Guest mormonmusic Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Everyone: About an hour ago, I did something incredibly stupid and in my view, incompetent. I won't say what it is, but it was absent minded and then left me in a highly EMBARRASSING POSITION in front of some of my work associates who look to me as a beacon of competence. Socially embarrassing, I guess would be the descriptor. I already apologized and have set the wheels in motion to make amends and beyond, so that part is off the table, but the personal aftereffects (self-loathing is not nearly enought to describe what I'm feeling) are intense. I'm smarting really badly right now. Have you ever done anything really stupid out of sheer absentmindedness? How do you get onto forgiving yourself after you've apologized and made amends? And find inner peace? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JustAnotherGirl Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 You mention absentmindedness. When I read that, it appears you didn't mean to make the mistake. Maybe you can just forgive yourself and move on. If your work associates are true followers of Christ, they will follow his commandments--including the one about forgiving others of their trespasses. <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 It's called Sacrament. I try to take it every Sunday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 I would add a congratulation, you're human! In all seriousness, we all do absent-minded things. Do your apologies, make your amends and move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayanna Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Sounds like you are already on the right track. Do what you can to make sure it does not happen again, maybe schedule organization, or taking better notes. One thing you should not do is play it over and over again in your mind. The adversary wants you to dwell on your past mistakes and question yourself into self-hate. It's true, this is what sacrament is for. Put it behind you once you have done everything you can to remedy it and apologize... you might think about getting a comfort blessing if it is still bothering you after sacrament. I think they are really under-used b/c adults, especially men, don't take advantage of them enough, being independent minded and all. This might sound really weird, but the fact that you can feel guilt is a good sign. People that do terrible things for whatever reason and don't feel any guilt, those are the ones that we should really be worried about. Keep your chin up...this too shall pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mormonmusic Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Thanks everyone -- as a long-time member of the Church, I certainly understand the role of the atonement and self-forgiveness, and that will be part of my plan. My follow-up question is this -- how do you handle such things during the aftermath? The embarrassing social moment left people "holding the bag" so to speak after I left a meeting, and it will likely be the butt of jokes when I see other people. Further, some of the people "report to me" so to speak, so it hurts my credibility as a leader. This kind of unintended absentmindedness has happened to me before (not regularly, but occasionally every few years) and people will make comments about it to me next time they see me. Particularly people who value competence and professionalism. Those comments will be like a knife entering my heart, because it only revives the feelings of self-loathing that I'm already struggling with. So, any tips on how to diffuse those comments, or even stop them from happening without creating even wider-spread knowledge of this STUPID mistake? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Apologize, admit that you realize it was a pretty dumb thing to do, and laugh about it. I do stupid things all the time. Offering an apology and fixing any problems I've created is usually sufficient to win back my reputation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 So, any tips on how to diffuse those comments, or even stop them from happening without creating even wider-spread knowledge of this STUPID mistake?Do something even stupider to a degree it is the new event that they make reference to? Of course that's kinda like cutting off the tip of your finger to get rid of a paper cut. If what you did is good gossip/joke fodder it's gonna spread. Short of doing the above or hunting people down and either killing them or paying hush money there isn't any way to prevent the gossip/joking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Sense of humor can save you in these times of major embarrassment. Been there, done that. And nope, you can't pay me enough to tell you what I did... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 You have apologized. You have tried to make amends. If you feel the need, go to your superiors personally and privately to apologize. And then let it go. If other people bring it up, just laugh with them. "Yeah, I know--I had too much sugar that morning and lost my head. Hahaha..." That goes alot further to show you are human, capable of making mistakes, and then moving on. If you simply keep running away embarrassed when they bring it up, it makes them uncomfortable and makes it more fodder for gossip. And I had a foot in mouth moment this week too. Felt like an idiot afterwards. I just finally decided that I couldn't take it back and to move on. If it is brought up again, I plan on laughing about it and moving on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 And I had a foot in mouth moment this week too Don't you mean hoof in mouth moment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Don't you mean hoof in mouth moment?Maybe she didn't want us to misread and fear she had hoof and mouth disease? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 What I would do is tell my anonymous Internet friends what I did so they can all have a good laugh. No? Darn. Honestly, I would just laugh it off, maybe say something like, "Too bad it's not on video! I could be so popular on YouTube." