cadeswenson Posted June 24, 2012 Report Share Posted June 24, 2012 Hey Guys, I was disfellowshipped about two months ago for things dealing with the law of chastity. I basically messed up with a girl on two occassions. I'm an endowed RM. I am very embarassed for my actions and know I was completely wrong. I do not question that I should be disfellowshipped, but rather am hoping that the time can be reduced. (My branch president told me my disfellowship would last one year) Does anyone know if a disfellowship time can be reduced. I want to ask my bishop but don't want him to think I am trying to cut corners. THANKS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted June 24, 2012 Report Share Posted June 24, 2012 I generally hear disfellowship lasts a year to 18 mos. I'm sure the leadership has some latitude based upon the circumstances. But I think 1 year is the standard. Why do you want/need your time reduced? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cadeswenson Posted June 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2012 Thanks. I am a student at BYU. I was supposed to graduate this December 2012. I have two classes to finish before I graduate. Because I am disfellowshipped I cannot take classes. this would postpone my graduation until June or August 2013. I was hoping apply for grad school for the upcoming fall... If i dont graduate til june or august it might make it so i cant do grad school for a whole another year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted June 24, 2012 Report Share Posted June 24, 2012 Wow. I knew it kept players from the football field, but I didn't know it would prevent you from taking classes. What are you going to do? Change schools? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cadeswenson Posted June 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2012 I'm not sure. In order to take classes at BYU I need an ecclesiastical endorsement which I cant get when I am disfellowshipped. I'm not kicked out of BYU, I''m just ineligible to take classes at the moment because I have no ecclesiastical endorsement. I might be able to take the classes at UVU and then graduate from BYU in April possibly. Not really sure what to do. My Bishop hasn't been much help so far. He basically says I'm just going to have to deal with it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted June 24, 2012 Report Share Posted June 24, 2012 That sounds like a possible solution. Is there anyone at the school who could discuss your options? I went to BYU back when God was a boy. I'm sure policy has changed since then. Maybe someone else here knows more. Good luck. This is a toughy! I guess they are really trying to send the message, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted June 24, 2012 Report Share Posted June 24, 2012 I'm not sure. In order to take classes at BYU I need an ecclesiastical endorsement which I cant get when I am disfellowshipped. I'm not kicked out of BYU, I''m just ineligible to take classes at the moment because I have no ecclesiastical endorsement.I might be able to take the classes at UVU and then graduate from BYU in April possibly. Not really sure what to do. My Bishop hasn't been much help so far. He basically says I'm just going to have to deal with itIt sounds like he's looking for a "contrite heart" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted June 24, 2012 Report Share Posted June 24, 2012 It sounds like he's looking for a "contrite heart"Well, the bishop might be. But I don't see how that is relevant to the OP's question about his graduation plan. It's not like a contrite spirit is going to change BYU policy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted June 24, 2012 Report Share Posted June 24, 2012 Well, the bishop might be. But I don't see how that is relevant to the OP's question about his graduation plan. It's not like a contrite spirit is going to change BYU policy.No it probably won't. However, usually the length of discipline is directly related to the state of our heart in the repentance process. Or it should be anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 No it probably won't. However, usually the length of discipline is directly related to the state of our heart in the repentance process. Or it should be anyway.Is that true? I thought it was only true with probation. I thought disfellowship/excom times were generally fixed. I know lots of cases where people were "contrite" even before the "sentence" was issued. But it didn't change the timeline at all.I can see how the state of the heart is important for church matters. I see less correlation to BYU graduation policy. I knew they would suspend participation in extracurriculars, but I thought the school had to officially suspend the student to delay coursework/graduation. Wouldn't compliance with a church court demonstrate contrition to the school?I think he ought to call the school and get the skinny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 Is that true? I thought it was only true with probation. I thought disfellowship/excom times were generally fixed. I know lots of cases where people were "contrite" even before the "sentence" was issued. But it didn't change the timeline at all.I can see how the state of the heart is important for church matters. I see less correlation to BYU graduation policy. I knew they would suspend participation in extracurriculars, but I thought the school had to officially suspend the student to delay coursework/graduation. Wouldn't compliance with a church court demonstrate contrition to the school?I think he ought to call the school and get the skinny.Ultimately its all up to the Bishop.I'm not intimately familiar with BYU policy. But if an ecclesiastical endorsement is being withheld because the person is disfellowshipped, then its entirely up to the Bishop.I would hope the repentance process is more important than school at the moment for the OP.And.... of course he should call the school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 