lutsab Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 Hi all, I have been lurking for a few days. What is your opinion on what to do if a friend has confided in you and is attending the temple unworthily? If the friend's weakness is in the area of going against the law of chastity. Do you let her bishop or St Pres know or leave that up to the person since it's their business? Any thoughts? Quote
pam Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 As a friend I might suggest to them to change their ways. But as far as reporting it, it's their business not mine. Quote
applepansy Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 I would tell my friend she needs to talk to her Bishop. If she refuses, you can teach her about repentance and its importance. Other than that your hands are tied. You can't repent for her. If its really bothering you and she won't do anything about it, I would ask my Bishop what to do. The problem here is "what do you really know?" You know what your friend told you. But you don't really "know". The problem comes when you have no outside proof. If she is being honest with you, will she be honest with her Bishop if you tell him? If no, then you are placed in the position to prove the allegation which you can't do unless you have personal knowledge of the sin. Your "friend" has placed you in a very difficult position, which is why I suggest you talk with your Bishop about what to do beyond telling your friend to talk to her Bishop. Quote
mnn727 Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 (edited) Encourage her to talk with her Bishop, she needs to be repentant which it sounds like she is not yet. If it were something that puts the Church in danger (which this probably does not) then you would be justified in telling your Bishop. Examples of the Church being put in danger would be like a child molester that is called to Primary, a thief being called as financial clerk, etc Also remember: In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.. Edited January 31, 2013 by mnn727 Quote
skippy740 Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 I would not attend the temple with that person myself as it would spoil the experience for me. Quote
Anddenex Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 I have a friend who also was unworthy. He became worthy due to a letter sent from another member of the Church to his bishop. Without the letter, I don't know if my friend would have repented. I would do as others have suggested, invite her to visit with her bishop so she can begin the repentance process. Up to you as to whether or not you decide to send a letter, however the bishop will need to have knowledge as to who the letter came from, thus if confronted by your friend the bishop will be able to inform your friend as to how he knew. The problem with letters, however, the letter can become a "he said, she said" scenario. Quote
ACommonMan Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 There is only so much you can do. The conversation to have with your friend should probably go something like... Did you tell the Bishop about that? You may not think it's a big deal, and I may be making more of it than I should, but I think you need to let him decide that as a judge in Israel. From what I understand, you could be about to make a bad situation worse by taking on covenants unworthily. Because I love and care for you, and don't want you to make a big mistake, I will tell him what I know if you don't. It's way better for people to initiate the confession themselves, but sometimes they need the right prodding. My dad recently shared a story from when he was a Bishop. He felt very strongly that one of the priests was being immoral, but the priest would never confess. One day he told the priest, I feel like there's something you need to tell me and we're just gonna sit here until you do. Dad said they sat in silence for about 10-15 minutes before the priest finally confessed he and his girlfriend were having sex. Quote
Bini Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 I have a brother in law that was sexually active with different women up until meeting a LDS woman and marrying her very shortly after. (I know this for fact because when he used to live with his parents, I had gone over there with my husband a few times, and had witnessed different women emerging from his bedroom downstairs after an over-nighter.) His new wife is an endowed member and I believe that she honours her covenants, which I believe is why they proceeded with a shotgun wedding, literally within a couple months of meeting. What made my jaw drop was when she said that he has been giving Priesthood blessings.. I so wanted to say something but it's just not my business. I'm not really the kind of person to shut up, though, when I know people are being dishonest and hurting others. But at the same time, I promised my husband (who happens to be brothers with BIL) that I would stay out of their business. That is what I have done. Quote
Vort Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 His new wife is an endowed member and I believe that she honours her covenants, which I believe is why they proceeded with a shotgun wedding, literally within a couple months of meeting."Honoring one's temple covenants" and "shotgun wedding" don't normally go together... Quote
pam Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 Especially when a shotgun wedding is arranged to avoid the embarrassment of a pregnancy out of wedlock. Quote
Bini Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 "Honoring one's temple covenants" and "shotgun wedding" don't normally go together...Maybe not. I was more speculating that I would bet that BIL was eager to be intimate but she'd rather be married first. She is a mother of three young daughters and struggles with finances, too, so I would bet that another big reason she accepted his proposal right off the bat is because another income would take a huge load off of her. Too bad he's out of work more than he has work. Quote
Vort Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 Maybe not. I was more speculating that I would bet that BIL was eager to be intimate but she'd rather be married first. She is a mother of three young daughters and struggles with finances, too, so I would bet that another big reason she accepted his proposal right off the bat is because another income would take a huge load off of her. Too bad he's out of work more than he has work.That's rough. It's easy to point fingers and criticize, but people tend to act in their own perceived best interest, even if they have gotten themselves into tough situations. I'm not without sympathy. Quote
pam Posted January 31, 2013 Report Posted January 31, 2013 Maybe not. I was more speculating that I would bet that BIL was eager to be intimate but she'd rather be married first. She is a mother of three young daughters and struggles with finances, too, so I would bet that another big reason she accepted his proposal right off the bat is because another income would take a huge load off of her. Too bad he's out of work more than he has work. So not a shotgun wedding, just a quick one. :) Quote
lutsab Posted February 1, 2013 Author Report Posted February 1, 2013 (edited) Thanks for your responses. I actually have a letter from the married man she was dating as far as proof (long story, she was using my computer) goes and then she was with a woman briefly too. I talked to her a few times about it and then she got upset and its put a damper on the friendship. (I hope that's not giving too much info, hoping it's ok since no one knows her) I worry about her. I know we all have our weaknesses but I just want her to be ready when she goes through the temple. Forgot to mention she was yw pres at time of both, she is now in scouts. Edited February 1, 2013 by lutsab Quote
Bini Posted February 1, 2013 Report Posted February 1, 2013 So not a shotgun wedding, just a quick one. :)Yes, very quick. They were married about 8 weeks after meeting. Quote
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