Twice In A Row

[Bini]

Our first week back to church was a week ago and yesterday now makes it twice in a row that we've attended, only this time, we went to our home ward. We stayed just for sacrament meeting but at this point that's all we're ready for. It was a nice service and a couple individuals approached us to say hello. My husband and I were surprised that our ward was half older couples (the entire row in front of us were missionaries) and half middle-age empty nesters. We sat in the back so we got a full view of the congregation and from what we could see there were only a few families. When I say "a few", I mean literally a handful of maybe four or five. They didn't even have enough young men to do the sacrament. It was mostly done with adult priesthood holders. Not a big deal but we had hoped that there would be some couples with young children that we could get to know and build friendships with. I guess the socialising is more for me because I've been itching to find another young mother to pal around with that is also involved with church. I suppose it's less of a need or want for my husband because he works all day all week and when he gets home he just wants to relax. Anyway, here are just a few things I've since been thinking about..

We haven't sat down with our bishop yet to talk about our personal goals etc but we were introduced on Sunday. When does such a meeting take place? And what kind of questions are asked? If the bishop only asks certain questions, neglecting to address some issues, do we offer that information or leave it? I'm wondering how far back one confesses sin. I can't speak for my husband but for myself, I feel in my heart that I have repented certain wrongs but because I've been inactive from teen to adulthood, I've never been in a ward setting to discuss it with a bishop. DH and I are both baptised but not endowed.

OK this question is way off the wall but my mind has been racing with all kinds of thoughts and questions. So I'm just going to throw this out there.. I have this HUGE phobia of something happening to my husband (like death) while we're in the process of becoming temple worthy. I know that sounds like crazy talk but I've been thinking about this more and more, and it's really bothering me. If he dies and I continue to make progress to the point that I become temple worthy, and I meet a worthy priesthood holder and remarry, does he replace my deceased husband and become the father of my daughter (that's not his) in the next life? I heard someone saying that if a woman is sealed in her second marriage, her children (from the previous relationship) will go to the second husband because he is the patriarch of the family. This really bothers me! Maybe I'm not understanding how this works but it upsets me. And that would also mean that I would be sealed to my second husband and could no longer be with my first husband? I don't plan on remarrying if my husband dies but I understand that marrying in the temple and being sealed can provide blessings that you wouldn't have otherwise. Can you postpone temple/sealing for a spouse that is deceased?

Lastly, just wondering if any of you (women not men) go to church in the same Sunday outfit every Sunday? I spent forever trying to find something I felt comfortable to go to church in but didn't see much else that I would wear. I'm planning on wearing the same dress every week. Do any of you ladies do this?

Thanks for enlightening me.

[Guest]

Lastly, just wondering if any of you (women not men) go to church in the same Sunday outfit every Sunday? I spent forever trying to find something I felt comfortable to go to church in but didn't see much else that I would wear. I'm planning on wearing the same dress every week. Do any of you ladies do this?

Thanks for enlightening me.

I'll address this one.

I have lots of dresses I can wear to church so I don't do this. But, when I went to visit my parents for a month, I packed only as much as will fit in carry-on luggage. So, I only packed one set of Sunday clothes. I wore the same outfit for 5 Sundays in a row.

[Vort]

Our first week back to church was a week ago and yesterday now makes it twice in a row that we've attended, only this time, we went to our home ward.

Congratulations!

We sat in the back so we got a full view of the congregation and from what we could see there were only a few families. When I say "a few", I mean literally a handful of maybe four or five. They didn't even have enough young men to do the sacrament. It was mostly done with adult priesthood holders. Not a big deal but we had hoped that there would be some couples with young children that we could get to know and build friendships with. I guess the socialising is more for me because I've been itching to find another young mother to pal around with that is also involved with church.

Being neither female nor at this point young (49), I can't address the emotional content of your comment very well. In my opinion, the varying ages of people at Church is a big plus for me. I appreciate the various stages of life people are at. Sometimes I can be the "old guy" and offer advice or perspective to younger couples who are passing through the situation in life I was in a few years back. Sometimes I'm the "up-and-comer" who can learn from the more senior folks. It's like in a family: There are older siblings and younger siblings, cousins of various ages, aunts and uncles and old grandparents, but it's all family.

