Preparation For Attending Church For The First Time!

[Bini]

It is happening!

Over the last three years I have made some major lifestyle changes that initially were difficult to break because of my associations and environments. I quit smoking and although I admit to having pitfalls on occasion, I have stopped drinking alcohol as well. This obviously is a given in order to be worthy but for someone who has actively been inactive for over ten years — it's a huge leap! Last year, I asked hubby if he'd be willing to pray with me before we slept. His answer was OK but it would be left up to me to do the praying. He's a good man and while I believe there were times he wanted to pray, I believe he had forgotten how. He has been inactive since a teen and over 25 years now. But at the beginning of this year, something amazing happened, and hubby offered to pray one night. I didn't want to overact, so I just smiled and said that would be great. Since then, he has prayed for us many nights and has reminded me the need for us to pray on nights I forget. He confided in me at one point, that he felt overall his days at work less stressful since praying as a couple. So we have done our best to continue this, and I agree, I feel less of a burden after having prayed as well.

Then yesterday, another amazing thing happened. Hubby casually said to me, "I feel like I need to read the Book of Mormon". My jaw just dropped because this isn't something I had really thought about too much myself. I told him we didn't have a BOM and he said that we did. He then explained that he'd forgotten about it but a month ago he had received a BOM from a client his company did an electrical remodel on. This was not a regular client but he said that the man handed him the BOM and said, "You're a good guy. Here take this and read it".

So to cut this story somewhat short, as I can already see that I'm starting to ramble, we are now in the process of reading the BOM together. We have also toyed (for at least a year now) with the idea of attending Church but it hasn't been until most recently, that hubby is willing to go. In fact, I had tossed out a ward flyer announcing a Christmas get-together and hubby pulled it out of our recycle bin in the kitchen and said we should go! So it appears a door has opened. I know the Lord always has a door or maybe a window open for us. It's just a matter of getting ourselves through it!

We are planning on attending Church and before that, we will be going to this ward Christmas party. What are some things we need to prepare for? Neither of us have "Sunday dress" attire. We have casuals and then we have super dressy, which I think would be overkill. Should we also expect that once we attend one or both, that we will then become "someone's responsibility" as it has been stated on the forums here and there in various threads. Hubby does have a bit of anxiety about attending/getting involved and then having ward people constantly hitting us up (which is a valid anxiety because he has been inactive for awhile and he's only come this far because he hasn't been "pushed" into it). I told him we could request not to have visitors drop-by. Am I correct with this? He's a bit concerned as well since his company sometimes does work on Sundays (and while he's made his own progress towards the Church, he is still growing and his business is not something he's ready to cut down on at this point yet). Oh and I'm still growing too, obviously.

OK that's officially the longest post I've ever made on this site. Any inspirational or positive notes are appreciated!

[rameumptom]

Bini,

This is great news. When you attend, the members will want to be helpful to you. Kindly let them know (especially through the bishop) that you are slowly working your way back into a spiritual life, and you will let them know when you need them. They may ask if you want home teachers (for both of you) and/or visiting teachers (for you). These members will visit about once a month to share a spiritual thought and help you as you feel you have needs or questions. As a hometeacher for several decades, I understand that each person is different and has different needs, and will work at the level they are comfortable with. I've given lessons they felt they needed for themselves, and I've helped them prepare for the temple and other things.

As for involvement, there are no mandates in the Church. You go at your pace. They will understand that you are just starting to develop a spiritual interest, and while they'll want to help you nurture it, they will understand not to drown or overwhelm you, either. So, if they invite you to do something, but you feel you are not ready to do it, tell them you'll go home and pray about it, and give them your answer later when you've counseled with the Lord on it.

As for clothing, go as you are. When you are ready, you can later find clothing you feel to be more appropriate. But the members would rather have you there in your best casual clothes, than not attend at all. As for the Christmas Party, go and have fun. Get to know a few people, and make some new friends. You'll be glad you did.

[slamjet]

Clothing? BAH! When I began to come back to church, I was wearing Levis and a polo shirt. I then upgraded to Dickies work pants and shirts. I'm in a shirt and tie now, but I have as of yet to ditch my tennis shoes ($$$ for nice shoes, not easy to come by these days) and I refuse to wear a suit (I HATE suit coats). There was one obnoxious member in my ward who told one returning couple the "dress code" for church (the dude's even more mental than me). After he was done, I went up to them, shook their hands and told them to "come as you are, the Lord don't care." It was good to see them there regardless of what they looked like.

Outside of that, please remember to be patient with yourselves and the membership. No one is perfect. You are not there for their salvation but yours.

