MorningStar Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 You guys, you're not going to believe everything that happened to me today! My alarm clock malfunctioned. Instead of playing music, it zapped me - like a bolt of lightning just came out of it. Then I went to make myself some breakfast and my eggs were all purple inside. Sick. After that, I was walking my kids to the parking lot to drive them to school when the guy who played Mr. Belvedere ran over me with his car and offered me $5000 not to tell anyone about it (you know, except for random Internet people). I told him, "Ok, but throw in a new alarm clock too and you got a deal." Craziest thing. I headed to the store to replace my rancid eggs and there was this woman crying. She was from Italy and I suddenly realized I could speak Italian. Something magical happened when my alarm clock electrocuted me. Turns out she couldn't find the panchetta and I was more than happy to help. She was in a hurry because she had a lunch to cater for a hermaphrodites' knitting club! I bought my eggs, went back to my van when I was rudely run over by someone. It was the guy who played Webster. Luckily it was just a Smart car and didn't hurt too bad, but I made him pay me double what Mr. Belvedere paid and I made him recreate the situation so I could take a picture for my blog (sorry, can't share the link due to our confidentiality agreement and all), but we're now best friends. Webster held my hand as I went to the doctor and was tragically diagnosed with three life changing diseases (I would tell you what they are, but me and the diseases decided we should keep that private). I cried because it was my dream to give Webster a piggyback ride, but I just wasn't in shape to do so after being electrocuted, run over twice, and electrocuted again later (turns out it's true that sticking a fork in an outlet is bad). Darn it - I lost my Italian speaking powers the second time I got zapped! Even worse, I found out I have amnesia and was once married to Brad Pitt (I agreed to keep that confidential). It broke his heart too much that I didn't remember him after my 5 year coma and he just had to move on. Just found that out today. I was going to tell you about the other 20 bizarre things that happened to me today, but I have to go. I just found out I won the lottery! (The ticket was a gift from Emma Thompson - we got way back.) So how was your day? Quote
pam Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 I could believe almost everything you said Morningstar..but Brad Pitt? Come on. I find that part just too bizarre to even contemplate as truth. Quote
MorningStar Posted January 28, 2010 Author Report Posted January 28, 2010 I know. Most people think I'm way too good looking for him, but it's the truth! But if you ask him, he'll deny it because he's rather private and doesn't want to upset Angelina. I'm like way better looking than her and my lips are 10 times bigger. Quote
RanMan Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 You do know that April 1st is a bit aways yet? :) Quote
RipplecutBuddha Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 Huh...how 'bout that. Reminds me of the day Bill Gates backed into my car at Wal-Mart. True story...He's got this Mercedes something-or-other, and he totally backs into the side of my car. Massive dent, right? Well he's all over himself apologizing. Since my car's not even close to new, I just jokingly said "Hey, not a problem...just cut me a check for twenty mil and we're good." So he whips out his checkbook and hands me a personal check for 20 million dollars. Of course I went to deposit it, and the bank was nothing but a hassle...so Bill came in and vouched for it in person. The next day I went to the Kenworth plant and ordered my dream semi. They had it ready by three that afternoon. I realized I still had to pay tithing on the check, so I called the bank to take care of it, and that's when I accidentally ran into this Smart fortwo car with a former TV star driving it. I think he was in some 80's show...maybe a fast food commercial or something...anyhow the car was totalled, but he was fine, so I tossed his car on the back of my semi, and we both decided to go see Hoover dam. While we're on the tour this little TV star that's with me...what's his name...Eric Lewis...no...anyhow, he turns a knob on the main control panel an looks at me with a mischevious grin. I asked him "What did you do that for?" He said he studied Hoover dam in college and that what he did would probably amount to nothing more than a minor power spike. "Heck, someone might get shocked by their alarm clock...that's all." So I let it go and we finished the tour. On the way back we stopped in Vegas to see Chris Angel's show. He had this box of purple ink haning over his head....and then he made it disappear. I could go into more detail since I know how he did the trick, but Chris made me promise to keep it a secret. I said it'd cost him twenty million....so I got another check. What I can say is that he ended up putting the ink inside the eggs inside someone's refrigerator...pretty clever guy, but he's got a ways to go before he gets any good at that stuff. We were ready to call it a day, and I made sure to buy the TV star...what was his character name on TV... Walter....something....anyhow I got him a new smart fortwo. The last thing I saw him do was to call up another TV star friend of his...older guy...Mr. Boulevard...maybe....he wasn't that close so I couldn't make out the name very well...but then he jumped and looked at the phone in shock. "He just ran over some lady at his apartment parking lot!" Then he looked at his watch and excused himself. "I've got an Italian friend that's trying to get some food together for a traditional Italian lunch, but she doesn't speak english, so I have to meet her at the grocery store." We shook hands and he drove off in his brand new smart fortwo, and I never heard from him again. I guess the weird day thing is going around. Quote
havejoy Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 Ummmmm...I got up.Wow! Me too. It's like we're kindred spirits or sumpthin. Did you know me in the pre? Quote
mlbrowninwa Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 Ummmmm...I got up.That about sums up my day as well. Quote
