Kids disrespectful? Whose to blame?

[sensibility]

I don't think using specific buzzwords equals respect. I don't feel disrespected when young people call me by my first name, and I wouldn't want them to call me ma'am. Society has changed, and I don't expect that people of my generation will demand the same markers of respect that older generations did; more casual forms of address are becoming the 'proper' protocol. And I don't feel any obligation to correct kids to your comfort level.

I agree that gossiping about other adults, complaining about the parents' own authority figures, etc, are much greater factors in how children respond to adults.

And if my children only behaved because they feared what I would do to them, I would consider that I had failed in every respect as a parent. The military is a terrible model for the rest of society.

[JudoMinja]

Yes, I think so. As Backroads and Dravin were saying, Parents often don't support discipline in the home. Children listened better because they feared the teacher's switch and more than that, they feared what awaited them at home if they were unruly. There was an alliance then that seems much weaker today. "I'm going to tell your parents," doesn't hold the same threat if the child believes their parent will either not care or just blow up but not do anything effective to curtail their behavior.

While I agree that discipline is a necessary factor in raising respectful children, I do not feel that fear should be a part of discipline. If you look at the root of the word discipline you will find disciple or student. Discipline is meant to be a teaching tool, not a way to control children out of fear.

We can "shape" the behavior of our children without resorting to methods that invoke fear. We can encourage them to make their own decisions about things such as religion, education, and friends and find they actually make good decisions if we provide them with the right information going into the decision. We can help them see the good that comes out of their right choices that they might miss and the bad that can come from their wrong decisions. Most of all, though, I believe it is the expectations that we place on our children that best shapes their behavior. When parents place high expectations on their children, the children tend to live up to them. Not always so, I know, but I think this is one of the key factors in how we discipline.

People, as a general rule, live up to the expectations placed on them. If someone grows up with everyone telling them they are going to be a criminal what happens? If children grow up being told they are rude and disrespectful, what happens? The behaviors we notice and point out are those that tend to develop into fullness. If we point out good characteristics and praise them, these will flourish more than the bad. I'm told this works with husbands too .

The other biggest factor in our discipline is our example. People are wired to mimic, and children will copy the behaviors of those around them. The way we behave in public is the way we should behave behind closed doors. If we speak badly of others and gossip at home, our children will think this is okay. Just like a child who is never taught table manners will be a disaster to take out to eat in public. The way we talk about others and treat others at home is the way our children will talk and treat people.

I like protocol to a degree. There is certainly a power in words, but just calling adults "Sir" and "Ma'am" will not make a child respectful. This is an extension of our example. Do we make following protocol a priority and sign of respect? Then our children will learn from that and follow our example. If calling others "Sir" and "Ma'am" is only a hollow shell and we are disrespectful behind these peoples backs, our children will learn from that as well.

[Wingnut]

So, do some kids disrespect you over homophones?

Well done, sir.

[Guest]

I see a problem here.

It seems like we are all talking here like all kids are 3 year olds who do not know better.

Kids have their own brains and they can think for themselves. Even my 7-year-old kid. When you teach them respect, you don't teach them to call Sir/Ma'am, etc. and leave it at that. You tell them what respect means and that using respectful names to call people is one way to show it. So that, when the elderly neighbor tells them to call her Diane because Mrs. Smith was making her feel every single bit of her 70 years, the kids don't associate it with disrespect.

In my house, we teach respect by teaching my children how to be gentlemen... and the perfect definition for being a gentleman is in that movie Blast From the Past:

"Someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible."

And also from that movie:

"Good manners are just a way of showing other people we have respect for them."

Therefore, teaching my children good manners is teaching my children respect. So that, I would expect a conversation between the neighbor Diane and my kids to go this way:

Kids: Good morning, Mrs. Smith.

Diane: Oh, don't call me Mrs. Smith dear, call me Diane. Mrs. Smith makes me feel very old.

Kids: How about if we call you Miss Diane?

Diane: Oh, that sounds really cute, but Diane is really all you need.

Kids: Okay, Diane, if that's what makes you feel the most comfortable. Let me get that door for you.

Yep, complete respect retained. The problem arises when kids are told that being respectful is merely calling people with their proper titles... without any foundation beyond that... and then they are told to call the neighbor by her first name.

