Would You?

[Guest ArchangelKid]

Would you date an investigator that you met in Church or would you wait till he was baptized? I'm curious to know.

[skippy740]

I would at minimum meet at a church activity outside the 3 hour block and strike up a conversation then.

Not to say that you couldn't invite him to it though! :)

[Guest]

Well, as my husband married me when I was still Catholic and not even an investigator, you know what my answer is going to be.

[mnn727]

Would I?

I don't think my wife or the Church would like me dating a male investigator even if I did wait until he was baptized.

Edited January 8, 2013 by mnn727

[Bini]

Would I?

Same response as Mnn.. Only reversed.

[nellyleyva92]

If I really like him... I would go on casual dates with him, and I would consider going steady after he is baptized. That's my personal opinion.

Edited January 8, 2013 by nellyleyva92

[LilyBelle00]

I was dating my husband before he was even investigating the church. He started going after I told him that we couldn't be serious since he wasn't a Mormon. It was probably a lie since I was already head over heels....

Just be careful! I got super lucky that mine ended up getting baptized. I think it would be so hard to be married to a nonmember. My younger brother married a wonderful girl who's Catholic. She's great and I love her but now that they have a baby girl I'm worried there will be issues. My family makes comments about turning her Mormon and her's makes comments about turning my brother Catholic. I'm worried there's going to be fights when they decide where to take the little one to church.

Even after baptism, there can be issues. I married my husband just a few months after he was baptized and then we became inactive. I feel like if I would have waited, let his testimony grow, and both have become more involved in the church beforehand then maybe it wouldn't have been so easy to fall away.

I'll never forget overhearing my MIL tell someone that her son married me and cured me "of Mormonism".

Anyway, proceed with optimistic caution! :)

It all ended up working out for us! We are (hopefully) going to be sealed in the temple in about 6 months! :)

[dahlia]

I think there is a difference between dating an investigator and dating a non-member. If I was dating a non-member, I'd know where he stood. I would hope that he'd convert, but I either accepted him as he was or I would decide to date only members.

For investigators, I've just seen too many times where people don't take the final step. That would be sooo discouraging - you're dating, you think you see a baptism on the horizon, and then the person doesn't follow through.

If I were determined to marry a member, I'd probably go with the casual dating or even better, just church activities, until the person was baptized and save myself some heartache. You can certainly talk to the person and get to know them, but I'd hold off on the dating - if the goal was to marry a member.

[Backroads]

I think it would depend on where I was relationship-wise. If I were only interested in casual dating, I would have no problem with it.

[Guest ArchangelKid]

If you were a guy...reverse it and pretend it was a girl. Lol. After re-reading the question, I may have confused some of you. I'm the guy, haha. I wanted to see other opinions before I ask someone out. It looks like I should hold off a bit until I get baptized.

[Anddenex]

It really depends on the girl. Ask her out, let her make the choice, and don't be offended if she says, no.

Every girl is different. The best way to find out, is to ask her yourself.

[Guest ArchangelKid]

But wouldn't it be awkward afterwards if she says no. I'm going back to high school methods and find out who her bestfriend is, haha.

[Anddenex]

But wouldn't it be awkward afterwards if she says no. I'm going back to high school methods and find out who her bestfriend is, haha.

High school methods? That is even college methods. When I first met my wife the first impression that came into my mind was, "Get to know her roommates, become friends with roommates, then ask her out."

Worked like a charm.

My personal opinion, we create the awkward feelings ourselves. If she says, No, no big deal, there are other women who will say yes. However, the worst part, I would agree with, is when the girl thinks that anytime you try to speak with her you are asking her out, that is awkward.

[Guest ArchangelKid]

In my ward, the girls outnumber us by a lot. For every one guy there is 3 girls. They usually hang out in groups so its somewhat hard to get to talk to one alone. Usually when I talk try to talk to one, I end up talking to 6 of them. Lol.

[Anddenex]

In my ward, the girls outnumber us by a lot. For every one guy there is 3 girls. They usually hang out in groups so its somewhat hard to get to talk to one alone. Usually when I talk try to talk to one, I end up talking to 6 of them. Lol.

