Sharing my concerns about Home Teaching and Visiting Teaching

[SisterSarah]

After a number of conversations with my husband and with fellow members, I seem to be becoming increasingly frustrated with the Visiting and Home teaching programs.

I mentioned in another post that when my husband and I converted we were making changes in our lives with the kids away at College, and us seeking a social life. The fact that the Ward we were baptized at was very close knit, made our conversion very desirable from that standpoint alone. Although we all develop our testimony at different times, I do believe many converts join because of the sense of wanting to belong to a community of people that share many of their core values. For many members, what keeps them true to the church is the constant encouragement and the sense of family ties with their fellow church members who become like an extended family to them.

In our former ward when another brother or sister was in need whether it be just to talk about their concerns, questions, doubts, illnesses, fears, personal or family challenges; the visiting and home teaching programs helped to bring people together within the church to help each other just as real loving brothers and sisters would.

But lately we are finding a very big change in the concept of visiting and home teaching. It seems the church "counts" a visit if the visiting or home teach drops a card in the mail, sends and email, or even has a group get together in their home. Some have even said that a brief greeting and chat before sacrament meeting or between church meetings met the criteria as a visit to report in.

Apparently this newer practice comes right down from the presidency of the church. And many seem to believe it is because women work out of the home and people are just more "busy" these days. HUH?????

No one was more busy in the early days of the Church, the Relief Society or even in my parents days where there were more children, no automatic washing machines, dishwashers, two cars or more in the family, and no modern conveniences to help people be less "busy."

What happened to the days when home teachers would visit another family. Sit in their homes and really get to know them their thoughts and their concerns and challenges.

What happened to sisters that took the time to care for each others children. bring a meal in to someone who was dealing with or recovering from recovery from illness. What happened to sisters who another sister could confide in with her challenges, her concerns, her fears. People do not want to discuss personal sisterly and brotherly confidences in an email or a brief encounter a few minutes prior to sacrament meeting or in a group get together for the purposes of meeting teaching quotas "faster and more efficiently for busy people."

This new way of doing things really creates isolation and for many who have not grown strong in their testimony, it is lacking in encouragement.

While I am on my soapbox, another thing that is concerning me is the lack of time members seem to have for each other in other aspects.

When we first joined the church, the Relief Society and monthly get togethers. Now we have quarterly get togethers. How can you possibly build relationships and get to know everyone's name for that matter when you meet four times a year?

Another idea is Ward or Relief Society Temple trips. In our previous Ward the Relief Society sisters would charter a bus and all go to Temple together for an overnight trip. A get way to know each other personally and a great way to share the Temple experience with other sisters. We used to sing hymns on the bus over and back and it was a very fun and rewarding outing a couple times a year. It also gave people the chance to attend Temple when they didn't feel or are able to drive the distance on their own. Much of this has gone by the wayside.

Yes I have made these suggestions only to have them fall on deaf ears.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent a little. Anyone who has suggestions on how to create more cohesiveness among Ward members?

Sarah

[applepansy]

After a number of conversations with my husband and with fellow members, I seem to be becoming increasingly frustrated with the Visiting and Home teaching programs.

I mentioned in another post that when my husband and I converted we were making changes in our lives with the kids away at College, and us seeking a social life. The fact that the Ward we were baptized at was very close knit, made our conversion very desirable from that standpoint alone. Although we all develop our testimony at different times, I do believe many converts join because of the sense of wanting to belong to a community of people that share many of their core values. For many members, what keeps them true to the church is the constant encouragement and the sense of family ties with their fellow church members who become like an extended family to them.

In our former ward when another brother or sister was in need whether it be just to talk about their concerns, questions, doubts, illnesses, fears, personal or family challenges; the visiting and home teaching programs helped to bring people together within the church to help each other just as real loving brothers and sisters would.

