I'm divorced with kids...

[Beth3]

and I'm interested in learning more about the LDS church. I have been researching this religion and I yearn to know more. I'm wondering if the church will accept me. I'm a single mom of 3 young boys ( ages 7 and under) and I'm a christian. I'm been to many christian churches but haven't found my church home. I'm still looking. I know this church is all about family and I feel odd knowing that I will probably be the only single mom there... I wonder how I will be judged ( I feel the catholic church judged me) and wonder if I will feel like I belong... I don't know how this church views those that are divorced with kids. Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated.

[MisterT]

You'll find a number of divorced members within our ranks; me included. My wife divorced me after 14 years of marriage and 4 kids (she left after 12 of those years); I don't feel judged in the slightest, well, at least by the other members. I tend to judge myself quite harshly.

If you're interested in learning of the church, I would recommend having an appointment with the missionaries; you can request a visit here: Have missionaries contact me

You can also just find a meetinghouse and drop by for a visit. Every ward has full-time missionaries assigned to it; don't worry about finding them, they'll find you :) You can find a meetinghouse here: LDS Maps

Also, feel free to ask any questions you may have here, but beware that you'll only get our opinion of things; for answers of doctrine without opinion you really need to speak with the missionaries or the Bishop in your area.

-Ryan

[Honor]

Welcome Beth,

I am a single mother myself. I was raised in the church (which obviously doesn't make us immune to life's struggles, lol), as was my soon to be ex husband from whom I've been separated from for a year and a half. We have a 3 year old son. There IS a huge focus on families in the LDS church, but I don't believe there is an expectation for what we PERCEIVE as perfection. We believe that the family unit is vital in the Lord's plan for His children because it is the structure in which they will learn who they are, why they are here, and where they are going. It is the foundation for their testimonies of the Lord Jesus Christ, and shapes their outlook on the world. That always sounds like a bit of a daunting task to parents, but no home is perfect. We are all doing the best we can, in millions of unique family situations. It is not as black and white as married or not married. It is about the home you strive to create for your precious children as they grow, and the goals you yourself strive for in your own eternal journey. The focus on family extends past ourselves, our spouse and our children. As you come more in contact with the church, I believe you will see that it provides a family-like structure in each congregation, with programs for personal growth for all ages. It would be an amazing resource, network and help to you as you do the great work of raising your children.

If there are negative feelings felt by single parents in the church is what they THINK people are thinking and not what people actually are. As I entered the world of single motherhood, I felt my ward members close ranks around me and show me a love and understanding in so many ways. I recently moved and have have been warmly welcomed into a new ward by strangers who had no idea of my specific marital situation - just that I was there with my son and no husband. I believe and hope that you will find welcoming arms in your experience. Most of the members in wards I've been in have been very charitable (see the quote at the bottom of my post) - realizing that none of us has the perfectly ideal situation in life, and that we're all trying to push on together, regardless of our differing trials.

Try not to look for situations that would seem to exclude you or make you feel unwelcomed. I'd certainly never look at someone and think, "Wow, she's a single mother, she shouldn't be here" and never would have even when I was married with the "ideal" home. I doubt you would. Don't assume new people you meet would think so either. I know that I've been guilty of not being brave in initiating conversation with strangers, and I need to be, especially at church. Be brave, be friendly, be forgiving and I think you'll be surprised at how many people will welcome you with open arms, and befriend & love you and your children. I hope you have a wonderful experience becoming acquainted with this faith. It will bless your life more than you could ever imagine. Everyone else is just as imperfect as yourself, and this gospel is for you as much as it is for anyone else. Welcome (to the site as well) Sister! :)

[pam]

Not the only single mom. I've been a single mom for 11 years now. I've been a member my entire life.

[JudoMinja]

Yet another single mother here, so you're definitely not alone. I am also friends with three other girls in my ward that are single mothers. And my own mother was divorced with a child for some time before she married my dad.

Some people may tend to be judgmental, but overall the church is very welcoming to everyone. While family is a central part of the gospel and people who don't fit into the typical family outline tend to feel a bit awkward, you can overcome this feeling by recognizing the many others who don't fit that schematic. We are all unique in our place in life, and we come to church so that we can come together in our faith.

