what to do...

[lost87]

What do you do when neither your executive secretary nor bishop will return calls/emails? I have called and left messages about once every other week (so as not to be annoying) to both and sent emails at about the same rate...i don't want to be obsessive or difficult but I really do need to talk to him. It has been almost 7 months and I've not heard back from either of them. My plan of action over the past few months has just been to stop going to church because I'm obviously not getting anywhere anyways...but obviously that isn't the right approach. I just got so frustrated because I had gone 6 months of staying morally clean and wanted to talk to my bishop and see what else I needed to do to be worthy to take the sacrament (its been over 2 years now since I have) I've been on probation for about 9 months and haven't been able to talk to him since june of 09, I just feel like I'm in limbo and making absolutely no progress regardless of how hard I was trying. I don't know what to do and I can't get anything scheduled with him to find out....this is so frustrating and it just got too hard to keep going to church and get no where. So...when your bishop stops caring/responding what are you supposed to do?

[Mahone]

Are you sure the bishop is getting your messages? E-mail addresses change and people don't always pass on messages.

[Gwen]

sit outside his office on sunday, every time he steps out, "hey bishop, i needed a min with you" eventually he won't have any other meetings, will want to go home and there you are. or go talk to the stake pres?

[lost87]

I have been leaving messages on his answering machine. My dad is the EQ president and calls the bishop often on the same number...and when he leaves a message our bishop always calls him back within the day. So I am certain that I am calling the correct number and that his answering machine is working.

[ryanh]

If I were in your position, I would try to set up an appointment with the Stake President. The three Stake Presidents I have called (or actually, called the stake exec secretary) for such an appointment were more than willing to meet with me.

[Wingnut]

I'm with Gwen -- just talk to them at church.

[lost87]

i haven't been to church in a while now, and honestly, when I really think about it, I don't really want to talk to him anymore anyways. At this point I just feel like I'm a burden and someone he has to try to avoid and I hate that. I think i'll just handle things on my own and wait for however much longer until we get a new bishop.

[Palerider]

I would go by there house....knock on door, ask them for an appt on sunday.....:)

[NeuroTypical]

What Gwen said.

[miztrniceguy]

I would wait outside his office at the end of the meetings.

[WmLee]

Sometimes the bishop can get more on his plate . . . and I am not making an excuse. At the same time, when someone is placed on probation they should be meeting with the bishop regularly. That is in the handbook! So, someone may have dropped the ball and I think you need to pursue this. It’s you, it’s you priesthood, it’s your personal progression.

I would call the Stake Exec. Secretary and get an appointment with a member of the Stake Presidency as soon as possible. Not to “rat off” the bishop, but for your own personal mental health.

I’ve told people for years, the gospel is true, we have living prophets and this is Christ church. Those who are called to serve may have oversights and make a mistake once in a while, (and I’ve made my share) but that doesn’t change the truthfulness of the gospel.

[john doe]

Waiting for a new bishop is not the answer. You never know how long that will take. If you don't attend church, start there, and when you see the bishop or the secretary, tell them you need to make an appointment. Being forbidden from taking the sacrament doesn't excuse you from attending church. Church is for the benefit of the sinner, not the perfect.

[JudoMinja]

From your point of view right now, I can see how it feels like you are just a bother to your Bishop, but think of it like this-

Are you doing this for the Bishop or for yourself? Do you care enough about taking the sacrament again, about your position with the Lord, to keep pursuing this NO MATTER WHAT?

Maybe this is a lesson the Lord is trying to teach you, to persevere, to push forward, to keep trying. Don't give up. If you really value this, if it is really important to you, don't give up. It doesn't matter if your bishop thinks you're annoying- sometimes we need to be annoying even though we don't like it, because we need to be persistent about the things that matter.

[lydlou]

your not attending sacrement and other sunday meetings may be making your bishop belive you are backslideing. Sure you're remaining moraly clean, but what about spritualy? you can still talk to God, and study the scriptures. I know tone is hard to decipher on here, but when you mention giving up on the bishop, it sounds like your giving up on yourself, or on the whole church, because of the actions of one man. dont let this happen. remember the parable of the 100 sheep & the shepard. if you are lost God is activly seeking you. all you gotta do is say "hey, here i am, lead me home."

as for getting the bishops attention, either wait for him sunday, or find somebody else to talk to, like others have sugguested.

good luck!

[BDRichardson]

a) any status update on this?

b) what WmLee said, plus:

God only has imperfect servants to work with. This is my favorite sermon, and I've already posted it in my limited time here. Moses hit the rock, but he was supposed to pray to God to make the water come out. (Plus, he said -- I daresay isolently -- "must WE fetch water out of this rock for you?") God still let the miracle happen. Why? Because he was upholding the prophet. He let the miracle happen for the people. However, he took Moses aside later and reprimanded him severely, to the point of not granting him entry into the Promised Land.

Another example of imperfect leaders was related to <relation to me censored>'s Bishop. <X> had been praying to get to know Jesus better. When the Bishop verbally berated <X> in front of many other people, adding insults to the reprimand, <X> felt very justified in just walking away. However, the Spirit whispered to <X>, "How does it feel to have your closest friends and brothers turn against you? You like that?" <-- The Spirit was using this imperfect servant as a teaching opportunity. AND, the implication there was that you can get over it because He did.

The last example I just thought of while writing this was when Brigham Young publically wronged someone. He said, "I guess you're going to get all offended, and leave now." The reply came, "Bro. Brigham if this was your church, I would."

Good luck! Remember, "there's no witness until after the trial of your faith."

BDR

[Melissa569]

It could just be that your bishop is just not the best bishop (I know that sounds mean, btu its true)... If continuing to attend, and additional efforts don't work, then I'll tell you-- My mother has been welcomed back to the church with open arms, even after she has strayed pretty terribly in her life... The bishop treats her like everyone else, and everyone's glad to have her there. It really is often the bishop, and not you.

So, if there are other wards at different times in your church, you may even be able to ask the other ward's bishop if he can make an exception for you to attend his ward instead (I know my church's second ward welcomed me quite nicely to sit in on their sacrament). Just explain the situation. If he's more like my mom's bishop, he will understand. Its worth a shot.

Its no secret there are some church leaders who just assume "only the members who've always been in good standing are worth any time and effort".

But remember-- we are the church if Christ, which means we are supposed to follow his lead. And who was Jesus eating supper with and speaking to? The tax collectors, the lepers, the "women of sin", the criminals, etc. And when he was asked why he associated with such people, he simply gave the message, "The healthy need no healing". Some bishops could take a hint from that :) . Of course, we all go to church because we need the fellowhsip. But I think the people who've hit rock bottom need it more than ever.

Edited January 13, 2010 by Melissa569

[lost87]

My bishop was amazing before, he was the best bishop i've ever had...he just stopped responding. I think that he just doesn't know what to do anymore and has given up

[john doe]

Or maybe he thinks you have given up and he is waiting for you to act repentant instead of walking away from the church. The whole stopping attending church thing is the worrisome part to me. Church discipline is not punishment, it is helping you become clean. When you made the decision to stop attending meetings you put yourself on the back burner and the bishop can't help you if you don't make the effort to help yourself. Go back to church, attend your meetings, put yourself on the road to fellowship again.