Yeah, it kind of stinks when consequences start to interfere with what we want to do. I'm with the Branch President on this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cadeswenson Posted June 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 Yeah. I'm not in any disagreement with the original time of disfellowship being one year. Whatever the time frame that is required to reach a complete change of heart. But, still, out of curosity, I was just wondering if anyone had experience where they were disfellowshipped for a certain amount of time and then later the original time was reduced. I will graduate eventually. It will all work out. Just wondering what the church policy was. I know excommunication has a minimum time frame of one year. i don't know if that's true for disfellowship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hala401 Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 Hey Guys,I was disfellowshipped about two months ago for things dealing with the law of chastity. I basically messed up with a girl on two occassions. I'm an endowed RM. I am very embarassed for my actions and know I was completely wrong. I do not question that I should be disfellowshipped, but rather am hoping that the time can be reduced. (My branch president told me my disfellowship would last one year)Does anyone know if a disfellowship time can be reduced. I want to ask my bishop but don't want him to think I am trying to cut corners.THANKS I don't mean to sound harsh because I was thrown out of a church once and haven't been back.Well, let's take the Mom of the Girl's point of view. You did it not once but twice. When a girl gets pregnant, she doesn't just get to walk away from it. Lots of men think they can and many seem to get away with it.Are you thinking of the gravity of your sin, or graduation? You did not mess up, you SINNED. That's serious, you realize that, right? You know, this gives you a break in college. Perhaps you could go serve a mission? People seem to do a lot of growing up on missions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Praetorian_Brow Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 I am always astounded to note that most of these cases are considered to be the fault of the man, conveniently overlooking the fact that it takes two to tango. Good to see that you have matured from the experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hala401 Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 I am always astounded to note that most of these cases are considered to be the fault of the man, conveniently overlooking the fact that it takes two to tango.Good to see that you have matured from the experience.Not when I was growing up it wasn't. Of course I wasn't Mormon then either. Where I grew up, if a girl got in trouble, she was a slut and the guy just enlisted in the Navy or left town. This idea of blaming the guy must be something peculiar to LDS culture.Let's talk about this another way. When I was young, when the girl felt it had gone too far, despite her own drives she knew that pregnancy with out a husband was a bad deal and could say NO. Of course the guy would say, Oh, but I am in pain, you don't know what you're doing to me as if she was hurting him. Women, generally being of a sympathetic nature can be manipulated into things despite their own common sense.Yesir, there are two sides to every story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesusParadox Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 Man, that sucks, can not beat the price of BYU though. I am paying twice as much to attend ASU as a BYU students pays. Was going to attend BYU, was told I would get in, just could not get endorsement. If I were in your position I would transfer schools and it would probably look better on your resume anyway. No offense, Cougars! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 I am always astounded to note that most of these cases are considered to be the fault of the man, conveniently overlooking the fact that it takes two to tango.Good to see that you have matured from the experience.I'm just as astounded by those who wish to excuse the man, especially one who has gone through the temple and made specific covenants with the Lord concerning this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 I don't mean to sound harsh because I was thrown out of a church once and haven't been back.Well, let's take the Mom of the Girl's point of view. You did it not once but twice. When a girl gets pregnant, she doesn't just get to walk away from it. Lots of men think they can and many seem to get away with it.Are you thinking of the gravity of your sin, or graduation? You did not mess up, you SINNED. That's serious, you realize that, right? You know, this gives you a break in college. Perhaps you could go serve a mission? People seem to do a lot of growing up on missions.Someone who has been disfellowshipped going on a mission? Really? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hala401 Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 Someone who has been disfellowshipped going on a mission? Really?Yes, well I'm new, OK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 If I were you... I would have kept it quiet.. Until I finished the 2 classes and had the Bachelors Degree (Diploma) In my hand... and right after that... I would go and confess... While on being dis fellowship just apply to a different school for Grad school... I'm LDS and all... But I strongly disagree with having a church control a school... Just because of the position that you got yourself in.. People do make mistakes .. sometimes Big ones... It should only be required that you deal with those actions at church and should have no impact on your education... I what does BYU gain in making someone delay their graduation and academic progression in life... After reading this ... I now know why Church and State are Separate.... Church and School should be separate too.... I mean I understand that one needs to be disfellowshiped from the church in order to repent and get back on the spiritual path... but why does education need to suffer as well.... @__@ - I would suggest to switch schools and try to finish the two courses and apply to graduate school!!!! There is no need to waste ... 