[Beth3]

Thank you all so much for the welcome :)

I plan on contacting missionaries soon. I have been looking for my church home for sooo long now I hope that I have a positive experience with this church. Unfortunatly, I always feel awkward walking into a new church with my boys. I am not a very outgoing person and it takes everything out of me to meet new people. I also hope to met a good man that my boys can look up to. They need a good male figure in there lives. My oldest is involved in cubscouts and they take tae kwon do and they see good male role models there, but my father and my ex are both workholics and don't spend much time with them. I have financial support but not much emotional support. I tend to get depressed over the fact that I choose to marry a man who is not religious at all. I feel like I should have known better, even though I was very young when we married (20 years old) and I wasn't very religious at the time either. I feel like it was doomed from the start. When I see married couples with children out and about I wonder why I can't have that. I am not a jealous person but it honesltly makes me very sad and I feel quite lonely at times. Anyway, I went a little off topic...Thank you all for the responses. I look forward to getting to know you all better :)

[pam]

Hi Beth..don't waste your time on the what if's, should ofs, could ofs of the past. Look forward with a positive attitude at all the wonderful new things you could encounter. Not only for yourself but for your children.

[theBUBBAMANcan]

Divorcing dad here with three kids...

The church has been my rock thru my marital problems and helping me get thru my divorce.

I need it...my kids live with me!

[FairChild]

Just another single divorced mom welcoming you here. One thing that helped me was the fact that I realized instead of using the time fighting with my hubby and being very unhappy, I chose to use that time to work on the relationship between me and my children. And also used the time to do somethings for myself. Everything will work out in time. Welcome. FC

[alexloramer]

Yeah some religions are quite counter-intuitive with a lot of judgment in them. I know what you mean. I think you just have to find the right church for you. Each denomination has vary churches as we all know. I think you could find a christian church that you like or of course one here.

[bcguy]

Well lets see, my sister-inlaw is NOT divorced yet from her second husband, who still attends our ward. Both of them have children, and children from there first marriage. They are separated and both sit on opposite sides of the pews. But now, she has been excommunicated for having a child out of wedlock so she may or may not attend it just depends on her. I would not worry about it. We also have single moms with children. LDS people are really in nature, not to prying of people. I would suggest you visit and sit with the missionaries. Learn as much about the church and its purpose. You will also find that members are life long members and often get help when needed.

Case example, a member had to move all his house belongings out of storage to his new place. 14 people from our ward showed up and a moving van. In one hour flat, we had all his belonging from the van and into the house. Amazing.

[Therauh]

Welcome

[Suzanne627]

I'm an unwed mom. Talk about being much more worthy of judging! Everyone at church is so welcoming to me and they all know my daughters name. I have never felt judged, even though I was expecting it.

Contact the missionaries soon! They are an excellent resource for peace, the feeling that they bring into your home is wonderful. Also, while you are searching for your next companion the elders are terrific examples for your children. They are so helpful and are always so eager to help me with projects.

Like you mentioned, the LDS church is very fmaily oriented. I love it. There are always wholesome activites going on that everyone can attend.

[jayanna]

I was getting a divorce when I was confirmed. I had two small daughters, 1 and 3 yrs. old. The gospel really helped me through all of the challenges I was facing. The church helped me and still helps me know how to be a good mom and wife, and grows my relationship with my Savior.

For a while after I started going to church, I felt really terrible every time someone said they were thankful for their wife, or something like that. My kids were rowdy during sacrament, it was hard to sit and listen. I think I cried every Sunday, just feeling sorry for myself. I had to snap myself out of it and start shining my light. I started working on my own path back to my Father in Heaven. I found joy, and love, and peace.

I found the greatest guy, and we met and got married shortly after my divorce. The kids were 2 and 4. He adopted them. He is a great dad. He joined the church, too, and I now have a worthy priesthood holder in my home who cares for us. We've been married for 10 years, and I have no regrets.

[JudoMinja]

Thank you all so much for the welcome :)

My oldest is involved in cubscouts and they take tae kwon do and they see good male role models there, but my father and my ex are both workholics and don't spend much time with them. :)

Well, I thought you would be interested in knowing that our church strongly supports cub/boy scouts, and there is typically a troup for each ward. They often do scouting activities at the Wednesday night church events for the boys, have monthly campouts, father/son campouts (which another father in your ward would be willing to "father" your boys on their campout if you'd like), and the occassional family campout. They also do week long camping events in the summer- day camp for the cub scouts and a complete camping trip for the boy scouts.

There will be plenty of good male role models for them. Should you decide the church is for you, you will also be assigned "Home Teachers". This is a pair of men in the ward who visit with your family on a monthly basis to share a spiritual message and see if you need any help with anything around the home. They will also have a "Young Mens" leader from age 12-18. This is a group for them to do church activities including those scouting events.

[Jazok]

For the most part, you'll be accepted. However, there exceptions. If you end up in such a ward/stake, move.