Temple Cancellation/clearance

[curious1]

I was sealed in the temple to my ex-wife. I have now remarried a wonderful person and we are wanting to start the process of getting sealed in the temple. I realize that this is a process and will take some time. It sounds like one thing that will happen is that my bishop will send a letter to my ex-wife and ask her feelings on me getting married, about our divorce,etc... My question is how much weight does the first presidency put on this letter that my ex will write? During our divorce proceeding she made some horrible allegations of abuse against me - all unfounded and untrue, but I am sure she would love to tell the first presidency how horrible she thinks I am. She has already caused me enough pain in my life and I don't want some letter from my bitter ex-wife to cause me even more pain. Just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar and could give some insight.

[Jennarator]

We are going thru the same thing. My ex threatened to be horrible in the letter, and so did my husband's ex. I was told that your letter, and the bishops letter weight heavier.

I also trust that the First PResidency has the spirit. Things will happen as the should.

That aside, I do have a close friend that her husband's ex made some horrible accusations. Since they were about child abuse, they need to leagally investigate. This took some time, but those charges and accusations were dropped.

If it helps, we are getting close to sending in the letters and my bishop told my the letter from my ex was bitter, tho it seemed more tragic and that he blamed people for things he did, so not to worry.

Good luck! You're in my prayers!

[Backroads]

Went through this at the beginning of the year. My husband was afraid his ex would say nasty things, but as far as I know she did not. I also rejoiced when I found out I got to write a letter on my observations on the whole matter.

Everything worked out ridiculously quickly.

Think of it this way: to your ex, it might be one thing to say stuff during a divorce and another to write those same things to the First Presidency especially after she has had time to cool down.

If a question does arise, it's safe to assume things will be investigated in the proper manner.

[Gwen]

The first presidency understands these letters come from your ex and they are an ex for a reason. Mostly what they are looking for is cases of adultery and to make sure the marriage is not reconcilable. If she writes a nasty letter then that pretty much confirms things.

[garryw]

you will never read your ex's letter. it doesn't go to you.

[Maureen]

you will never read your ex's letter. it doesn't go to you.

I think the OP already knows that.

M.

[Juan_P]

..... process of getting sealed in the temple. I realize that this is a process and will take some time. It sounds like one thing that will happen is that my bishop will send a letter to my ex-wife and ask her feelings on me getting married, about our divorce,etc... My question is how much weight does the first presidency put on this letter that my ex will write? .... Just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar and could give some insight.

I was asked to go and get that letter from my ex-wife, which she wrote via email addressed to President Monson and she emailed it to me. I understood that it was only if she refused to respond that then the bishop would try to get the letter or write about what happened when she refused.

On the first presidency "weight" I've read all different things. some people claim they put more weight on the ex wife's claims when its a clearance but little on the ex-husband's letter when its a cancellation. Others say that it doesn't matter to much but that your letter and especially your bishops and stake presidents letters matter more. So who know? I think you'll only find out after going through the process.

Over in feminist mormon housewife they have talked about this a lot and there's a full range of experiences and cases which left me wondering if there is a policiy in place at all.

By the way mine went through in just under 3 weeks -from submitting to the clearance coming back to my Bishop strangely and not to me!

[Jennarator]

Interesting, I wasn't asked to get the letter from my ex and neither was my husband. GUess it depends on the bishop. He just asked himself.

[fitz]

Does anyone know what would make the FP deny a sealing clearance? My bf and I want to get married this summer but he got divorced in December and I'm nervous they will deny our clearance for some reason. His wife basically stopped wanted to be LDS. She started drinking, kissed another man, and then asked for a divorce. They didn't have any kids. Do you think we will be approved?

[pam]

Does anyone know what would make the FP deny a sealing clearance? My bf and I want to get married this summer but he got divorced in December and I'm nervous they will deny our clearance for some reason. His wife basically stopped wanted to be LDS. She started drinking, kissed another man, and then asked for a divorce. They didn't have any kids. Do you think we will be approved?

All anyone here can do is speculate. No one here can receive any kind of revelation as to what will happen.

[Gwen]

Like pam said anything here is speculation...... so let the speculation begin... lol

I would be careful marrying anyone that has been divorced for such a short time. I would recommend a longer courtship and maybe pre-marriage counseling. Honestly I would recommend pre-marriage counseling for anyone that is going into a second marriage (my husband had been married before and that is one thing I would change if I could go back and do things over). What does your bf say about his part in the marriage falling apart? Everyone contributes something (even if it's just reacting poorly to the choices the other made), if he thinks he did no wrong what so ever then I would worry he learned very little from his marriage. Not saying he's a bad guy but proceed with your eyes wide open.

The short turn around in marriages might slow down the process for you. The things they are usually looking for are adultery and is there chance of reconciliation. Short turn around usually smell of adultery for many ppl, I'm not saying y'all did but that is the impression to others around you. Kind of like having a honeymoon baby makes everyone look and wonder if it was really a honeymoon baby.

Also many states have laws saying you can not remarry anyone but your ex for one yr after the divorce is final, for the same kind of reasons I've already mentioned.

Good luck

[fitz]

We haven't had sex and I spoke to my Bishop and he says he sees no reason why we wouldn't be able to get sealed in July. It's because of wanting to keep the Law of Chastity that we want to get married quickly. Haha. One of the reasons anyway. Do you know if Utah has that law of not being able to get married within a year of a divorce?

[MIssB]

Utah does not have a waiting period. In fact, only a handful of states have that rule. My husband divorced his ex-wife and we were able to get sealed 7 months after the divorce was final.

[mhsmd]

If the guy is the one who was previously sealed, then you shouldn't actually need to get a cancellation/clearance for his previous sealing. However, he may want to do it. I wouldn't want to remain sealed to someone if my spouse had fundamentally betrayed my trust.

[MIssB]

A man has to have a clearance, not a cancellation to be sealed to another woman. Then, he is sealed to more than one woman for the time being. Women have to have a cancellation because they cannot be sealed to more than one man.

[mhsmd]

Thanks. I wasn't sure on the vocabulary for it. :)

[ADoyle90815]

One thing I do know is that if someone is divorced in California and they want to marry someone else, if it's less than 2 years after the divorce was final, the decree is needed in order to get the license. Any time after that, and only the date the divorce was finalized would be sufficient. After all, LDS couples still need to apply for the civil marriage license before they go to the temple, even for a first marriage.