Stop treating them like monsters.

[Misshalfway]

For all my sadness about how distant we are becoming, I remember what one poster said recently here, on another string. "I wish my parents had been more knowledgeable of predators when I was a kid." So, our fears are not without some basis in reality. We live in a sin-sick world, and have chosen to be safe rather than open with our affection.

Likewise, I fear we will simply demonize the Spencers of this world in order to avoid any appearance of accepting that nature plays a role in sexual deviance. In some cases we will fail our struggling, weaker bretheren, in order to show no hint of exonerating molestors.

Sin is sin, and I prefer clear contrasts between good and evil, to the moral grayness and uncertainty of popular culture. However, in my desire for clarity, I hope I will offer the kind of grace and forgiveness that Jesus tended to extend, rather than dismissing sinners in my efforts to extol righteousness.

I think that there is a strong difference between demonizing someone and holding a sobered respect for the darkness that lies inside of people. And I'm frustrated by the implication that choices to "be safe", or distance myself, or set boundaries is somehow equated with failing to forgive or show grace. I love my SIL and forgive her her failings, but I don't tell her personal information. She can't be trusted. The limits I place on the relationship in no way speak to my lack of love or grace for her.

And I say all of this in general when speaking about sex offenders. Because at the end of the day, it's always a case by case basis. And I'm grateful for the spirit that helps me discern others. It's not a perfect thing of course. But it has warned me about people in the past and I expect it will warn me or show me if someone has truly changed. In this imperfect world where we are now forced into hypervigilance, this is the only way I know to balance my caution with my religion. I guess I need it to be ok to be cautious if my gut is warning me and to not be indicted as unforgiving if I simply can't let someone back into my society.

And on another note.... There are many in this thread that have championed the cause of those who claim rehabilitation. This is a complicated and charged topic. Who am I to say that someone can't be changed by the Atonement or by really good therapy? My colleague works exclusively with sex offenders and we've talked at length about his belief that they can be rehabilitated. He has experienced much success over the years and retains excellent aftercare friendships with his clients. I think there is hope for those who have offended and who truly desire change and who go the distance.

But even with all that, receiving forgiveness is not the same thing as being trusted. I'm still learning about the lessons of forgiveness and trust because it means a great deal to me to cultivate these attributes in my being. But on this issue, I remain highly conflicted. Perhaps some of you could teach me about what forgiveness requires of me in these cases. When I think of the anti-nephi-lehi story..... they were trusted and incorporated into Nephite society. I don't know....I feel that the sexual offenses against children are worse than the pre-repentant behavior of these former "murderers". It feels so different to me on many levels. And even though I believe the Atonement is for all people with all problems, I just don't feel that God expects me to welcome pedofiles to my house.

And I do believe that people can and do become monsters. If one chooses darkness, it DOES change who you are. You can become like God, and you can become like Satan. In my limited experience with Satan, the title "monster" fits very well.

[prisonchaplain]

Most of my angst has not been about individual cases. What saddens me is what is happening large scale. Many families simply forbid sleepovers. What is even more disheartening is that, in today's society, this approach is not unreasonable. We are very cautious, and feel much better about hosting them than I do about sending my cherubs out to them.. Additionally, we really gave up something when culture dictated we should barely touch each other, as friends, because doing so would appear to demonstrate SSA.

Halfway's cautions are more than appropriate. Forgiveness is not trust! I preach that in sermons. You can forgive someone, and you may never do business with them (they cheated you out of money), you may never leave them alone with minors (they molested someone), and you may never tell them a private thought (they gossip) again. Frankly, to become lax with such offenders (rehabilated or not) would be to place a stumbling block before them.

So--especially to Miss Halfway--please do not take my frustrations with society's increasing coldness as any kind of criticism of individual and personal cautions. I largely agree with the LDS doctrine of agency, and would never want to interfere with the Spirit's discernment in a believer's life.

[Sunnysprite]

How Can We Stop Pedophiles?

Stop treating them like monsters.

A rather intriguing article

There are ways of treating this without killing them. We scream about these things but do not take meaningful, humane action. Sigh.