I really need advice

[tgulo]

my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. we have talked about marriage for as long as i can remember. As hard as it has been to accept that he is the right person for me to marry and he has in the past felt the same way. however we began to mess up and our relationship go rocky and he was doubting those previously known feelings. after we repented we were great and things were getting better between us. he recently broke his leg so we began to go back to our old ways of hanging out that led us into our trouble with morality. We are so in love and marriage is our goal however I recently found out he had these issues before.. what should we do to make sure that we are both worthy to enter the temple so he can get the peace he needs with our relationship.

[pam]

what should we do to make sure that we are both worthy to enter the temple so he can get the peace he needs with our relationship.

Seems to me you would want to make sure that he gets the peace he needs with your relationship BEFORE you go to the temple.

[tgulo]

I know i want him to be able to go to the temple he is endowed and I am not. I am not talking about us getting married then hope he gets the peace. the doubts only came when we were not being morally clean. I need advice on how to be strong enough for him to help him to get back to the temple. does that make sense?

[tgulo]

i also want to keep myself worthy to go to the temple one day again

[Wingnut]

As hard as it has been to accept that he is the right person for me to marry...

If it's hard for you to accept that he's the right one, he's probably not the right one.

[tgulo]

well not hard for me because of how i feel.. like i have always felt he was the one.. but he left a bad impression on my family the first time they met because he was nervous and they are convinced that he is just wanting to get married not for the right reason because of his age. so i would always pray if i should marry him and always felt yes.. that he is the one ... it has been hard trying to get my family to see that though... thats what i mean by hard

[WmLee]

1st, don't place yourself anywhere the two of you might make mistakes. That's the first rule my grandfather gave my wife (before the temple) and I and as long as we stayed where we belonged, there was no problem. it's really simple. We were able to date, go to dinner, have nice talks and make great pans and share ideas, and we could do it without laying down or sitting in a parked car, (I worked full time and had my own place, she was a student and lived with her folks). we had moments, but we kept trying to be temple worthy. it was sooooo worht the effort.

My only question, if he is the right one, if you are the right one, why aren't plans being made? My wifes parents thought I wasn't the right one! Within two years i was their favorite and have remained that for 27 years.

[tgulo]

thank you so much. well plans are being made. we both reieved our answers before.. we have gone ring shopping and we discuss possible dates as well as our future. he however has been doubting his previously recieved answer. i think its due to the fact that we havent been good lately.. he started feeling this way once we were making mistakes. does that make sense? I know my family will love him though it may take time but in the end i know that they will see what i see in him. i think they are just really nervouse because of our age difference. they dont want me to make a amistake because i am young. but in the end they will have to trust my inspirations.

[justaname]

Maybe you should stop seeing each other while he has broken limbs.

[Tarnished]

Maybe you should put some distance between the two of you. If you aren't around each other you can't very well do things you shouldn't. Or if that is a non option then only be around each other when you can be around others, chances are you aren't going to mess up with other people around. It all comes down to not letting yourself be alone together. Both of you need to get to a good point morally, through repentance and then you need to keep yourselves there. Best way to do that is not to give yourself the opportunity to mess up.

[tgulo]

we have decided to not see each other for a while... to help him with his decision and it will also help us with out mistakes.. is that a bad idea? like we are still together just spending time apart

[Guest mirancs8]

tgulo, it is very hard when you have deep feelings for someone to control those natural urges that come. I'm sure many can understand that. I agree that spending more time apart might be the thing you need to do. It will be tough though since you have such deep feelings for each other enough to want to get married at some point. When I say time apart I don't necessarily mean never being together physically for a long period of time. You might want to do that but in combination of going on dates somewhere public like dinner, movie, show, friends homes, time with extended family, or any other activity that keeps you off the sofa... out of the bed... and most importantly hands off inappropriate parts of each others bodies. You'll have plenty of time for that after you are married;)

When either of you make a move that involves physical intimacy it makes it increasingly difficult for the other to say no/stop. A part of you doesn't want to reject them as it's your way of showing your affection towards that person. If you eliminate those situations that could put you in that uncomfortable place it would do you both well. Make sure you both are very open in your communication to each other as at times that rejection can make either of you feel that maybe the love has fizzled when in fact it hasn't. It will take much strength to do this but if you put yourself in the right places/situations rather than the wrong you will find it will be easier each time.

If anything it will even give you both a chance to focus on better knowing each other at a different level rather than the draw to each other being focused on the physical. Focus on getting to know each other better on a more friendship, spiritual, and intellectual level. Be sure that you both are in line with each other on things that are important to each other. Spend time taking some long walks and just talking about everything. It's best you both get to know each other inside out before you head into marriage. These little hiccups will be at a greater magnitude when you are well into marriage. You both are going to have to be able to work through them together and come out of it stronger.

Marriage is far more complicated then the dating you are both doing now. Consider this phase of dating the most crucial for you both to make that covenant to spend time and eternity together and husband and wife.

I wish you all the best!

[Hemidakota]

1st, don't place yourself anywhere the two of you might make mistakes. That's the first rule my grandfather gave my wife (before the temple) and I and as long as we stayed where we belonged, there was no problem. it's really simple. We were able to date, go to dinner, have nice talks and make great pans and share ideas, and we could do it without laying down or sitting in a parked car, (I worked full time and had my own place, she was a student and lived with her folks). we had moments, but we kept trying to be temple worthy. it was sooooo worht the effort.

My only question, if he is the right one, if you are the right one, why aren't plans being made? My wifes parents thought I wasn't the right one! Within two years i was their favorite and have remained that for 27 years.

Excellent posting...

[kimiko]

tgulo, I just really want to encourage you to stay focused on your priorities. I was in a similar situation. When my husband and I were dating, I was not a member of the Church, and he was endowed. I didn't understand the seriousness of the law of chastity, and we did things we shouldn't have. Now my husband has been disfellowshipped for a year because of it. I would do anything to be able to go back in time and correct our mistakes (but I can't, and this is why the atonement is important). I definitely agree with everything mirancs8 said above. It's so easy to give into natural temptations and feelings, but please remember what your end goal is.

[Hemidakota]

If only...if only we could go back and change our past mis-deeds. Nice thought Kim.

[jenniesteve]

Yes discuss with him, about what he really wants and is he willing to enter into a marriage relationship.

[moocow]

I messed up with my ex and tried to wait a year... that was a joke. we just messed up again. i broke up with him and am much happier. Your relationship has been messed up (sorry to say it's due to your mistakes) so just chalk it up as a loss. You can go to the temple in like 3 months or 4, and be dating again by 5 months. You will do better the second time around!