Missions

[pooter1]

My son is leaving for his mission in 5 days. He is telling me he doesn't want to go.I have told the bishop this and the bishop talked to him and now he is going again.Yesterday he told if he doesn't like the MTC he is coming home. I have tried to talk him out of going because he is wasting church money,money from members who are paying his way, and he is dreading this.should I just shut up about it or keep trying to talk him out of it before money is wasted. Once he gets there maybe he will turn around and really like it.

[Latter Days Guy]

Has he given a reason for why he doesn't want to go on his mission? Does he feel like he has to go on a mission because its expected for him to do so or did he choose to go by himself?

[FunkyTown]

Yeah. If the dude is going with the idea that he's going to come home if he doesn't like the MTC? He needs to grow up and not waste the money of members who have donated, thinking someone desperately wants to go.

Maybe in a year he'll be ready.

[lost123]

Dear Missionary Mother,

This must be a difficult time for you. You have a son who has been called of the Lord to serve Him, to bring people unto Him. In losing himself in the work he will come to find himself. Yet you are plagued by fear which is reasonable because you see his hesitancy and attitude. You want him to go out because he wants to. You are afraid of him coming home early. You are afraid of disappointment.

"Peace, be still." Exercise some faith, pray, fast and share with your son all the things you hope he will get out of his experience but let him know that he is the only one who can make the choice of his attitude. Encourage him. Let him know you love him. Let him go...even if it means he is going with a bad attitude. Jonah didn't want to go - but after being swallowed by the whale he finally had a change of heart. So might your son. If you have a husband and he holds the priesthood, have him ask your son to receive a Father's blessing. Those experiences he will look back on with gratitude.

Give him the letter below, if you feel appropriate.

Dear Elder,

You are going on a mission. You have been called of the Lord first and foremost to serve Him by bringing people unto Him. You will notice this in your mission call. It states "You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." Then it states "You are assigned to labor in the ___________ Mission". You are first and foremost called to serve as a missionary. That is of utmost importance. Where is only secondary...it is an assignment. BUT to be called as a missionary - that is your utmost responsibility.

As a teacher in the MTC, I worked with a couple of hundred missionaries. Missionaries all came in with different levels of preparation and different levels of attitudes. It is a difficult journey for many. Satan works hard. He does not want missionaries to succeed. There are high emotionals highs and some very low emotional lows. It is not always easy. That is a normal feeling. BUT, if you stick it out and humbly seek to learn and to grow you will look back on it with gratitude. I saw missionaries go home...some out of unworthiness...some out of fear...some out of stress...some for medical reasons. Please commit to stay no matter how hard it gets. Exercise humility, faith and tolerance. As President Hinckley's dad said in a letter ot him on his mission "Forget yourself and get to work."

I am going to be honest in letting you know that missions can be so hard. Sometimes I just wanted to go home. There are intense emotions you feel as a missionary. BUT...your commitment should see you through. Stick with it because you are committed to the Savior.

I want to also let you know that missions are an awesome experience that you will never be able to get in any other way than by going. It prepares you for life. It will bless your life. It will bless others' lives.

At the end of my mission I didn't want to go home. I finally got it. When you forget about your wants and focus on the work then does the love and life of the mission come alive. We learn to become like the Savior.

So Elder, you may have doubts. That is normal. You may have ideas of what you'd rather be doing. That is normal. You may struggle. That is normal. BUT...if you commit yourself to stick with it no matter what and "forget yourself and get to work" you will have blessings come from it that you never imagined.

If you have any question as to your worthiness...pick up the phone and call Bishop now. If you don't, commit to commit and be obedient and humble. Learn to be selfless.

I know that if you do those things and make effort to read and pray and do what is asked that you will find your mission to be the best experience thus far in your life.

Sincerely,

Lost123

[dahlia]

Yeah. If the dude is going with the idea that he's going to come home if he doesn't like the MTC? He needs to grow up and not waste the money of members who have donated, thinking someone desperately wants to go.

Maybe in a year he'll be ready.

I think I agree with this. I'm especially concerned about 'he can leave if he doesn't like the MTC.' Huh? No. There's a lot in life that you aren't going to like or that is going to be hard. You don't quit because you don't like the training.

