If you are baptized...

[Lilac]

(being really honest so don't throw tomatoes at me, please!)

Do you have to get up and speak/teach during Sacrament meetings?

The thought of public speaking makes me physically ill. I struggle with panic and anxiety. I have made huge progress this year and I don't want to trigger myself up.

I sit there in the pew and think "If I get baptized and I have to do this? Uh, maybe not"

I've also been raised a Christian and know that the standard answer to those things is "God will give you the strength" Honestly, I don't want to and that's about it.

Do you HAVE to teach up there???? :eek:

[Backroads]

No, you don't. Oh, they might like you to, want you to, but the language used tends to be "We would like you... We ask you to..." There are no "You must go up there and do this or you're out of the church." You are free to say no to any calling or any invitation to speak. Yeah, I'm sure God will give you the strength, but I also have anxiety issues (including social anxiety) and I know exactly how you feel. I didn't get comfortable at public speaking until I became a teacher. Even now, it's like... "these aren't little kids! Agh!!"

So, no. Don't worry about that until you're ready.

[beefche]

You do not have to get up to bear a testimony--that is only if you wish to do so on a Fast Sunday. You will be asked to speak in Sacrament meeting at some point. But, you can say no to that request. I suggest that you simply let your leaders know (if you are baptized) that you have some anxiety with public speaking.

[Lilac]

Really? Oh, that makes me feel so much better.

I come from a fundamentalist background and you don't say "no". Ever. No matter what it is. If the church is open, you should drive 40 miles in a blizzard and God will get you there. People brought children to church constantly that were really sick and needed to be home, not INFECTING every other child in the nursery and the standard answer was "God will protect your child from that illness, you have such little faith, are you sure you are really saved?"

I guess I just project that attitude on all religions now so I'm scared of being forced to do things or my salvation will be questioned. I missed church for a month after my mother died and when I returned, I was on the "UNSAVED PRAYER LIST" In other words, a list of those people who are not saved. I did nothing but miss church for a month after my mother died after a 4 year battle with cancer. I just needed to rest and recover and heal. That little "prayer request" incident kept me out of church for over 5 years. I wasn't angry with God, just angry with organized religion and wanted NO part of it ever. And you can see I still have issues. I automatically assume that if I say that I'm really NOT a public speaker, then I'll be considered sinful and unfaithful and be on the unsaved list once again and shamed in the church. I have big children now and I can't have them baptized and then me asked to leave over public speaking. Yes, these are the things I sit and worry about.

Ok, well I feel better now. Thank you for the help!

[pam]

Just say no. See how easy that is? :)

[Backroads]

Really? Oh, that makes me feel so much better.

I come from a fundamentalist background and you don't say "no". Ever. No matter what it is. If the church is open, you should drive 40 miles in a blizzard and God will get you there. People brought children to church constantly that were really sick and needed to be home, not INFECTING every other child in the nursery and the standard answer was "God will protect your child from that illness, you have such little faith, are you sure you are really saved?"

I guess I just project that attitude on all religions now so I'm scared of being forced to do things or my salvation will be questioned. I missed church for a month after my mother died and when I returned, I was on the "UNSAVED PRAYER LIST" In other words, a list of those people who are not saved. I did nothing but miss church for a month after my mother died after a 4 year battle with cancer. I just needed to rest and recover and heal. That little "prayer request" incident kept me out of church for over 5 years. I wasn't angry with God, just angry with organized religion and wanted NO part of it ever. And you can see I still have issues. I automatically assume that if I say that I'm really NOT a public speaker, then I'll be considered sinful and unfaithful and be on the unsaved list once again and shamed in the church. I have big children now and I can't have them baptized and then me asked to leave over public speaking. Yes, these are the things I sit and worry about.

Ok, well I feel better now. Thank you for the help!

An unsaved prayer list... wow. It's things like this make me overall disenchanted with organized religion (yes, I"m a hypocrite for being an active Mormon).

So, yeah, you'll never be asked to leave over refusing to do something. The bishop doesn't have THAT much authority over you. Heck, I don't even think the Prophet does. That little thing called free agency...

[Guest]

Are you okay with reading aloud? Because, you can write your entire talk on paper and just read it up on the podium... then it's not really public speaking but public reading. This is how my son bears his testimony on fast sunday. He writes it down, reads it over and over to make sure it is what he wants to say, then he goes up and reads the thing. Otherwise, he won't go up at all.

[skippy740]

While you CAN say no (and yes, I mean that - you can say no), there are many opportunities within the church and in our lives for all of us to improve and grow.

Ether 12:27

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

[LDSVALLEY]

(being really honest so don't throw tomatoes at me, please!)

Do you have to get up and speak/teach during Sacrament meetings?

The thought of public speaking makes me physically ill. I struggle with panic and anxiety. I have made huge progress this year and I don't want to trigger myself up.

