disgusted with myself.....what to do?

[Road-Dog]

First post here and its a bad one....last night I was talking to an old friend and next thing I know we're kissing....then further and further until we had intercourse....the whole time I kept asking myself what I was doing, but yet I couldn't stop, after the whole thing was over I felt so empty and alone and disgusted, those were slowly replaced by denial and worry....which is where I'm at now. I don't know what came over me because I KNOW better than to put myself in that situation and be tempted to be unfaithful, but what's done is done and now I don't know what to do. I've been married for 3 1/2 years to a wonderful woman who treats me good and loves me in spite of my shortfalls, we were sealed in 2010 and within the next year we both kind of became inactive.....it will destroy her to know that I've done this and I feel absolutely horrible and sick to my stomach, one because I was unfaithful to the woman I love, and two because I'm worried that I'll never be able to be with her for eternity because adultery is a serious thing......I tried calling my bishop but he hasn't answered, what can I do in the meantime to ease my guilty feelings? Thanks in advance

[Vort]

Not to be overly blunt, but you feel intense guilt for a good reason: You have betrayed your most intimate covenants.

You can come back from this, but only if you continue in your path of looking forward. Talk to your bishop and let him counsel you. Without doubt, you will have to talk to your wife.

My advice (which is worth about as much as advice from some anonymous internet person is ever worth) is that under no circumstances should you make love to your wife without her knowing what you have done. In my estimation, doing otherwise would be having sex with her under false pretenses, and would be a further betrayal.

This is a huge and awful thing in your life. There is no way around that. But you need not let it destroy you. You still have intrinsic worth beyond imagination, so don't lose sight of that. You may even be able to save your relationship with your wife. Take it step by step, pray a lot, and don't cower from the difficult road that lies before you. There's my advice, for what it's worth.

My signature line is appropriate here: Sin changes who you are. So take charge of your destiny and change yourself into something better. Don't let your sins dictate who and what you are.

[skippy740]

Read your scriptures and work your sorrow towards repentance. See your Bishop. The longer you wait, the more that these scriptures may begin to describe you and your own situation.

Mormon 2:12-13

12 And it came to pass that when I, Mormon, saw their lamentation and their mourning and their sorrow before the Lord, my heart did begin to rejoice within me, knowing the mercies and the long-suffering of the Lord, therefore supposing that he would be merciful unto them that they would again become a righteous people.

13 But behold this my joy was vain, for their sorrowing was not unto repentance, because of the goodness of God; but it was rather the sorrowing of the damned, because the Lord would not always suffer them to take happiness in sin.

[NightSG]

My advice (which is worth about as much as advice from some anonymous internet person is ever worth) is that under no circumstances should you make love to your wife without her knowing what you have done. In my estimation, doing otherwise would be having sex with her under false pretenses, and would be a further betrayal.

Also, while you're waiting for the bishop, make an appointment with your doctor. If you think having to tell your wife is scary, imagine having her find out by catching something.

[NeuroTypical]

Do you have kids? If no, my only advice is to not have any until you and your wife make it through the other side of this thing you've brought into the marriage.

If yes, I guess my advice would be not to have any more, until the family emerges on the other side of this thing.

[applepansy]

You're gotten good advice here.

I'll just say I wish you all the best as you go through the repentance process.

[Road-Dog]

Thanks for the replies everyone, I told my wife what happened and she was not mad but she was terribly disappointed in me and pretty upset as I figured she would be, I'm meeting with the bishop tonight to get this resolved. He reassured me that we can work through this and I can be forgiven. I'm still at a loss as to how I could have allowed this to happen, I think the hardest thing to get through will be forgiving MYSELF.

[Bini]

Yup, get tested for STDS.

[NightSG]

Thanks for the replies everyone, I told my wife what happened and she was not mad but she was terribly disappointed in me and pretty upset as I figured she would be, I'm meeting with the bishop tonight to get this resolved. He reassured me that we can work through this and I can be forgiven. I'm still at a loss as to how I could have allowed this to happen, I think the hardest thing to get through will be forgiving MYSELF.

Forgiving yourself is often the hardest part. Keep praying for the strength to do it, though and it will happen.

[Misshalfway]

It must have taken a lot of courage to tell your wife. I honor that.

[SoCal_Counselor]

Complete honesty is essential for overcoming this. Be completely honest when talking with your bishop. Be honest when talking with your wife, no matter how hard her questions are. The trust that she had for you was shattered. Her questions and your honest answers will SLOWLY help her gain your trust back.

Begin setting up boundaries to help prevent you from falling into this trap again (i.e. never being alone with a member of the opposite sex--even in work settings if possible).

It is very much possible to heal from incidents like this if you are willing to do the work, and that starts with being completely honest.