That said, perhaps he's just not ready now. These are young guys and not all are ready at 19 - just as not all are ready to go to college or join the military at that age. Personally, I think it is better to wait a year and see if he's ready than to go now and come home early.

We had a missionary leave early. Let me tell you how stressful it was for everyone around him, not just the individual. The other missionaries and their leaders tried to get him to stay. His zone leader (my elder) was pressured to make this guy stay. In the end, this guy's individual decision to leave had a ripple effect on everyone around him, including those who, I feel, were unfairly tasked with trying to make him stay. It was a stressful mess that didn't have to happen if the guy had owned up to not being ready.

I said "I think I agree with this" because I'm the kind of person who would just stick with it once I agreed to go, but that isn't true for everyone and there's no reason to send someone who's not ready. Not everyone, especially males, is mature enough at 19 to do all we ask them to do during a mission. A little more time and maturity may be better than just pushing him out to the MTC because of a misplaced sense of duty or the fear of embarrassment if he doesn't go. Wouldn't he be more embarrassed by leaving the MTC than by waiting a year?

[Jennarator]

Questions:

Is he going overseas, statewide or what?

Also, is he going to learn a new language?

These things can cause some serious anxiety. Perhaps a mission that he can focus on the teaching and not major culture and language changes.

Just a thought....

The MTC was awesome!! I know not everyone has the best expierence there, but the spirit is so strong, I think you should let him go there. It could make a differnce.

[SQUARE]

I have heard of this before. Ask your son(NOT YOU) to make an appointment with the Stake President. He will have to tell the Stake President that he is not going to go. And when he talks to the Stake President and does decide to go then let your son know that he is making an (Adult) Decision/ commitment to Heavenly Father, his family, friends, church members and those who are waiting for him to recieve the Gospel. If he decides not to go, then continue to support him to go to school, etc. Maybe he will come around in while, if not continue to support him as long as he is involved in productive activities to better his future. If the commitment is made to go on a Mission, once he has gone off to the MTC and his perspective area, if all goes well than just continous support and encouragement is needed. If he ever makes an (Adult) decision to come home early, then you remind him of his (Adult)Decsion/ commitment that he made, and that if he wants to come home early, that he will have to make his own (Adult) living arrangments and living expenses for himself. You let him know that you will allways love him, but that this is going to be a life changing decision. (This has worked in past practices), Good luck. I hope that he makes the right choice either way.

Edited June 16, 2011 by SQUARE

[pooter1]

Lost123,I loved your letter Thank You for that. My son has never wanted to go on a mission.It was in his patriachal blessing so he feels he has to go. I told him if he came home early that the lord would forgive him but would he be able to forgive himself.He said he didn't know. Hes tried to get out of it twice now. Our Bishop has talked him into going both times. Me and his father tell him its up to him.We can't MAKE him go. I just feel he is going to be sorely disapointed with himself if he doesn't finish through with this. I don't know what to do.

[coruscate]

If he really doesn't want to go, he shouldn't. Yes, a mission is a great experience, and he may regret not going later, but those are natural consequences. The Lord wants willing servants. If he is unwilling, he is not going to be a profitable servant, nor will he have the Spirit with him as he teaches.

Perhaps his Patriarchal blessing is talking about a mission later in life. Or maybe he'll wait a year and decide to go. He is an adult, and you've taught him well. He knows what Heavenly Father wants, but our agency allows us to choose. You are doing the right thing telling him it's up to him, but you need to follow through on that statement. Let him choose, and let him deal with the consequences.

[pooter1]

Coruscate,I think you are right.I just hate seeing him fall so hard.Its gonna hurt.

[Vort]

Coruscate,I think you are right.I just hate seeing him fall so hard.Its gonna hurt.

Not serving a mission is regrettable. It is not the end of the world. This young man needs to decide where his commitments lie and how he feels about duty to God. Once he gets that squared away, the decision to serve a mission will be easy, one way or the other.

Now if he is simply not mature yet, a fourteen-year-old in a nineteen-year-old body, as it were, that might be a different story. In that case, it would be nice if the stake president advised him to wait six months (or a year, or some other period of time) while he further prepares himself through scripture study, prayer, regular shaving, etc. If that's the case, you might do well to have a chat with your stake president.