Respect goes way beyond that... so that, if my kid drops a piece of trash on the side of the highway, it is not just littering - it is disrespect. And if he takes his brother's books without his brother's permission, it is not just taking something that doesn't belong to him, it is disrespect. And if he puts a big nose-ring and a tattoo on his forehead, it is not being "cool", it is disrespect. Etc. etc.

And yes, when my kid can be trusted not to lose a cell phone he will have one too. I don't know what this has to do with respect. It's a communicating device. Some tool that will make it easier for me to call him up and let him know I did not forget that it is Early Release Day at school, I just got stuck in traffic. You can't learn respect from a cell phone or the lack, thereof.

Edited March 21, 2011 by anatess

[Wingnut]

Therefore, teaching my children good manners is teaching my children respect. So that, I would expect a conversation between the neighbor Diane and my kids to go this way:

Kids: Good morning, Mrs. Smith.

Diane: Oh, don't call me Mrs. Smith dear, call me Diane. Mrs. Smith makes me feel very old.

Kids: How about if we call you Miss Diane?

Diane: Oh, that sounds really cute, but Diane is really all you need.

Kids: Okay, Diane, if that's what makes you feel the most comfortable. Let me get that door for you.

Yep, complete respect retained. The problem arises when kids are told that being respectful is merely calling people with their proper titles... without any foundation beyond that... and then they are told to call the neighbor by her first name.

I completely agree. If I'm not comfortable being called Mrs. Wingnut or Sister Wingnut, and I ask the neighbor or church children to call me simply Wing, it's not disrespectful. I asked them to!!! Of course, if they have rigidly strict parents who only want them addressing adults by Mrs. and Sister, then I'm indirectly encouraging them to be disrespectful to their parents.

[slamjet]

I can remember my ex in tears because she was trying to get our daughter diagnosed with something. We knew there was something wrong. Ger pediatrician said it's because she's not being disciplined. Mom pointed to the other four who were sitting there being very controlled and saying "they're not wild, so it's not that!" We did get her diagnosed. Aspergers. Now when I see kids flopping around and screaming in the supermarket, I give them the benefit of the doubt because of what we've been through.

[Wingnut]

I can remember my ex in tears because she was trying to get our daughter diagnosed with something. We knew there was something wrong. Ger pediatrician said it's because she's not being disciplined. Mom pointed to the other four who were sitting there being very controlled and saying "they're not wild, so it's not that!" We did get her diagnosed. Aspergers. Now when I see kids flopping around and screaming in the supermarket, I give them the benefit of the doubt because of what we've been through.

When I was 12, my mom took me to the doctor to be tested because she thought I had ADD. (This is 18 years ago.) She'd been reading a lot about it, and having a lot of trouble with me, and thought that things fit together pretty well. My pediatrician told her that ADD was a buzzword, and that she should go home and be a better parent. She took me to another doctor who basically told her the same thing. She gave up after that. We had a really bad relationship for most of my teenage years (which leaked into my 20s) because I thought she was controlling and manipulative, and she thought I was belligerent and unmanageable. She carried a lot of guilt for not being good enough.

I found all this out when I was 21, as we sat with a therapist discussing what to do for me now, in light of my then-recent diagnosis of mild depression and ADHD.

I definitely get where you're coming from with that.

[Backroads]

I can remember my ex in tears because she was trying to get our daughter diagnosed with something. We knew there was something wrong. Ger pediatrician said it's because she's not being disciplined. Mom pointed to the other four who were sitting there being very controlled and saying "they're not wild, so it's not that!" We did get her diagnosed. Aspergers. Now when I see kids flopping around and screaming in the supermarket, I give them the benefit of the doubt because of what we've been through.

This is so true! One can eventually learn to discern between the kid who legitimately has a behavior problem and one who just isn't disciplined. This being said, when it comes to ADD/ADHD and the like, I prefer techniques to teach kids how to control themselves over medications. Mind you, I come from a family where ADD, ADHD, and Tourettes run rampant. I have a brother who suffers from ADHD, Tourettes, and clinical depression. Drives his wife nuts. So far, however, he's been the only child in the family who has regularly been on medication for most of his life. The rest of us only took it long enough to learn how to control ourselves, with a few times here and there of having to go back on.

I also disagree about the absolute necessity of "sir/ma'am" and the like. I see those as very respect terms, but I would rather have someone call me "Backroads" in sincere kindness and respect then "ma'am" out of grudging habit.

It's the idea and feeling behind the words.