Even in your home ward of older people, I suspect you can find one or two or three women close enough to your situation to become close friends you can share things with.

We haven't sat down with our bishop yet to talk about our personal goals etc but we were introduced on Sunday. When does such a meeting take place? And what kind of questions are asked?

This is up to your bishop, but if you want to see him, just talk to him (or schedule a meeting through his executive secretary). His typical "greeting meeting" is just to chat with you and to get to know you a bit more. You can make it a "confession session", if you like, but odds are the bishop won't have that in mind for a first meeting.

If the bishop only asks certain questions, neglecting to address some issues, do we offer that information or leave it?

That's up to you. You might wish to tell the bishop something like, "We have had some issues in a few areas that maybe we should talk with you about." The bishop can then specify whether you should go ahead and talk about that right then, or whether you can meet with him later on.

I'm wondering how far back one confesses sin. I can't speak for my husband but for myself, I feel in my heart that I have repented certain wrongs but because I've been inactive from teen to adulthood, I've never been in a ward setting to discuss it with a bishop. DH and I are both baptised but not endowed.

Remember that we don't have a "Catholic" view of confession of sins. By that, I mean that we confess our sins to God and to those we have wronged, not to "the priest". The sins we confess to the bishop are those that could threaten our standing in the Church (typically sexual sins, also criminal activity), and more broadly any sin that we can't overcome alone (again, typically sexual sin) or that we're simply having trouble with and could use some help dealing with. The bishop is there as a helper and facilitator, someone to help us come to Christ.

OK this question is way off the wall but my mind has been racing with all kinds of thoughts and questions. So I'm just going to throw this out there.. I have this HUGE phobia of something happening to my husband (like death) while we're in the process of becoming temple worthy. I know that sounds like crazy talk but I've been thinking about this more and more, and it's really bothering me. If he dies and I continue to make progress to the point that I become temple worthy, and I meet a worthy priesthood holder and remarry, does he replace my deceased husband and become the father of my daughter (that's not his) in the next life? I heard someone saying that if a woman is sealed in her second marriage, her children (from the previous relationship) will go to the second husband because he is the patriarch of the family. This really bothers me!

This does NOT sound crazy, but it's not a question we cannot answer. It's similar to asking: "What do we wear in the next life?" We don't know.

That said, there are some things we DO know: God is just. God loves his sons and his daughters. Based on these two things, we can infer that God will not remove blessings from us because of the normal vicissitudes of mortal life. Like death, for example. We will all die; it's part of the plan. But shall death separate us from our blessings or the love of God? Surely not!

The best answer I can offer is: Don't worry about it. I realize that you ARE worried about it, but I would say to put those worries to rest. We have confidence that God will heal us from our sins and raise us from physical and spiritual death. Then why not believe that he will be just and that, if we follow him, we will find ourselves in a better situation than we could possibly imagine? We don't find perfect justice here in mortality, but we will with God. Many questions cannot be answered, but we can rest assured that our lives, well lived, will inevitably "lead to a joyful end".

Not being female, I won't venture an answer to the last question.

[applepansy]

Our first week back to church was a week ago and yesterday now makes it twice in a row that we've attended, only this time, we went to our home ward. We stayed just for sacrament meeting but at this point that's all we're ready for. It was a nice service and a couple individuals approached us to say hello. My husband and I were surprised that our ward was half older couples (the entire row in front of us were missionaries) and half middle-age empty nesters. We sat in the back so we got a full view of the congregation and from what we could see there were only a few families. When I say "a few", I mean literally a handful of maybe four or five. They didn't even have enough young men to do the sacrament. It was mostly done with adult priesthood holders. Not a big deal but we had hoped that there would be some couples with young children that we could get to know and build friendships with. I guess the socialising is more for me because I've been itching to find another young mother to pal around with that is also involved with church. I suppose it's less of a need or want for my husband because he works all day all week and when he gets home he just wants to relax. Anyway, here are just a few things I've since been thinking about..