But lately we are finding a very big change in the concept of visiting and home teaching. It seems the church "counts" a visit if the visiting or home teach drops a card in the mail, sends and email, or even has a group get together in their home. Some have even said that a brief greeting and chat before sacrament meeting or between church meetings met the criteria as a visit to report in.

Apparently this newer practice comes right down from the presidency of the church. And many seem to believe it is because women work out of the home and people are just more "busy" these days. HUH?????

No one was more busy in the early days of the Church, the Relief Society or even in my parents days where there were more children, no automatic washing machines, dishwashers, two cars or more in the family, and no modern conveniences to help people be less "busy."

What happened to the days when home teachers would visit another family. Sit in their homes and really get to know them their thoughts and their concerns and challenges.

What happened to sisters that took the time to care for each others children. bring a meal in to someone who was dealing with or recovering from recovery from illness. What happened to sisters who another sister could confide in with her challenges, her concerns, her fears. People do not want to discuss personal sisterly and brotherly confidences in an email or a brief encounter a few minutes prior to sacrament meeting or in a group get together for the purposes of meeting teaching quotas "faster and more efficiently for busy people."

This new way of doing things really creates isolation and for many who have not grown strong in their testimony, it is lacking in encouragement.

While I am on my soapbox, another thing that is concerning me is the lack of time members seem to have for each other in other aspects.

When we first joined the church, the Relief Society and monthly get togethers. Now we have quarterly get togethers. How can you possibly build relationships and get to know everyone's name for that matter when you meet four times a year?

Another idea is Ward or Relief Society Temple trips. In our previous Ward the Relief Society sisters would charter a bus and all go to Temple together for an overnight trip. A get way to know each other personally and a great way to share the Temple experience with other sisters. We used to sing hymns on the bus over and back and it was a very fun and rewarding outing a couple times a year. It also gave people the chance to attend Temple when they didn't feel or are able to drive the distance on their own. Much of this has gone by the wayside.

Yes I have made these suggestions only to have them fall on deaf ears.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent a little. Anyone who has suggestions on how to create more cohesiveness among Ward members?

Sarah

This happens in our ward and much more.

As was suggested in the other thread maybe the Lord put you were you are so that you can set the example they need to see?

As for more cohesiveness: One way is to look for ways to be of service and then do it!

Addition: I guess what I'm saying is the change we would like to see always starts with us.

Edited July 21, 2012 by applepansy

[beefche]

Well, I'm sure this post is not going to be to your liking.

It sounds to me that you are suffering from "back in the good ol' days, life was better" syndrome. We all suffer it throughout our lives.

It seems to me you keep comparing the people in your current ward with the people in your former ward. You may not realize that you are doing this, but you are. You keep stating that the women in your former RS did things better than your current RS.

You want things to change in your current ward? Then be that change. Get to know the women and families in your ward. You can invite a family over each Sunday for dinner and games. Invite single sisters over for FHE. Be the kind of VT that you would like.

Forgive those in your ward for being imperfect. As you get to know them, you will learn to love them--and that will show in your countenance and demeanor.

[Hala401]

After a number of conversations with my husband and with fellow members, I seem to be becoming increasingly frustrated with the Visiting and Home teaching programs.

I mentioned in another post that when my husband and I converted we were making changes in our lives with the kids away at College, and us seeking a social life. The fact that the Ward we were baptized at was very close knit, made our conversion very desirable from that standpoint alone. Although we all develop our testimony at different times, I do believe many converts join because of the sense of wanting to belong to a community of people that share many of their core values. For many members, what keeps them true to the church is the constant encouragement and the sense of family ties with their fellow church members who become like an extended family to them.

In our former ward when another brother or sister was in need whether it be just to talk about their concerns, questions, doubts, illnesses, fears, personal or family challenges; the visiting and home teaching programs helped to bring people together within the church to help each other just as real loving brothers and sisters would.

But lately we are finding a very big change in the concept of visiting and home teaching. It seems the church "counts" a visit if the visiting or home teach drops a card in the mail, sends and email, or even has a group get together in their home. Some have even said that a brief greeting and chat before sacrament meeting or between church meetings met the criteria as a visit to report in.

