happen. Its something I am working on curbing but its extremely difficult to say the least.

[SGT_C]

Ok heres my latest update.

Last sunday I did find and attend a LDS service, it was small, just myself, 2 officers, and some civilians. It was ok, I hung around and asked some questions afterward. I have come to terms with alot of things recently, I have accepted my wife's decision and I support her in it. I even got some reading material to better help me understand, i have the book of Mormon and also Gospel Principals. Tonight i was talking to my wife and she said she had a question for me. I told her ok, and i would answer it honestly. She asked me if a year down the road, if she was encouraged to attend temple prep classes and get her endowment and garments, how I was going to feel about it. To be honest this hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean I have digested alot in a very short period of time, along with the stress of being in a combat zone ducking incoming rockets on a regular basis.

In my opinion, things are moving waaaaaay too quickly. So far we have gone from "just church on sundays" to the relief society, elders in my house, and now questions on garments. I dont mean to offend anyone but I can see me having a real hard time adjusting to garments. I think at least initially, I will feel like im sleeping with someone who is wearing a nun's outfit, I mean at this point we may as well take out the matress and replace it with a big block of ice. Well Hopefully I can adjust to things, but it will take me time. As I have said, I have digested ALOT in a small amount of time, and if anyone has read my previous posts in this thread, none of this was discussed with me.

I dont know what to do here, I have tried to talk to her but she is very hard headed and feels this is what she needs to do for herself personally. I can respect that but it is still very hurtful that I was left out of not so much the decision, because that is hers to make, but the thought process that lead up to it. I have expressed my concerns with her but she has this tendency to get very cold and tell me that its her decision and I have nothing to do with it. She seems to forget the fact that I am in a combat zone, worried to death, things are progressing too fast for me.

I asked her a few pointed questions that I have been wondering about, such as "Did it bother you to accept the fact that we can never be sealed to the afterlife together?" Apparently it didnt affect her at all, which, well I cant even put to words how that makes one feel.

I love her with all my heart and soul but I am beginning to feel overwhelmed with all of this, its moving too fast. I was making great progress to understanding and accepting but I took a major step backwards tonight.

[Prodigal_Son]

Hey, brother, sorry to hear about the complications.

Yes, these things are to be expected. The church is an integral part of an "active" Mormon's life. It's far more than a couple hours on Sundays.

That being said, I would take a deep breath and keep studying. No, garments do not qualify as "sexy" or "lingerie" - but they're not that hard to get off when the time is right... so I wouldn't sweat that too much.

As for her response regarding the eternities and you two, no one can tell you for sure what she means, but it's only logical to conclude that she secretly hopes you'll join her on this venture in time. She just found one of the best things she's ever come across - so OF COURSE she wants to share it with you... eventually. Even if she wont say so (for fear of your response).

A year from now is plenty of time to sort things out.

Just keep your head down and stay safe over there. Keep learning, asking questions, venting... Try hard to keep the larger perspective in mind. Things have a way of working themselves out. This wasn't a step backwards. Rather, just one more hurdle on the track you two are on.

Good luck, Brother.

[Vanhin]

Also, it sounds like she is trying to talk to you about it. You can't say that she didn't give you at least "a year" heads-up.

Hang in there. You are doing all the right things.

Regards,

Vanhin

[SGT_C]

Thanks for the message Prodigal_Son, I'm kinda going nuts over here, I'm going to go talk to my platoon sergeant and get tomorrow off to just sit and reflect in private. We have 0 privacy here, I have 2 roomates even though i am a Non Commisioned officer, I need to just be alone and sort this out I think for a day.

[SGT_C]

Yes Vanhin, you have a valid point. This is all just so much to take in in such a short amount of time and in this environment. I kind of feel like I am being left behind in all this and just filled in as things happen, past tense.

[Vanhin]

Yes Vanhin, you have a valid point. This is all just so much to take in in such a short amount of time and in this environment. I kind of feel like I am being left behind in all this and just filled in as things happen, past tense.

I totally feel you man. I'm glad you came out here to talk to us about it.

Vanhin

[SGT_C]

I feel that this is the right place to talk about it, honestly, and with people who will understand. She however is furious that I am getting advice from "strangers" and cross checking info she gives me. Maybe Im a jerk for that but I never accept just one source of information, I try to gather as many different viewpoints as possible, sort of a sanity check on myself

[Vanhin]

Hey this concerns you too. And we're not strangers any more. :)

Vanhin

[hordak]

I dont know what to do here, I have tried to talk to her but she is very hard headed and feels this is what she needs to do for herself personally. I can respect that but it is still very hurtful that I was left out of not so much the decision, because that is hers to make, but the thought process that lead up to it. I have expressed my concerns with her but she has this tendency to get very cold and tell me that its her decision and I have nothing to do with it. She seems to forget the fact that I am in a combat zone, worried to death, things are progressing too fast for me.

.

I think it's time for you to get that motorcycle, or fishing boat, you have always wanted.

Ok it is a little petty but perhaps she doesn't understand what it is like to be left out of such a big decision.

Are you active duty or reserve/ guard?

If you're active duty perhaps the ward your wife is attending is "Military ward" (mostly made up of military members) and you can write or call the Bishop and explain your concerns. If he served he might be sympathetic to your situation and slow things down a bit.

Also does she have good Non LDS circle of friends she can hang out with? Perhaps you can encourge them to spend more time with her.

(Not that hanging out with the members is bad but if that is her only social circle it could be pushing her to jump the gun)

[SGT_C]

LOL You know Hordak, today i had the devious idea to re-enlist for someplace whacky and call it a "personal decision" but I thought better of it, but it sure was a fun thought for a sec.

I am active duty, I will try to find out if she is in a military ward but she will doubtlessly be very suspicious if i even ask that.

unfortunately she doesnt have many friends as neither of us are the most social of creatures