My Girlfriends Father Had A "Dream"

[jpayne39]

One other thought -- you really don't know a person until AFTER you marry them. That's why Ben Franklin said "Before marriage, look at your spouse with both eyes wide open; after marriage, with both eyes half shut".

Couples run into difficulties as their marriage progresses -- I think this Mark issue needs to be dealt with in case you hit rough spots later on in your marriage -- you don't want your wife reflecting on the pull of her Dad, and wondering if she should've married this Mark person. People DO turn to their parents when things get rough in their marriage sometimes. Hopefully your wife gets a personal confirmation this is right, as you don't want this Mark your father's dream has created to place doubts in her mind years hence.

I say this because my mother went through this. She gave up an opportunity to marry a man we'll call Andrew. Then, when things got difficult with my Dad, good man that he is, she would always reflect on what would've happened had she married Andrew. I hope my mother's Andrew doesn't become your girlfriend's Mark....

This is also a fear. To me, her dad's "vision" doesn't make sense for a couple reasons...

First of all, Why? Why have this vision? Does telling a 14 year old girl that she will one day marry a Mark help her or cause tons of problems? It has created tons of problems in her life. The fruits of this vision have been stress and arguing with her family.

Second, if this revelation really is true, why not keep it to himself until it happens? That way it can be faith building. Instead, he uses it as a way of controlling who she dates.

I have had her get to know my parents, who are totally normal and not fanatical. She can see the difference in my parents attitude and that of her parents. My parents have told us, "Whatever suits you. You have to live with each other, not us. This is your decision."

I can see guiding you child with principles, but there are no principles being taught here other than "follow Dad and don't disobey." If I treated her bad, was unworthy, in debt, selfish, controlling, needy, or anything else concerning, I could understand her parents saying, "_____________, we think they way he acts is a red flag. Let's talk about it." Instead, I am loving, giving, caring, ambitious, active, mature and a good provider. Her parents don't have a leg to stand on.

My bishop is ready to strangle her dad.

[Suzie]

This is also a fear. To me, her dad's "vision" doesn't make sense for a couple reasons...

First of all, Why? Why have this vision? Does telling a 14 year old girl that she will one day marry a Mark help her or cause tons of problems? It has created tons of problems in her life. The fruits of this vision have been stress and arguing with her family.

Second, if this revelation really is true, why not keep it to himself until it happens? That way it can be faith building. Instead, he uses it as a way of controlling who she dates.

I have had her get to know my parents, who are totally normal and not fanatical. She can see the difference in my parents attitude and that of her parents. My parents have told us, "Whatever suits you. You have to live with each other, not us. This is your decision."

I can see guiding you child with principles, but there are no principles being taught here other than "follow Dad and don't disobey." If I treated her bad, was unworthy, in debt, selfish, controlling, needy, or anything else concerning, I could understand her parents saying, "_____________, we think they way he acts is a red flag. Let's talk about it." Instead, I am loving, giving, caring, ambitious, active, mature and a good provider. Her parents don't have a leg to stand on.

My bishop is ready to strangle her dad.

I really feel for you AND your girlfriend. I know exactly what you're talking about. I did not want to say it but I really don't think her father had such a dream, the time he supposedly had it is the same time where girls start thinking about boys and a couple of years later ready to date. He is just a control freak and have controlled her possibly her whole life. I am pretty confident she fears him and now that you are in the picture, the whole scenario is probably going to get ugly. Be ready by fasting and praying before meeting him.

If she lives on her own, good for her but if she still living by her parents, he will drive her NUTS!

Please keep us posted about how the whole thing will turn out.

If you end up marrying her, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE move miles away from this man. Seriously. You will regret it if you don't.

[Hemidakota]

I have been dating a wonderful girl for 7 months. She is perfect. She is 24 and I am 28. We both are return missionaries and are trying to prepare for marriage.

Here is the problem: Her father had a dream when she was 14 where he "envisioned" the man she would marry and was told his name would be "Mark." My name is not "Mark." After we had been dating about 2 months, her dad called her up and basically said he could not sleep and the Spirit told him that I wasn't "the one" for her. Also, I didn't match any of the characteristics of his "vision." She has a respect for her father, so she broke up with me without telling me why. This lasted about 10 days before both of us were so miserable without each other that we got back together. She has not told her father that we have been dating for the last 5 months. When she visits on Sundays, her parents suspect we are dating and make sly comments like "We hope you aren't dating (insert my name). It would be a waste of time. Remember your fathers dream."

