janelovegood Posted October 3, 2012 Report Posted October 3, 2012 Ive always been a really strong active member of the church. i recently got married 1.5 yrs now and because of a great deal and nice location i still live in the ward i grew up in. i have a big family and most of them live nearby and some in my ward and stake. My uncle is the stake president and my dad used to be a bishop in the stake. Everyone knows me and my family. Recently my husband and i have been using the weekends to be together and a lot of camping which means we go to church twice or three times a month but not every week. what i didn't know was that the family member in my ward(a grown adult) had been keeping tabs on me and reporting to my mother who then chastises me talks to me like I'm 16. She is a very controlling woman (wouldn't come to my dress fittings for my wedding because i chose to wear vibram barefoot shoes). Anyway, i feel that for the sake of my relationship with my husband and my family that i need to be in stake where everybody doesn't know me and my family. Should i try and switch stakes? is it possible? Im also worried about asking my stake president because of his relationship to the family and his biased opinion. Quote
pam Posted October 3, 2012 Report Posted October 3, 2012 Well you could always move to be in a new stake. Then there is no problem. Quote
janelovegood Posted October 3, 2012 Author Report Posted October 3, 2012 I want to move without moving... where we are living is such great location and price it would be hard to find anything similar and still be close to work. can i "move" without moving? Quote
Guest Posted October 3, 2012 Report Posted October 3, 2012 Probably not. This will be great practice in setting boundaries with your family, before you have kids and they have even more to harp on you about. :) Practice lines like, "Thanks for thinking of us. We're taking care of it. Can I get you something to drink?" and "That's an interesting point. I'll consider it. Would you like a cookie?". Then you're acknowledging that they said something without getting pulled into an argument, and changing the subject. Hopefully after awhile they can take a hint. If they can't, you lay it on the line. "We're married adults and make our own decisions. Please don't interfere while we learn to do this together." Or whatever you need to tell them. I had to do this with my in-laws. . . I made it very clear to MIL that if she didn't stop saying certain things to me about my kids, around my kids, that she wouldn't be seeing them anymore. She knew I meant it and stopped. Running might stop it partially, but it will always be a problem if you don't draw the line in the sand now. Quote
bytebear Posted October 3, 2012 Report Posted October 3, 2012 I recommend you tell your mom that you are going out of town, and so when and if she criticizes you for not going to church, you say, "But I told you were were doing X". Preemptive strike. Quote
janelovegood Posted October 3, 2012 Author Report Posted October 3, 2012 You make a great point. running away wont fix it. I have had to pull the "won't be see us anymore" card before. And we actually stopped coming around. we have just recently starting coming around again and i was better and now its going back to where it was... Quote
janelovegood Posted October 3, 2012 Author Report Posted October 3, 2012 done that. she says "you're going to miss church!?" Quote
Dravin Posted October 3, 2012 Report Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) done that. she says "you're going to miss church!?"And a matter of fact, "That is correct... ooh... shiny!" answers that exclamation/question. Nothing will magically change her mind on this so don't expect that she'll suddenly not object to your behavior. If discussion as two adults doesn't work the best you may be able to do is set firm boundaries, part of maintaining those boundaries is going to be learning to not engage where you've said you wouldn't.One thing to keep in mind though is that as annoying as her behavior may be it is most likely rooted in concern for you. So try to temper your rebuffs with the knowledge that what you're facing is an outgrowth of love even if improperly expressed. Edited October 3, 2012 by Dravin Quote
applepansy Posted October 3, 2012 Report Posted October 3, 2012 done that. she says "you're going to miss church!?"When she says that, then you say "Yes Mom we're going to miss church" then give her a kiss on the cheek and say "Gotta run. See you later." :) Quote
NightSG Posted October 3, 2012 Report Posted October 3, 2012 done that. she says "you're going to miss church!?"Then hand her Matthew 18:20.Missing church to spend some needed special time with your spouse sounds to me like an excuse the Lord would be happy to accept, particularly when you invite Him along. Quote
idahommie Posted October 3, 2012 Report Posted October 3, 2012 I sometimes attend the Church of the Holy Fly Fisherman, or the Church of the Shipwreck Divers......but my Mom is in a different Stake, and State! Lucky me..... Quote
mnn727 Posted October 3, 2012 Report Posted October 3, 2012 Sorry, but you have to stand up to Mom something - might as well be now. Your family is now: you, your husband and any children you have(or will have) they are now to be First in your life. Quote
mrmarklin Posted October 3, 2012 Report Posted October 3, 2012 Confront the rat and tell him to mind his own business. That way your mother or anyone else for that matter, won't be able to butt in because they won't know. What that person is doing is reprehensible, and I would cut his/her acquaintance. And yes, at some point you'll have to tell your mother to butt out too. Quote
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.