Car Trip

[Breaking]

After about 6 years of living at my current location as well as getting a few things straightened out, I'll be submitting my mission papers within the week. I'm 19, and ready to go.

My dilema is this:

I'm wanting to go on a car trip for 6 days to Pennsylvania. Its about 20 hours from where I live. All the people that I'm going to travel with are people I have know for half of the time I've been living in the area and I know them pretty well. Most are 21 and older.

My dad still says no, though, I know he has no power over whether I go or not. He's reasoning is for the chance something happens. I feel like I have more exposure on my mission then I do here hands down. He feels it's his 'promise to God' that he gets me on this mission.

Anyway I can convince him so I don't put myself on bad terms with my dad?

[Dravin]

You're just going to have to talk it out and address his concerns, and realize that he either may not be willing to talk, or even after you discuss things more he may still disagree. One thing that would probably help is if you've prayed about whether it is a wise decision to go/for help to understand where your Dad is coming from.

[Guest saintish]

I think there is something about honoring your parents in the bible? Am I wrong?

[applepansy]

After about 6 years of living at my current location as well as getting a few things straightened out, I'll be submitting my mission papers within the week. I'm 19, and ready to go.

My dilema is this:

I'm wanting to go on a car trip for 6 days to Pennsylvania. Its about 20 hours from where I live. All the people that I'm going to travel with are people I have know for half of the time I've been living in the area and I know them pretty well. Most are 21 and older.

My dad still says no, though, I know he has no power over whether I go or not. He's reasoning is for the chance something happens. I feel like I have more exposure on my mission then I do here hands down. He feels it's his 'promise to God' that he gets me on this mission.

Anyway I can convince him so I don't put myself on bad terms with my dad?

I'm confused. Your profile says you're 27.

My response for 19 is different than what I would respond for 27. Except that if you're living with Dad then respecting his decision applies regardless of age.

[slamjet]

If you're not going to honor your parents, then what say's you're going to honor your mission president? I'm not sure what you want from us, absolution? Do what you will, but what should be #1 on your priority list is to prepare for your mission. It's not easy and you're going to have to have God's spirit with you. Showing up your father is not a good start.

But as you said, you are and adult and can do what you want. But no matter how much of an adult you are, you cannot escape the consequences.

[Vort]

I agree with the above, especially applepansy. If you're 27, you should still respect your father and listen closely to him, but it's time to be a man and live your life (which probably includes moving out of Dad's basement if at all possible). If you're only 19, you may legally be considered an adult, but you are barely more than a high schooler. Do as your father advises.

In the adult world, and especially as a missionary, you need to learn adult negotiating skills and how to talk with other grown-ups. This is a wonderful time for you to practice such skills with your father.

[Breaking]

First :

I'm not 27, I'm 19. I made the profile to address an earlier concern as soon as I could.

2nd:

Thanks for your opinions, but I wasn't looking for an answer on how to 'honour my parents'. Thanks to the first and 2nd posters.

[Guest saintish]

Were you looking for people to agree with you that is ok to go even though your father for whatever reason doesn't want you to?

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Ok...assuming that "convincing your dad" is a good idea and I am not certain that is the case. You weren't clear about the trip, but I'm guessing from what you did say that there will be people of the opposite sex? (if so, I think your dad is right.) If that is not the case...here are some things to consider..

Ask honest, open questions. Don't assume you know why he doesn't want you to go, unless he has spelled it out for you.

Give honest, open answers. You can't resolve things truly if you 'hold back' because you think an answer might influence your dad the "wrong" way.

Be willing to be the one who changes. If your dad explains his concerns clearly, and you know he is right, then you need to be the one who changes. However, if his concern is based on something incorrect and you are able to ease his concerns, he might change his mind.

Edited July 8, 2011 by LiterateParakeet
to fix typo

[Guest]

Were you looking for people to agree with you that is ok to go even though your father for whatever reason doesn't want you to?

Irony alert. But I agree.

[pam]

Having been a teenager and having been the mother of teenagers, I can understand how hard it is to listen to a parent. Especially when that parent is going against something that you REALLY want to do.

As long as you are so set on going and trying every way you can to convince your dad, it's not going to allow you to hear the reasoning of your dad.

[applepansy]

First :

I'm not 27, I'm 19. I made the profile to address an earlier concern as soon as I could.

I'm still confused. You lied about your age to address an earlier concern?

[Dravin]

As long as you are so set on going and trying every way you can to convince your dad, it's not going to allow you to hear the reasoning of your dad.

That the big thing, his Dad's counsel may very well be the best course of action and if you just try to talk him into agreeing with you he might relent but you've ended up convincing him to concede to an inadvisable course of action.

[Guest saintish]

Reminds me of Joseph Smith and the lost 116 pages

[Gwen]

You weren't clear about the trip, but I'm guessing from what you did say that there will be people of the opposite sex? (if so, I think your dad is right.) If that is not the case...here are some things to consider..

The op makes it a point to say the friends are over 21. That leads me to think there will be drinking going on. I agree that there is not enough info on the trip and thus it can be hard to say who is being the stubborn one.

[Breaking]

Ok...assuming that "convincing your dad" is a good idea and I am not certain that is the case. You weren't clear about the trip, but I'm guessing from what you did say that there will be people of the opposite sex? (if so, I think your dad is right.) If that is not the case...here are some things to consider..

Ask honest, open questions. Don't assume you know why he doesn't want you to go, unless he has spelled it out for you.

Give honest, open answers. You can't resolve things truly if you 'hold back' because you think an answer might influence your dad the "wrong" way.

