Missionaries, Big Love and My Girlfriend

[Carl62]

Just two months ago, I began seeing this woman who I've now fallen head over heels in love with and am starting to get somewhat serious with. She is a non-member and now a problem has come up in regards to the church. While she hasn't said anything negative about the church doctrinally because she really doesn't understand it, she did have a bad experience with missionaries back six years ago when she actually had the missionaries in her house a few times and in one of those cases (when she wasn't home), the one missionary started to get flirtatious with her daughter. That killed that and has since left a bad taste in her mouth towards having any missionaries over. Another problem that has come up is that she watches the T.V. show Big Love. Yes, while I do watch the show myself, I was unaware that she was watching the show also up until a few weeks ago. How does one go about getting someone interested in the church and then, at the same time, try to explain all the controversial church related things that goes on in the show. While she's practically addicted to the show, she has had some questions and even concerns over some of the things she's seen, especially this new season! Any advice on how to side step all of this and possibly get her interested in the church would greatly be appreciated. Thanks.:)

[Bini]

I thought Big Love was based on FLDS and not LDS. If this is the case, I'd explain to her that the show is in no way shape or form, affiliated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Regardless if she's Mormon or not, I would hope that she doesn't believe everything she sees on TV..

As for the unfortunate missionary experience, it's really too bad that happened. I know that if I had invited missionaries into my home and they started eyeballing my daughter, etc etc, it'd leave a bad taste in my mouth as well. Hopefully she doesn't clump all young men serving missions as wolf in sheep clothing with raging hormones. So not sure what to advise in this case. Couldn't sister missionaries drop-by? Or.. someone from RS?

[Gwen]

i would invite the rs sisters over to meet her, maybe see if she will go to an enrichment meeting or something. no pressure, just social to get to know ppl.

as for the show.... my brother had a friend in high school that was not a us citizen, all he knew before coming over was having seen a few episodes of 90210. he was terrified to come. he was so glad to find out how wrong that perception was.

i would watch a few episodes of the old 90210, or some of the other teenybopper shows out right now. then ask her if this was all someone knew of the usa what would they think? would it be accurate? would you want ppl in other parts of the world thinking you were like this because you happen to live in the usa and that's what hollywood shows them? remind her that the show is just that, made for tv and ratings, not accuracy. to judge a group of ppl off that isn't right.

[Guest mirancs8]

So wonderful that you are head over heels in love... what a wonderful feeling that is. I'm an addicted fan of Big Love ever since it started and it has in no way changed my view on the LDS church. As she learns more she will see the facts and will be solid in her own thinking. I would think that the majority of those who watch Big Love are aware of the story line and that it is not based on the LDS community.

Though Barbara and her family are/were LDS, the last season was the very emotional scene of her last visit to the Temple before she sat before the leaders of the LDS church and they request her to renounce polygamy. In the end she is excommunicated. Most of the show is intertwined with LDS and FLDS (reality is that the show is about FLDS living in a very LDS community).

If she is open to it slowly start talking with her about the LDS church and community, take her to come ward activities with you, and also read scriptures with her. Make her a part of it all. You love her and care for her so use your knowledge to help her to grow and learn through you. As she learns more her interest will grow and with that her love for you will grow with it. I'm sure she would be willing to learn since she is in a relationship with you. Take your time and make her a part of it because if you do get serious this will be an important factor in your relationship together.:)

[pam]

Church Responds to Questions on HBO's Big Love - LDS Newsroom

This might be a good way to explain some of it.

[Maureen]

Carl62, I would just ask her directly if she is interested in learning about the LDS church. Then whatever her answer is, take it from there.

M.

[Gwen]

Carl62, I would just ask her directly if she is interested in learning about the LDS church. Then whatever her answer is, take it from there.

M.

well if you want to be practical and not play games then ....

[Wisc]

Dont be so rushed to pack missionaries into her living room mate. Do as others have suggested and just invite her to activities. Take her to single adult dances, and fire sides, and such... Let her be around mormons in their natural environment :) Let her see how they really are on a daily basis and not just when they're wearing a stiff neck tie and dress. When she sees for herself the truth of it in their every day life then perhaps she will feel inspired to see the missionaries. But do not force or press it. Girls are like cats... and I had a cat once that would do anything I wanted it to do... just never when I told it to do it!