I sit there in the pew and think "If I get baptized and I have to do this? Uh, maybe not"

I've also been raised a Christian and know that the standard answer to those things is "God will give you the strength" Honestly, I don't want to and that's about it.

Do you HAVE to teach up there???? :eek:

I am not a public person, when I first joined and would get asked to do prayer in class or sacrament at first it was no.

Then if they gave me an hours notice, ie at the start of sacrament asking if I would do the closing prayer I could say yes if I had time to prepare what to say.

Now give me 5 seconds notice and I'll do it no problem.

It was the same with talks, they were way out of my comfort zone. Over time I was able to read a well written one, now I can wing it with just a few lines on paper to keep me on track (I usually still write out a talk).

14 years ago you would not have ever gotten me up in front of everyone. Recently in a calling I had to conduct baptisms from there with only an outline.

The church teaches line upon line, precept upon precept in other words we are not to instantly transform into the perfect Saint but are to continue to grow toward that goal. Things that you think are mountains now in ten years might only be minor bumps.

You can always say no, it might help if you explain why, but it is your choice. If it is something like a talk I might suggest that you explain your issue and ask for 24 hours then pray about it. (usually you are given several weeks notice before giving a talk.) If you still feel you can not let them know quickly.

One thing I did when new members were asked to give talks (I was Mission Leader) was I would assign a mentor to them in order to help them prepare for the talk.

I'll tell you my first talk was horrible, I am not being hard on myself, I had no idea what i was talking about, had no scripture references and no real understanding of the topic in the first place.

Never be afraid to say no, but if possible take some time to inquire of the Lord first, sometimes he will surprise you with what you can do. Also never be afraid to ask for help. For example if you are asked to give a talk ask for a mentor to help you. ( you could also ask them to be prepared to give it if your courage fails at the last minute.)

Last comment, when you do say no a few times the Leadership tends to then overlook you for talks, prayers etc even years later. If you at some point reach a level where you are willing then talk to them about it so they put you back on the radar screen.

[Elphaba]

While it's completely true you can say "no," to any request to speak at Church, I think you should know that there are some members who have the same attitude as those from your past fundamentalist church. I think it's a bit misleading not to make you aware of that.

When I grew up in the Church, I was taught that bishops were inspired by God when it came to assigning someone to speak, and thus, saying no to your bishop was saying "no," to God.

I haven't been to church for decades, but my sense is this attitude has dissipated; however, I doubt it's completely gone. I know my TBM mother still feels this way.

So, if you do say "no," it is possible you may get attitude about it, wrong though that attitude may be. Perhaps knowing that in advance, if it does happen you'll be prepared to slough it off and not let it phase you.

Having said all that, no one will ever tell you you have to leave over this. That's not part of the Church doctrine, or culture, at all.

Elphaba

Edited December 30, 2010 by Elphaba

[HiJolly]

While it's completely true you can say "no," to any request to speak at Church, I think you should know that there are some members who have the same attitude as those from your past fundamentalist church. I think it's a bit misleading not to make you aware of that.

When I grew up in the Church, I was taught that bishops were inspired by God when it came to assigning someone to speak, and thus, saying no to your bishop was saying "no," to God.

I haven't been to church for decades, but my sense is this attitude has dissipated; however, I doubt it's completely gone. I know my TBM mother still feels this way.

So, if you do say "no," it is possible you may get attitude about it, wrong though that attitude may be. Perhaps knowing that in advance, if it does happen you'll be prepared to slough it off and not let it phase you.

Having said all that, no one will ever tell you you have to leave over this. That's not part of the Church doctrine, or culture, at all.

Elphaba

I agree. These days there are fewer & fewer that take a hard line on saying 'no', but there are still some out there. And these few can, on occasion, make things uncomfortable for you. But they are being bad Christians & bad Mormons if they do.

FWIW.

HiJolly

[rameumptom]

Talk to the bishop and explain you have panic attacks. He will take that into consideration in his dealings with you, including any callings, etc.

[Lilac]

I can do other things in the church. I'm a hard worker and I don't mind doing anything you give me. I haven't joined the church and I'm always doing something on Sunday, trying to help out. My husband also...he is helping out in Boy Scouts each week and no one really asked him to but it's a busy job and it's good to have another set of hands with a bunch of boys.

Oddly enough, I can pray anywhere, anytime in front of anyone and any amount of people. I think it's because I started doing this very young and because no one is staring at me. I love to pray and I can pray right off the top of my head no problem.

I can type something up and read it, although that is challenging, but it is something I can do. I read some Bible verses in RS and I did OK. I did it from my seat and I was fine.

The public speaking throws me because I don't like people staring at me. I am a quiet person and like to remain low key. I like to blend in. I would not be the one to have a mohawk and dye it pink.

All those people just looking at me???? Standing up there? That is just horrible. I get so scared and self conscious. I just can't do it. I'd be sick for weeks prior and I just can't do that to myself. It's not healthy for me.