[mordorbund]

My generation was taught that we were righteous spirits held in reserve to usher in the last days. So it can't be my generation's fault. It must be that the rising generation were a bunch of hellians reserved to usher in the final confict.

Edit: I finally looked up "hellian" and found out it does NOT mean "of Greek origin". My apologies to all the Greek people I've stereotyped inappropriately.

[Saintmichaeldefendthem1]

I see a problem here.

It seems like we are all talking here like all kids are 3 year olds who do not know better.

Kids have their own brains and they can think for themselves. Even my 7-year-old kid. When you teach them respect, you don't teach them to call Sir/Ma'am, etc. and leave it at that. You tell them what respect means and that using respectful names to call people is one way to show it. So that, when the elderly neighbor tells them to call her Diane because Mrs. Smith was making her feel every single bit of her 70 years, the kids don't associate it with disrespect.

In my house, we teach respect by teaching my children how to be gentlemen... and the perfect definition for being a gentleman is in that movie Blast From the Past:

"Someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible."

And also from that movie:

"Good manners are just a way of showing other people we have respect for them."

Therefore, teaching my children good manners is teaching my children respect. So that, I would expect a conversation between the neighbor Diane and my kids to go this way:

Kids: Good morning, Mrs. Smith.

Diane: Oh, don't call me Mrs. Smith dear, call me Diane. Mrs. Smith makes me feel very old.

Kids: How about if we call you Miss Diane?

Diane: Oh, that sounds really cute, but Diane is really all you need.

Kids: Okay, Diane, if that's what makes you feel the most comfortable. Let me get that door for you.

Yep, complete respect retained. The problem arises when kids are told that being respectful is merely calling people with their proper titles... without any foundation beyond that... and then they are told to call the neighbor by her first name.

Respect goes way beyond that... so that, if my kid drops a piece of trash on the side of the highway, it is not just littering - it is disrespect. And if he takes his brother's books without his brother's permission, it is not just taking something that doesn't belong to him, it is disrespect. And if he puts a big nose-ring and a tattoo on his forehead, it is not being "cool", it is disrespect. Etc. etc.

And yes, when my kid can be trusted not to lose a cell phone he will have one too. I don't know what this has to do with respect. It's a communicating device. Some tool that will make it easier for me to call him up and let him know I did not forget that it is Early Release Day at school, I just got stuck in traffic. You can't learn respect from a cell phone or the lack, thereof.

I think it needs to be reinforced that children are at a different and lower station in life than their elders. This isn't an issue of who is more important or valuable, but rather the status one attains. Scripture says that grey hair is a crown of glory and emphasizes the honor due to adults and especially the elderly. My own kids are not allowed to be on a first name basis with any adult and are well drilled on how to speak to adults. They know that if an adult says, "Just call me Agnus" they are to respond, "I'm sorry, but my parents don't allow me to call adults by their first name." You see, Anatess, respect to me is not having adults undermine what I'm trying to teach them, and a polite reminder goes along way to accomplish this without conflict.

I don't think it's a matter of people being uncomfortable with their proper title, but rather that people have become unaccustomed to it. The adults do get used to being referred to by their proper title and I enjoy getting compliments on how respectful my children are. I agree with you that respect is about actions, but it's also a language conveyed by body and verbal communications.

In regard to cell phone use, your generation and mine got along quite well without cell phones. It's too much responsibility, danger, and cause for distraction for children. Kids are texting when they need to be paying attention to more important things and I believe there is harm in having kids learn to associate with others through electronic media instead of forming real relationships. How does this have to do with respect? Again, it's a status thing. I tell my kids I have a cell phone because I'm an adult with a job and I pay for it. When they achieve the same, they can have one to. Nowadays teachers have to deal with cell phones on top of the normal array of misbehaviors adding an unneeded task to their already overwhelming workload. I applaud any school that doesn't allow them at all.

[Guest]

I think it needs to be reinforced that children are at a different and lower station in life than their elders. This isn't an issue of who is more important or valuable, but rather the status one attains. Scripture says that grey hair is a crown of glory and emphasizes the honor due to adults and especially the elderly. My own kids are not allowed to be on a first name basis with any adult and are well drilled on how to speak to adults. They know that if an adult says, "Just call me Agnus" they are to respond, "I'm sorry, but my parents don't allow me to call adults by their first name." You see, Anatess, respect to me is not having adults undermine what I'm trying to teach them, and a polite reminder goes along way to accomplish this without conflict.

