Here is a question to ponder regarding families

[LDSJewess]

This question was directly posed to me last night and I thought it may be an interesting question especially in regards to how missionaries would handle this question.

One of the teachings of the LDS church and that missionaries often share with prospects on their missions is the topic regarding celestial families. Latter Day Saints look forward to a day when they can be sealed to their families for time and eternity.

So I was speaking with a friend (who is like a sister, and reading further will explain why), last night that was raided a Christian and is not really active in any religion and has not been to any church since she was a teenager. She is now in her late 50's.

We got to talking about celestial families and she flat out said that was why she would not consider becoming a member of the LDS church.

She and I shared a home when we were growing up. For the sake of time and not writing a book, it was an adoptive/foster family that was far from a happy one that was highly abusive and violent and not anything one would consider to be a family.

I eventually married, had children and grandchildren and have loving family relationships so the prospect of sharing eternity with them is wonderful.

But my friend/sis never married by choice and chose never to have children. She has no living relatives and she is friendly at best with me but for the most part estranged because our lives are very different and we are not in touch often. Her greatest love is five dogs and two cats which she considers her family. She said if she could seal herself to her "furbabies" that would be ideal.

So the question is, how would you or how would missionaries handle it if someone says no way do they want to be sealed to a family. And how does one find a common ground or a sense of welcome in a church community when family is so strong a focus. I welcome comments.

My friend/sis I think is searching for something because she was asking me these questions and she brought it up.

Edited May 25, 2011 by LDSJewess
Spelling corrections

[Vort]

If people don't value what's valuable, for whatever reason, there is not a lot to be done. She gets to make her choice, and if she has chosen to believe that human relations are not valuable and act accordingly, she gets to do that.

Perhaps you could talk to her about some human relationships she has had that she does value, such as a special friend (you?) or something. Then somehow generalize that to explain that, for most people who aren't burdened by awful abuse early on, human relationships are the most valuable thing in the world, the ultimate expression of which is our relationship with our Father in heaven. Even without earthly family or close friends, she can surely gain that divine relationship, which might help more than anything to teach her what she needs to know to fulfill her longings.

[Guest]

I am right now, as we speak, er type, eating a Mexican mango. This poor mango must have gotten dropped at one point because there's a bruise on one side. I opened the mango and sure enough, that part rotted.

But, instead of throwing out the entire mango, I spooned out that bruised part - it didn't even fill one teaspoon, threw it away, then enjoyed with absolute relish the delicious mango.

Your friend threw out the entire delicious, juicy mango and cannot acknowledge the delicious taste of it, because, unfortunately, the first bite she had was from the rotten side. All we can do is encourage her to step back, see the entire mango for what it is and hopefully it will give her enough courage to take a bite out of the good side.

[estradling75]

I'd say don't confuse opportunity with compulsion. The sealing power offers the opportunity but God does not compel.

[Dravin]

So the question is, how would you or how would missionaries handle it if someone says no way do they want to be sealed to a family.

Focus on other aspects of the Gospel that might interest her. For instance one doesn't focus on the Word of Wisdom at the door if the person is in love with their wine collection. You build testimony in other areas and once that starts to grow you can establish the necessity of forgoing strong drinks as a prerequisite of baptism and exaltation. As Preach My Gospel points out (paraphrase) most concerns can be boiled down to having a testimony of Joseph Smith's call (through the Book of Mormon) and his restoration of the Gospel. Even if she doesn't want to be sealed to anyone, if she can gain a testimony of the restored Gospel then she can learn to appreciate the necessity of it. But ultimately as a missionary you have to realize that some people (quite a few actually) aren't interested in what you have to share and you move on.

Obviously friendships are different in that you don't literally walk away and move on out of their life (unless they want you to), but you may have to simply go into 'example' mode and wait until she's ready (which she may never be). You can't force people to want the Gospel.