Be willing to be the one who changes. If your dad explains his concerns clearly, and you know he is right, then you need to be the one who changes. However, if his concern is based on something incorrect and you are able to ease his concerns, he might change his mind.

There won't be any of the opposite sex traveling or meeting with us.

Were you looking for people to agree with you that is ok to go even though your father for whatever reason doesn't want you to?

I have no desire to have people take sides with me. I asked a question on what was the best way to persuade him or atleast keep on even ground.

I'm still confused. You lied about your age to address an earlier concern?

I put in a random date of birth since I could care less what it comes up as. I don't know why you find my date of birth an issue? I change it if you find it that hard to move past.

The op makes it a point to say the friends are over 21. That leads me to think there will be drinking going on. I agree that there is not enough info on the trip and thus it can be hard to say who is being the stubborn one.

Were not drinking. Whatsoever.

[Dravin]

Reminds me of Joseph Smith and the lost 116 pages

Well the big difference is his Dad isn't infallible*, so it's possible what the son wants to do is perfectly advisable/acceptable. That's why it's important that there be genuine discussion with respect on both sides instead of a "How can I back him into a rhetorical corner?" approach.

Not sure if that's really what the OP has in mind but he's clearly (to me at least) decided his position is the better one.

* The other one is one can disagree with their parents and it isn't necessarily a sin. Honoring your parents doesn't mean you have to believe they are always right. Sometimes children, particularly adult children, have to make their own decisions and choices even if they go contrary to parental advice. Of course when one is still living at home that adds a certain dynamic into the relationship. Actually, plain old living under someone else's roof adds a certain dynamic to disagreements.

Edited July 8, 2011 by Dravin

[Blocky]

Think of all the reasons he doesn't want you to go. Now think of your refutation to all those reasons. I'm sure a lot of your arguments are that his concerns are invalid, that those things won't happen and the chance that they might happen is very slim.

Parents tend to over emphasize the dangers and teenagers under estimate. What I find interesting in this case is that he sees this trip as possibly a direct threat to your ability to go on a mission. That is pretty specific. As a teenager I went on a lot of road trips with friends that took a lot of convincing my parents. Sometimes though the answer was no and stayed no. From the little information given I'm going to side with your dad on this one. He knows you. He has a lot more life experience and as much of a worry wart or un-trusting as he may seem, he is there to protect to, and that's what he's trying to do, from something you might not see as a danger, but in this case very well may be.

Also, you live under his roof, respect his rules. You may REALLY want to do this and think it's not a big deal, but doing as he says isn't that hard either.

[Breaking]

Well the big difference is his Dad isn't infallible, so it's possible what the son wants to do is perfectly advisable/acceptable. That's why it's important that there be genuine discussion with respect on both sides instead of a "How can I back him into a rhetorical corner?" approach.

Not sure if that's really what the OP has in mind but he's clearly (to me at least) decided his position is the better one.

I've sat down with my dad and had a talk with him. His issue of why it's not safe is:

-exposure = higher chance of being hurt

-The person would shift off with other people so others could drive

-Us driving at night

I later talked with the people I was going with and they agreed that driving at night was a bad idea in the end as well as trading off driving since none of the others that would drive would be insured.

So we would be driving during the day with only one person driving. The driver has had much driving experience with driving long distances as his job requires him to travel to many states. We will be stopping to rest, eat, and sleep as needed. Theres absolutely no rush to the drive as we are giving ourselves 3-4 days of traveltime to get there.

@ Blocky:

And actually, I found most of his reasosn why I shouldn't go valid, so I talked with the group as it says above to increase safety as above ^^^^.

Edited July 8, 2011 by Breaking

[Maureen]

After about 6 years of living at my current location as well as getting a few things straightened out, I'll be submitting my mission papers within the week. I'm 19, and ready to go.

My dilema is this:

I'm wanting to go on a car trip for 6 days to Pennsylvania. Its about 20 hours from where I live. All the people that I'm going to travel with are people I have know for half of the time I've been living in the area and I know them pretty well. Most are 21 and older.

My dad still says no, though, I know he has no power over whether I go or not. He's reasoning is for the chance something happens. I feel like I have more exposure on my mission then I do here hands down. He feels it's his 'promise to God' that he gets me on this mission.

Anyway I can convince him so I don't put myself on bad terms with my dad?

My understanding of your situation is, you want one last adventure before you leave for 2 years. Your dad is worried about your safety because he's made a promise to God that he would make sure you started on your mission safe and sound.

I can understand why you want the road trip and I can understand your Dad's concerns too. I would advise to try and ease your Dad's mind. Make sure he knows who is going on the road trip, where you're staying, who's driving, anything that will ease his mind.

You are an adult; have an adult conversation with your Dad.

M.

[Dravin]

Have you had a chance to discuss with him how you felt that there was legitimacy to his concerns and how you've adjusted the travel plans and his opinion of the adjusted plans?

[Breaking]

Have you had a chance to discuss with him how you felt that there was legitimacy to his concerns and how you've adjusted the travel plans and his opinion of the adjusted plans?

I made the changes today, so I'll be talking with him in the evening.

Edited July 8, 2011 by Breaking

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I made the changes today, so I'll be talking with him in the evening.

I think that was a good step on your part. If you were my son, I would appreciate that you were/are listening to my concerns and making some compromises. I hope your discussion with your dad goes well.

[Breaking]

I think that was a good step on your part. If you were my son, I would appreciate that you were/are listening to my concerns and making some compromises. I hope your discussion with your dad goes well.

I'm hoping so, though my dad is very blunt with how he fields as I do. We clash and bump heads alot.

[Dravin]

Well, I wish you both luck in having a good conversation over the matter.