[mnn727]

First, my wife and I watch Big Love, it does present a charecature of the Church, but then what do you expect from its creators being 2 former members who also happen to be gay. Having said that, we do enjoy the show (although the current season has turned dark IMHO), but like the poster above said its like saying that 90210 accuratly portrays life in America.

I wouldn't worry about getting the missionaries over, invite her to activities, bring her to chuch, when she's ready for the missionaries, she'll ask.

Edited February 16, 2010 by mnn727

[Nikkie85]

I HATE THE SHOW BIG LOVE!

I think the best thing to do would be to invite her to activities and hang out with other couples who are members.

[ADoyle90815]

I might be flamed for this, but I love Big Love. I know it's not a real portrayal of the real LDS church, and a polygamist would be excommunicated like Barb was. Having the missionaries over before your girlfriend is ready for them will backfire on you. It would look to her as if you're pushing your beliefs on her, and she will break up with you because of her previous negative experience. If she decides that she's ready to meet with them, she will do so on her own time. It might mean that she will never be ready, and if that happens, you should respect her "agency" as you call it and agree to disagree when it comes to religion.

[mlbrowninwa]

My wife has always watched the show, but I never had. Last night we were catching up on our recorded shows since Biggest Looser wasn't on and she watched three episodes of Big Love as I sat on the bed reading. It surely is not an accurate portrayal of the LDS church, but the do use the phrase Mormons quite a bit which really blurs the lines. After half watching three episodes, that was enough for me. I will not be watching more.

[Faded]

Just two months ago, I began seeing this woman who I've now fallen head over heels in love with and am starting to get somewhat serious with. She is a non-member and now a problem has come up in regards to the church. While she hasn't said anything negative about the church doctrinally because she really doesn't understand it, she did have a bad experience with missionaries back six years ago when she actually had the missionaries in her house a few times and in one of those cases (when she wasn't home), the one missionary started to get flirtatious with her daughter. That killed that and has since left a bad taste in her mouth towards having any missionaries over. Another problem that has come up is that she watches the T.V. show Big Love. Yes, while I do watch the show myself, I was unaware that she was watching the show also up until a few weeks ago. How does one go about getting someone interested in the church and then, at the same time, try to explain all the controversial church related things that goes on in the show. While she's practically addicted to the show, she has had some questions and even concerns over some of the things she's seen, especially this new season! Any advice on how to side step all of this and possibly get her interested in the church would greatly be appreciated. Thanks.:)

Bad experience with flirty missionary -- don't know what to tell you there. Perhaps just lead her to the realization that there are all types of people, both good and bad, just about everywhere. The vast majority of missionaries are not going to behave like that.

The polygamy thing is always puzzling to me.

Out of the 180 years that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has existed, polygamy was practiced for only 48 years. Only a small fraction of the Church practiced it. It has been an excommunicateable offense for 120 years now -- and I doubt most other Christian religions have such a policy on the matter.

It is easy enough to point to the Old Testament and demonstrate where polygamy was not just tolerated by God, but commanded by Him. So I guess it comes down to whether she believes in the same God who commanded Abraham to marry his wife's maid Hagar. And you won't find any passage of scripture anywhere in the Bible that forbids the practice of plural marriage.

The position of the Church of Jesus Christ on this matter is best outlined

JACOB 2:27-30

27 Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none;

28 For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women. And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts.

29 Wherefore, this people shall keep my commandments, saith the Lord of Hosts, or cursed be the land for their sakes.

30 For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things.

This describes the official policy God has on the matter. "You shall only have one wife and no concubines. If I want to make any exceptions to this rule, I God will tell you so."

In relation to the Apostate groups that have broken away from the Church of Jesus Christ in order to continue to practice plural marriage:

Doctrine and Covenants 58:32

32 I command and men obey not; I revoke and they receive not the blessing.

The Lord tried the faith of his people, commanding them to live the law of plural marriage. Most who were commanded, didn't want to take additional wives, much like Abraham before them. The Lord revoked this command 120 years ago, but these groups refuse to believe it.