We haven't sat down with our bishop yet to talk about our personal goals etc but we were introduced on Sunday. When does such a meeting take place? And what kind of questions are asked? If the bishop only asks certain questions, neglecting to address some issues, do we offer that information or leave it? I'm wondering how far back one confesses sin. I can't speak for my husband but for myself, I feel in my heart that I have repented certain wrongs but because I've been inactive from teen to adulthood, I've never been in a ward setting to discuss it with a bishop. DH and I are both baptised but not endowed.

There might be a get to know you meeting with the bishop but he will unlikely bring up anything serious. Most Bishop's I've known just want you to feel welcome at first. (Having said that I have to exclude my daughter's current Bishop. She moved to AZ and has tried multiply times to get a meeting with her Bishop and can't even get a return call from the Secretary.) Bishop's are all different and face different challenges. But don't be afraid. In the type of ward you describe he's probably going to just welcome you.

OK this question is way off the wall but my mind has been racing with all kinds of thoughts and questions. So I'm just going to throw this out there.. I have this HUGE phobia of something happening to my husband (like death) while we're in the process of becoming temple worthy. I know that sounds like crazy talk but I've been thinking about this more and more, and it's really bothering me. If he dies and I continue to make progress to the point that I become temple worthy, and I meet a worthy priesthood holder and remarry, does he replace my deceased husband and become the father of my daughter (that's not his) in the next life? I heard someone saying that if a woman is sealed in her second marriage, her children (from the previous relationship) will go to the second husband because he is the patriarch of the family. This really bothers me! Maybe I'm not understanding how this works but it upsets me. And that would also mean that I would be sealed to my second husband and could no longer be with my first husband? I don't plan on remarrying if my husband dies but I understand that marrying in the temple and being sealed can provide blessings that you wouldn't have otherwise. Can you postpone temple/sealing for a spouse that is deceased?

My husband and I were not sealed until our first anniversary. I was 18 and he was 19 when we married. I was scared to death that something would happen to him before we were sealed. I don't think you're crazy. I think other women have felt this way too. I knew that at my age they wouldn't let me be sealed to him if he died before we could be sealed but would instead encourage me to find someone else. I could envision myself finally being sealed to my husband after years of being a single sister at age 80. My fears were unfounded. We were sealed on our anniversary.

Bini, Its important to place this fear in proper proportion and not to place more emphasis on it. Its a fear... it doesn't rule your life.

Lastly, just wondering if any of you (women not men) go to church in the same Sunday outfit every Sunday? I spent forever trying to find something I felt comfortable to go to church in but didn't see much else that I would wear. I'm planning on wearing the same dress every week. Do any of you ladies do this?

Yes there are women who wear the same outfit every Sunday. But eventually you'll probably grow bored with that and want to wear something else. The more active you become the easier it will be to find dresses or skirts/blouses you'd wear.

Thanks for enlightening me.

I think you're doing great. Don't worry too much about things. With the Lord's help everything has a way of working itself out.

I wish you all the best.

[classylady]

We haven't sat down with our bishop yet to talk about our personal goals etc but we were introduced on Sunday. When does such a meeting take place? And what kind of questions are asked? If the bishop only asks certain questions, neglecting to address some issues, do we offer that information or leave it? I'm wondering how far back one confesses sin. I can't speak for my husband but for myself, I feel in my heart that I have repented certain wrongs but because I've been inactive from teen to adulthood, I've never been in a ward setting to discuss it with a bishop. DH and I are both baptised but not endowed.

OK this question is way off the wall but my mind has been racing with all kinds of thoughts and questions. So I'm just going to throw this out there.. I have this HUGE phobia of something happening to my husband (like death) while we're in the process of becoming temple worthy. I know that sounds like crazy talk but I've been thinking about this more and more, and it's really bothering me. If he dies and I continue to make progress to the point that I become temple worthy, and I meet a worthy priesthood holder and remarry, does he replace my deceased husband and become the father of my daughter (that's not his) in the next life? I heard someone saying that if a woman is sealed in her second marriage, her children (from the previous relationship) will go to the second husband because he is the patriarch of the family. This really bothers me! Maybe I'm not understanding how this works but it upsets me. And that would also mean that I would be sealed to my second husband and could no longer be with my first husband? I don't plan on remarrying if my husband dies but I understand that marrying in the temple and being sealed can provide blessings that you wouldn't have otherwise. Can you postpone temple/sealing for a spouse that is deceased?