[Carl62]

While it may be in his patriarical blessing that he should go, does it say a specific time as to when? If not, then this could be open to his own timing. I didn't leave on my mission until I was 21. No reason. Just wanted to wait 'til I was ready. Went back to school. Got my associates degree, then went on my mission. Nothing wrong with that. I think there's this cultural thing in the church that seems like once you turn 19, then the clock is on. I never quite understood that and don't necessarily agree with that. Missions shouldn't be a one-size-fits-all thing where everyone has to submit there papers the second they blow out that 19th candle. If your son goes when HE'S ready, then he might find it to be a more enjoyable experience as opposed to if and when he runs into a hard time on his mission which could easily result in bitterness because he felt he had to go. Not good! That's the perfect recipe for a resentful and inactive RM.

[prophetofdoom]

I think it is far better to postpone a mission then come home early from the mission field. He may need some more time to think about it. The Lord calls people do do things but never forces them... that is what the war in heaven was fought on. We encourage all young men to go on missions but never compel.

[lost123]

Lost123,I loved your letter Thank You for that. My son has never wanted to go on a mission.It was in his patriachal blessing so he feels he has to go. I told him if he came home early that the lord would forgive him but would he be able to forgive himself.He said he didn't know. Hes tried to get out of it twice now. Our Bishop has talked him into going both times. Me and his father tell him its up to him.We can't MAKE him go. I just feel he is going to be sorely disapointed with himself if he doesn't finish through with this. I don't know what to do.

Thank you Angel333. Try, if you can, to exercise faith in his decision to go. Try to put fear aside. Commit to his decision to go -even if his decision is half hearted. If he brings up not wanting to go again, ask him what he is afraid of? Share your testimony. I may agree with SQUARE about having him talk to the Stake President. I want you to know that what your son is going through is not that abnormal. There are many missionaries who go out who don't want to but find a change of heart through the process. Some never do. Some come home. But I do find that Satan works hard. At the age of 19 many boys don't know what they want yet and they tend to take a while to kick into gear. Not all boys- but it is common. Don't expect that he will come home early. Pray for the Lord to work on his heart. I had two brothers who gave my parents stress about going. One didn't want to and the other just was taking his merry time doing nothing. My parents wondered if they would really go. They did. One struggled more than the other but they both went and both finished and both look back on it with gratitude for going.

One of my older siblings had a son who came home from the MTC early. That was hard on them. Though disappointing and stressful on them, they learned a lot from the situation. He did go back out a year later and is out in the mission field now. In the end (if worthiness isn't an issue) it all comes down to choices and commitment. Commit to his commitment (though his commitment may be of a low level). Take it. Run with it. Pray. If you keep doubting his commitment he will most likely doubt it too.

If in the event he does come home early...I agree with SQUARE...keep him moving progressively in something. I think SQUARE speaks some wisdom when he writes "If he decides not to go, then continue to support him to go to school, etc. Maybe he will come around in while, if not continue to support him as long as he is involved in productive activities to better his future. If the commitment is made to go on a Mission, once he has gone off to the MTC and his perspective area, if all goes well than just continous support and encouragement is needed. If he ever makes an (Adult) decision to come home early, then you remind him of his (Adult)Decsion/ commitment that he made, and that if he wants to come home early, that he will have to make his own (Adult) living arrangments and living expenses for himself. You let him know that you will allways love him, but that this is going to be a life changing decision. (This has worked in past practices)." Every situation is different but I think there is some wisdom in that.

Just know that sometimes they just need to get out there if they are sitting on the fence. Some may come home. But you will know that you supported him in that direction the best you could. As a mother you can do your part by exercising faith. Put fear behind you. You may benefit by asking for a priesthood blessing too.

I am excited for your son. Hopefully his commitment will strengthen as he moves ahead. Sometimes it comes quickly. Sometimes it doesn't. Either way spiritually strengthen yourself as best you can by serving others and being obedient to the commandments and blessings will come as will the power of inspiration. Keep hopeful. Keep faithful. "Doubt not, fear not".