Apparently this newer practice comes right down from the presidency of the church. And many seem to believe it is because women work out of the home and people are just more "busy" these days. HUH?????

No one was more busy in the early days of the Church, the Relief Society or even in my parents days where there were more children, no automatic washing machines, dishwashers, two cars or more in the family, and no modern conveniences to help people be less "busy."

What happened to the days when home teachers would visit another family. Sit in their homes and really get to know them their thoughts and their concerns and challenges.

What happened to sisters that took the time to care for each others children. bring a meal in to someone who was dealing with or recovering from recovery from illness. What happened to sisters who another sister could confide in with her challenges, her concerns, her fears. People do not want to discuss personal sisterly and brotherly confidences in an email or a brief encounter a few minutes prior to sacrament meeting or in a group get together for the purposes of meeting teaching quotas "faster and more efficiently for busy people."

This new way of doing things really creates isolation and for many who have not grown strong in their testimony, it is lacking in encouragement.

While I am on my soapbox, another thing that is concerning me is the lack of time members seem to have for each other in other aspects.

When we first joined the church, the Relief Society and monthly get togethers. Now we have quarterly get togethers. How can you possibly build relationships and get to know everyone's name for that matter when you meet four times a year?

Another idea is Ward or Relief Society Temple trips. In our previous Ward the Relief Society sisters would charter a bus and all go to Temple together for an overnight trip. A get way to know each other personally and a great way to share the Temple experience with other sisters. We used to sing hymns on the bus over and back and it was a very fun and rewarding outing a couple times a year. It also gave people the chance to attend Temple when they didn't feel or are able to drive the distance on their own. Much of this has gone by the wayside.

Yes I have made these suggestions only to have them fall on deaf ears.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent a little. Anyone who has suggestions on how to create more cohesiveness among Ward members?

Sarah

Believe it or not, I just now got on line to voice a complaint almost exactly like yours, so what you say is not about to fall on deaf ears. I'm upset about the same thing!

Just this afternoon at the Pioneer Picnic, a rather highly placed individual told me that she had a bad taste in her mouth about Visiting Teaching. As a brand new convert, I should not have to listen to this stuff.

I was Baptized on January 30th and in a couple weeks was assigned Visiting Teaching and Visiting Teaching Supervisor. The idea of calling people I do not know and getting to know them is really intimidating for me but I have begun to make progress doing it. I am partnered with another woman who does nothing on visiting teaching, but she insists she wants to go out with me when I go.

Very recently, I was called to be Humanitarian Assistance person, but really nothing has happened with the person that is supposed to assign me things, so I have been doing things "Off The Books", on my own.

So, I was about to ask if Visiting Teaching is just a fools errand, that no one really does?

I have grown so frustrated that I have thought about being just another nasty, whiny ex-Mormon, but my belief in Jesus Christ and what the Holy Spirit has caused to happen in my life completely prevent me from turning away from the church. I feel under so much presure that it seems I must do something or burst!

Right now, I am thinking I will create a mild scene in Relief Society tomorrow. I think I will tell them how special the church is in my life and what a miracle Heavenly Father has done for me.

Some of you know that I'm the one that was not supposed to make it, I was supposed to give up before I was Baptized; or fall away soon after. Too sinful and too odd to be a member. Well, here I am looking back at the worthy.

So, you tell me, is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints as mere shaddow of what I was told? Surely there are still faithful out there. If there are then I am asking you to step forward.

[Hala401]

And, yes Beefche, perhaps we all called to be the change that we wish to see. This is tough, frightening, and I don't know how to do it, else the Holy Spirit holds my hands, both of them.

[beefche]

Welcome to a church of sinners and imperfect people.

[Misshalfway]

I've been a little chapped about the VT/HTing programs for a lot of years. Well, not the program....just the way it's executed.

