Lost_one Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 A friend of mine from one of my former wards and I were talking. We chat around once a month. She was telling me that a woman she is very good friends with was asking about me. Wanting to know if I was seeing anyone. I met this woman the last time I was visiting my kids and to say we were similar would be an understatement. It got to the point we were finishing each others sentences and even jokes we just made up on the spot. My friend and I giggled a bit and she asked if I thought she was pretty and I had to be honest and say that I thought she was quite beyond pretty. She then asked if I wanted her to set her and I up on a date. I said no. I simply don't want to be in a relationship right now. Yes, the girl seems perfect for me, But I just got out of a very bad marriage, the divorce was only final in october. The thought of another relationship scares me to death. She then asked if I missed certain aspects of marriage. I explained that THAT aspect of marriage was not something I really missed, But kissing and cuddling are something I miss alot. If I tried to kiss and cuddle my ex-wife, she always expected it to lead to the bedroom. As you can imagine, this made showing my ex any kind of love problematic, as she couldn't tell the differance between love and lust. This would lead to lots of jealousy and accusations of me sleeping around with other women and much throwing of cellphones at my rather hard to miss shiny bald head. Women for some reason seem to like my company, so I naturally have mostly female friends. What was this thread supposed to be about again? Oh yeah! Cuddles. Even though I don't miss the more adult aspects of marriage, I really do miss cuddles. Kisses too, But mostly cuddles. The thought of wrapping my arms around my girl and watching a lovely movie just gives me the warm fuzzies. My littlest daughter gives awesome cuddles, But it's not quite the same as cuddling in a romantic way. Am I weird? Am I being silly in passing up this seemingly perfect girl? Only problem is, I thought the last one was perfect too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
findingmyway Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 Go for it !!!!! You'll never know if you dont give it a try. You seem like you know your boundaries, so , I say On your mark, get seeeet..... GO! Again, thats just me. Im in the process of getting a divorce and its lonely, and I miss the same thing you do. So, I dont know if my suggestion counts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 Cuddles are nice, I'm not sure about them as a motivator for starting a relationship though. Of course I'm not exactly a font of wisdom on the subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost_one Posted March 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) Go for it !!!!! You'll never know if you dont give it a try. You seem like you know your boundaries, so , I say On your mark, get seeeet..... GO! Again, thats just me. Im in the process of getting a divorce and its lonely, and I miss the same thing you do. So, I dont know if my suggestion counts.I'm not really lonely, as such. My day is usually quite full. Evening time is the worst. I guess I fear that my judgement is not very good. The girl really does seem perfect. Her sons even have the same hobby as I do. The saying "To good to be true" keeps coming to mind.Oh! Just to add. Everyones suggestion counts. You took the time to reply to me, it's only right I should value and respect your contribution. So thank you very much.@Dravin: Exactly. Cuddles are lovely, But you need so much more. Edited March 30, 2011 by Lost_one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Godless Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 Another relationship may be the perfect thing to help you heal from your failed marriage, especially if you and this girl are compatible as you say you are. I say go for it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 It's been my experience that instant and intense chemistry doesn't usually pan out into good relationships. It's also been my experience that it does pan out into great friendships, though.It sounds like you might not be done mourning your divorce yet. If that's the case, you're wise to not get involved with another woman too soon. Don't do it because you think you "should" -- do it because you want to, and because you feel good about it (if that's the case, which it sounds like it's not).Regarding the cuddles thing, you actually sound a lot like a woman in how you view intimacy. That's good for the women you date! Many women want to be able to cuddle and be romantic without having it lead to sex. We women often tend to think that anytime a man is physical with us, his end goal is sex. My guess is that your wife expected that you wanted sex whenever you started cuddling, because of that difference in the sexes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soulsearcher Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 I had a friend who went through a nasty divorce and being she was sealed in the temple it had an even deeper impact on her. She was never looking for another man, she had 5 kids to keep her busy. Her divorce became final and a few days later she went to a baptism for a family friend and met a man. They married Jan 1st. She wasn't looking but something just kinda clicked and she's never been happier. You never know unless you try and yes it might go bad, or it might turn into the best thing you've ever known, just kinda figure out if it's worth the risk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 There is something so vital about innocent physical affection... like the cuddles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost_one Posted March 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 Another relationship may be the perfect thing to help you heal from your failed marriage, especially if you and this girl are compatible as you say you are. I say go for it!We do, But I'm liking Wingnuts suggestion of it leading to a great friendship.It's been my experience that instant and intense chemistry doesn't usually pan out into good relationships. It's also been my experience that it does pan out into great friendships, though.It sounds like you might not be done mourning your divorce yet. If that's the case, you're wise to not get involved with another woman too soon. Don't do