My Bishop is one of the nicest people. I love him and his wife as people, aside from being a spiritual leader. Various missionaries have told me that he is one of the nicest and kindest Bishops they have met in their life. I think that speaks a lot. They always say how blessed the church is to have him serving. The missionaries tell me that this ward is just wonderful. I feel very blessed to have found such a nice church/ward. It's been a long journey with different denominations for my family and this place is amazing.

If I get baptized I will speak to him about this. It was really bothering me and I was too embarassed to ask anyone...I don't want to get the "you're not saved if you are scared to public speak" lecture. I don't want to go through that shame again.

Now...if I could only gain a testimony...With time...I have patience. :)

[Lilac]

An unsaved prayer list... wow. It's things like this make me overall disenchanted with organized religion (yes, I"m a hypocrite for being an active Mormon).

Yep, that threat of "You're not saved" is always held over your head. If you don't keep the rules, you're O-U-T and on you're way to hell. Once the minister puts you on the "unsaved prayer list" you are shamed in front of the church.

Can you IMAGINE attending a church for 5 years, having your mother die and the minister attend the funeral and speak at it...and then returning to church and being handed an Unsaved Prayer List with your name on it? Can you even imagine the damage that does? Yeah, well it kept me out of church for almost 5 years after that. My husband and I looked at that, stood up, picked up our kids and walked out. Never went back. I never even got a phone from the minister asking if we were OK. I'm unsaved and unclean and adios!

I am OK with being obediant but your entire salvation does not rest on missing church when your mother dies and you have two children under the age of 3 and are pregnant with another.

I think God loves me more than that.

[LDSVALLEY]

If I get baptized I will speak to him about this. It was really bothering me and I was too embarassed to ask anyone...I don't want to get the "you're not saved if you are scared to public speak" lecture. I don't want to go through that shame again.

Now...if I could only gain a testimony...With time...I have patience. :)

In our Ward a couple of years ago we created a LDS - English Dictionary to help people looking into the church I put it on box.net LDS English Dictionary.doc - File Shared from Box.net - Free Online File Storage feel free to download it.

When I taught the Gospel Principle class I had a sign I would put up.

The only thing dumb about a question is not to ask it. We all know somethings about somethings, what is clear to me might not be to you and visa versa.

The Gospel Principle class does not belong to the Missionaries or the members. It belongs to the New Converts and Investigators. If there are neither then the class does not happen period. It is the place you can ask questions, in fact you should ask questions. If you want a testimony you need to ask questions to understand, then you will find your testimony.

Realize you don't need a testimony of all things, I joined simply because I had a testimony that Heavenly Father answered me when I asked if the church was true. I accepted that the Book of Mormon, Prophets and Joseph Smith must also be true but it took time to gain a testimony of them.

With Joseph Smith it fell to simple logic, a teen might invent such a tale but after getting picked on, beaten, insulted etc what rational person would continue to say it was true knowing they would be hurt. Only if it was true would someone keep saying it had happened.

My testimonies grew as my understanding and experience grew.

[bytebear]

10¶And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.

11And the Lord said unto him, Who hath made man’s mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord?

12Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.

Exodus 4:10-12

Sounds like you and Moses have a lot in common.

[Maya]

Dear Lilac... I did not read all of this thread... so I dont know what has beeb said. You dont have to teach or give a speach, but let me assure you that IF you for some reason would dare it it would be a blessing not only for you but those that listen to you. The speach dont need to be more than a few minutes. ou have such good ideas here too that others should hear you. I hope you some day will share your faith with others it is very good and it makes your own faith grow. You can try to start with just to bear your testimony on a testimony meeting... that can be very short. There are also other things to do in teh Church than to teach, like secretary or such stuff wjere you keep book on who is present in lessons.. or such things. Talk to your bishop, it will be ok.

Start with a small testimony, but do try to start... it will be fantastic... but it has to come from you!

[mnn727]

I am the Ward Executice Secretary-- the guy who gives out speaking assignments and the answer is plenty of people say no, some are even on an "I will never speak" list.

Makes it harder for me, but hey, if it causes you that much anxiety - then just say no, my only wish is that you tell them right away so they can look for other people rather than (like some people do)avoiding our phone calls please. Thats the worst thing, I'd much rather get a quick no so I can find someone else than wait and wait for a phone call back and finally get a no after calling someone 4 or 5 times.

Edited January 19, 2011 by mnn727

[Lilac]

Thanks for the help!

Oh, I'm the first to say "I don't do public speaking".

It probably would be a blessing but the anxiety and panic, it really isn't worth taking the chance.

I feel much better knowing that I can say "no" if I have to. I can serve in so many other ways and I'd be happy to serve in any calling really. Just not the public speaking. It's just not for me.

[pam]

And that's okay.