Nothing wrong with the way you do things, like there's nothing wrong with the way I do things.

The only problem is - I don't gauge respectfulness by the use of Titles. I gauge respectfulness by attitude. A child calling somebody by their first name (only at the other person's request) doesn't remove the need for a respectful tone and language.

True story:

A friend of mine went to the mall with her kid. She has "trained" her then 11-year-old kid to open doors as a sign of respect. The kid saw an elderly lady in a walking aid (complete with tennis balls on the bottom) and rushed forward to open the door for her. The lady was so impressed by his actions that she infused him with compliments. As the lady walked through the door, the 11-year-old made the "L" sign on his forehead at the lady's back... to say "Loser!".

Respect? NOT.

I don't think it's a matter of people being uncomfortable with their proper title, but rather that people have become unaccustomed to it. The adults do get used to being referred to by their proper title and I enjoy getting compliments on how respectful my children are. I agree with you that respect is about actions, but it's also a language conveyed by body and verbal communications.

I don't want to be called Miss Anatess. It is not ME. No, it's not because I am uncomfortable with the title, it's because I grew up in the IBM versus Apple era - where people with suits and ties and called Vice President Smith of IBM tout their importance over the t-shirt, jeans, and sandals John of Apple.

I grew up where my father forced me to go to Engineering school instead of the Programming school because he believes that it is more important to be called Engr Anatess than no-title Anatess when being introduced to friends and acquaintances.

No, I don't see the Title as a sign of respect. I see the Title as a sign of pride. And no - it's not because I'm right and you're wrong. You are right. I just have a different perception of things from the way I grew up.

Therefore, if your son calls me Miss Anatess and I insist they call me just Anatess and they call me Miss Anatess anyway... I won't talk to your kids anymore. It shows me that they could care less what I think on the matter.

In regard to cell phone use, your generation and mine got along quite well without cell phones. It's too much responsibility, danger, and cause for distraction for children. Kids are texting when they need to be paying attention to more important things and I believe there is harm in having kids learn to associate with others through electronic media instead of forming real relationships. How does this have to do with respect? Again, it's a status thing. I tell my kids I have a cell phone because I'm an adult with a job and I pay for it. When they achieve the same, they can have one to. Nowadays teachers have to deal with cell phones on top of the normal array of misbehaviors adding an unneeded task to their already overwhelming workload. I applaud any school that doesn't allow them at all.

Of course we got along well without a cellphone. There were no cellphones then! My parents got along fine without a TV too.

Blaming the cellphone for misbehavior is the same as blaming facebook for divorces. My kids know better than to take out their DS's during school. They will know better than to take out their cellphones when school is in session.

Cellphones is not something they need to earn. Just like their computer is not something they need to earn. It is something I provide for them to make life a little bit easier on everybody. I didn't become a programmer so I can tell my kids they can't use technology.

See, there's a difference between you and me. I don't feel the need to make my kids feel smaller than me for them to show me respect. They need to show respect to elders and young ones alike. Respect should still be shown regardless of one's achievement or status.

Earning respect is an adult concept. It is a granularity of respect that is separate from the general respectful attitude. That granularity they can learn on their own as they grow older. Because, the dirty homeless guy on the street may have not earned respect from his peers, but my kids need to learn to respect him anyway by virtue of his being human.

Edited March 22, 2011 by anatess

[Saintmichaeldefendthem1]

When I was 12, my mom took me to the doctor to be tested because she thought I had ADD. (This is 18 years ago.) She'd been reading a lot about it, and having a lot of trouble with me, and thought that things fit together pretty well. My pediatrician told her that ADD was a buzzword, and that she should go home and be a better parent. She took me to another doctor who basically told her the same thing. She gave up after that. We had a really bad relationship for most of my teenage years (which leaked into my 20s) because I thought she was controlling and manipulative, and she thought I was belligerent and unmanageable. She carried a lot of guilt for not being good enough.

I found all this out when I was 21, as we sat with a therapist discussing what to do for me now, in light of my then-recent diagnosis of mild depression and ADHD.

I definitely get where you're coming from with that.

Nowadays kids are so much more fortunate. They'll have no problem getting a diagnosis of ADD or ADHD. Now there's a profit motive for chemically lobotomizing children. I'm more in the school of thought that children have varying degrees of attention and focus and are crammed into one-size-fits-all schools that are more accomodating to the learning habits of girls than boys. It's small wonder boys are diagnosed 3 times more often than girls with attention span problems. I'm sorry about how hard your childhood was. There are all too many children that become casualties in the social experiments ran to try to discover and help children with this condition.

