Suicidal Teens

[JudoMinja]

I'm looking for some outside advice on how to deal with a tender situation. I have a 13 year old brother who drew a picture of hanging himself. It was discovered by his teacher at school, because he left it on his desk (accidentally or on purpose, who knows). She showed it to my mother, who then confronted him (David) about it. David denied it being his own drawing, even though it had the name David written on the back. But when Mom asked if it belonged to the other David in his class, he said he knew "for sure" that it wasn't his.

My mother and I are very concerned about this. I believe my father is concerned as well, but he's not good at dealing with serious issues. His general method for dealing with something serious is to stick his head in the sand and hope it will go away. You cannot do that with someone who seems to be having suicidal thoughts though. Sticking your head in the sand will result in that suicide being carried out, and then you'll just be kicking yourself in the butt for not doing anything about it when you saw the warning signs.

It is very possible that he is seriously considering suicide. He could very well be dealing with depression and trying to cover it up. I believe he may be feeling as though he has no place in the family anymore. He is the youngest- the "baby" of the family. My older brother and I are dealing with divorces. I am currently living with the family, so my one year old son is a "permanent" member of the household. My older brother jumps around from place to place and is currently using the family house for sleeping, but is always gone otherwise. Sometimes his two boys are at the house, being babysat by my mother, but typically they are with their own mother. Having these little people in the house could be causing him to lose his sense of himself, as he is no longer the "youngest" or the "baby".

There is also the issue of our 17 year old brother (Jacob) who has Aspergers. He and David are always clashing, and David has a very hard time dealing with his unique behaviors and mannerisms. He will often purposely aggravate him or "joke" with him, when he knows Jacob does not understand these jokes.

He is also going through the typical teen/pre-teen puberty and angst. He is very intelligent and has always done well in school, but last year (when I first came home and Jon- the oldest- had been living at home WITH his boys for six months) he started getting in trouble at school and came close to getting sent to alternative. This year he is failing two classes. He often spends time alone in his room, avoids doing his homework, and tries to find ways to get out of the house to be away from everybody.

What can my mother and I do to help him deal with his emotional anxieties without pushing him away? How can we help him determine if he is feeling depressed, if he does need therapy, and get him to follow through with getting that help without driving him into deeper depression?

[Soulsearcher]

Odd question, but is there a chance he didn't draw it? You said his name was on the back of the paper if i read right, could it have been drawn by someone else and put face down on his desk with the name facing up so he knew it was meant for him?

[Gwen]

it was on top of the desk? was it his picture or is he being bullied? i could see someone drawing such a pic to harass someone.

[Gwen]

Odd question, but is there a chance he didn't draw it? You said his name was on the back of the paper if i read right, could it have been drawn by someone else and put face down on his desk with the name facing up so he knew it was meant for him?

lol i hate that you type faster than me.

[Blackmarch]

I'm looking for some outside advice on how to deal with a tender situation. I have a 13 year old brother who drew a picture of hanging himself. It was discovered by his teacher at school, because he left it on his desk (accidentally or on purpose, who knows). She showed it to my mother, who then confronted him (David) about it. David denied it being his own drawing, even though it had the name David written on the back. But when Mom asked if it belonged to the other David in his class, he said he knew "for sure" that it wasn't his.

My mother and I are very concerned about this. I believe my father is concerned as well, but he's not good at dealing with serious issues. His general method for dealing with something serious is to stick his head in the sand and hope it will go away. You cannot do that with someone who seems to be having suicidal thoughts though. Sticking your head in the sand will result in that suicide being carried out, and then you'll just be kicking yourself in the butt for not doing anything about it when you saw the warning signs.

It is very possible that he is seriously considering suicide. He could very well be dealing with depression and trying to cover it up. I believe he may be feeling as though he has no place in the family anymore. He is the youngest- the "baby" of the family. My older brother and I are dealing with divorces. I am currently living with the family, so my one year old son is a "permanent" member of the household. My older brother jumps around from place to place and is currently using the family house for sleeping, but is always gone otherwise. Sometimes his two boys are at the house, being babysat by my mother, but typically they are with their own mother. Having these little people in the house could be causing him to lose his sense of himself, as he is no longer the "youngest" or the "baby".