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Thanks everyone -- as a long-time member of the Church, I certainly understand the role of the atonement and self-forgiveness, and that will be part of my plan. My follow-up question is this -- how do you handle such things during the aftermath? The embarrassing social moment left people "holding the bag" so to speak after I left a meeting, and it will likely be the butt of jokes when I see other people. Further, some of the people "report to me" so to speak, so it hurts my credibility as a leader. This kind of unintended absentmindedness has happened to me before (not regularly, but occasionally every few years) and people will make comments about it to me next time they see me. Particularly people who value competence and professionalism. Those comments will be like a knife entering my heart, because it only revives the feelings of self-loathing that I'm already struggling with. So, any tips on how to diffuse those comments, or even stop them from happening without creating even wider-spread knowledge of this STUPID mistake?When a leader apologizes and goes above and beyond to make amends, his credibility in the site of the people he leads grows stronger. Employees know their boss is human. How you handle the mistake is what they are watching for. Do it with integrity and you might be surprised that the teasing and jokes you're expecting don't materialize or are short lived because as human beings and children of our Heavenly Father we have a sense of justice.You might be surprised at the comraderie that develops with those employees who value honesty and integrity. They will know how you will treat them if they make a mistake by how you handle this.Best Wishes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mormonmusic Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 (edited) What I would do is tell my anonymous Internet friends what I did so they can all have a good laugh. No?Darn. Honestly, I would just laugh it off, maybe say something like, "Too bad it's not on video! I could be so popular on YouTube."I'll only tell if Anatess tells us what she did FIRST, AND if Beeche tells us what she said that was so dumb, FIRST. Not made up just to satisfy the question -- but what you actually did. Then I will share what I did. I just made amends with the person via email and went above and beyond the call of duty to atone for my stupidity. The person I sort of inconvenienced in front of the world actually benefits from my absent-mindedness given my restitution. He was also very gracious in his response. Hopefully ApplePansy's theory will play out.Beeche? Anatess? Because you both implied it was outright stupid, whatever you tell has to be outright stupid and shameful. Anyone else can jump in if they want.I couldn't sleep last night over it for a while. Now that I've made amends, I'm simultaneously laughing at how dumb I was, in addition to being fully shamed inside. It's a weird set of emotions, I'll tell you. Edited February 24, 2011 by mormonmusic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mightynancy Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Your sense of humor will be indespensable as you get through this! Own it, check. Apologize, check. Make it right, check. Now, go be your usual rock star self! Perfectionism is a huge burden. It's also not a great example to others. You are currently showing others how to manage a mistake the right way. The first big error a lot of people make is blaming others, or failing to take responsibility for a mistake. The fact that you are taking action to set things right is cause for those around you to respect you more, not less. Chin up! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayanna Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Thanks everyone -- as a long-time member of the Church, I certainly understand the role of the atonement and self-forgiveness, and that will be part of my plan. My follow-up question is this -- how do you handle such things during the aftermath? The embarrassing social moment left people "holding the bag" so to speak after I left a meeting, and it will likely be the butt of jokes when I see other people. Further, some of the people "report to me" so to speak, so it hurts my credibility as a leader. This kind of unintended absentmindedness has happened to me before (not regularly, but occasionally every few years) and people will make comments about it to me next time they see me. Particularly people who value competence and professionalism. Those comments will be like a knife entering my heart, because it only revives the feelings of self-loathing that I'm already struggling with. So, any tips on how to diffuse those comments, or even stop them from happening without creating even wider-spread knowledge of this STUPID mistake?You could get that person you left 'holding the bag' a gift, with a card.The gift, put it in an actual bag. Ex. gift card to a dinner for two, or tickets to something fun, etc.on the card write,"Since I left you holding the bag...just thought I'd better put something good in it.Sorry, but thanks for being awesome,Your Name Here" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 I'll only tell if Anatess tells us what she did FIRST,Beeche? Anatess?You got a million bucks? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 At least you "just" did something stupid. I do something stupid every day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mormonmusic Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) You got a million bucks?Now I feel much better...thanks for the humor suggestions -- I will probably use one of those suggestions!I like what Marie Osmond did when she collapsed at the end of her dancing stint on Dancing with the Stars. In the interview afterwards (a far more intense situation because as a celebrity, she HAD to take far more public heat than most of us ever will, and what she did doesn't even qualify as stupid) they asked her "How do you feel about collapsing on Dancing with the Stars". She replied "I'm glad only FEW people saw it". It was well-handled. Edited February 25, 2011 by mormonmusic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mormonmusic Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 · Hidden Hidden You could get that person you left 'holding the bag' a gift, with a card.The gift, put it in an actual bag. Ex. gift card to a dinner for two, or tickets to something fun, etc.on the card write,"Since I left you holding the bag...just thought I'd better put something good in it.Sorry, but thanks for being awesome,Your Name Here"I liked this one -- I think I'm going to do this. Thanks Jayanna. Link to comment
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