My understanding is still a bit unclear..

[Bini]

I know this topic has been discussed many times before but my understanding is still a bit unclear. When you commit sin and then fully repent, it's as if it never happened because the Lord has "forgiven and forgotten", right? So once someone is free of a particular sin, are they to start a new slate and never dwell on or bring it up again? What about when going into a new relationship and your significant other asks whether you've ever committed adultery or had an addiction? Technically, you should say "no" because you've fully repented of your wrongdoings and the Lord no longer sees them. But doesn't your potential spouse have the right to know whether or not you've had a history dealing with infidelity or addiction?

So as you can see, this whole concept is a bit confusing to me.

[jadams_4040]

I know this topic has been discussed many times before but my understanding is still a bit unclear. When you commit sin and then fully repent, it's as if it never happened because the Lord has "forgiven and forgotten", right? So once someone is free of a particular sin, are they to start a new slate and never dwell on or bring it up again? What about when going into a new relationship and your significant other asks whether you've ever committed adultery or had an addiction? Technically, you should say "no" because you've fully repented of your wrongdoings and the Lord no longer sees them. But doesn't your potential spouse have the right to know whether or not you've had a history dealing with infidelity or addiction?

So as you can see, this whole concept is a bit confusing to me.

When truely repentant the sin is truely forgiven; but forgiveness depends on honesty and sincerness to not commit again And to not forget, to not forget is to remember, to remember not to do that again; being honest with another is part of remembering.:)

[Dravin]

Technically, you should say "no" because you've fully repented of your wrongdoings and the Lord no longer sees them.

Repentance is not a time machine, technically the answer to those questions would be yes.

[Bini]

So forgetting is not that it "never happened". Just that you're not bound to that sin any longer.

[jadams_4040]

So forgetting is not that it "never happened". Just that you're not bound to that sin any longer.

forgiveness from the lord means we have truely repented; how can we be truely repentant if we have to lie or misslead about them. we should always be mindfull and honest of our wrongdoings. yet have the joy in knowing we have been forgiven for them. this helps keep us humble and strong.:)

[WmLee]

I was bothered by my memory of things I had done well after repentance. I was reminded that our Father in Heaven forgives and forgets, we remember and we remember the pain so we won’t repeat.

How much of your ‘past’ you want to share with others is up to you. But is it important for others to know? Some of my mistakes I prefer no one ever learns about and for them to know or not know isn’t important; it’s not a part of me now. When I met my future wife it was important to share things I felt terrible about so she would understand where I came from and so she wasn’t surprised by a ghost coming out of the closet a few years later. She didn’t HAVE to know until I proposed a future together. Then it was important for her to know before she agreed to an eternity with me.

I’m always afraid of people knowing too much too soon and judging someone without cause.

[beefche]

There are some sins for which you can be forgiven, but you still must live with the consequences. One that comes to mind is abuse--if you have abused a child, it will be marked on your church record so that you will not be called to work with children.

[Dravin]

So forgetting is not that it "never happened". Just that you're not bound to that sin any longer.

Depends how you mean bound. Someone who looks at pornography may have images burned into their brain that will never go away as if they'd never looked. Other sins can have other lingering consequences. The key to remember is if we repent we will not be held accountable for those sins in the next life and we can be declared clean so in that sense the Lord remembers them no more. That said if you asked him I'm fairly sure the Lord can remember my past deeds that I've repented of in a literal sense.

As Beefche said, sometimes sin carries consequences and scars that will not completely leave us until the next life. And some things are natural consequences that have nothing to do with sin. The alcoholic or the drug addict can be forgiven but still suffer the physical consequences of his behavior until the day they die. And if you do something you will never be able to say that you did not do it without lying no matter how complete the forgiveness.

I know this can be a sore subject as we do not want people holding things against us that the Lord has forgiven us. Also I think on some level when others hold it against us it makes us doubt we've truly been forgiven.

[Guest mirancs8]

What about when going into a new relationship and your significant other asks whether you've ever committed adultery or had an addiction? Technically, you should say "no" because you've fully repented of your wrongdoings and the Lord no longer sees them. But doesn't your potential spouse have the right to know whether or not you've had a history dealing with infidelity or addiction?

Clearly if early in the relationship things become more serious with feelings of love you should be open with each other regarding your past. I could not with a clear conscience not tell this person of my previous sins if my feelings for them are that strong. However, I do not agree that you should feel a need to tell everyone because it can cause you more pain in the end. You should be selective as to who and when you tell, and it should be someone for whom you have built a trust and love for (no matter dear friend, boyfriend/girlfriend etc).