We are both completely temple worthy. I have received a confirmation that she is marriage material and I should be proposing soon. I can't because of her parents. I know for 100% certainty that her dads dream is bunk. It feels horrible and evil to me when we talk about it.

Another thing: Her dad is a bishop and tells her that he still has stewardship over her and can receive revelation for her even though she is 24, a return missionary, college graduate, and doesn't live at home.

So here is the question: How do her and I resolve this so we can move forward with an engagement?

Did you even consider to fast and pray over what the parent told his daughter whether or not you are the one for his daughter? Have you consider pondering this before the Savior in the Celestial room for guidance? I know this is may sound unreasonable but as a parent, it is role of having discernment and having the authority to receive personal family revelations.

[Suzie]

but as a parent, it is role of having discernment and having the authority to receive personal family revelations.

But not the authority to tell his 24 years old daughter who she should marry...

[Hemidakota]

This is also a fear. To me, her dad's "vision" doesn't make sense for a couple reasons...

First of all, Why? Why have this vision? Does telling a 14 year old girl that she will one day marry a Mark help her or cause tons of problems? It has created tons of problems in her life. The fruits of this vision have been stress and arguing with her family.

Second, if this revelation really is true, why not keep it to himself until it happens? That way it can be faith building. Instead, he uses it as a way of controlling who she dates.

I have had her get to know my parents, who are totally normal and not fanatical. She can see the difference in my parents attitude and that of her parents. My parents have told us, "Whatever suits you. You have to live with each other, not us. This is your decision."

I can see guiding you child with principles, but there are no principles being taught here other than "follow Dad and don't disobey." If I treated her bad, was unworthy, in debt, selfish, controlling, needy, or anything else concerning, I could understand her parents saying, "_____________, we think they way he acts is a red flag. Let's talk about it." Instead, I am loving, giving, caring, ambitious, active, mature and a good provider. Her parents don't have a leg to stand on.

My bishop is ready to strangle her dad.

She is entitled to pray over what was given. As she is entitled to receive an answer to what was to given to the parent.

Ask her to pray over it to ask GOD, whether this is true or not. But remember, what will be given may not be to your favor, or, it could be. Allow her the opportunity to receive her own answer.

Now, is your father, or the Bishop, over this family?

[Hemidakota]

But not the authority to tell his 24 years old daughter who she should marry...

Excuse me, are you a parent? There is no age limit here to deal with...being parent and displaying concerns over a child welfare is a natural act.

[Suzie]

Excuse me, are you a parent? There is no age limit here to deal with...being parent and displaying concerns over a child welfare is a natural act.

Yes, I AM a parent of several kids. The issue here is NOT child welfare unless the father dreamed that this guy is a serial killer. It isn't the case. The man dreamed his daughter will marry a guy named Mark....meaning a DIFFERENT guy from the one she is dating.

This has nothing to do with child welfare.

[Hemidakota]

One other thought -- you really don't know a person until AFTER you marry them. That's why Ben Franklin said "Before marriage, look at your spouse with both eyes wide open; after marriage, with both eyes half shut".

It really doesn't matter. As long both companions in the church are willing to work at it, you can basically marry anyone and still have a successful marriage.

[Suzie]

As long both companions in the church are willing to work at it, you can basically marry anyone and still have a successful marriage.

And how do you know that?

[Hemidakota]

Yes, I AM a parent of several kids. The issue here is NOT child welfare unless the father dreamed that this guy is a serial killer. It isn't the case. The man dreamed his daughter will marry a guy named Mark....meaning a DIFFERENT guy from the one she is dating.

This has nothing to do with child welfare.

And how would you know that Suzie? Did you receive any revelatory insight to the father? Your reaction is your own opinion of what you think or what you want the father to follow. Is this the same case of the father? I see no difference.

Joseph Smith was given names of the additional wives. Did he step outside of that on what was given. No. Even I was given the person description on whom to marry but not a name. I follow it no matter on what the person was like pertaining to character flaws.