Edited May 25, 2011 by Dravin

[Jennarator]

My bishop told me that we will not be sealed to those we don't want to be sealed to. Also if they were a horrible family for her chances are they won't be worthy of the sealing, anyway. If they did repent, get baptized and did have the change of heart, and she was truly celestial, too, they would both forgive, and be happy. So I would tell her that she doesn't need to worry about her abusive family veing sealed to her.

[NeuroTypical]

it was an adoptive/foster family that was far from a happy one that was highly abusive and violent and not anything one would consider to be a family.

...

So the question is, how would you or how would missionaries handle it if someone says no way do they want to be sealed to a family. And how does one find a common ground or a sense of welcome in a church community when family is so strong a focus. I welcome comments.

I've encountered incestuous siblings and enabling parents with a long track record of protecting the perpetrator and blaming the victim. I can testify very clearly, that the heart-wrenching, painful, horrible journey I made to forgive these people, was worth every nightmare, every tear, every stumble. Being able to not just forgive, but love these people with as pure a Christlike love that I can manage, has relieved me of a heavy and dark burden in ways I can't even begin to describe. Even though they are who they are, and will likely never change in this life, my life has been freed by hoping and praying that they will find their way into heaven.

Life got much easier, when I realized what forgiveness and love mean, and what they don't. They do not mean putting up with evildoers. They do not mean having to hang out or associate with people who cause you trauma by their very presence. They do not mean forgetting evil, or turning a blind eye to it. They do mean turning over your (very valid) gripes to the Lord to deal with. Because you know that where you'd do something imperfect, He'll admisiter perfect justice. He will do what isn't happening here - make it all better.

I'd say something like that.

[classylady]

It sounds like your friend/sister has had to harden herself just to survive. Wanting to be loved is a basic human need. Seems like she has chosen the life she has chosen in order to no longer feel hurt/pain from others. I don't know how you could convey this to her, but her Father in Heaven loves her. He is very much aware of her burdens and all the trials that she has had to face in this life.

It may be that she isn't ready to hear this yet. But, she has loving family members (ancestors) on the other side of the veil, who know of her, and want the best for her.

My heart aches for your friend/sister. She must feel terribly alone, and has dealt with life in perhaps the only way she knows how, by shutting most everyone out.

[mnn727]

Families CAN be together forever, thats doesn't mean they WILL be.

Doesn't sound like the foster family was Celestial material.

[john doe]

I'd say don't confuse opportunity with compulsion. The sealing power offers the opportunity but God does not compel.

Exactly. God does not force people to be together who don't want to be together. Except the evil ones, they are forced to hang out in the same general places.

[LDSJewess]

Thanks everyone,

This was a bit of a challenge for me. I just think she must respect my opinion or she would not have brough the matter up.

We are not all that close and it was a rather personal encounter and I found myself at a loss for words.

Although we wound up in the same violent home, we are not as close in age and very different personalities. She responded to abuse by tending to withdraw and in my opinion self distruct. And I somehow always knew that the abusers were very wrong and left early and sought out the better life that I felt I inherently deserved. I think she resents me a bit for reacting differently about our experience.

In any event she has been contacting me and when I told her we were going back to church, she had questions. She also I think may feel resentment that I turned in the names of the abusers to the church (they are deceased), and they were baptized. Perhaps that was my way of dealing with it and truth be told I don't want to be sealed to them either. But I feel that they deserved a chance for an opportunity that they can choose to accept or not.

Anyway, I received some great responses, (love that mango analogy), thanks. I will share what I can when asked, but as they say you can lead the horse to water but can't make them drink it.

Thanks again.

[rameumptom]

While the Church does cherish and teach eternal families, not all members are interested in that. Some are happy to be baptized and have the hope of dwelling with God in His presence. I've known a few like that.

It is sad when some are so abused they no longer care for eternal relationships, only due to the bad experiences they have had. But perhaps the day will come when she will realize that there can be wonderful relationships, such as she has with you. And that in the heavens, there will be adjustments made to families, so that we are with those we truly wish to be with.