Child abuse

[Jennarator]

Ok, I am not sure how much help I need or if I just want to vent. I also don't know if this should go under parenting or advice.

Anyway.....

There is a little boy in my ward. (he and his sister were just baptized, parents don't go to church.) This little boy has been telling my son that he get hurt by his parents at home. So today, I get a phone call from my son telling my that this boy came home with him because he is afraid to go to his home. He said he would get hit. So I talked to the boy and he sai that his parents hit him with a spike chain, and I asked if it was ok if I told someone that could help him, he said it would be fine. So I called the bishop's wife who called the bishop at work. The bishop called me to get more information and in the mean time my son called me back and told me the kids had to go home or he would get in real big trouble, so I advised he go home.

Phew.....

So my confused mind I don't know how serious all of this is, I don't know if my son and this boy are exagerating, or if he is really in trouble. He seemed a bit nonchalant about telling me that he gets hurt at home. Anyways, I am STRESSED about this.

Now my son told this boy's sister who told him he should not have told the bishop, now she is scared that the bishop is going to call the police which will make the boy and her be seperated. Ugh! I didn't want her to know I told the bishop, not just yet. This is getting messy!! But I worry about kids getting hurt, I care about them.....

[Just_A_Guy]

Jenn -

Depending on your jurisdiction, it is probably not enough to call your bishop. The law may well require you to notify child protective services or your local law enforcement agency. Any failure to do so may itself be a criminal offense.

Call a lawyer, pronto, to learn your specific responsibilities.

Edited November 14, 2011 by Just_A_Guy

[Jenamarie]

Why did you call the Bishop? What can he do? Your call should be to the police or Child Protective Services. THEY have the training to figure out if there is actual abuse going on, or if the kid is just telling stories. Let them make the determination of whether or not these kids are in any real danger.

(and yes, I realize they sometimes fail to spot abuse, but they have better resources to do something about it than a Bishop does)

[Jennarator]

I guess I didn't call because I am afraid I might be wrong....

[Jennarator]

The bishop told me there is protocall for such things.

[Just_A_Guy]

I know what you mean; it's a weighty responsibility.

But if the kid's lying, ultimately he has to bear the responsibility for that. All you can do (or possibly must do, depending on where you live) is relay what you've seen and heard to the appropriate authorities.

[Jennarator]

Ok, I leave work in a few minutes. At this point my son told me that the sister already told the parents....

[Jennarator]

Isn't reporting to a church leader considered reporting?

[NeuroTypical]

Sounds like a great question for the Bishop, since you relayed that info.

"Hey Bishop, one of us needs to report this - are you doing it, or am I?"

[MorningStar]

If this were your non-LDS neighbor, would you tell your bishop or the police? I don't see a reason to call the bishop when ward members abuse their family. I know it's scary to report it in case you're wrong.

[sister_in_faith]

Several weeks ago there was a thread about the book a child called it, so rereading that is fresh in my mind. I think that reporting it is the right thing to do.

I worked for a police department as a 911 operator/dispatcher for 5 years, and then at a large city 911 comm center for 3 years. BELIEVE me we get calls every day for things a lot less than this. We send an officer out who will do the investigation. If it is unfounded, no one blames the caller for calling.

I do not think that telling the bishop is enough. If you have a child at your house asking for 'sanctuary' I would call 911 and ask for an officer to respond. I would not let the child go home or the parents have contact with the child until the officer arrives. I would even lie and say the child was not at my house if the parents confronted me about it, until an officer arrived.

You still have the option of calling the police, even now. Tell them exactly what happened (coordinate with the bishop since he is involved now if you want to). But tell the bishop that you think that you must report this. You can even call a hotline (1-800-4-A-CHILD is a national hotline). Call child protective services and do an anonymous report. That is allowed as well.

The thread about JoPa brings to mind someone who knew about a child being hurt and many people think that they did not do enough. I am SURE that you don't want to feel that way in a few months if things turn out for the worst.

This is TOTALLY your call, and I don't want to guilt you, but it is always better to call 911 and be wrong, rather than not calling when there is an emergency. (K, I'll get off my 911 soap box now...) Tuff situation. I hope that it works out for the best. :)

[sister_in_faith]

Oh, and just from an investigative stand point, I would want to talk to the closest witness (which would be you, not the bishop) about it anyway. I hated getting calls from 3 or 4 steps out of the actual situation ("well, my sister is afraid to call, but her neighbor is getting beat up by her boyfriend, oh and they live in a different state." Yeah, that happens a lot. UGHH!), so the police would rather talk to you than the bishop (unless he has other information to volunteer). That's just a thought.

[Just_A_Guy]

Isn't reporting to a church leader considered reporting?

Not in Utah.

Your own state laws may vary.

[Jennarator]

Bishop spoke w/ a lawyer. He said I am only obligated if I am pretty sure it happened. They are going to go ahead and report it. However, I have been warned that I have to do it if I am pretty sure it happened or if a see a mark on the child.

[Vort]

They hit him with a spike chain? Wouldn't that leave marks?

[Jennarator]

Apparently my son saw the marks, I didn't. But they we healed into scars, not fresh. Could came from anyything, his sister says he just hates his step dad and wants him in jail.

[rameumptom]

It is always a messy thing when it comes to charges of child abuse. The bishops are taught by SLC to take all claims seriously. Yes, he will probably have to call the police, although you may want to do it first. Let the experts figure the situation out. If the boy is lying, they will be able to get him treatment. If he's telling the truth, then he needs to be out of the home until the parents get treatment. Imagine how you would feel if next week this boy were killed or seriously injured, because you did nothing.

It is not an issue of condemning the parents or judging them. It is an issue of protecting a small child.

[NeuroTypical]

I have two stories:

Story 1:

As we sit here and homeschool our kids, we expect that someday, some ignorant busybody will report us for educational neglect or some such thing. We're expecting to have our peace disturbed by some social worker someday - possibly with a county sherriff in tow. Just part of the joys of homeschooling.

As we run through the various scenarios in our heads, it dawns on us that this is not the end of the world. Social workers and cops will go away happy that our kids are happy and healthy. If they are ignorant of their own laws and think they have more authority and power than they actually do, we could have some problems, but otherwise we'll be fine. There's no sense in even bothering to hold a grudge with whoever eventually reports us. After all, their hearts will be in the right place, even if their brains aren't.

Story 2:

I know a lady who was abused as a child for years by an older brother. Middle-class well-educated low-crime-rate mostly-LDS community in happy Sandy UT. When she was in middle or high school, she showed many classic signs of abuse. At least one teacher noticed and said something to someone, but no cops were ever called, and the abuse was never caught, never punished, never stopped by authorities. To put it lightly, she doesn't have much use for the average middle class well-educated LDS person, because not a dang one of them ever lifted a finger to help her in her obvious need that spanned over a year.

Go figure out what God wants you to do, then go do it. It doesn't matter how difficult or scary it is. Do it.