Newly Called Bishopric Member

[Anddenex]

I would appreciate some personal thoughts from those who have served in a Bishopric.

1. What did you find most important as you served?

2. Any scriptures which you would return to for comfort or continued guidance?

3. Was there a training article which you feel every Bishopric member should read and study?

I would appreciate some personal thoughts from any member pertaining to specific experiences with Bishoprics that you thought were truly guided, and blessed your life.

[pam]

So did you just get called as a member of a Bishopric?

[Anddenex]

So did you just get called as a member of a Bishopric?

Yes, just today.

It was funny though when the Stake President was releasing the prior Bishopric and then directing his comment toward us he said,

"I would like to extend our appreciation to the prior Bishopric for their services, and our condolen..., i mean..., well I was about to say condolences, but I meant to say, appreciation for their willingness to serve."

One of the best Freudian Slips I have ever heard in a sacrament meeting. Hehe.

[applepansy]

Yes, just today.

It was funny though when the Stake President was releasing the prior Bishopric and then directing his comment toward us he said,

"I would like to extend our appreciation to the prior Bishopric for their services, and our condolen..., i mean..., well I was about to say condolences, but I meant to say, appreciation for their willingness to serve."

One of the best Freudian Slips I have ever heard in a sacrament meeting. Hehe.

From the wife of a former counselor in the Bishopric.

This will be a challenge but it will also be a blessing to you and your family in ways you can't imagine. I miss the blessings. :)

The condolences......well, what I've seen from the men who have served as Bishop and counselors is a grieving time after being released. So I understand why he started to say condolences.

I wish you all the best. Enjoy your new calling.

[NeuroTypical]

Well, I've only been Executive seceretary, but I helped 'break in' a new bishop who was very open in bishopric meeting about the things he needed and learned and found helpful. So here goes.

1. What did you find most important as you served?

2. Any scriptures which you would return to for comfort or continued guidance?

3. Was there a training article which you feel every Bishopric member should read and study?

1. The ability to not judge unless commanded to judge. Example - my wife once saw a coworker hand cigarettes to her underage daughter. The coworker later explained that the daughter was trying to clean her life up, and was trying to come down off of crystal meth, and the cigarettes had been prescribed by her doctor. (They couldn't afford to hospitalize her and do it right.) Bishoprics walk into situations like this all the time. Withhold judgement until called upon to judge.

2. My personal favorite is Paul's discourse on charity. You'll probably find many more practical scriptures peppered through the handbook.

3. Such a great question. You should obtain a copy of Valley of Sorrow: A Layman's Guide to Understanding Mental Illness for Latter-Day Saints by Alexander B. Morrison. Six bucks used off Amazon.com, including shipping. Heck, if you PM me your address, I'll buy you a copy and have them send it to you. I've bought maybe a dozen of these over the years and given them to members of bishoprics and stake presidencies. Usually, they tell me they found it so useful and important they passed it around to the other members. I mean, if you already know this stuff, that's fine. But when someone runs up to you in tears because she was just told that her daughter who killed himself is in hell, you need to know what to say to ease this lady's grief. When brother so-and-so wants counsel from you about his brother-in-law who is living with him, and stealing from him to support his drug habit, it's important to have something useful and correct to say.

[MarginOfError]

1) You'll need to review a few things on this site Record-Keeping and Auditing Training, but you'll get told that pretty quickly.

2) Read the handbooks, then read them again. Then review them often.

3) Once you've memorized the handbooks, keep in mind that sometimes the best course of action is to ignore them and do what's best for the members' individual circumstances.

4) Don't take every single decision to the bishop. Let the auxiliary presidents you are overseeing have the freedom to make decisions and implement them. You are there to counsel, not to direct.

5) Don't wait until bishopric meeting to make decisions. There is nothing I find more annoying than a counselor who is asked a question on Tuesday and waits until Sunday morning so he can bring it up in Bishopric meeting. That thing in your pocket is called a phone--use it.

6) Listen to people. Don't ever try to tell them what they are feeling. And never ever ever tell them how they should be feeling. Instead, try to understand what the are feeling and help them navigate a way to how they want to feel.