Ask all six out at once then, surely one is bound to say yes

[Guest]

Ask all six out at once then, surely one is bound to say yes

On a sidenote. Here is exhibit A that says - arranged marriages - where you are given a list of women to choose from - is really no different than dating where you limit yourself with just the 6 number of women in your ward to choose from. Make sense?

[Guest ArchangelKid]

I mumble just trying to ask one of them out, I wouldn't even get a sentence out if tried to ask 6 of them out. And if I did manage too, I would probably scare them away.

[Guest]

I mumble just trying to ask one of them out, I wouldn't even get a sentence out if tried to ask 6 of them out. And if I did manage too, I would probably scare them away.

And Exhibit B - you should just ask your mom to arrange a date for you. Will probably have to be someone from Asia because Americans will think your mom is a kookoo.

I have cousins...

P.S. Just so you know... I'm kidding.

[Guest ArchangelKid]

Actually, in the past, my mom did set me up with amazing girls who she thought were "perfect catholic girls" and they were. But it never worked out because I would call it off because I didn't feel that spark that you feel with those special people.

[ACommonMan]

I would counsel any active LDS person to be very careful dating an investigator. There are hundreds of stories, like Anatess', where it works out. There are, however, thousands where it causes heartache. Either they spend years frustrated that their spouse never got baptized, or potentially worse, the person really only gets baptized in order to date the Latter-day Saint and ends up regretting the church when the relationship doesn't work out. As often is the case, this is an area where one needs to let the Holy Spirit be their guide, and preferably before they're already "head over heels" and the Spirit has a harder time getting through.

[ADoyle90815]

I would say the murder trial in Arizona is an example of the worst thing that can happen when someone who is LDS dates someone who eventually converts.

[Guest ArchangelKid]

...That's scary.

[Guest]

I would counsel any active LDS person to be very careful dating an investigator. There are hundreds of stories, like Anatess', where it works out. There are, however, thousands where it causes heartache. Either they spend years frustrated that their spouse never got baptized, or potentially worse, the person really only gets baptized in order to date the Latter-day Saint and ends up regretting the church when the relationship doesn't work out. As often is the case, this is an area where one needs to let the Holy Spirit be their guide, and preferably before they're already "head over heels" and the Spirit has a harder time getting through.

Do not marry somebody thinking he will not change. At the same time, do not marry somebody thinking he will change. Marry somebody who you have absolute respect for who you can grow with and go on the journey to everlasting life with - wherever that road may lead you.

If the journey towards finding the temple is not something you want to go on - don't marry that person. Marry the person where the temple is already a given.

My conversion is not a requirement to my marriage. Whether I converted or not, my marriage would still have worked out. My husband married me knowing I am committed to God. I am always diligently, humbly, sincerely seeking the truth of all things. He would rather go with me on my journey knowing that I will never leave him and he will never leave me no matter what happens than go with an LDS person who he is not sure will stick with him through sickness and health, richer or poorer, joy and pain, and the struggle with testimonies. My husband is not a return missionary. My husband had a dark past. My husband was inactive for years. He went back to church the day he decided to marry me. He felt more secure with me than an LDS woman who may not see him for who he is but rather for what he has done. Somebody who would probably leave him the minute he starts struggling with his testimony again.

Edited January 12, 2013 by anatess

[BadWolf]

I would always wonder whether they converted due to testimony or lust. So... No.

Nonmember? You betcha.

Convert? Good deal.

Investigator? No bueno.

_______

I was teasing one of the Missionaries about going home and converting a wife.

He said something that really stuck with me:

"Yeah. But then I'd have to wait 3 years before dating her, to make sure she was really solid."

Oh, snap!, son.

Durn good point.

[dahlia]

I would say the murder trial in Arizona is an example of the worst thing that can happen when someone who is LDS dates someone who eventually converts.

I usually try to keep up with this stuff, but for the life of me, I can't recall what trial you are speaking of. Did an LDS (convert?) murder someone?