There is also the issue of our 17 year old brother (Jacob) who has Aspergers. He and David are always clashing, and David has a very hard time dealing with his unique behaviors and mannerisms. He will often purposely aggravate him or "joke" with him, when he knows Jacob does not understand these jokes.

He is also going through the typical teen/pre-teen puberty and angst. He is very intelligent and has always done well in school, but last year (when I first came home and Jon- the oldest- had been living at home WITH his boys for six months) he started getting in trouble at school and came close to getting sent to alternative. This year he is failing two classes. He often spends time alone in his room, avoids doing his homework, and tries to find ways to get out of the house to be away from everybody.

What can my mother and I do to help him deal with his emotional anxieties without pushing him away? How can we help him determine if he is feeling depressed, if he does need therapy, and get him to follow through with getting that help without driving him into deeper depression?

Knowing deep down that his family really cares and loves him, and having friends that he really likes and that support him will do wonders. Have him stay busy with activities, to keep his mind preoccupied... but I think having good friends probably would be one of the best supports for that.

Other than that I don't know much.

I really really wish i could help more, but ya this is important to get on top of now and not ignore, or stand idle on.

A couple things to keep an eye out for taht might be affecting him:

porn and/or being bullied. these kill self esteem very quickly.

[JudoMinja]

Odd question, but is there a chance he didn't draw it? You said his name was on the back of the paper if i read right, could it have been drawn by someone else and put face down on his desk with the name facing up so he knew it was meant for him?

That is a possibility. When the teacher showed the drawing to my mother, she had a hard time believeing it was his because he draws better than that. He has had issues with bullies, so it could have been a message meant for him. However, his sureity that it was not the other David's makes us "fairly" certain he was the one that drew it.

I can present this bullying possibility to my mother and see what she thinks. If that is the case, David has shown strength already in knowing how to deal with bullies. We would just need to find a way to get him to talk to someone about it so the issue can be resolved before it gets worse.

[Soulsearcher]

That is a possibility. When the teacher showed the drawing to my mother, she had a hard time believeing it was his because he draws better than that. He has had issues with bullies, so it could have been a message meant for him. However, his sureity that it was not the other David's makes us "fairly" certain he was the one that drew it.

I can present this bullying possibility to my mother and see what she thinks. If that is the case, David has shown strength already in knowing how to deal with bullies. We would just need to find a way to get him to talk to someone about it so the issue can be resolved before it gets worse.

I would just wonder about his surety being because this isn't the first time he's been targeted by this type of thing and knew it was meant for him, it's really hard to say unless he either admits he did it or someone meant it for him sadly.

[NeuroTypical]

It's good that he has a sister who is concerned about him and loves him. Surely, this should not be brushed aside and poo-pooed as nothing. The best thing you can do for him is be a good sister and a good friend - a safe place for him to talk. Can you do that? Or are you more likely to try to fix things or strongly push advice or try to fix him? If you can avoid all the stuff he'd probably characterize as 'freaking out', then you might be able to directly help. Think listening, sharing a few tears, and maybe a hug.

All that said, there can be a big difference between drawing a picture of hanging yourself, having suicidal thoughts, and actually being suicidal to the point where you're going to act.

If his 13th year is anything like mine was, then it was a horrible experience. Family issues, peer pressure, adolescent awkwardness and other issues all seem to dump on a young teen all at once.

The moving from a good student, to failing classes and having trouble, is another direct and clear indication that something is wrong. These things are often driven by an event - something happened - and now his life is off kilter. Again, it could come from anywhere. It might be something easy or simple, or something huge and complex - but it's big for him.

Anyway, if he believes you might be a safe place to share whatever it is, then you might be able to help. If he doesn't, then there's really not much you can do besides tell/show him you love him.

LM

[TL10]

Being a teenager myself, I've suprisignly havn't noticed anything like this happening with my classmates. If he does have suicidal tendicies, I'd suggest you find out if he is being bullied, this picture might be just from some bonehead 'genius' telling your bro to go kill himself. You should really find out if that's the case, because bullies are often the main cause of suicides.

Another possibility is grades. Find out how he's doing at school, because here at high school for me, grades can be a complete nightmare if things aren't going well, espicially if you're giving effort (the things they're teaching us for math *shudders*).

Might I suggest you try getting him doing activities that he loves. For me, I feel relaxed playing Hockey, playing video games, and travelling, and doing that kind of stuff after going through some rough times is a relief for me.