[slamjet]

I'm not opposed to medication, that's used wisely. My daughter is on meds. In school, they would find her in a dark closet all the time because it got to be too much for her. Now, she's been able to participate and progress very, very fast. She still has her moments, but to use medication as a tool to allow the child to progress and learn skills is an amazing miracle.

[Saintmichaeldefendthem1]

Nothing wrong with the way you do things, like there's nothing wrong with the way I do things.

The only problem is - I don't gauge respectfulness by the use of Titles. I gauge respectfulness by attitude. A child calling somebody by their first name (only at the other person's request) doesn't remove the need for a respectful tone and language.

Protocol is the beginning and backbone of respect. That is the argument in my OP. Feel free to disagree, but I've seen this concept in action and it works.

True story:

A friend of mine went to the mall with her kid. She has "trained" her then 11-year-old kid to open doors as a sign of respect. The kid saw an elderly lady in a walking aid (complete with tennis balls on the bottom) and rushed forward to open the door for her. The lady was so impressed by his actions that she infused him with compliments. As the lady walked through the door, the 11-year-old made the "L" sign on his forehead at the lady's back... to say "Loser!".

Respect? NOT.

Growing up, I knew and befriended a lot of older folk who lived in my neighborhood, in the 55+ community nearby, and in convalescent hospitals. My parents didn't have to try to get me to respect old people because it came naturally to me. I've heard it said that children fear older people because they fear death and the elderly are courting death. This may be expressed as disrespect as well. Like Boo Radley, children cease to fear what they come to understand and this may be a surefire cure for your friend's son to be exposed to more old people.

I don't want to be called Miss Anatess. It is not ME. No, it's not because I am uncomfortable with the title, it's because I grew up in the IBM versus Apple era - where people with suits and ties and called Vice President Smith of IBM tout their importance over the t-shirt, jeans, and sandals John of Apple.

I grew up where my father forced me to go to Engineering school instead of the Programming school because he believes that it is more important to be called Engr Anatess than no-title Anatess when being introduced to friends and acquaintances.

No, I don't see the Title as a sign of respect. I see the Title as a sign of pride. And no - it's not because I'm right and you're wrong. You are right. I just have a different perception of things from the way I grew up.

Our upbringing has a lot of influence on how we view things like this, doesn't it?

Therefore, if your son calls me Miss Anatess and I insist they call me just Anatess and they call me Miss Anatess anyway... I won't talk to your kids anymore. It shows me that they could care less what I think on the matter.

Anatess, I hope you don't mean that. Would you really take it out on my children. I know others who also have their own children under this rule and it's not a matter of not caring, it's a matter of what we believe to be appropriate. In defense of these children, they are calling you by your name, so they've done nothing wrong. I know it's a matter of conflicting interests. You prefer to be called by your first name and I prefer that my children call adults by their proper title. I've actually never had an adult object once it's been made clear this is how I am raising my children.

Of course we got along well without a cellphone. There were no cellphones then! My parents got along fine without a TV too.

Blaming the cellphone for misbehavior is the same as blaming facebook for divorces. My kids know better than to take out their DS's during school. They will know better than to take out their cellphones when school is in session.

Cellphones is not something they need to earn. Just like their computer is not something they need to earn. It is something I provide for them to make life a little bit easier on everybody. I didn't become a programmer so I can tell my kids they can't use technology.

This is actually an ongoing family debate and I'll readily confess I may buckle under my wife's pressure to get our 8 year old one of those controlled cell phones that doesn't text and can only call a few numbers, just so she can get in touch with him when needed and vice versa. I'm resisting the idea but since my objections are largely about sexting and having a distraction in class, which won't be an issue here, I predict I'll probably cave in.

See, there's a difference between you and me. I don't feel the need to make my kids feel smaller than me for them to show me respect. They need to show respect to elders and young ones alike. Respect should still be shown regardless of one's achievement or status.

Children need to show respect to everyone and a special amount of respect to adults and the elderly. The hierarchy of vintage is ingrained in every aspect of society, in the military, in the workplace, in sports, and most especially in families. This isn't about making children feel small, it's about reminding them of their station in life when dealing with those who have graced this earth much longer than they have.

