cndaworld Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 This all comes down to understanding that your mate's spirit and heart are the most important but secondarily understanding that each has some level of responsibility to make an effort to not let yourself go, as physical attraction clearly plays a role in marriages. This will differ among relationships, so it is imperative that a couple communicates as selflessly as possible but with clarity as to how they feel about this issue. Remember, we all fade a bit with time so fall in love with your mate's spirit, which is everything but the physical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 These are all very good responses. I was just wondering if I needed to start wearing make up or something to get guys to notice me more. I'm not overweight, so that's not a problem for me, yet. I just feel like I'm too plain or something. I really don't style my hair besides washing and brushing it. I've also wondered if I'm not girly enough for guys.I used to think that you should be who you are and if girly isnt you then you shouldnt be. Problem is men are visual and they 'see' you before they see who you are. If they dont 'see' you they will never look to see who you are. It really is to bad but it is just not going to be useful to not work with how men are if you want to catch their eyes. I was lucky but luck isnt something to count on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunnySheila Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 Thus lending credence to the theory that women dress to impress other women.This is almost certainly false. If you live in a Western society, odds are close to 100% that you wear a dress or pants along with a shirt or blouse. Your dress is almost completely determined by your society, men and women. Even your colors and patterns are socially determined; I bet you don't wear bright orange and fluorescent green as casual wear around town, or nice plaid pants when you go out.And arguing "I don't like those things!" is a non-starter. Why don't you like them? Is there something intrinsically bad about plaid or green? Of course not. You don't like them because your culture does not recognize them as conforming to an acceptable norm.Really???!!!Actually dude, I wear things many others wouldn't dream of wearing, but I wear them because (a) I want to, and (b) I can pull them off. I LOVE the colour orange. And bright green. As an artist I know how to make both work together to be visually pleasing.And being an artist, I constantly look for beauty in everything, I love making my environment around me visually aesthetic (and not in accordance with Home and Garden Magazines or Country Living), unique, beautiful, and I do the same with my appearance. I really don't care for the opinions of others. Hence if I never left the house again, I would continue to dress beautifully for me as I do every day. I am also a seamstress, so I design and sew (without a shop bought pattern) alot of clothes I wear. I have never gone for what everyone else goes for, I am deeply old-fashioned and love many of the styles of the 1920s and of Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome, and Medievel German/Norwegian and use them as inspiration - I also love using France 1850s-1890s. My length/shape of dress/skirt is in no way determined by the fashion of today - but rather what I feel like wearing that are in the bounds of modesty. I am actually annoyed at the moment, because the whole 1920s thing has just come out in the stores because that's MY thing! lol. As for patterns on the things I wear, I love elegance - delicate, dainty, soft and gentle. I love the unique. I hate make-up for myself, I can't stand the feel of it. I like my skin to breathe. Besides, I think it looks silly on me. I never said I hate it on anyone else - other women look great in it and out of it, it's just for me I hate wearing the stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 (edited) Really???!!!Actually dude, I wear things many others wouldn't dream of wearing, but I wear them because (a) I want to, and (b) I can pull them off. I LOVE the colour orange. And bright green. As an artist I know how to make both work together to be visually pleasing.And being an artist, I constantly look for beauty in everything, I love making my environment around me visually aesthetic (and not in accordance with Home and Garden Magazines or Country Living), unique, beautiful, and I do the same with my appearance. I really don't care for the opinions of others. Hence if I never left the house again, I would continue to dress beautifully for me as I do every day. I am also a seamstress, so I design and sew (without a shop bought pattern) alot of clothes I wear. I have never gone for what everyone else goes for, I am deeply old-fashioned and love many of the styles of the 1920s and of Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome, and Medievel German/Norwegian and use them as inspiration - I also love using France 1850s-1890s. My length/shape of dress/skirt is in no way determined by the fashion of today - but rather what I feel like wearing that are in the bounds of modesty. I am actually annoyed at the moment, because the whole 1920s thing has just come out in the stores because that's MY thing! lol. As for patterns on the things I wear, I love elegance - delicate, dainty, soft and gentle. I love the unique. I hate make-up for myself, I can't stand the feel of it. I like my skin to breathe. Besides, I think it looks silly on me. I never said I hate it on anyone else - other women look great in it and out of it, it's just for me I hate wearing the stuff.My grandmother is a seamstress too! She's the coolest gal on planet Earth (well, she's in the spirit world now actually). But, she doesn't like being called a seamstress - she wants to be called a fashion designer. LOL. I have lots of admiration for fashion designers! My grandmother was awesome. She made this "Maria Clara style" gown back before WWII that is heavily embroidered from neck to train - and she hand-embroidered it all herself. It got destroyed in the war but I have black and white pictures of it and I wish, wish, wish I could have held the actual gown. It was amazing just looking at the pictures!I have a curiosity question... how do you know if something looks good on you? Do you just rely on your own eye or