ACommonMan Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 My point is that within the church, porn use has been elevated to a sin at least as bad as adultery, if not worse. Where even the suspicion of a husband viewing porn is met with extreme horror, fountains of tears, and thoughts of divorce. And as long as this is the case, those who view it will continue to hide it, falling deeper into shame and guilt, afraid that if their secret is discovered their lives will be ruined in ways almost no other sin would cause.I would have to admit that there is an element of "the cover-up is worse than the crime" in my personal case. I spent so many years thinking I could stop on my own and therefore it was okay to lie about it. The woulda coulda shoulda for me is that I didn't deal with it with her at the start. That, in and of itself, was most damaging. Couple that with my thoughts that I had used up my allotment of repentance, and I talked myself into viewing it way past where I might have otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ACommonMan Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Just a quick reply, from someone who's dealing with it ALL, from porn to prostitution. The porn sin is different from the other sins, because it DIRECTLY effects another person's physical/mental well being. If my husband were to have a beer at a local bar now and again, it doesn't effect how I feel about myself. It's not a good choice on his part, but it has little bearing on my mental/physical well being. I myself have had to go through 2 years of therapy to deal with what porn consumption, by my husband, has done to me and our family. I was a stable, happy, confident woman a couple years ago, I'm not that woman any more, and I don't know if I ever can be her again.My heart breaks for you and I want so much to correct what your dirt bag of a husband did to you, even though my wife sees me as a dirt bag with no right to give advice. First of all, you can definitely be that woman again. If you can faith in Christ, you can gain hope for your future. That hope, in turn, leads to charity, or the Christlike love needed to forgive him restore you to your previous self. (Sorry if that sounded like a soapbox. I was reading Moroni 10 this morning)Secondly, I have no idea what you husband's experience was. I wonder if one of the other guys in this thread, who have admitted to this problem, have a similar story to mine. I have been wrestling with identifying my triggers and pinpointing the reason(s) I viewed it which laid underneath my stupid justifications at the time. Something which came to me yesterday deals with my wife feeling like I wanted someone else. I knew that wasn't true but, I couldn't explain why. I had said that my viewing was not about fantasy. What I realized yesterday is that it would be more accurate to say the fantasy wasn't the other woman. It was not about how they looked or what they did. It was about my self esteem and wishing I could be as desired as the men in the videos. That I could have the confidence to act on an impulse and expect that it would be successful. The point is that despite women having trouble separating physical desires from emotional ones, no amount of looking prettier nor performing sex "better" would have stopped the porn viewing and it's not going to stop it from recurring either. As difficult as it may be to go against your nature, let go of the thoughts where you had even 1/1000 of a role to play in his choices. Instead, show forth greater love for him as he repents. That will go a million times further in helping his recovery which, in turn, helps the entire family move forward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother_Anon Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 I would have to admit that there is an element of "the cover-up is worse than the crime" in my personal case. I spent so many years thinking I could stop on my own and therefore it was okay to lie about it. The woulda coulda shoulda for me is that I didn't deal with it with her at the start. That, in and of itself, was most damaging. Couple that with my thoughts that I had used up my allotment of repentance, and I talked myself into viewing it way past where I might have otherwise.I do think there's an element attached to porn use (and masturbation too I think) where people caught in the sin often repent, go without committing this sin for a time, fall back into sin, repent again, and... repeat until despair hits and they give up thinking all is lost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LDS_Adultery_Survivor Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 · Hidden Hidden Pornography is the first step down a path that will lead to infidelity and adultery. If you would like help dealing with the pain that comes from this, here is a webpage that could help you:LDS Infidelity and Adultery Survival | Facebook Link to comment
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