7) When managing people in their callings, keep in mind that service should feel good and be rewarding. If a person isn't feeling fulfilment from their calling, they either need a release or help in refocusing how they are serving. They don't need to be made to feel worse--they need empathy.

I'm sure I"ll come up with more later.

[Misshalfway]

I'm happy for you! What a great opportunity for you to grow!

If you want a place to study, I can't think of a better subject than how the spirit works and how one can gain more access to that spirit. Being in the bishopric must be a constant exercise in learning how to follow and live in the spirit. And with all the varied people you'll work with, and all their varied needs/issues, I can't think of a more important tool than the spirit.

Beyond that, trust yourself. It's ok if you make a mistake or it you don't get it all perfect the first time. Enjoy your learning curve! God works with the weak things of the world. And we are all weak things. :) So find the gentle humor with things and know that you are supported from each and every moment.

Oh! And listen to you wife. Let her talk about what this experience is like for her. Listen to her insights. And never forget that she comes first! Her sacrifice is equally yoked to yours.

Best wishes as you go forward into this new adventure. If I didn't love and value my role as a woman in this gospel, I might be a little jealous of your opportunities. :)

[Wingnut]

The condolences......well, what I've seen from the men who have served as Bishop and counselors is a grieving time after being released. So I understand why he started to say condolences.

I grieved for several weeks earlier this summer after I was released as ward YW president.

[EarlJibbs]

I was just released from a Bishopric this year. With 4 young children on the pew, it was difficult to see my wife struggle at times with their behavior. That was really the hardest thing for me. Not to be able to sit with my wife and kids. So I planned days where one of the kids would come and sit with me up on the stand. It was great. I was always excited to have them up there.

1. What did you find most important as you served? A: Being available and having an attitude that many could work with. Since you will most likely have multiple auxilaries to work side by side in, you will need to be versatile

2. Any scriptures which you would return to for comfort or continued guidance? A: None in particular

3. Was there a training article which you feel every Bishopric member should read and study? A: The HANBOOK! Both of them!

One more item that was important to me. It required a lot of time. If your family needs you, dont be afraid to pass on activities or meetings if it means you can help them. On the flip side, if you family can make the sacrafice of you being gone, the activities or meetings shouldnt be neglected. Find that happy middle ground.

Good luck!

Edited September 10, 2012 by EarlJibbs

[Wingnut]

I was just released from a Bishopric this year. With 4 young children on the pew, it was difficult to see my wife struggle at times with their behavior. That was really the hardest thing for me. Not to be able to sit with my wife and kids. So I planned days where one of the kids would come and sit with me up on the stand. It was great. I was always excited to have them up there.

My current bishop is only 34 years old, and he has two kids -- both boys, both under age four (or five?). There is one specific young women that sits with the bishop's wife each week to help out with the kids.

If this applies to the OP's situation, consider recruiting one or two YW to alternate, or an older widow or other single sister in the ward to help you wife out during Sacrament meeting.

[Anddenex]

From the wife of a former counselor in the Bishopric.

This will be a challenge but it will also be a blessing to you and your family in ways you can't imagine. I miss the blessings. :)

The condolences......well, what I've seen from the men who have served as Bishop and counselors is a grieving time after being released. So I understand why he started to say condolences.

I wish you all the best. Enjoy your new calling.

Thank you apple... I believe I didn't write my statement, regarding the humor correctly, although I definitely agree with your statement that there is grieving time after being released.

I should have written, the Stake President said, "I would like to extend our appreciation to the prior Bishopric for their services, and [to the new Bishopric] our condolen..., i mean..., well I was about to say condolences, but I meant to say, appreciation for their willingness to serve."

[Anddenex]

Well, I've only been Executive seceretary, but I helped 'break in' a new bishop who was very open in bishopric meeting about the things he needed and learned and found helpful. So here goes.

1. The ability to not judge unless commanded to judge. Example - my wife once saw a coworker hand cigarettes to her underage daughter. The coworker later explained that the daughter was trying to clean her life up, and was trying to come down off of crystal meth, and the cigarettes had been prescribed by her doctor. (They couldn't afford to hospitalize her and do it right.) Bishoprics walk into situations like this all the time. Withhold judgement until called upon to judge.