1.5 years it is a huge amount of time in which you can accomplish much and get on with your life.. - This kind of discipline put me off of applying to BYU. I was worried that if I would make a... make a similar mistake and be punished like that ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 If I were you... I would have kept it quiet.. Until I finished the 2 classes and had the Bachelors Degree (Diploma) In my hand... and right after that... I would go and confess... While on being dis fellowship just apply to a different school for Grad school...I'm LDS and all... But I strongly disagree with having a church control a school... Just because of the position that you got yourself in.. People do make mistakes .. sometimes Big ones... It should only be required that you deal with those actions at church and should have no impact on your education...I what does BYU gain in making someone delay their graduation and academic progression in life...After reading this ... I now know why Church and State are Separate.... Church and School should be separate too.... I mean I understand that one needs to be disfellowshiped from the church in order to repent and get back on the spiritual path... but why does education need to suffer as well.... @__@- I would suggest to switch schools and try to finish the two courses and apply to graduate school!!!! There is no need to waste ... 1.5 years it is a huge amount of time in which you can accomplish much and get on with your life.. - This kind of discipline put me off of applying to BYU. I was worried that if I would make a... make a similar mistake and be punished like that ...So you are promoting dishonesty in order to put one's personal gain over doing what is right? This may gain him a degree in the short term, but that will be far outweighed by the harm it does in the long term.Separation of church and state does not apply to private schools. One knows what they are getting into when they choose to attend a private school, so this should not have come as any surprise. Neither should the fact that there are always consequences for one's actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 If I were you... I would have kept it quiet.. Until I finished the 2 classes and had the Bachelors Degree (Diploma) In my hand... and right after that... I would go and confess... While on being dis fellowship just apply to a different school for Grad school...I'm LDS and all... But I strongly disagree with having a church control a school... Just because of the position that you got yourself in.. People do make mistakes .. sometimes Big ones... It should only be required that you deal with those actions at church and should have no impact on your education...I what does BYU gain in making someone delay their graduation and academic progression in life...After reading this ... I now know why Church and State are Separate.... Church and School should be separate too.... I mean I understand that one needs to be disfellowshiped from the church in order to repent and get back on the spiritual path... but why does education need to suffer as well.... @__@- I would suggest to switch schools and try to finish the two courses and apply to graduate school!!!! There is no need to waste ... 1.5 years it is a huge amount of time in which you can accomplish much and get on with your life.. - This kind of discipline put me off of applying to BYU. I was worried that if I would make a... make a similar mistake and be punished like that ... So you say to heck with honor code? Is not honor also being truthful in all that you do? There is no separation when it's a private school owned by a church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 I don't think there is any evidence presented that this person is not contrite or aware of his mistake. He only asked a question about whether or not the length of his disfellowship is negotiable. Does anyone have a firm answer for him on that? Anyone know anything about official BYU policy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hala401 Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 If I were you... I would have kept it quiet.. Until I finished the 2 classes and had the Bachelors Degree (Diploma) In my hand... and right after that... I would go and confess... While on being dis fellowship just apply to a different school for Grad school...I'm LDS and all... But I strongly disagree with having a church control a school... Just because of the position that you got yourself in.. People do make mistakes .. sometimes Big ones... It should only be required that you deal with those actions at church and should have no impact on your education...I what does BYU gain in making someone delay their graduation and academic progression in life...After reading this ... I now know why Church and State are Separate.... Church and School should be separate too.... I mean I understand that one needs to be disfellowshiped from the church in order to repent and get back on the spiritual path... but why does education need to suffer as well.... @__@- I would suggest to switch schools and try to finish the two courses and apply to graduate school!!!! There is no need to waste ... 1.5 years it is a huge amount of time in which you can accomplish much and get on with your life.. - This kind of discipline put me off of applying to BYU. I was worried that if I would make a... make a similar mistake and be punished like that ...Well, I understand that the costs are much less for church members who can keep their honor. Didn't apply eh? They can probably do with out you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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