But it's so good to hear you're wanting to go back. It's even better to hear of all the things you gave up. I promise you in the long run, you will be so much happier and free.

[Backroads]

Congratulations for coming back!

Take it slow as you need. Rushing a convert/returned member can do damage, and it's your spirituality and testimony, not the wards. Feel free to say no to things you feel you can't handle.

And don't worry about the clothes. I think that anyone who gives you crap about clothing (unless you are purposely trying to shake things up with something scandelous ) has some issues they need to work out on their own.

When I was working at Boy Scout camp, a large number of our staff were LDS and we would travel down to the closest LDS church in a little town in the middle of nowhere (and a lot of the non-LDS kids would come just because it was closer than the churches of their own faiths). It was not uncommon for our boys to wear their Venturing uniforms to church, and when we would have Woodbadge family camps over the weekend plenty of people showed up at the ward in whatever they had available. No one cared (then again, I think this was was used to it after four decades.)

[Bini]

Thanks you guys for your posts.

We will wear our casual attire for now. I guess in reality, shopping for Sunday clothes just for this Sunday, may be jumping the gun. I think we'll go to a couple sacrament meetings first and see where we go from there. I have some questions that I thought of, for anyone that is knowledgeable to answer :]

• Do we take sacrament? (I'm guessing no because we're not temple worthy?..)

• Is attending sacrament meeting good enough for now? (OK that's not worded the best but hubby is not certain he wants to stay for the whole 3 hours. Maybe after we've done a few sacrament meetings but for now that's all he wants to do. I on the other hand, am a major wimp and am not sure I am ready to attend the full Sunday schedule solo..)

• How important/necessary is it to have missionary discussions? (Technically we're both still baptized members but we've both been absent for a long time.. I'm a lot more familiar with LDS teachings than my husband is, and he's a lot more clueless..)

• How do we go about talking privately to our Bishop about requesting no home/visiting teachers? Do we just approach him first Sunday? Wait until the ward starts seeing us as regulars? (Like I said, it's been awhile, not sure how this stuff works!)

Thanks for your patience.

[Wingnut]

• Do we take sacrament? (I'm guessing no because we're not temple worthy?..)

I was taught that you should never not take the Sacrament unless the bishop tells you not to (or unless you've committed a grave sin and haven't yet had the chance to speak with him...murder or adultery, for example). If you're not comfortable taking it yet, that's a different issue, and is also fine for now.

Your husband, as a non-member might be a different story. There are two sides to that coin. (1) The sacrament is a renewal of our baptismal covenants, and since he hasn't been baptized, there's nothing to renew. (2) Just because he hasn't been baptized doesn't mean that the symbols can't be meaningful for him. Some of the greatest reverence I've seen in partaking of the sacrament was from non-members visiting with us for the first time.

• Is attending sacrament meeting good enough for now? (OK that's not worded the best but hubby is not certain he wants to stay for the whole 3 hours. Maybe after we've done a few sacrament meetings but for now that's all he wants to do. I on the other hand, am a major wimp and am not sure I am ready to attend the full Sunday schedule solo..)

Whatever you are able to attend is good enough.

• How important/necessary is it to have missionary discussions? (Technically we're both still baptized members but we've both been absent for a long time.. I'm a lot more familiar with LDS teachings than my husband is, and he's a lot more clueless..)

Your husband can't be baptized without receiving the lessons first. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to brush up on those basics, since it's been awhile since you've been at church. It will also be a uniting experience for the two of you to do it together, and it will help you understand how very basic a level your husband is learning things on.

• How do we go about talking privately to our Bishop about requesting no home/visiting teachers? Do we just approach him first Sunday? Wait until the ward starts seeing us as regulars? (Like I said, it's been awhile, not sure how this stuff works!)

If you are serious about coming back, and your husband is serious about starting to come at all, you will want to meet with the bishop at some point during your first couple of weeks. At that point, he might ask you if you're comfortable receiving home and visiting teachers. If he doesn't, bring it up yourself and let him know that you just aren't ready yet, but you're open to it in the future.

[pam]

Your husband, as a non-member might be a different story

Technically we're both still baptized members but we've both been absent for a long time..

She did state they were both baptized members just inactive for a long time.

[john doe]

Thanks you guys for your posts.

We will wear our casual attire for now. I guess in reality, shopping for Sunday clothes just for this Sunday, may be jumping the gun. I think we'll go to a couple sacrament meetings first and see where we go from there. I have some questions that I thought of, for anyone that is knowledgeable to answer :]

• Do we take sacrament? (I'm guessing no because we're not temple worthy?..)