Lastly, just wondering if any of you (women not men) go to church in the same Sunday outfit every Sunday? I spent forever trying to find something I felt comfortable to go to church in but didn't see much else that I would wear. I'm planning on wearing the same dress every week. Do any of you ladies do this?

Thanks for enlightening me.

I'm thinking the first meeting with your Bishop will probably be just to get to know one another a little better. You might want to tell him that you've been inactive, and are now just returning to activity. As time goes on and as the Bishop works with you and your husband, there may be issues that may need to be resolved by confession. Be open with your Bishop and he will guide you. You and your DH will most likely at some time in the future take the Temple Prep classes together.

Your fear of your DH dying before you have the chance to attend the temple is a fear I also had before I was sealed to my husband. We were married about 18 months before we were sealed. I feel, that as long as you and DH are progressing towards the goal of temple sealing, then you are on the right track. The Lord knows your fears and your righteous desires.

But, let's say, that your husband does pass away before you have the chance to be sealed. My understanding is, that spouses can be sealed to their deceased husband or wife. Children could also be sealed to them at that time. Or, some women do marry again after death of first husband and choose to be sealed to 2nd husband (when they were not sealed to 1st husband). Sometimes, prior children are sealed to 2nd husband. Some children choose not to be sealed to 2nd husband and wait until after mother dies so mother can be sealed to 1st husband and then the children can be sealed to their mother and biological father. Try not to let your fears overwhelm you. Everything will work out.

As for wearing the same thing to church every Sunday, I have very few dresses/skirts. I'm a slacks/jeans person. So, I practically wear the same thing every Sunday. I don't think very many people even notice. But, it does get boring wearing the same thing. If you're like most women, you'll probably want to get a few other outfits you can rotate wearing. But, if you don't, it isn't anything I'd worry about.

Also, as far as finding women close to your own age that you can share life's ups and downs with, I have found that age doesn't matter so much anymore. When I was a newly wed, I found that older women had so much more experience and advice they could share with me. As I got to know the women in the wards I've been in, age pretty much had no bearing on our friendship--common values was what mattered.

Good luck, Bini! I'm rooting for you. I think you'll do fine.

Edited January 17, 2012 by classylady

[pam]

One suggestion on the clothing so you won't get bored as someone mentioned. Purchase a simple black skirt and you can wear different shirts or blouses. Each time looks like you are wearing a completely different outfit.

[Jezebel2011]

Regarding clothes for Sunday Services.

A lot of the ladies in my Ward where a choice of two or three suits and simply change the blouse or sweater underneath - depending on the weather.

The skirt and different tops is a good idea, though.

I tend to have a lot of separates that mix and match to get me through.

[Jennarator]

I wish I could answer all your questions, but I just don't know all of them.

I am excitred you made it to your ward! :)

My ward is also very small with not enough young men to do the sacrament. But the few families that are there, are kind and all. In fact I think the fact that there are only a few almost pull people closer. So good luck with that, I hope you find a good gal pal.

I do chnage what I wear, but since I dress for work everyday, I do just wear work stuff most Sundays. I forget if I wore tham the last Sunday or not, but I really don't think people will notice you are wearing the same thing. Don't feel bad about that. You might slowly start adding new skirts and such as time goes on. Don't let it be a stress or burdon.

Have fun!

[Bini]

Thanks guys.

Yes I feel as if my head is going to explode when I start thinking about all the questions that have been stewing in my mind that never seemed important but do now. It's hard to remember to take a step at a time.

About the clothing.. Looks like I'll be going shopping again because of course, I buy a one-piece dress that cannot be mixed and matched with anything. Gah. Before I get crazy though, I think I'll keep wearing what I'm wearing for the next few Sundays and then invest in some more attire.