For many the discussion of their past haunts them. It has at times even been held over their heads as a tool of manipulation by others close to them who knew. It's not easy to open up. For that person who you once trusted and loved went and stabbed you with the very thing you entrusted them with... not a pleasant situation to be put through. But I do believe that if you have moved from being acquaintances to being dear friends/committed relationship type situation yes it is only right to let that person know. These past sin can be deeply emotional and you do not want to cause yourself more heartache. Know why you are telling them, and that is because you love them and want them to know your heart is open.

Keep in mind too that there are many who may not be able to deal with a particular sin, whereas another would have a more forgiving heart. This can all depend not only on each individual, but also their own past and experiences. For example if someone was traumatized by a marriage plagued with pornography they may not be able to be in a relationship with someone who has a past such as this no matter how much they repented. Though things are forgiven at times they are not forgotten. Someone with a more tainted past might be much more forgiving and accepting of someone else who experienced the same/similar events in their own lives. There will be a deeper understanding of each others plight, therefore because of their own tainted past and repentance they will be more accepting of their partners struggles in their past.

When someone I am having a relationship with opens up about something so personal and emotional to them, I feel more comfort in knowing they are being honest... that they love and trust me enough to open up about something they otherwise would have kept. That says a lot to me about this mans integrity.

[ZSEdwardson]

When G_d, our heavenly Father does forgive and forget when you repent. However, us humans are not at that stage yet, and in relationships, it is best to be honest. A lie, even a little one, can ruin all too many relationships. Ten years ago I wasn't that great of a person, heck, five years ago i wasn't that great of a person. For example, I had a wonderful GF that I made a major mistake in our relationship, and needless to say, she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. If I started to date a girl and was asked "have you made X mistake" with X mistake being that what I did with that girlfriend, I would honestly say that I goofed up a relationship, and learned the hard way what happens.

[Wingnut]

I don't believe in being literal with "forgive and forget."

[Bini]

I wish I could "double-thank" Wingnut on that response. That is how I've always felt about the "forgive and forget" saying. Obviously, forgiveness is required of all of us but to forget is not literally translating to "it never happened" or "you no longer remember".

Thanks everyone. That clears it up.

[baver3]

Repentance is not a time machine...

I like this.

I just cant imagine being in a new relationship and bringing up all your past sins and questioning eachother about what you've done in the past. That sounds ridiculous to me. I would think it could come up when the relationship became more serious but at that point it would make sense that you had confidence in eachother to share some of those things.

And yes, its always best to be honest.

[dazed-and-confused]

So forgetting is not that it "never happened". Just that you're not bound to that sin any longer.

i think you put that very well.

[deseretgov]

I have no idea if me spouse had any relations before we got married. She converted to the church when she was about 28. So there was the possibility that she had. But since she has repented of those things(if any) then I don't care. I have never asked her before. Yes I have wondered sometimes, but if there is repentance then I try to follow the Lord's example, and as far as I am concerned nothing has ever happened.

[Wingnut]

I have no idea if me spouse had any relations before we got married. She converted to the church when she was about 28. So there was the possibility that she had. But since she has repented of those things(if any) then I don't care. I have never asked her before. Yes I have wondered sometimes, but if there is repentance then I try to follow the Lord's example, and as far as I am concerned nothing has ever happened.

In this particular case, I think I would have asked about previous sexual activity due to the possibility of STDs. I'd want to know what I was getting into as far as that was concerned. Otherwise, I agree with you.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I think the scriptures are speaking from the perspective of God. He assures us that HE will forgive and forget. He requires us to FORGIVE others, but I don't see anywhere that he expects humankind to actually forget.

However, I think it's a good idea for men and women to "forget" when there are relatively minor infractions against us -- forgetting preserves our inner peace and prevents us from dwelling on past mistakes of others, and ourselves. On the other hand, God never told us to fully TRUST another person after they commit heinous crimes against us either. You can forgive, remember, and not trust, and still be OK with God in my view.

For example, if someone abused my children, I might be able to forgive them, but it would be foolish to trust them again.

When it comes to relationships, I had something I wondered if my intended would accept in me before we were married. It wasn't a sin, but something I thought she might think was unusual. It was a test of our relationship to see how she reacted. She reacted fine with it, and we've never brought it up again.

I personally wouldn't hold back information from a questioning boyfriend or girlfriend. They need to understand and accept all of me, where I've been, and where I'm at right now for the relationship to be on a sure footing.

I was lucky to get all of that in my current relationship.

[Vanhin]

When you have fully repented of your sins, God will forgive you, and "remember them no more" (D&C 58:42). That said, I still remember all my former sins, though they have been remitted. I am comforted to know that God remembers them no more.

Regards,

Vanhin