Maya Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 HE tok my TOOTH and I am NOT TO SMILE OR LAUGH..... I am in tears... Yeah he tok my tooth today and started bridge work... I cant understand WHY he has to be in my mouth to do all that! NO ONE has offered me any money today, for beeing quiet... I would happily have taken that... At least the painkillers are working.... And I always dremt of beening a child to someone VERY famous... untill I found out my real parents were just usual people, rats .... Well my brother was canada cahmpion in downhill and the otehr was among the 3 best I think... but they never had money to go to the olympics... and my sister is a popstar... or a singer... never reached too high... Quote
Blackmarch Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 You guys, you're not going to believe everything that happened to me today! My alarm clock malfunctioned. Instead of playing music, it zapped me - like a bolt of lightning just came out of it. Then I went to make myself some breakfast and my eggs were all purple inside. Sick. After that, I was walking my kids to the parking lot to drive them to school when the guy who played Mr. Belvedere ran over me with his car and offered me $5000 not to tell anyone about it (you know, except for random Internet people). I told him, "Ok, but throw in a new alarm clock too and you got a deal."Craziest thing. I headed to the store to replace my rancid eggs and there was this woman crying. She was from Italy and I suddenly realized I could speak Italian. Something magical happened when my alarm clock electrocuted me. Turns out she couldn't find the panchetta and I was more than happy to help. She was in a hurry because she had a lunch to cater for a hermaphrodites' knitting club! I bought my eggs, went back to my van when I was rudely run over by someone. It was the guy who played Webster. Luckily it was just a Smart car and didn't hurt too bad, but I made him pay me double what Mr. Belvedere paid and I made him recreate the situation so I could take a picture for my blog (sorry, can't share the link due to our confidentiality agreement and all), but we're now best friends. Webster held my hand as I went to the doctor and was tragically diagnosed with three life changing diseases (I would tell you what they are, but me and the diseases decided we should keep that private).I cried because it was my dream to give Webster a piggyback ride, but I just wasn't in shape to do so after being electrocuted, run over twice, and electrocuted again later (turns out it's true that sticking a fork in an outlet is bad). Darn it - I lost my Italian speaking powers the second time I got zapped!Even worse, I found out I have amnesia and was once married to Brad Pitt (I agreed to keep that confidential). It broke his heart too much that I didn't remember him after my 5 year coma and he just had to move on. Just found that out today.I was going to tell you about the other 20 bizarre things that happened to me today, but I have to go. I just found out I won the lottery! (The ticket was a gift from Emma Thompson - we got way back.) So how was your day?lololololtrying to keep up on my seefood diet plan. Quote
Misshalfway Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 ( Swelling days of lives music fades and cheek slapping starts) Morning honey...Morningstar! You gotta wake up sweetie. Quote
MorningStar Posted January 28, 2010 Author Report Posted January 28, 2010 Whoa. Do people not believe that my day could be so action packed and full of celebrity encounters? I'm hurt. Antonio Banderas is comforting me at this very moment. I once saved his life during the making of Zorro. Quote
MichaelCraig Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 Maya! Please come off a couple of those pain killers. My eyes hurt after I Googled the word "hermaphrodite". OUCH!!!! Now I'm going to have to move in with the Bishop it will take so long to get back to my almost normal and somewhat moral self. He said I could start by cutting his grass, with a manual old timey push mower, and he owns about 20 acres of farm land. Gee thanks MorninStar!!!!!!! Quote
Misshalfway Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 Whoa. Do people not believe that my day could be so action packed and full of celebrity encounters?I'm hurt. Antonio Banderas is comforting me at this very moment. I once saved his life during the making of Zorro.Hey Morningstar -- what cha drinkin? Quote
Misshalfway Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 Whoa. Do people not believe that my day could be so action packed and full of celebrity encounters?I'm hurt. Antonio Banderas is comforting me at this very moment. I once saved his life during the making of Zorro.And also.....I am starting to question the truth of your story. Antonio is sitting right here with me. (aside in the background): yeah honey....a little to the left. No honey! I told you. I can't see you EVERY Friday! Once a month! I thought we agreed......:D:D Quote
pam Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 As long as you two are fighting over Antonio..that leaves Shemar for me. Quote
Misshalfway Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 YOu know.....Morning can have him. I'm going for Gerard Butler. Quote
MorningStar Posted January 28, 2010 Author Report Posted January 28, 2010 Hey Morningstar -- what cha drinkin? Nothing. My lips are so ginormous, it's hard to drink. Quote
Misshalfway Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 I've decided I really need my old avatar for this conversation. Quote
Misshalfway Posted January 28, 2010 Report Posted January 28, 2010 Nothing. My lips are so ginormous, it's hard to drink.Don't you hate botox? Quote
MorningStar Posted January 28, 2010 Author Report Posted January 28, 2010 Don't you hate botox? They're natural! How dare you! Quote
havejoy Posted January 29, 2010 Report Posted January 29, 2010 They're natural! How dare you!I believed everything you've said until this. Lips as big as Angelina has are not naturally occuring. Quote
pam Posted January 29, 2010 Report Posted January 29, 2010 Havejoy you seriously always make me laugh. I love your sense of humor. Quote
Dravin Posted January 29, 2010 Report Posted January 29, 2010 For my part I'm noticing a conspicuous lack of mention of the Three Nephites. Quote
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.