Jenamarie Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 (edited) By the way, what does OP stand for? Opposition???Original Poster/PostETA: I get your issue with the whole thing too. And I actually think there *is* a "guideline" about things like this, because I know in my ward we're not allowed to announce Baby/Bridal Showers in RS anymore (or even handout invitations at church, unless you quickly sneak it to someone), so as not to put the "Church Sponsored" stamp on it, even if the guest of honor's visiting teachers are hosting it and it's being held in the RS room. Edited June 5, 2012 by Jenamarie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraG Posted June 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 Thanks... original poster sounds a lot more friendly than opposition, lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 Here is the link to the guidelines for RS. Relief Society Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraG Posted June 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 (edited) Okay, I was not present on Sunday when this flier was handed out. Here's what it said: Sisters: Our Scripture Study Class planned for this Thursday evening, has been postponed. In its place "Relief Society" will be held at the Somebody Home, 7pm where a wedding will be held for a new couple in our ward. They have no family or friends in the area and very few will be able to attend from out of state. They would love to have someone to help them celebrate their special day. As a ward sisterhood and a ward family let's reach out and embrace them on their wedding day. Please plan to wedding of Woman and Man, June 7, 2012, 7pm Somebody Home, Gifts welcome but not expected. ............... Still, I stand by my previously stated opinion. Our ward has a FB page, and I stated my opinion and the reason for it, just as I did in my above post, and the moderator of the page (just another ward member, not someone in any position of leadership) deleted it. Seriously, I can't understand why I would be censored. I was certainly civil, and it was a free exchange of ideas and opinions. It really rubs me the wrong way that my comment was deleted. Edited June 5, 2012 by beefche edited personal names Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 So because no one came to your wedding or sealing, they shouldn't have anyone at theirs, either? It sounds like they specifically asked/invited ward members so that they could have people to celebrate their day with, and yes, probably to get some gifts. It sounds like they are looking to create a family in their ward, which I think is great. Even though we have family nearby, my ward family is dear to me, too. Put down the pickle juice. You'll be happier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraG Posted June 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 So, I just restated my comments on FB and asked not to be deleted just because I disagree with the masses. We'll see what happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 Our ward has a FB page, and I stated my opinion and the reason for it, just as I did in my above post, and the moderator of the page (just another ward member, not someone in any position of leadership) deleted it. Seriously, I can't understand why I would be censored. I was certainly civil, and it was a free exchange of ideas and opinions. It really rubs me the wrong way that my comment was deleted.If I were a moderator/administrator of that page, I'd have deleted it because it would have been offensive, mean, and rude to the happy couple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 How do you think this new bride will feel, knowing that you're waging war against her wedding? What do you think that will do for her feelings about the day? How will it affect unity in your ward? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 Sorry, but now that I see the official announcement, I can't have too many complaints about it. It's no different from cancelling another regularly scheduled church activity because something bigger is taking its place. I don't see this so much as RS=attending the wedding, but an invitation to celebrate a new couple in the ward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraG Posted June 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 So because no one came to your wedding or sealing, they shouldn't have anyone at theirs, either? It sounds like they specifically asked/invited ward members so that they could have people to celebrate their day with, and yes, probably to get some gifts. It sounds like they are looking to create a family in their ward, which I think is great. Even though we have family nearby, my ward family is dear to me, too.Put down the pickle juice. You'll be happier.Not at all. I am not drinking any pickle juice here. I think it's totally fine and a very sweet gesture that they want to invite the ward to their wedding. I just feel that it should not be a church-sponsored activity. They need to cancel Relief Society and not call this RS. I'm just saying that in order to be consistent with future activities, they need to not have this as a church-sponsored activity. Would it be appropriate and okay to have all baby and bridal showers, missionary farewells and homecomings, and wedding ceremonies and receptions as church-sponsored activities, in lieu of Mutual, RS, and regular ward activities? I don't think so. It's not consistent with the purpose of RS meetings. I would really like to meet the new couple, and think attending would be really nice. I would like to bring a gift and welcome them warmly into our ward. I just don't want to do it as a RS meeting. It just doesn't seem appropriate to me, because of the precedent it sets.I get your point... live and let live, who cares, anything goes. There are much larger things to worry about in life. I get it. You may be right, that I am putting a lot more thought into