2. My personal favorite is Paul's discourse on charity. You'll probably find many more practical scriptures peppered through the handbook.

3. Such a great question. You should obtain a copy of Valley of Sorrow: A Layman's Guide to Understanding Mental Illness for Latter-Day Saints by Alexander B. Morrison. Six bucks used off Amazon.com, including shipping. Heck, if you PM me your address, I'll buy you a copy and have them send it to you. I've bought maybe a dozen of these over the years and given them to members of bishoprics and stake presidencies. Usually, they tell me they found it so useful and important they passed it around to the other members. I mean, if you already know this stuff, that's fine. But when someone runs up to you in tears because she was just told that her daughter who killed himself is in hell, you need to know what to say to ease this lady's grief. When brother so-and-so wants counsel from you about his brother-in-law who is living with him, and stealing from him to support his drug habit, it's important to have something useful and correct to say.

Thank LM. I have been thinking a lot lately about the scripture (Alma 7: 24) which specifies "And see that ye have afaith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works."

I went online to purchase the book, however, unfortunately it doesn't come in eBook format. Deseret Bookshelf, has five other books from Alexander B. Morrison, but not that one. If I can't find it in an eBook, I will make the purchase.

Thank you for your thoughts.

[Anddenex]

1) You'll need to review a few things on this site Record-Keeping and Auditing Training, but you'll get told that pretty quickly.

2) Read the handbooks, then read them again. Then review them often.

3) Once you've memorized the handbooks, keep in mind that sometimes the best course of action is to ignore them and do what's best for the members' individual circumstances.

4) Don't take every single decision to the bishop. Let the auxiliary presidents you are overseeing have the freedom to make decisions and implement them. You are there to counsel, not to direct.

5) Don't wait until bishopric meeting to make decisions. There is nothing I find more annoying than a counselor who is asked a question on Tuesday and waits until Sunday morning so he can bring it up in Bishopric meeting. That thing in your pocket is called a phone--use it.

6) Listen to people. Don't ever try to tell them what they are feeling. And never ever ever tell them how they should be feeling. Instead, try to understand what the are feeling and help them navigate a way to how they want to feel.

7) When managing people in their callings, keep in mind that service should feel good and be rewarding. If a person isn't feeling fulfilment from their calling, they either need a release or help in refocusing how they are serving. They don't need to be made to feel worse--they need empathy.

I'm sure I"ll come up with more later.

If any other thoughts occur, please share them, I would appreciate the thoughts.

"3) Once you've memorized the handbooks, keep in mind that sometimes the best course of action is to ignore them and do what's best for the members' individual circumstances."

I am not sure I will be able to memorize the handbooks, although people do say I have a good memory, - I will definitely read, and reread the handbooks.

Thank you MoE.

[Anddenex]

I'm happy for you! What a great opportunity for you to grow!

If you want a place to study, I can't think of a better subject than how the spirit works and how one can gain more access to that spirit. Being in the bishopric must be a constant exercise in learning how to follow and live in the spirit. And with all the varied people you'll work with, and all their varied needs/issues, I can't think of a more important tool than the spirit.

Beyond that, trust yourself. It's ok if you make a mistake or it you don't get it all perfect the first time. Enjoy your learning curve! God works with the weak things of the world. And we are all weak things. :) So find the gentle humor with things and know that you are supported from each and every moment.

Oh! And listen to you wife. Let her talk about what this experience is like for her. Listen to her insights. And never forget that she comes first! Her sacrifice is equally yoked to yours.

Best wishes as you go forward into this new adventure. If I didn't love and value my role as a woman in this gospel, I might be a little jealous of your opportunities. :)

Your first paragraph reminds me of Elder Maxwell's quote in a training:

“Brethren, to the degree that we cease living ‘far beneath our privileges’ and rise to our revelatory privileges, we can lift the Church as never before.” (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Worldwide Leadership Training, January 11, 2003)

This is definitely important. Thank you for the reminder that we are equally yoked in this calling, tis true.