I'm not sure exactly what the problem is. Most likely its a constellation of various issues. One, I think, is that people don't want to/know how to invest in each other anymore. I think people are afraid of connection. Cards, emails, non-face to face methods sooths the guilt and justifies the avoidance.

In defense of the church, I think they are trying to give people options.....options that can work well to help meet the needs of the individual. BUT, I think what's happening on the ground is the same thing that's been happening for years. And that is that people just aren't connecting with each other anymore. We'd rather do our duty, say some trite words, and get out as fast as possible.

I've tried a number of times to communicate with the RS pres or my VT/HT about the needs of me and my family. Most of these requests have gone unaddressed. Oh well. The law of the harvest really applies here. We really do reep what we sow.

[Misshalfway]

Welcome to a church of sinners and imperfect people.

Yes.

Except that we CAN do better.

[Hala401]

It worries me, because I am afraid of myself. I know that the assignment to do VT/VTS seemed very serious to me, and there was no realization at all that some, all, lots of us were not doing it and not taking it seriously.

It can't just be explained away by saying we are all imperfect. What would Joseph Smith say, or Brigham Young or Thomas S Monson? Do you all just expect the center of the church where them guys in SLC just sit around pontificating?

The Missionaries who taught me; about a dozen of them, all seemed to think that the President in SLC was not to be taken lightly. So far, I have seen nothing from my leadership but very gentle, almost non existent, encouragement to do good,

If something does not happen to change my heart tonight, I plan to act up tomorrow in RS. I'm all for encouragement, but some of our members need to be shocked by that machine the firemen carry, or see if they will be declaired DOA.

[beefche]

Yes.

Except that we CAN do better.

Of course we can. And should. But that doesn't negate that people who complain about VT/HT and equate that to the Church and testimony shouldn't check their feelings and look inward as well as forgive others for weakness and errors.

"Acting up" in church? Sure, go ahead. No one can stop you. But, personally, I think it is a childish, immature, and non-Christian way of acting. Using guilt as a motivator is not the way to go and is rarely successful. I would advise using love as a motivator as well as being an example.

But, what do I know? I have a testimony of church despite the members (and my own) failings.

[Hala401]

Of course we can. And should. But that doesn't negate that people who complain about VT/HT and equate that to the Church and testimony shouldn't check their feelings and look inward as well as forgive others for weakness and errors.

"Acting up" in church? Sure, go ahead. No one can stop you. But, personally, I think it is a childish, immature, and non-Christian way of acting. Using guilt as a motivator is not the way to go and is rarely successful. I would advise using love as a motivator as well as being an example.

But, what do I know? I have a testimony of church despite the members (and my own) failings.

I will be sure to take what you say under advisement, and pray over it. I have been told point blank that visiting teaching is nonsense, and that by highly placed people. You call it acting up in church if you wish, but somehow we need to motivate each other, and yes in a loving way, because I know that if I do not follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit than in time I will be just another inactive Mormon.

So, am I just supposed to behave, sit back smile, and be plastic?

Edited July 22, 2012 by Hala401

[Guest]

Letter of the law versus Spirit of the Law.

The spirit of Home/Visit Teaching is fellowship. It's not about a check-mark at the end of the month. The check-mark is there only for recording purposes. Checking that mark when you haven't really engaged in the fellowship - even after spending an hour at someone's home doesn't really cut it.

There are a lot of people who fulfills the Spirit of Home/Visiting Teaching through small but constant interactions - extending the hand of fellowship and truly caring about their sisters even through a quick chat on the phone. And then there are some people who spends one hour at someone's house every month, reading the VT message, chatting away, but in her heart it is merely to check off that to-do list, not truly caring for the person they visit.

So yeah, I don't do the check-off the to-do list bit in my VT. I get a list of sisters and they become my friends. Sometimes all I can manage is a quick text message to see how they are, sometimes we're spending an entire evening watching a movie and singing karaoke. Just depends on what's happening at the time.