do you also consider other sources of feedback?Because, I see all these runway shows (my husband used to be a runway model) and I always wonder - what were these designers thinking??? Edited January 5, 2012 by anatess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 Anatess, is/was your husband a famous runway model? Is he Google-able? Hehe.I agree that taking care of one's self is important, both mentally and physically. I guess I'm a lucky girl cos I know my husband loves me and finds me attractive, regardless, if I went completely bonkers and out of my mind or gained 100lbs. And I feel the same way towards him. So it's a win win over here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anonymity Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 Just all look your best to feel your best and call it good. That's my ultimate goal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 Anatess, is/was your husband a famous runway model? Is he Google-able? Hehe.I agree that taking care of one's self is important, both mentally and physically. I guess I'm a lucky girl cos I know my husband loves me and finds me attractive, regardless, if I went completely bonkers and out of my mind or gained 100lbs. And I feel the same way towards him. So it's a win win over here Hah, this was 15 years ago... before the internet was invented. LOL. I'd post pictures but I know he'll be highly upset... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 Hah, this was 15 years ago... before the internet was invented. LOL. I'd post pictures but I know he'll be highly upset...Booo! Anatess, 15 years ago isn't that long ago. Janice Dickerson modeled long before that (she STILL thinks she's hot stuff lol) and she's Google-able. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 Booo! Anatess, 15 years ago isn't that long ago. Janice Dickerson modeled long before that (she STILL thinks she's hot stuff lol) and she's Google-able.Janice who? LOL. No my husband is not in her league...Not to hijack the thread, but I just want to say something quick about modeling...In the modeling industry - only a very small handful of runway models (different from print models) get name recognition - e.g. Naomi Campbell, etc. And smaller still for male runway models to get name recognition. It's really the same as actors. Only a very few actors get name recognition - especially theater actors. A giant handful of them don't get to have imdb entries. And usually, those that do get name recognition have been at it a loooong time. My husband modeled from age 18-21. Just long enough to feed himself and maintain an apartment, but not long enough to get major billing. If he would have shucked his LDS principles, he would have gotten very far in those 3 years though. He was good and he could have easily transitioned into print. Unfortunately, he was repeatedly put into situations where he had to "make nice" to a photographer to get anywhere so he rejected all print opportunities and stayed with the runway and the mall crowd to have a semblance of a steady paycheck.Modeling is another one of those jobs that people with LDS principles will have a hard time to justify - just like bartending or screen-kissing.And bringing it back to the thread topic - on the runway, the most important thing is your size. You could be drop-dead gorgeous and you won't get to the runway if you're too tall or too short or have too big breasts or too bulky muscles. Designers don't tailor-make clothes to fit a model. They choose the model that will fit the clothes. And yes, you have to be considered attractive to the general masses but you can't be more attractive than the clothes.So, even in modeling, what is attractive is completely in the eyes of the designer. If you gain even just an inch in waistline, you're "letting yourself go". But then, all runway models know that going into the industry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 Anatess, yep. That modelling industry is seriously cutthroat. I have a childhood friend that models and has made his name. I didn't even know he was a model until I saw pictures of him at a Euro fashion event strutting his stuff on the runway via pictures posted on his FB. His name is Hamish Fraser and he actually pulls up a lot of photos through Google. So interesting how people turnout later in life. Ohhh but the exception for the big bust are VS models. But you're absolutely spot-on otherwise. Generally, designers and photographers want nothin' on ya. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mamas_Girl Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 Does make-up really make someone more attractive? It's not something you can wear 24/7, so I figure a guy better be attracted to his wife even if she doesn't wear make-up.I've been happily married to my husband for 20 years now and he's always prefered women without make-up. I think it all depends on the guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 In my married life I've gone through various phases of being bigger and smaller, wearing sweats and wearing nice clothes, makeup more often or hardly at all, hair brushed or hair done up. . . all depending on whether I just had a baby, whether I was depressed, uncovered health problems, etc. In those times my husband has never changed how often he tells me he loves me, tells me I'm beautiful, tells me he desires me, etc. Now in my mid-30's I find that I feel better if I do something with myself every day, whether it's putting on mascara or clothes I like or doing up my hair; and while I like to look nice for him, it seems to be more for me. He doesn't care that much. Did I mention before that I seem to get more attention from him when I'm in my grubbies? What is that? Anyway, I would hope that every marriage reaches a point where the beauty is in what you've experienced and weathered together, and everything you've built together, not how we happen to be looking that day or week or year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 But but but... we all are lucky because we're already married... The problem is when you're in your grubbies and trying to impress a potential mate... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 But people need to realize that they are marrying people who have challenges and flaws, and they won't always be all dolled up, even if they always look that way at church and on dates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 But people need to realize that they are marrying people who have challenges and flaws, and they won't always be all dolled up, even if they always look that way at church and on dates.And there ya go... that's why I never dated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 Did I mention before that I seem to get more attention from him when I'm in my grubbies? What is that?It may be because he doesn't have to worry about smearing make-up, messing up hair, or wrinkling clothes. Though maybe he's just channeling Joe Nichols. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunnySheila Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 But but but... we all are lucky because we're already married...The problem is when you're in your grubbies and trying to impress a potential mate...I'm not married But then I'm not looking to get married any time soon - my last experience was too traumatic - need to heal first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 In my married life I've gone through various phases of being bigger and smaller, wearing sweats and wearing nice clothes, makeup more often or hardly at all, hair brushed or hair done up. . . all depending on whether I just had a baby, whether I was depressed, uncovered health problems, etc. In those times my husband has never changed how often he tells me he loves me, tells me I'm beautiful, tells me he desires me, etc. Now in my mid-30's I find that I feel better if I do something with myself every day, whether it's putting on mascara or clothes I like or doing up my hair; and while I like to look nice for him, it seems to be more for me. He doesn't care that much. Did I mention before that I seem to get more attention from him when I'm in my grubbies? What is that?Anyway, I would hope that every marriage reaches a point where the beauty is in what you've experienced and weathered together, and everything you've built together, not how we happen to be looking that day or week or year.I'm not at the same level as life as you, but this rang a bell with me.Every now and then I roll out of bed and the fairies of adorable beauty are on my side and all I have to do is brush my hair and I look darling with a fresh make-up free face and a pair of jeans. I feel great about myself.Most days, though, when I take a little care about my appearance, I feel all the better about myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hala401 Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 I've been divorced for nearly 7 years, and the other day the Bishop asked me if I would like to get married. WOW ! This is a whole road not taken! I'm 64 and thought I was done with all that. I was married for 40 years and thought that I knew all I needed to know about that. This whole actively being led by the Holy Spirit is very new to me, but I have seen enough of it that I now know the Holy Spirit is one who must be obeyed. I've tried the other way. Gosh, so now you mention all this attention by a husband, and taking care of myself and things, and I must say that this is a hat I have not tried on in quite some time. I feel a little butterflyie. Hala Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 What does the bishop's wife think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanSan Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 I also am a divorce women of 60. I am somewhat over weight but other then that am told that I am pretty. I am a returned missionary, worked in the Temple,taught gospel doctrine etc... but because I am not in my 20 and 30 and look like a Barbie Doll, men don't want anything to do with me, other then to be my friend. Especially men my own age. I get a BIG laugh when I get on the LDS single sites and read men comments about themselves and how MOST of them click that they are "good looking" and average weight, and how they all "work out" and how because they are working hard to stay in shape that is what they are looking for in a woman. And then I look at the pictures that they have posted and I think to myself you have got to be kidding me! It makes me wonder if they have any mirrors in there house. I think that when a man and woman grow together then their love for one another grows also and you see and know the emotional beauty along with the physical beauty. But, I think that one of the main reasons that there are so many divorces in the church is that when a man goes to remarry most of them go for the young slim trophy wife's (I know NOT ALL DO.. but most). It's like they have to prove to their ex's and buddies that they still have it. I know a good looking man who was married 7 times, and he just shrugs and can't figure out why... it's because he's more interested in looks and youth then he is loyalty, virtue, endurance, testimony etc. I think it is just part of the world that we now live in. It is really sad to go to single activities and see really neat wonderful women go ignored, just because or age and beauty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hala401 Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 What does the bishop's wife think?Well, first he is happily married and have been assured that the LDS (Salt Lake Variety) no longer practice Polygamy. I actually did mention it to her and she really had no reaction at all. I will freely admit that the idea of my getting married again is perhaps, "a bridge too far". :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayanna Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 Maybe he has a friend who is interested? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hala401 Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 Maybe he has a friend who is interested?Yikes !I never dated. I married the first person I did date. um I mean I only dated one person. Gosh, you know what I mean:embarrassed:So, like on my second date, it could happen again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunnySheila Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 Yikes !I never dated. I married the first person I did date. um I mean I only dated one person. Gosh, you know what I mean:embarrassed:So, like on my second date, it could happen again!I know, I never dated neither even though I got married - am quite concerned about the whole process, seems quite scary to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.