Earning respect is an adult concept. It is a granularity of respect that is separate from the general respectful attitude. That granularity they can learn on their own as they grow older. Because, the dirty homeless guy on the street may have not earned respect from his peers, but my kids need to learn to respect him anyway by virtue of his being human.

I hear everything you're saying and it seems that the teaching of respect is as important to you as it is to me, even if we're teaching it differently. Perhaps we are strenuously agreeing with each other?

[Guest]

I hear everything you're saying and it seems that the teaching of respect is as important to you as it is to me, even if we're teaching it differently. Perhaps we are strenuously agreeing with each other?

Yes, we are!

Because, in Filipino culture... the respect for the elders kinda just comes naturally because the older folks demand it. I've been whacked a couple times by my dad for "talking back" to my mother. And I've been whacked a couple times by my grandpa for calling him a "stubborn mule". So, we just know we better show respect lest you get whacked.

We don't do that anymore these days, so I can't apply the same methods to my boys.

But hey, they're both under 10. When they turn 16 and they're out-of-control boys who takes chairs from the crippled elderly, you know my idea failed with a big splash.

[slamjet]

It was a most depressing day when some young ladies offered me their seat on the subway.

[JudoMinja]

It was a most depressing day when some young ladies offered me their seat on the subway.

Did it make you feel old? Or did you find it depressing because you felt it was a sign of disrespectful kids?

[slamjet]

I was old enough to be been their father. Must you shove me further into the well of age-reality Wait, is that Pam I see down there?

[Guest]

I was old enough to be been their father. Must you shove me further into the well of age-reality Wait, is that Pam I see down there?

Then you shouldn't have brought your cane! It's a dead give-away...

[slamjet]

Then you shouldn't have brought your cane! It's a dead give-away...

That's it, I don't like you :D:D

[Guest]

That's it, I don't like you :D:D

I'm not worthy....

[JudoMinja]

I was old enough to be been their father. Must you shove me further into the well of age-reality Wait, is that Pam I see down there?

Hey, I didn't say you were old. I just asked if it made you FEEL old. Someone's a bit touchy. I thought only women were supposed to get upset about their age?

When I was living at college, sometimes I'd offer people my seat on the bus even if they weren't "old". If they had a kid with them, or seemed to be off-balance, or it was crowded and I wanted to move closer to the door, or they were carrying something... Yeah, you get the idea. There are lots of good reasons to offer someone your seat. It doesn't necessarily make you old.

To saintmichaeldefendthem-

I'm noticing again a reference to fear in your post and though this is slightly off topic I have to ask, do you think fear and respect have to go hand-in-hand? Do people only respect those they fear?

I personally believe that fear tactics are a terrible method for raising or relating to anyone. Maybe on occasion a person may need to be frightened out of a debilitating behavior, but I think that as a general rule this doesn't really work. Advertising, for example, attempted to scare people into quitting smoking once the lay population realized it causes lung cancer. But people still smoke.

I believe it is very possible to respect someone without having to be afraid of them, and feel that those who "rule" through fear are really afraid themselves- of losing control. The problem is that we cannot control everything others do. Everyone has free agency, and we cannot control their decisions. All we can do is teach them how to exercise their agency and make good decisions.

[slamjet]

Hey, I didn't say you were old. I just asked if it made you FEEL old. Someone's a bit touchy. I thought only women were supposed to get upset about their age?

Naw, I just like to jest. My kids call me "old man" and I wear that badge with pride.

[slamjet]

I'm not worthy....

I also don't like cats.

[Lost_one]

From personal experience I have come to believe that a whole community raises a child. It used to be that if you went to a childs parent and told them about something their child had done, the parent would punish the child. Now if you go to a parent and do that, the parent will rant at you for daring to tell them how to bring up their kids and to mind your own business. How do you expect the child to act when this is how they see their parent act. We are leading by example, even when we don't realise it.

We need people to get out of their selfish self centred ways and join the community. We also need to trust each other more and accept that our kids will lie through their teeth to get out of trouble. We need to get out of this paranoia that everyone else is a pedophile out to abuse our children. The only way to stop the paranoia is to widen our comfort zone to further than our front door. We also have to trust the police again. The last one mainly applies to working class communities, But still important for all communities.

I'm not saying that everyone needs to get religion again, But one thing that made religion good was that everyone would gather together in one place and would get to know each other. That way trust was built between them and the community got stronger.

Edited March 22, 2011 by Lost_one