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Member4Life

Law of Chastity - speaking with bishop

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I have been dating a girl "officially" for 6 months now. I am an RM and she is not endowed. When we first started dating, that new physical attraction was passionate. There were two instances (literally only a few days apart) where we were involved in some heavy petting at the beginning of our courtship.

It was literally only a few minutes after the last time it happened that we realized what we were doing. We don't know how it happened, but the temptation got the best of us. We talked that very same night and promised ourselves we wouldn't let it happen anymore and have gone to the temple (for baptisms) almost weekly ever since.

Now we got engaged last week. We met with our bishop to discuss the process before to prepare for the sealing. He asked us a couple questions to make sure we were clean and worthy. He asked us directly if there was any petting going on. I answered that we were worthy and there was not petting going on, because in my mind these things were six months ago and we haven't done anything wrong since then. They never became a pattern. This is also why we continued our temple attendance. The more I think about it though, it is now beginning to weigh on me when it hadn't before. I've felt like we were taking correct repentance steps by discontinuing the behavior, confessing to the Lord, etc. but now the more I think about it, the more it begins to weigh on me.

My question is, should I confess this? You would think an RM should know this, but I'm just wondering if we need to confess it if it was 6 months ago and we've been clean ever since. What advice do any of you have for me? If this alters our wedding date then that would be hard to take, and would also make our past transgressions pretty much public (since everyone would wonder why we changed our wedding date, etc.), but I also know that those things are nowhere near as important as making things right with God.

I should also mention that this isn't only my decision, she and I are in the same ward and talked and decided that we'll both go into the bishop together if we end up deciding it to be necessary.

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If it bothers you enough to ask here on this forum, then talk to your Bishop. Let him decide and ease your mind.

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I don't know what the statute of limitations for petting might be. ;)

If your bishop's a jerk, he might make a big deal about it and postpone your wedding. Otherwise, I expect he'll just encourage you to be careful not to do it again (before you get married, anyway!) and maybe offer some advice.

As to whether or not to confess, it's really up to you. If it's bothering you that much, go ahead and tell the bishop. If it's not bothering you, and you are not likely to engage in petting again before your marriage, then don't.

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Pam's advice is the best so far. It's always better to be safe than sorry.

That being said, and since it seems like it's been in the distant pass, I gaurantee your Bishop will just thank you for telling him, encourage you to avoid temptation, and ask you to continue on your way.

But trust me I understand why you're so worried. That is definitely normal.

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It really really bothers me when people on this forum advise someone not to talk to their Bishop. Or that what they have done is not serious enough. Or that enough time has passed that it shouldn't be a worry. That is NEVER for us to say.

The Bishop is a ward members Judge in Israel and only he can decide if any action needs to be taken.

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The Bishop definitely is the judge, that's for sure. What I meant by since it's been some time since it happen is that you've shown you've stopped commiting the sin.

Obviously the sin is just as serious whether you did it a year ago or yesterday. But if you did it a year ago, and haven't done it since, then you're completing one of the steps of repentance which is giving the sin up.

Just clarifying!

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Go talk to the Bishop, recover the peace you once had. Nothing is more valuable then living in peace. I like the saying, paraphrasing, "peace is saying what you think and doing what you say." If you don't talk to the Bishop and continue to cover it up, this sin will always haunt you. Brother I urge you to go retain your peace, go talk to the Bishop!

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Thanks everyone. We spoke with our bishop and definitely feel so much better. I think the both of us grew so much from making that decision to come forward, and I'm so thankful for the healing power of The Atonement.

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