Since we are not the parent, knows this parent feelings or insights to this dream, I would leave this to both of them to seek guidance from the Lord.

[jpayne39]

Did you even consider to fast and pray over what the parent told his daughter whether or not you are the one for his daughter? Have you consider pondering this before the Savior in the Celestial room for guidance? I know this is may sound unreasonable but as a parent, it is role of having discernment and having the authority to receive personal family revelations.

Yes I have fasted. I have prayed about this for months. We have been to the celestial room together. We have done our homework, I assure you. We both feel great about dating and proceeding with our relationship.

My father had a stroke in January. This experience with her and her father has been way more tolling than my dad's stroke. I am down twenty pounds from the emotional toll this has been.

So yeah, I have prayed about it.

[Hemidakota]

And how do you know that?

I been in that seat several times as a JUDGE in ISRAEL. Have you?

[Suzie]

I been in that seat several times as a JUDGE in ISRAEL. Have you?

I didn't know this was a competition. You made a generalization when you stated that "you can basically marry anyone and still have a successful marriage." Just because you sat as a judge in Israel and saw some examples which in your perspective was like that, does not mean it was. You need to be careful when you share your opinions as facts, they are just your opinions, just like everyone's here.

[Hemidakota]

Oh brother...moving on. Perhaps, you need a lesson on humility sister.

[Suzie]

Perhaps, you need a lesson on humility sister.

Coming from you probably not.

[LocalFarms]

warm saucer of milk anyone?

[Suzie]

Sorry for hijacking your thread jpayne39. I already gave my little advise. I wish you all the best. Please keep us update when you talk to them. All the best. :)

[Gwen]

let's get back on topic folks

[ttribe]

Oh brother...moving on. Perhaps, you need a lesson on humility sister.

So do you brother.

[skippy740]

D&C 130:11

And a white stone is given to each of those who come into the celestial kingdom, whereon is a new name written, which no man knoweth save he that receiveth it. The new name is the key word.

(Psst... tell them you got a new name and it was "Mark"!) :)

[Hemidakota]

So do you brother.

I will leave this in the LORDS HAND.

[Hemidakota]

D&C 130:11

(Psst... tell them you got a new name and it was "Mark"!) :)

:lol: Good one.

[ttribe]

I will leave this in the LORDS HAND.

Indeed. Perhaps you should have thought of that before you spouted off with this gem: http://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/32761-my-girlfriends-father-had-dream-4.html#post510311

[Guest mormonmusic]

It really doesn't matter. As long both companions in the church are willing to work at it, you can basically marry anyone and still have a successful marriage.

I chuckled when I read this Hemi. Perhaps you don't know my situation, but I married someone in the perfect Mormon way, and then after marriage found she had an issue that could have allowed me to have the marriage annulled. We've since managed to make our marriage work, but it was at a huge cost to me emotionally and spiritually during the decade our marriage didn't work.

I was miserable for so many years trying to make my marriage work, having brief successes, then spectacular failures. We were completely divergent on so many important matters. There were times when I left conversations COMPLETELY bewlildered at her view of the world on things that myself, my family and my friends found perfectly reasonable.

How much better it would've been if I had've had the skills to identify someone with whom I was more compatible from the get-go. Someone who shared my own beliefs with whom there was so little conflict. I have had such relationships in the past with many people in intense situations such as 7 day trips in the wilderness where you have to rely on each other. There were probably many other situations out there that would've been much easier for me, that would've been successful by all gospel and personal standards.

So, I've always chuckled a bit at the "any two people can get along if they live the gospel". The point is, it's going to be a heck of a lot easier with someone who naturally meets your needs -- and we should all strive for that situation when we are considering who to marry.

After you get married, then yes, the "any two people living the gospel" statement kicks in, but it's much better to make a good choice to begin with.

[Suzie]

I have had such relationships in the past with many people in intense situations such as 7 day trips in the wilderness where you have to rely on each other.

It's interesting that you mentioned that because I heard something similar with regards to friendships but I think it could also be applied to marriages. They say if you want to discern a good friend, just imagine if you feel comfortable with the other person to be at your side in a battle/war, fighting along with you or would you be concerned that the person may get scared, run away or even join the enemy.