[annewandering]

I have had some exceptional vt and ht. And some lousy ones. People just vary on their commitment. I try to help my vt with their calling by being cooperative, uncritical and helpful. VT are very important to me. I rarely see anyone outside of family and they give me a connection I value. If you are not happy with your vt and ht be proactive with them. You will both be blessed. Sometimes it just doesnt help but it often can.

Edited July 22, 2012 by annewandering

[Misshalfway]

So, am I just supposed to behave, sit back smile, and be plastic?

I think I see Beefche's point and it's a good one. No, you shouldn't sit back and "be plastic", but maybe we should "sit back" and relax a bit. And we all should understand where our sphere of influence begins and ends. The RSP, EQP, etc. have the stewardship for managing these HT/VTing programs and they often try to encourage the members to improve if its necessary. Once you've been in the church a while, you'll see how the RS, for example, has special lessons about VTing.

So, I'm with Beefche. Sounding off in the middle of RS prolly isn't the best method to inspire change. The BEST thing we can do is quietly live the best we can and serve the best we can in our own callings and assignments. And we do kinda have to let others go. Most likely they are doing the best they can regardless of how it "looks".

In reading this thread I've been thinking of two things...

First, just reflecting on the RS women who lived those early days in Nauvoo. They were the busiest women! In each others homes on a daily basis giving comfort, service, and companionship. What a tremendous example they were! They knew what it meant to bare one another's burdens. I often reflect on what it must have been like to be that "woven together".

And second, it always behooves us to get more information before we jump to conclusions. Just recently, my VTing companion stopped calling. She was normally one of those that was a go-getter and I'd come to rely on her to take the lead. Found out she'd been so very sick and I just hadn't heard. So....there are lots of legitimate reasons why people "can't" hit a homerun every month.

[Guest]

So, am I just supposed to behave, sit back smile, and be plastic?

The RSP, EQP, etc. have the stewardship for managing these HT/VTing programs and they often try to encourage the members to improve if its necessary. Once you've been in the church a while, you'll see how the RS, for example, has special lessons about VTing.

So, I'm with Beefche. Sounding off in the middle of RS prolly isn't the best method to inspire change. The BEST thing we can do is quietly live the best we can and serve the best we can in our own callings and assignments. And we do kinda have to let others go. Most likely they are doing the best they can regardless of how it "looks".

I will add to Miss1/2's advice. If it's bothering you very much, instead of "acting out" in RS, you should set up an appointment or take aside the RS Presidency and graciously express your concerns and suggestions for improvement. Make the meeting a positive one instead of just a "whine without cheese" moment.

Hope this helps.

[Hala401]

I will add to Miss1/2's advice. If it's bothering you very much, instead of "acting out" in RS, you should set up an appointment or take aside the RS Presidency and graciously express your concerns and suggestions for improvement. Make the meeting a positive one instead of just a "whine without cheese" moment.

Hope this helps.

Acting out. HMPH. :)

Well, I just got a call from one of the sisters who is frustrated about VT also. We talked about it quite some time, and agreed that we all need to sit down and work these things out. I am quite sure that she is not on this forum, and I am quite sure that none of you know her.

She does know how deeply I care about the church, but is also a calming influence.

Yes, the Holy Spirit strikes again. I do so value his actions.

[beefche]

Good to hear. I think that is where and how you can influence. Individually.

You are a VT supervisor, right? So, when sisters report to you, loving encouragement can work wonders. "Thank you Sister for visiting Sis X. I know she really values those visits and appreciates your love." "That's ok, Sis Z. Next month when you visit Sis A be sure to find out how she is doing with her new baby."

And if someone comes to you about VT being nonsense? I would tell that person, "I'm sorry you feel that way. VT is not nonsense to me. As a new member, I value VT because....."

Loving reminders, gentle encouragements--those are the best ways to motivate. And of course following the Spirit. He is always right.