[Anddenex]

One more item that was important to me. It required a lot of time. If your family needs you, dont be afraid to pass on activities or meetings if it means you can help them. On the flip side, if you family can make the sacrafice of you being gone, the activities or meetings shouldnt be neglected. Find that happy middle ground.

Good luck!

Thank you Earl... I really appreciate this advice. I had never known that this might be a possibility. I will be speaking with Kristi about this and gather her thoughts.

My only concern, we have one young boy, our youngest boy, who is full of life, and will be a class clown. Oh boy, I can see it now, him screaming while I am making the walk of shame from the stand to the doors. Hehe.

I appreciate your first thought also. It is important to love every one and remember to be able to work with more than one personality, and that it is not the members responsibility to make sure they match mine. We are all unique and for a good reason.

Thanks.

[Anddenex]

My current bishop is only 34 years old, and he has two kids -- both boys, both under age four (or five?). There is one specific young women that sits with the bishop's wife each week to help out with the kids.

If this applies to the OP's situation, consider recruiting one or two YW to alternate, or an older widow or other single sister in the ward to help you wife out during Sacrament meeting.

Fortunately we have a good ward Wing... The Stake President at the end of his speaking shared that we have a young counselor, with 5 children, whose wife will need some assistance at times while her husband serves on the stand.

After sacrament about 4 members came up to Kristi and said, "We can help, sit by us." :)

[Sharky]

Oh, I remember that phone call. A Wednesday afternoon, they wanted to meet with the wife & I in "about an hour".

"Well, uhhh, the wife is somewhere around the house, probly feeding & doing other chores since I'm not there. I'm up on the hill with the missionaries. Suppose to be feeding them but they're here helping pull a calf, probly end up being a bottle baby were likely to loose the heifer ....."

They still managed to meet with the two of us. Just later in the evening then they had planned.

And we didn't loose that heifer either! We did pull twin calves but she took to them & nursed them & raised them.

If I had only 1 thing to say it would be to refer you to the last portion of the 1st Presidency Message June 1984. I'm going to say it Marion G Romney but I'm not sure. The topic was Preparedness & Self Relience.

To paraphase:

He speaks of the ironic paradox that those things which we know to be the most beneficial & of most importance to our salvation being the very same things that we must constantly be commanded & taught & reminded & told to do. Even though we know of their importance & value, we tend to minimize the role of those things in or lives.

Near the end he talks about Self Relience & Prepareness being a necessity prior to being able to Serve.

That Preparedness is a requirement to acheive the highest degree of glory.

Service being not a requirement to get into the Celestial Kingdon but rather the entirity of purpose. Service being what Godhood is all about.

Sevice can not come from someone who is not prepared.

Without food in the cupboard the hungry can not be fed. Money can not be given from an empty purse. Knowledge can not be shared or taught by the unlearned. Stregnth & support can not be lent by those physically or emotionally lacking. Spiritual guidance & direction can not be provided by the spiritually weak.

He then talks of performing an act of service being comparable to performing a sanctifying act. that when we deny someone the opportunity serve us, we are denying them the opportunity to perform a sanctifying act.

- - - - - - -

Okay, so now the other sort of specific thoughts of advice:

#1 Piece Of Advice: Do Not Forget The Value Technology Can Be!

A. The ward & stake websites on LDS.org have the capabilities of posting ward newsletters & other announcements. Yet only a small %age use those capabilities. Think of the value that could be in challenging your ward members to do different emergency preparedness things each month, reminding them of the lessons for the upcoming week or month so that they can read & study ahead of time. Maybe even ideas to help them develope FHE Lesson Plans etc.

B. The new LDS Ward Mapping program on the ward websites is WONDERFUL. However, the little ballons marking members homes are not necessarily in the correct locations. The addresses may be correct but the mapping is frequently off, especially in more rural areas or rapidly developing areas. So encourage the members to go on & move their ballon so that it correctly reflects where their home is at.