this than is necessary. I just feel that in order for the purposes of the church to not be diluted, care should be taken to be sure that all activities are purpose-driven rather than: find an activity that we like, and then try to make it fit the church's guidelines/purposes. If not, then we would have Pampered Chef parties and Jewelry parties as church-sponsored activities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraG Posted June 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 If I were a moderator/administrator of that page, I'd have deleted it because it would have been offensive, mean, and rude to the happy couple.Really?"How do you think this new bride will feel, knowing that you're waging war against her wedding? What do you think that will do for her feelings about the day? How will it affect unity in your ward?"Really?Seriously? I'm way out of line here? I'm causing a rift? Really? I never saw it that way. Honestly, I can't see it from that point of view. I don't feel as I'm waging war against her wedding. So anything goes when it comes to church meetings/activities? Well, if that's the case, I sincerely apologize. I'll go on the FB page and apologize right now, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 It doesn't look church sponsored to me. The church isn't holding the activity. The RS is merely announcing it to the sisters in the ward. Instead of sending out expensive invitations, this new couple wants to invite the ward as a whole. Honestly, I just don't see what your complaint is. I don't. This new couple, without friends or family, is reaching out to the ward to celebrate their wedding. How else do you suggest they send a mass invite to the ward? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 Not at all. I am not drinking any pickle juice here. I think it's totally fine and a very sweet gesture that they want to invite the ward to their wedding. I just feel that it should not be a church-sponsored activity. They need to cancel Relief Society and not call this RS.It sounds to me like that's exactly what they've done. According to you, the announcement about it read thusly:Sisters: Our Scripture Study Class planned for this Thursday evening, has been postponed. In its place "Relief Society" will be held at the Bastain Home, 7pm where a wedding will be held for a new couple in our ward. They have no family or friends in the area and very few will be able to attend from out of state. They would love to have someone to help them celebrate their special day. As a ward sisterhood and a ward family let's reach out and embrace them on their wedding day. Please plan to wedding of Rachel and Todd, June 7, 2012, 7pm Bastain Home, Gifts welcome but not expected.Putting "Relief Society" in quotations suggests -- to me -- that the RS presidency is acknowledging that it's not completely legit, and it's a break from the norm, and as such, they're choosing to call it a "Relief Society" activity, rather than a Relief Society activity.I get your point... live and let live, who cares, anything goes. There are much larger things to worry about in life. I get it. You may be right, that I am putting a lot more thought into this than is necessary. I just feel that in order for the purposes of the church to not be diluted, care should be taken to be sure that all activities are purpose-driven rather than: find an activity that we like, and then try to make it fit the church's guidelines/purposes. If not, then we would have Pampered Chef parties and Jewelry parties as church-sponsored activities.People are more important than programs. What could be more important than welcoming a new couple/family into the ward, helping them feel loved, and joining in a spirit of unity in the process? How is that against any program that you know of in the Church? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraG Posted June 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 Okay, well, I stand corrected. Thanks for setting me straight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 If I were the bride, I would feel really stupid and my feelings would be hurt if someone made a big deal of my inviting the ward membership to the wedding. Especially if I had agonized over a lonely wedding day and sought comfort and community with the people I go to church with. That is not an outrageous request. Maybe they didn't word the flier to your satisfaction, but it looks to me like they handled it pretty well. No, it's not a case of "anything goes". I promise that there won't be church-sponsored raves and Amway presentations if the people in your ward are welcoming and happy for them, even though she had the nerve to schedule her nuptials to fall on a night that you'd usually have a RS lesson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraG Posted June 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 Well, now I'm feeling pretty embarrassed. I guess I should have just allowed my comment to be deleted and not restated it. Maybe the moderator was doing me a favor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraG Posted June 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 If I were the bride, I would feel really stupid and my feelings would be hurt if someone made a big deal of my inviting the ward membership to the wedding. Especially if I had agonized over a lonely wedding day and sought comfort and community with the people I go to church with. That is not an outrageous request. Maybe they didn't word the flier to your satisfaction, but it looks to me like they handled it pretty well. No, it's not a case of "anything goes". I promise that there won't be church-sponsored raves and Amway presentations if the people in your ward are welcoming and happy for them, even though she had the nerve to schedule her nuptials to fall on a night that you'd usually have a RS lesson.I appreciate your candid response, but I am feeling a bit more chastised by what I am receiving as sarcasm than I can happily accept. I thought my last comments, stating that your position was the correct one, would result in a loving response, if any. Why the prickles? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 Perhaps you were thinking of the guideline that says we can't use the ward directory to solicit. In that case, we can't use the church to announce a money making venture. Nor can members use the ward directory to invite them to a money making venture. To me, that is something completely separate than inviting people to a wedding in which it is stated that no gifts are expected. No one is making any money or being solicited for anything by announcing the wedding through the RS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 I appreciate your candid response, but I am feeling a bit more chastised by what I am receiving as sarcasm than I can happily accept. I thought my last comments, stating that your position was the correct one, would result in a loving response, if any. Why the prickles?First, you seem new to online forums. Sometimes, people are typing a response as you post. That could be what happened here.Also, people are pretty forthright online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 I didn't see that before I posted, I'm sorry. I thought you were refusing to see any viewpoint but your own. I admire your ability to look at it from another angle. I know I tend to get stubborn and defensive and it might have taken me longer to come around. :) You can delete the new comment yourself, and if you wish maybe apologize and say you misunderstood what was going on. I'm sure not many people saw it, and anyone who did will forget about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraG Posted June 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 I didn't see that before I posted, I'm sorry. I thought you were refusing to see any viewpoint but your own. I admire your ability to look at it from another angle. I know I tend to get stubborn and defensive and it might have taken me longer to come around. :) You can delete the new comment yourself, and if you wish maybe apologize and say you misunderstood what was going on. I'm sure not many people saw it, and anyone who did will forget about it."First, you seem new to online forums. Sometimes, people are typing a response as you post. That could be what happened here.Also, people are pretty forthright online."I generally only post to one other online forum, and it is a forum that generally has nothing controversial on it. It's a family cow owners board. Responses DO get typed while others are being written, however. So, I do understand that. I'm sorry.I took the advice to delete all my comments. Good advice. I hope that no one will remember my folly.I can be swayed to see another point of view, although it IS in my nature to dig my heels in. On this occasion, I hadn't seen the actual flier, until the FB moderator quoted it for my benefit, because I wasn't in the meeting where it was handed out. I do see how putting the words "Relief Society" in quotations takes care of the officialness of the whole thing. I see how I was wrong. I sincerely don't mean any harsh feelings towards this new bride/couple. At my husband's baptism and at our sealing, we invited the ward, and had a small "reception" at our house afterwards. It was really nice to have the support of a few ward members there, since we had no family that cared about us getting sealed.Anyway, it's time to have FHE and milk my cow, so I need to get off the computer now. :) Have a nice night, and thank you again for helping me see it from a different perspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraG Posted June 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 Wow, after I deleted my comments, I was deleted as a member of that group! The moderator also blocked me so I can't see him on FB anymore. I'm pretty sure at least someone will remember my folly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 Yikes! Can you contact this person another way to explain and apologize? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 Wow, after I deleted my comments, I was deleted as a member of that group! The moderator also blocked me so I can't see him on FB anymore. I'm pretty sure at least someone will remember my folly.This was a ward fb page? Go talk to the moderator. I dont know what you said but a bit of chat between the two of you should be a good idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 Wow, after I deleted my comments, I was deleted as a member of that group! The moderator also blocked me so I can't see him on FB anymore. I'm pretty sure at least someone will remember my folly.I can't tell you about this moderator on that FB page ... but in my experience moderators are generally given a thankless job... They are suppose to maintain a certain purpose or feel for a site but there are plenty of arm-chair 'moderators' to tell you how they screwed it up and should be doing a better job... and yet when the mods do try to moderate called out as being worst then the Nazi gestapo with their censorship. You posted something the mod thought was objectionable so they deleted it.. not a big deal really... it happens... But then to the Moderator it most likely appeared that you dug in your heels and were going to make a fight out of it... That you were going to make sure that everyone knew that your judgement was 'superior.' The more experienced the mod the more likely that they are to have done that song and dance many many times and so they have a very good idea how it will go. Its not surprising then to see them cut to the end game of kicking you out, because that is where it goes most of the time, and they really do have better things to do then to get into another pointless argument Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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