[Echo2002]

I have very good home teachers, well, it's him and his wife. They come every month and I can tell they care about me. I did have 2 different visiting teachers come, I think because I'm single I don't feel like there's a connection with the VTs. I also don't really want two different home visits every month, I'd rather it be done with one visit.

Also, if your ward is spread out, it can be hard to get to everyone in one month, not to mention expensive since gas has gone up.

[Guest]

Acting out. HMPH. :)

Those were the words you used. Did I misunderstand you?

[Gramajane]

I think I can see both sides of the issue. I really miss being a VT and having some visit with me (make that listen to my woes ; ) as we have had to be so transient with my husbands business that we finally just gave up our rental home and are now living in a 5th wheel!

--- One saying was "the church must be true or the (fill in the blank- with , weak members, fanatic members, missionaries, Sisters, Etc) would have ruined it by now!"

--- Having my first official calling in the church EVER be as a VT in college, though I was a life time member, and substituted in Primary) I still take the calling seriously. Some places it means more than in others, like in Kodiak, AK, where one sister was a 50 mile drive one way to visit, along roads that were scary

((I once forced my comp to stop the car and let me investigate a car off the road-- but it was an old wreck))

-- while with one other comp. I had to get her to really let us listen to our sister, not just spout a message and run. My comp meant well, and was REALLY busy but just didn't have the vision. : /

--- Anyway, I feel I KNOW that we need to choose to not be offended, do our best and let God handle the rest.

Some sisters do not want/need even a 20 min visit, or desire to get to know their VT, and I think being able to accommodate others righteous needs/wants is good. Though I think having a basic friendship with our sisters, where they feel they CAN come to us with problems, and that we will make time for them is great for us and for them.

--- I have been there, where my VT seemed to not have a clue how to relate to me, nor that I didn't want to sit and talk about the weather or gossip or anything, while I had deadlines weighing one me.

--- Sometimes, just a quick phone call, or a private conversation after a church meeting is ok, especially if the opening is made-- asking if the sister would LIKE a longer private visit?

--- A few times I have been blessed to feel I had really helped another sister. Once in visiting a sister who was on bed rest expecting twins, and asking what we could do to help, though she answered that she was ok with what was being done-- I noticed that her bottom bed sheet was not fitted and that it was scrunched down on the mattress. I explained that with two large safety pins that I could fix that for her, and she was absolutely thrilled! It was a King size, and they were in Kodiak, and short of funds, so she couldn't just go out and buy what sheets she desired. --- I had her sit in a chair just a few min. while we folded the corners into fit and pinned them. She later told me that she kept the pins in when the sheets were washed (I think she only had one set) for years! What a difference it made to her comfort to have smooth sheets under her! :) Makes me feel good thinking of it to this day :)

--- Anyway-- I also know how you feel about feeling that things could be much better if others would just listen and TEST it. I have also experienced that with the seating arrangement in the Rel Soc room, where there are two doors in, and so many sisters that we can't all fit in, plus no room for the babies, or wheel chairs and anyone late must walk in the front of the whole group!

-- In one of the wards we were in in the distant past, I felt inspired with an arrangement that really worked, solving all the problems and making it so much easier to teach, and access/exit etc too. They let me try it and they still do 99% of the same arrangement to this day. :)

---Though in a more recent ward where they have the same really sad situation-- they have not been willing to even TRY the arrangement. I understand that some LONG time Sisters got very upset in the past when they tried a different arrangement, and so now any change is TABOO (there are three wards in the building) --- anyway-- we just have to let things go, and enjoy the spirit as when we choose to be offended, we are certainly in the wrong and not Christlike! God bless us, everyone!

[Suzie]

I was a VT supervisor for a couple of years and I learned that you cannot force people to do Visiting Teaching, you cannot and shouldn't not harass them or make them feel guilty in order to have the VT done and report whatever percentage you feel is acceptable.

If you do it, I think it loses all purpose which for me it's about showing through actions and not merely words true and honest concern and love for others. What I did instead was to focus on Christ and his great example of love towards those in need.