C. A recent disaster that hit a portion of our ward ... A mass text mssg went out to all the home teachers to contact their families & report back. We had 95% of the ward accounted for in 35-minutes. Keep in mind that our ward is more then 1000 sq miles! TECHNOLOGY!

D. ProvidentLiving.org ... EVERYTHING on that website is a part of member welfare. Study it. Know it. USE THAT RESOURCE! Member Welfare is every aspect of their beings: spiritual, physical, emotional, mental ... everything!

2nd thought:

While you are reading the CHI, don't forget the lesson manuals. Some of the manuals (I belileve Family History is one) has BOTH a "Members Guide" & an "Instructors Manual". Sometimes the most basic answers & easiest way of explainng concepts to members will be found in those manuals not the CHI.

3rd:

Don'y fixate on "the way it has always been".

Do not do things simply because that's "the conventional way".

Don't be the "retired master seargent" that abides by the book with no diviation.

Most things in the CHI are guidelines, reccomendations. Seek to understand what is in the members best interest, what will be the greatest benefit to individual circumstances. No two situations will ever be the same. Like someone said earlier, memorize the CHI & then forget it.

Seek to understand what Spirit propts, not why or how, but what. By implementing the what, the how & why will likely become clearer.

4rth: GRATITUDE!

You'll get a much better response from the members if you are greatful for what they do & express that gratitude sincerely. When auxillary presidents make suggestions, don't shoot them down, rather take those ideas, implement them & shape those ideas to acheive the goal/purpose you had in mind.

5th: Never Minimize The Importance Of A Calling.

A rather new optional calling ... Ward Disability Specialist or something to that effect.

I had never thought how vital of a role such a calling would benefit our wards Emergency Management Coordinators in preparing & implementing the Ward Emergency Plan.

I guess I had never thought about how we identify the needs of some of our ward members, let alone how to address those needs in a disaster, until I saw that plan being implemented, activated, & realized how imprortant Activities Specialists & Ward Disiability Specialists & Communications etc were to making that plan work!

6th: Download or buy a copy of "To The Home Teachers Of The Church". Read it, study it, memorize it. & HIT IT HARD WITH THE PRIESTHOOD QUORUMS!

In my opinion, that TR Question about supportint your local church leaders (i.e. Bishops), how can a Home Teacher say "yes" to that question if he is not making an honest effort to get out & home teach every month?

That visit as a Home Teacher is as a rep of the Bishop, of the Prophet, "Visit the home of each member...."

Most members of my ward had never heard or read that pamphlet. Doing a 5th Sunday & some 4th Sunday lessons from that pamphlet gave a new perspective to many members of our ward. We have seen a very steady increase in the numbers of visits being made each month since we taught that pamphlet.

I guess in a ward like where I'm at, 1000+ sq miles, Home Teaching & Visiting Teaching becomes very vital as it is easy for many of the members to feel "forgotten" as they live so far out on un-lit graveled roadways. The Missionaries here spend more time befriending & serving the "forgotten" members in an attempt to reactive them then they do seeking non-members desiring to hear their message.

Edited September 11, 2012 by Sharky

[Wingnut]

In combination with the handbooks, watch/listen to the worldwide training broadcasts since November 2010, when the current handbooks came out. I left that training broadcast feeling more uplifted than I typically leave after Conference.

[Anddenex]

Okay, so now the other sort of specific thoughts of advice:

#1 Piece Of Advice: Do Not Forget The Value Technology Can Be!

2nd thought:

While you are reading the CHI, don't forget the lesson manuals. Some of the manuals (I belileve Family History is one) has BOTH a "Members Guide" & an "Instructors Manual". Sometimes the most basic answers & easiest way of explainng concepts to members will be found in those manuals not the CHI.

3rd:

Don'y fixate on "the way it has always been".

Seek to understand what Spirit propts, not why or how, but what. By implementing the what, the how & why will likely become clearer.

4rth: GRATITUDE!

You'll get a much better response from the members if you are greatful for what they do & express that gratitude sincerely. When auxillary presidents make suggestions, don't shoot them down, rather take those ideas, implement them & shape those ideas to acheive the goal/purpose you had in mind.