it because you think you "should" -- do it because you want to, and because you feel good about it (if that's the case, which it sounds like it's not).Regarding the cuddles thing, you actually sound a lot like a woman in how you view intimacy. That's good for the women you date! Many women want to be able to cuddle and be romantic without having it lead to sex. We women often tend to think that anytime a man is physical with us, his end goal is sex. My guess is that your wife expected that you wanted sex whenever you started cuddling, because of that difference in the sexes.Actually, I felt great about the divorce. While my ex and I were still only seperated, she felt that it was ok to break into my house and take stuff, as we were still married. That made everything in my home ours in her eyes. The divorce has stopped that from happening. This alone makes me not mourn my divorce.I just don't feel that I want a relationship. I also don't trust my judgement when it comes to women in a romantic way. I am a hopeless romantic and that can run away with me.I have been told that so many times. The usual line is "You look like a real man's man, But when you talk it's like talking to another girl". I hate that, But also understand it. My views on sex and cuddling are down to my parents. They gave me a set of books about sex when I was 13/14 (Face2Face) and there was alot of information on how to treat your partner. How to listen, how to communicate, show respect and so forth. Even though the subject matter was about sex, it made sense to do those things in all aspects of a relationship/friendship.I think the reason was more down to her age, rather than her ideas about men only caring about sex. She was 19 when we started dating, I was 28. I only ever dated older women before this, which I feel may also have been a factor to our differant world views. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost_one Posted March 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 I had a friend who went through a nasty divorce and being she was sealed in the temple it had an even deeper impact on her. She was never looking for another man, she had 5 kids to keep her busy. Her divorce became final and a few days later she went to a baptism for a family friend and met a man. They married Jan 1st. She wasn't looking but something just kinda clicked and she's never been happier. You never know unless you try and yes it might go bad, or it might turn into the best thing you've ever known, just kinda figure out if it's worth the risk.Oh isn't that lovely? Yes, that's what I'm doing. I have to figure out if it's worth the risk.There is something so vital about innocent physical affection... like the cuddles.Yes, so very vital. There's just nothing that compares to it, is there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 We do, But I'm liking Wingnuts suggestion of it leading to a great friendship.Note that I was speaking from my own experience, not widely-made observations. My experiences could be widely applicable, or it could just be that my compatibility stinks. Lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 Note that I was speaking from my own experience, not widely-made observations. My experiences could be widely applicable, or it could just be that my compatibility stinks. Lol.Well, a 5/8ths wingnut only fits a 5/8ths bolt (for example), so you may be on to something there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 Well, a 5/8ths wingnut only fits a 5/8ths bolt (for example), so you may be on to something there.Literal laugh out loud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 Yes, so very vital. There's just nothing that compares to it, is there?Indeed. If a tangent is allowed here, I once read this guy's story whose decision to leave the Church was, according to his words, because he thought he and his wife weren't allowed to cuddle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 All this talk of cuddles makes me miss even more just to have someone wrap their arms around me. This is depressing, time to crawl back behind my protective walls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 All this talk of cuddles makes me miss even more just to have someone wrap their arms around me. This is depressing, time to crawl back behind my protective walls.I know it's not the real thing, but hey, I do what I can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 I gave up cuddles for Lent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 I know it's not the real thing, but hey, I do what I can.You're so cute! But it's not helping. Back behind my wall Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 You're so cute! But it's not helping. Back behind my wall Why do I suddenly have the urge to point, laugh, and throw fruit at you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 I gave up cuddles for Lent.As long as you don't give up Snuggles, he'd be sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 As long as you don't give up Snuggles, he'd be sad:On Supernatural, that bear was considered on the same level as a demon. I fear Snuggles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 Why do I suddenly have the urge to point, laugh, and throw fruit at you?Because behind all that sweetness you are evil? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 Because behind all that sweetness you are evil?Possibly. I'm not denying it's a possibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost_one Posted March 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) Indeed. If a tangent is allowed here, I once read this guy's story whose decision to leave the Church was, according to his words, because he thought he and his wife weren't allowed to cuddle.My ex and I were told off once for "having sex" in sacrement meeting. All I did was came in the the chapel, sat down next to her and gave her a peck on the lips.Note that I was speaking from my own experience, not widely-made observations. My experiences could be widely applicable, or it could just be that my compatibility stinks. Lol.I have to say that my own experience mirrors your own. Edited March 30, 2011 by Lost_one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 Possibly. I'm not denying it's a possibility.Wow, married only a few weeks and your fangs are growing, scary :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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