• Is attending sacrament meeting good enough for now? (OK that's not worded the best but hubby is not certain he wants to stay for the whole 3 hours. Maybe after we've done a few sacrament meetings but for now that's all he wants to do. I on the other hand, am a major wimp and am not sure I am ready to attend the full Sunday schedule solo..)

• How important/necessary is it to have missionary discussions? (Technically we're both still baptized members but we've both been absent for a long time.. I'm a lot more familiar with LDS teachings than my husband is, and he's a lot more clueless..)

• How do we go about talking privately to our Bishop about requesting no home/visiting teachers? Do we just approach him first Sunday? Wait until the ward starts seeing us as regulars? (Like I said, it's been awhile, not sure how this stuff works!)

Thanks for your patience.

Congratulations on your progress!!

Partaking of the Sacrament is up to you. You don't have to be temple-worthy to take it. Sacrament is a renewal of your baptismal covenants, so if you feel ready to renew those covenants then go ahead, unless your bishop tells you not to (doubtful).

If Sacrament meeting is all you feel ready to attend, that is fine. As you feel ready and comfortable enough to go to the other meetings, then you can do that.

Consult with your bishop about whether missionary discussions would be helpful, or if he feels a class or lessons taught by the ward mission leader might be more appropriate.

If you don't want Home/Visiting Teachers, make it known to the bishop and/or Elder's Quorum President. You can always change your mind on that decision, but remember that sometimes getting someone to come visit may be a lot more difficult than telling them not to bother.

[Wingnut]

She did state they were both baptized members just inactive for a long time.

Apparently the temperature here has dropped so low that I'm incapable of proper reading comprehension anymore.

[beefche]

That's wonderful news, Bini.

Everyone has provided good advice and seems to have answered some of your initial questions. I have a word of caution, though. Watch out for eager and excited members or missionaries. As you can tell from here, we get really excited about investigators, new members, or once inactive members. So, it is very possible that you and your husband will get bombarded by people wanting to get to know you, help you, visit you, etc. You and your husband simply set the scene for how much interaction you want. As has been said previously, when you are ready for home teachers/visiting teachers to visit, let the bishop or another leader know.

Also, if you do attend anything besides sacrament meeting on a Sunday, be prepared to introduce yourself in front of the others. Often, teachers or whoever is conducting will say "I see a new face! Will you please stand and introduce yourself?" A good defense to that is find a friend and then just tell that friend before the class starts that you feel uncomfortable introducing yourself. Then that friend can then stand and say, "This is Bini and her husband. They are checking us out, so be nice!"

[Bini]

Apparently the temperature here has dropped so low that I'm incapable of proper reading comprehension anymore.

I wanted to hit "laugh" but I keep forgetting that it's not an available option in some forums. No worries, Wingnut :]

OK well the get-together was actually really uneventful. We showed up just before 5:30 and sat at a table with a girlfriend of mine that is an active member. We had a few introductions, mostly people approaching us and saying hello. But really we choose to keep a low-profile and we weren't bothered much. There were A LOT of people, so it was easy to stay on the down low. It looked like there were a lot of non-members or at least other inactive members that showed up. Who can refuse an invitation for "free food" though? But I think we were both a little surprised actually, cos we were envisioning just swarms of people hovering over and around us. But nope, didn't happen. So we ate and that's about it. We left after that and discussed in the car how it wasn't nearly as painful as we had thought it was going to be. Sunday is coming up. Are we ready? OK I know that only I can answer that. I'm just talking out loud now..

[slamjet]

Ok, please do tell...

[Suzanne627]

Yes! Please do tell! I'm excited to hear if you guys went or not, and how it went if you did go...

I wasn't inactive for nearling as long as you, but I had quite a list of transgressions from the time I was gone. It is nice to be back.

It's really interesting to hear the things that have led up to y'all thinking about attending church again. I know your questions have all been answered, but I wanted to say that I only really attend Sacrament meeting. I'm planning on faithfully attending Sunday school and Relief Society at the beginning of the year.

As far as having the missionary discussions go, I have thoroughly enjoyed having the elders over. Even if they just share a short message with me, or have newer elders "practice" the lessons, it is always uplifting and fun.

[Bini]

Unfortunately, we did not make it to sacrament meeting last Sunday. I wish we had but it just didn't happen. Our intentions to go are still strong but this coming Sunday will also be out because we're headed out of town on Thursday and will be headed back home ON Sunday. So no attending that day either.

Thanks for your support. It's appreciated.

[slamjet]

Boooo, hiss!!!

Here's hoping you get to church. You're much to lovely a spirit not to.