5th: Never Minimize The Importance Of A Calling.

6th: Download or buy a copy of "To The Home Teachers Of The Church". Read it, study it, memorize it. & HIT IT HARD WITH THE PRIESTHOOD QUORUMS!

Thank you for this information and counsel. I definitely agree with the importance of using the technology we now have access to. It is wonderful, and the church is utilizing it to benefit the members. It is great.

Your second thought reminds me the counsel provided by Elder Bednar in his book, "Increase in Learning", which is a great book with very good instruction.

I definitely agree about gratitude. It is never easy to serve under someone who is ungrateful for what you do. Guidance, not control.

Thank you for your thoughts.

[Sharky]

My only concern, we have one young boy, our youngest boy, who is full of life, and will be a class clown. Oh boy, I can see it now, him screaming while I am making the walk of shame from the stand to the doors. Hehe.

When I was a kid we had a Bishop that if you watched him during Sacrement Meeting you would see him look sternly at the row of his kids in the congregation. Then he'd hold his hand up in front of him with a number of fingers raised. Each time he did this there would be one fewer fingers.

It wasn't until about 3 years into his servicise as bishop that he explained:

He would start with 4 scoops of ice cream for FHE treat. Then as the kids got a little irreverant he'd go to 3, then 2, then 1.

Only once did he have to go to 1, & never 0.

It was a punishment taht was applied to all the children not just the one(s) that were misbehaving. They'd discuss it at FHE & find ways of helping the boys be more reverent during Sacrement Meeting.

It always went to 3 scoops but when it went to 2 scoops, no longer were the boys seated together. Bryan was on one end of the bench, Brett on the other. Jimmy on one side of mom & Gordy on the other & between the boys, 2 & 2, were the 4 sisters ... GIRLS! Heaven forbid the "girls" get to sit between them! But it worked! They never dropped below 2 scoops again after that.

I think after he disclosed that little bit of embarrasing stuff the boys were even more well behaved ... public humilation, all their friends & everyone else in the ward knew they had just lost a scoop of ice cream. Of course they were a little older by then & responded better to that then they would have 3 years earlier.

I also don't think they ever really intended to have 4 scoops of ice cream in each bowl, that they upped the quantity expecting a scoop or two to be lost each week.

Edited September 11, 2012 by Sharky

[Anddenex]

In combination with the handbooks, watch/listen to the worldwide training broadcasts since November 2010, when the current handbooks came out. I left that training broadcast feeling more uplifted than I typically leave after Conference.

When I served as EQP in this ward, the first item of business on my plate was to read every training session which was published.

I still have these, and will be reading through them again. Thank you for the reminder. I also think these trainings are very uplifting.

[applepansy]

I gave my husband the book Men of Valor by Robert Millet when he was in the Bishopric. He said it was helpful.

There is another book... but I'll have to find it to remember the title.

Found it: Counseling with Our Councils: Learning to Minister Together in the Church and in the Family by Elder Ballard

Edited September 11, 2012 by applepansy

[Anddenex]

3. Such a great question. You should obtain a copy of Valley of Sorrow: A Layman's Guide to Understanding Mental Illness for Latter-Day Saints by Alexander B. Morrison. Six bucks used off Amazon.com, including shipping. Heck, if you PM me your address, I'll buy you a copy and have them send it to you. I've bought maybe a dozen of these over the years and given them to members of bishoprics and stake presidencies. Usually, they tell me they found it so useful and important they passed it around to the other members. I mean, if you already know this stuff, that's fine. But when someone runs up to you in tears because she was just told that her daughter who killed himself is in hell, you need to know what to say to ease this lady's grief. When brother so-and-so wants counsel from you about his brother-in-law who is living with him, and stealing from him to support his drug habit, it's important to have something useful and correct to say.

Purchased, thank you.

[pam]

So what is your first order of business? Releasing the entire ward and calling everyone to new callings? :)

[Anddenex]

So what is your first order of business? Releasing the entire ward and calling everyone to new callings? :)

Hehe, I think we will let the members think they are being released, let it hang until they begin to actually enjoy their calling, then release them.